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Monday, May 17, 2010

Black Sunday, Track 1, repeat as needed...

Whether you are a square or not. Listen up!

Two articles this past week have shone the way of the walk. Unfortunately stoned was not the way of that walk.

One was an article in the NY Times i think (was high as a kite while i was reading it), declaring that the war on drugs was failing. Pictured was a huge pile of Marijuana on a scale. As of two minutes ago the second article was in the Sun-Times about an accident involving two high school students.

You think the war on drugs in this country revolves around weed? No wonder we are wasting billions of dollars and are losing the war on drugs. I've done a handful of drugs. Marijuana is the least worrisome of anything out there. It is no gateway drug. If so, my ass would not be typing away on a 27" iMac in my own house looking at the pile of diamonds i use to look at my reflection while i curl my long ass eyelashes. If that sweet sticky icky was a gateway drug i'd have sold my organs for crack about 10 years ago.

Crystal Meth, Crack, Cocaine, Speed, Heroine, Ecstasy, Acid; these are way more worrisome than a plant.

Officials like to swing their nuts/tits in our faces if they score a hug pot bust and drug lords are laughing at them. While they were working on that case some chump was driving by with a trunk full of coke in a rental car from Avis.

If you have smoked you know i am right. If you haven't smoked listen to your friends who have. Enraged are people who are against healthcare reform, the wars we are involved in, or even the bailouts. But no one is enraged that our country spends billions on eradicating a plant from the streets. A plant!

You can't have anything more natural than a plant. Like our food weed is fine until you start fucking with chemicals and adding shit to things that do not belong. Anything beyond weed is pure chemicals, sans 'shrooms. So jump up on that soap box! Weed is bad!

But while you are focused on that, little Johnny and Janey are driving down to that one side of town and scoring some rocks or blow. One snort or hit away from blowing their college fund, wedding fund, or your home equity line of credit. All because instead of looking at the big picture your ignorant ass was focused on what type of canvas the picture was painted on.

Yours Truly,

Woody Harrelson.

Friday, May 14, 2010

This is my plea to you...

Dear ignorant people,

Hi, I am writing this blog for you. I was wondering if you had time from your wayward preaching and hypocrisy to read this simple little blog. I understand your very busy passing judgments and and chucking boulders in glass houses. Seriously, I grasp how much better you are than me despite offering not even a semblance of value to this planet, but no worries, I will keep it brief.

Open your fucking eyes! Take a look around you because I don't think you realize how fucking retarded you are. You are not better than anyone else because you dress like a reject from the REAL HOUSEWIVES, or because you might be on the next season of it. You can keep grasping on to your half truths and one sided details in hopes that maybe you will be right and that your flimsy world wont collapse in itself under the weight of your delusions. Wake the hell up and realize, that in the real world accountability stretches further than words used to describe Wall Street and corrupt CEOs. Just because they are garbage and you know people who are garbage, doesnt give you a pass to be a piece of shit.

Wake up! Open your eyes or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Accept responsibility for yourself and a sense of shame will wash over you. Don't worry, it will quickly be replaced by the sudden urge to change, which will lead to a warm sensation of acceptance. Don't be afraid to embrace your fuck ups, just quit apologizing for them then turning around do it again. I implore you because if I can help one or two of you, you can help others. I am aware this will lead to the end of the Jersey Shore and Flavor of Love, but this is something I am willing to accept.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This has gone a little too far

Ok so you have no expectation of privacy at work. Your job can monitor your Internet use, what you send via email and who you send it too. (You also don't have any "constitutional rights" at work but that's another blog.) We may not like it but we tolerate it. But you should be able to do whatever you want, whoever you want and however you want to OUTSIDE of work. You should be able to protest corporate greed with your twitter feed, join anti-whatever groups on Facebook and show pictures of yourself making out with all kinds of co-workers on Myspace. Yet people are being fired daily for things done on social networking sites that may reflect negatively on an employer or are simply undesirable. This needs to be fixed.

The law says you have a "duty of loyalty" to your employer--which includes representing yourself at all times as a representative of the organization. But this amounts to legalized slavery. Sure you get paid (some of us better than others) but if your social life is now dictated by professional rules, you lack freedom. Add to it that your employer (unless it's the government) can violate your constitutional rights all day (except to discriminate against you on the basis of sex, race, gender, religion, etc) and you pretty much are a slave.

The constitution guarantees us certain rights that the government can't deny us. You have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your home and in your body; you can exercise free speech and assemble with other like minded individuals in a peaceful manner; you can even own a gun (whether you can carry it is another matter). Your employer on the other hand doesn't have to adhere to these rules. You can be fired for drug use or abuse and may even be subjected to intrusive drug tests to obtain evidence against you. Grouping into cliques can be frowned upon depending on the make of up that clique (it's "too" something). Sure businesses have legitimate reasons for being able to write certain rules (there's some serious liability depending on your job for showing up to work drunk or high) but at some point it goes too far.

What one does on their own time and using their own resources should be their business. The government respects it--there are Supreme Court cases that actually decide if laws against anal sex while performed at home are constitutional--so why can't your employer? So long as one doesn't cross the line of defamation, one should be able to say whatever they want about their employer. Changing your status to "my benefits suck" should be okay so long as it's true. Tweeting that a co-worker is gross because they don't wash their hands should be fair game. Generally anything you do on your own time using your own resources so long as it doesn't defame your employer should be cool. But it's not.

There's a general idea out there that employers are afraid to fire you because they don't want to be sued. While that may be true, proving a case against an employer for wrongful termination or termination based on discrimination is very difficult, especially since the fired individual has to PROVE they were fired for X. In other words, they have to know or find out they were fired BECAUSE they were pregnant, or Jewish or Asian--or because they had a big box of porn in their house. Until this is rectified--watch what you say online folks.

Kiss my Converse!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Mosely Vs. Mayweather Sucked the Royal Ass

My friends,

The Handsome Righthander, Sports Expert, is here. This past weekend, the overhyped,underwhelming fight came and went.  It was quite dull.  I found more interesting things said by the company I had on Saturday night before the fight.  Jokey Jokemaker, Mij Mils, Fatty J, and pimpalicous saw the fight at Fricks house.  T-bone was there, but he had to leave to handle some business.  Anyhoo, here is a breakdown of the people and the things they said.

MM:  Hey joke, you doing anything tomorrow?  I need a workout partner.  I am racking 6 plates and then some on the chest alone dude, I can also run a mile in 6 minutes.  

JJ:  nah, you are weak as shit

FJ:  i gotta take this call.  (Picks up phone, mumbles some shit, hangs up) 

JJ: Who was that?

FJ:  I railed some porker last night, It was not my finest hour, but as they say "Any port in a storm  right?"  That broad had a rancid body, but a decent mug.  She could be cute if she lost a hundo.  I filled her up twice, took a nap on her bed, and then gave her the early a.m pickle tickle.

JJ: you are a scummy dude man

P:  I just got a strippers digits fellas, whatsay we get them over here for a little pre-fight activity?  Her name is oscar Award winning actress and horseface look-alike Julia Roberts.  I call her this because she is a whore who thinks she is Cinderella.  I just need to get with her before you guys run a train on her, is that cool?

FJ: She big? if she is big, I will bang her, then steal money from her purse.

JJ: you scumfuck

P:  I have taken her out before, I racked her, chilli-dogged her, and took pics of her body as she slept off the roofie.

MM:  you got those pics on you?

P:  yesir, on my laptop

FJ:  I only get with big girls, because i like to degrade their gargoyle asses before i have sex with them.  I single-handedly push back womens lib progress with every woman I rack.

MM, you got those pics then or what.  You need to use my laptop?  You got your laptop on you?

FJ:  Yeah, once I slayed this blob and took her V-flag.  I wore the bloody shirt the next day

JJ: what the fuck?

FJ:  another time, i took these fat three girls out, and went to town on them, but i spent 200 bucks at IHOP the next day.  Seriously dude, it was like 800 lbs of flesh and ass.

MM: you got pics of that?  because fucking pimpalicous does not seem to have any pics!

P: (Gets a text)  FUCK, that stripper is at my condo, she has a friend who is OD'ing on black tar heroin.  FUCK.  Buy the time, I get there, we will need to dispose of the body!  I will fuck the shit out of Fat Cinderella, and then dump the friend in the lake.

JJ:  fuck my life

FJ:  Forget that man, last week i make this straight up hippo beg for it.  She slobbed on my knob like corn on the cob.  No joke, this girl had ass, tit, and calf implants.  She was still pushing five spins on the scale! I made her call her dad's voicemail and beg for my cock in her mouth.  She ain't daddy's little girl anymore!  Hey PIMP, where is that pizza?

JJ: Calf implants?

MM:  Quiet, the fight is about to start!  This should be the best fight of the year!

JJ Calf implants?

*comments are generalized, except for gross-ass FJ