Rants, the Cubicle edition

In honor of Iz3y's Rants, I thought I'd offer up my top 5 pet peeves at work...please add to the list. I know you're dying to vent it:

I. Mobile device addicts. I know they're necessary. You need to be in the loop. But please, people...control yourselves. You don't need to check the weather five times in one meeting. You are not going to change it. Also, I hate to be the one to tell you...shhhhh...I know it hurts....You're not that fucking important. You're not in a position to be so rude to your commrades that you can't possibly be expected to be mentally present. Check your email/text/soduku...then put the fucking thing down and listen.

II. No-talent jackasses getting promoted. I can't really even wrap my head around this one. I'll leave it to the group to elaborate, but we all know this happens. Maybe the solution is to start an anonymous list of individuals who should NEVER be allowed to run shit. HR departments around the world would be required to cross-reference applicants with this list. Desk jockey, OK. Manager? HELL no.

III. Food days. Don't get me wrong. I love food, and I love to share good food with friends. My gripe here is the complexity with which some people approach a food day at work. Do we really need a theme, 5 emails, a color-coded signup sheet, 4 verbal reminders and someone doing a mass shout-out down the hall to remember our veggies and dip? I think there's something seriously wrong with people who derive such a sense of accomplishment from organizing enough food to feed the group 3 times over. It's annoying. It's not a competition, so get over yourself. Life does NOT need to be this complicated. May you forget your home-made triple chocolate chip pizzas at home next time.

IV. Idea Regurgitation. You all know what I'm talking about here. Someone articulates a great idea...the group loves it, they nod, and the meeting moves on. Then, some jackass (probably on a blackberry) decides to enlighten the room with sheer brilliance. I mean, his face says it all ...."damn, I am a fucking GENIOUS! This is the greatest idea in the WORLD!! I have single-handedly saved the company". Meanwhile, the whole room stares awkwardly while they try to find the words. Um, yes, Bob. That's what we agreed to 20 minutes ago, BOB. Get off your FUCKING Crackberry, BOB!

V. No-boundary bathroom weirdos. Now, everyone has their own boundaries, but there are some universal truths when it comes to bathroom etiquette at work. It is NOT ok to park in the stall and talk to your best friend about your ex's new hoochie. And, for that matter, I really don't want to know that your house is undergoing foreclosure, you think your sister got pregnant to trap someone, or whatever else Jerry Springer shit is going on in your life. Why do you feel the need to talk about all this on the phone, while peeing, in a room with strangers? Number Two, pun intended: If there is an entire bank of stalls, it is not polite to choose the one right next to me. Seriously, I have been peeing by myself for 30+ yrs. I'd like to keep it that way.