Shout OUT!

HAPPY BDAY to Bella Baggins (7/6) and the BIGS (7/13)

Monday, September 28, 2009

I got lil Nick's rebuttal right here

Why I refuse to help kill the "N" word

I applaud this young man for dropping (or attempting to drop) mad knowledge. He even makes some excellent points. But he's terribly misinformed.

It's easy for advocates for the death of the "N" word to point to all of the positive in the experience of the former African slaves in the United States. The election of Black politicians. Success of Black professionals. The success of Black Athletes. However all of this positive ignores the reality that over 50% of the Black population lives below the federal poverty line. Lack of economic opportunity often leads to lower education standards (especially since school budgets are determined by tax revenue and the tax base in most Black communities is significantly lower than say white suburbia). The dominoes continue to fall to the point that a whole generation of Black children grow up with entertainers as their heroes. Lil' Wayne is now a role model. Rims, jewelry, and the ability to "make it rain" are now symbols of success. Based on the young man's definition of the "N" word in the video above, eradicating the use of the word ignores the fact that niggas still exist.

I cannot advocate, co-sign, or even endorse the cessation of use of the word when people continue to behave in such a manner that justifies it's use. Such foolish behavior that continues to plague Blacks can really only be summed up in one word--the "N" word. Tomfoolery, foolishness, idiocy--none of these words do what niggas do justice. "Nigga shit", or coonery if you will, is unique. Much like there are only certain behaviors associated with rednecks and trailer trash, you KNOW when you've seen or heard about some coonery. You instantly know who was involved. You don't need to see pictures. You don't need to know identities.

I'd even argue that use of the word should not be confined to Blacks. Thanks to globalization and the internet, it's hot for people of all races and creeds to imitate the coonish behaviors that were popularized by Blacks. It's why we have "whiggers". It's why we have Japanese cats rockin' do' rags and sags. It's why cheap imitations of designer items is a hot Chinese export--but for the demand increase proliferated by gangster rap no one would care about Louis V. How much money one drops in a strip joint wouldn't be a badge of honor, it'd be an embarrassment. So long as we as people in general continue to support (and by support I mean give positive attention to) such behavior, there will always be niggas. Niggas have nigga kids who in turn grow up to be niggas. Non-nigga children grow up and see the success of other niggas and how they are "ballin'" and begin to imitate the behavior--thus becoming a nigga. If Darwinism is even remotely correct, niggas will soon be the dominant species. Like roaches they don't die--they multiply.

You want to kill the "N" word? Then rid the world of niggas. Concentrating them into projects and ghettos didn't work; now we put them in "mixed income communities" with the hope that being outnumbered by "civilized" folk will show them how ignorant being a nigga really is. I pray this actually works. But until it does I will call a spade a spade, and a nigga the "N" word.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

the JIMMY-isms...because greatness can't be deleted!


  • Jimmy was the fifth beatle, now he is the third
  • Jimmy is the only person in the world to have successfully answered the Credence Clearwater Revival's age-old question of "Who'll stop the rain?"
  • Jimmy knows that for a good time he can always call Jenny at 312-867-5309
  • When Jimbo was asked if he like blondes, brunettes, or redheads, his simple reply "FUCK YEAH!"
  • Jimmy once beat off a mob of angry men single HANDEDLY!
  • Jimmy once enetered the kentucky derby on foot, and came in third. The jockey has not finished any higher since that fateful day
  • Jimmy knows that the bird is the word
  • Jimmy knows the last digit of Pi
  • Jimmy only parties in international waters, because you CAN DO ANYTHING WITH DOLPHINS OUT THERE!
  • Jimmy is the master of Johnner's domain
  • Jimmy won second place in a beauty contest for post-op transexuals. He had not even formally entered or paid his entrance fee.
  • Few people know Jimmy has a pet pig with a wooden leg. It once pulled him out of a burning building, fought off a wolf in the forest, and alerted him of an impending earthquake. So I said "How did it lose it's leg?" Jimmy answers "A pig THAT special you don't eat all at once!"
  • Jimmy sucks cock and can slam a revolving door
  • Jimmy was born with an extra long umbillical cord - he then invented bungee jumping
  • Jimmy had a small role in Boogie Nights 2: Boogie Mornings. Critics describe his acting as a breath of fresh air.
  • Competitive Mode Jimmy arises like a phoenix out of arizona when needed.
  • Jimmy's jeep has no horn, he just hires a man to sit on the roof and go "Woo woo woo woo" like a police siren
  • Jimmy starred in ZOOLANDER 2, and won a Golden Globe for his role.
  • Jimmy has 6 toes, that’s why he never wears sandals
  • Jimmy can eat a footlong kielbasa sausage WITHOUT CHEWING
  • Jimmy can eat an onion, 3 eggs, a pepper, and a tomato, and SHIT out a perfect omlette!
  • Jimmy brings knives to gunfights
  • If Jimmy could rearrange his alphabet, he would put "I" and "Cock" together
  • I was bartending one day, and Jimmy comes in and orders 5 shots of Whiskey. I go "whats the occasion?" he goes "First blowjob." I go "SHIT, let me buy you one too!" He goes "No thanks, if 5 shots won't kill the taste, the 6th will be a waste!"
  • Jimmy once got a watch for his birthday. He got mad and sold it to buy a gun. "Why?" i asked. He said "If I come home and my woman is getting boned by some dude, what am I gonna do? Look at my watch and ask how long they're gonna be?"
  • Jimmy once went to the doctor compalining of having an orange penis. The doctor told him to stop masterbating and eating cheetos all day long
  • Jimmy once did yoga for a few months, in an effort to be limber enough to suck HIS OWN cock.
  • Jimmy once argued that if he cloned himself, and made love to that clone, he would not be gay. He was quickly asked to leave the church.
  • Jimmy kills drifters to get erections.
  • Jimmy gets that special porn that they cannot send through the regular mail. he has to have a P.O box and pick up mail during special hours under supervison of at least 3 armed guards.
  • Jimmy takes horny goat weed pills. I believe he thinks it will help him attract more goats
  • Jimmy likes to "Box the ONE-EYED CHAMP."
  • Jimmy has never paid taxes, he just sends the IRS a picture of himself in a fight crouching position


  • Jimmy didn’t pay more his muffler, he just rebuilt it using beer cans and fishing line
  • Jimmy Banda is to VEGAS like beer is to a FRAT PARTY
  • Jimmy parties with the Most Interesting Man in the World
  • Bruce Banner no longer turns into the HULK after losing to Jimmy in arm wrestling
  • Jimmy is an Anti-Dentite, he pull his own teeth!
  • Jimmy performed LASIK on himself with a flashlight and a magnifying glass
  • Jimmy is male stripper at a gay club...yet he doesnt work there
  • Jimmy doubled for Oscar De La Hoya three times and won three titles in three weight classes
  • Jimmy locked the target, baited the line, slowly spread the net and caught the man, then sold him for the ten times his price at least
  • Jimmy cured the common cold, but decided that the strong should survive!
  • Superman was a DJ until he came to Jimmy's block and heard him spinning Disco Cryptonite!
  • Jimmy does 2000 pushups a hands
  • Jimmy slapped Bruce leRoy, Bruce LeRoy thanked him and called him the 'TRUE MASTER'
  • Jimmy arm wrestled a bear...the bear is now missing an arm
  • Jimmy can't be a lawyer because passing the BAR is something he can't and won't do!
  • Jimmy Banda is to VEGAS like what beer is to a FRAT PARTY
  • Jimmy is Derek Jeter's Wingman!
  • Cutting crew wrote "i just died in ur arms tonight" after a night of passion with Jimmy
  • Jimmy's "Jimmy Jams" playlist went platinum despite just being a collection of gay songs by various artists.
  • If you ghost Jimmy's location, he will bleed u you quiet, and leave you there!
  • Jimmy have never bitten off more than he can chew, and he can eat stuff that will make a billy goat puke
  • Jimmy once played a black man in a movie, without makeup
  • Jimmy wasnt satisfied with the current dances out there so he invented the 'Jimmy' Dance which became an instant classic but tragically caused the death of 10 people in a New York CLUB
  • Jimmy speaks spanish...with a british accent!
  • Jimmy started the Chicago fire so he could piss on the ashes
  • Jimmy has the strength of an ant...and the penis too
  • Jimmy once performed CPR on a woman...she had a baby 8 months later despite having her tubes tied
  • Jimmy has 5 illegitmate children with 5 women and they all can use his fake ID to get into the club without being questioned...Jimmy cant.
  • Jimmy captured the one-armed man, and promised him freedom if he could beat him in arm wrestling...there is a dude in jail with no arms.
  • Jimmy made love to a lion, just prove he was the king of the jungle. The lion still calls him to this day, but Jimmy has moved on.
  • Due to false allegations, Jimmy was forced to take an alcohol evaluation exam. He passed it easily when he bet the evaulator he couldn't out drink him.
  • Jimmy has three best friends, each of which can bring about the apocolypse...Jimmy keeps them at bay!


  • Competitive Jimmy talks mad shit yet maintains minty fresh breath
  • Jimmy slept with Macaulay Culkin at Neverland Ranch and then pinned it on Michael Jackson
  • Jimmy once got a speeding ticket while jogging
  • Chuck shit his pants at the sight of Jimmy
  • If Jimmy has an erection lasting more than 4 hours he doesn't call the doctor, he calls over company
  • Jimmy doesn't stop until he's had enough
  • Jimmy speaks Polish
  • "spits" is not in Jimmy's vocabulary
  • Jimmy takes "poking" on Facebook to a whole new level
  • Jimmy's refusal to lay sufficient pipe is the reason half of New Orleans was washed away in Katrina


  • Jimmy Banda can't live up to Jimmy Banda’s reputation!
  • Jimmy leans wit it and rocks wit it….at the same moment!
  • Jimmy is as Jimmy does!
  • Jimmy can do push ups with his Eyelashes!
  • Jimmy once bitch slapped Chuck Norris for being a pussy!
  • When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks for Jimmy under his bed!
  • Jimmy once shot a bull elephant in his pajamas, what the elephant was doing wearing Jimmys pajamas no one will ever know!
  • Osama Bin Laden considers Jimmy a terrorist!
  • Jimmy was once water boarded...using sulfuric acid!
  • Jimmy was detained at GITMO...for a DUI!


John London vs iz3y
John London: Jimmy is the real "Soup Nazi"
iz3y: Jimmy perfected Clam Chowder without using any clams

Knute Warez vs iz3y

Knute Warez: Jimmy is a re-gifter
iz3y: Jimmy was once given herpes, he gave it to someone else!

Knute Warez: Jimmy starred in a porno called "All deliveries IN THE REAR," as the wacky neighbor Tobias, and then as Recipient #2
Knute Warez: Jimmy is a triple threat. He sings, dances, and sucks cock.
Knute Warez: Jimmy is the Co-Owner of the Manhole Gentlemens Club.
iz3y: Jimmy's Big finale can no longer be shown in theatre's due to excessive gayness. The Gays thought it was too gay

Presented by:

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

ASK BUCKY!...The Real Spit Edition II

Bucky has been laying in the cut getting fat on breaded steaks and resting on his laurels. So we had to wake his bitch ass up and now are proud to present....


Q: I want to impress my new girl, but i really dont know what to do?
BDG: Do your scouting prep work. Does she like attention? do you have to be the man? Know what, just whip it out and give her a good look. If she is smitten then no more words are necessary. If she starts laughing, then u know the expensive dinner is not necessary.

Q: How did u get ur name BDG?
BDG: Simple, the song was playing when i was racking your mom. I thought, a semi-good memory shouldn't ruin a cool sounding name so i kept it. Now run along, the adults have to 'talk!'

Q: If ur EX still is all up in ur business what can you do?
BDG: my good friend, it is real simple...just be all up in hers. Stalk her but do it right. Get all the expensive spy equipment and cell phone jammers. You know what, really spend the money and have her followed and all the guy would do is walk up to her and say..."[insert your name here] knows...oh..he knows". If you're a real dedicated cat, get back with her just to prove you're not fucking around and trying to have a life. NO could just simply get on with ur life and let her wallow in her own misery. Seriously your call!

Q: Who would u rather go toe to toe with? Chooch Punisher, Rafael de La Ghetto, or Jokey himself?
BDG: Trying to put me in a pickle huh...well let's break this down by the numbers.

CHOOCH PUNISHER: he is a lover not a fighter. Look at the name. Still what challenge would that be. he would just run, and that is no fun.

Rafael de La Ghetto: now this cat's name says it all. RAFAEL...that was a bad ass ninja turtle. I would def think twice about approaching this guy in an alley.

Jokey: Jokey is a depressed clown. Jokey is a nightmare walking. Jokey once made a kid cry on his birthday...then he set his eyes on the parents and yelled at them for throwing a birthday party for a whiney crying kid. He did this while eating the kid's cake and staring the kid's mom's chest. He proceeded to open the gifts and smash the ones he deemed unacceptable and took the ones the kid really wanted.

I would take on Jokey, toe to toe in a battle of haiku's! that is like rap in weird rhyming styles, for you uneducated muthafuckas.

Q: If a girl I work with looks good, can I tell her, or should i worry about HR ramifications?
BDG: Hey, do i put this? Quit being a bitch son! walk right up to her, look her dead in her eyes and tell her:
"You like very nice today, love your [hair/necklace/outfit]" Try doing this without leering at her tits/ass too much and u have a winner. For those with more carte blanche, you can go with:

"Hey sexy, you know what kind of trouble you're going to get me into?" Again, here u want to look at her ass/tits as a stamp of approval. It is really not ur fault that she decided to wear her stripper outfit from 5 hours ago when her shift ended. Still, you kept it classy, or u can go with:

"So when are we going to RACK?" This one is a bit more straightforward and you want to make sure the answer wont get you and ur shit sent packing from work.

Well that is all for today people. Sorry for the delay, but the weather is nice,

lil Wayne - Imma Stunt

The injustice of the justice system

Disclaimer: Please note that this entry is deep. If your head hurts, or will hurt or you have a short attention span move on. Now on to the blog.

Quick quiz. Which of the following is a felony:

a) carrying 1g of heroin
b) beating ones mother to a pulp with a plumbers wrench
c) all of the above

The answer of course is C. Sure there are different classes of felonies, but both are felonies nonetheless. And in the process of doing a criminal background check, both show up the same way. That however isn't the real tragedy. The problem arises when a former convicted felon would like to actually try and become a productive member of society. Why is this an issue? Because society doesn't let them.

Criminal enterprise is cyclical because generally, society doesn't give criminals second chances. Take for example an individual convicted of a felony in 1989. After serving time and meeting all requirements of parole they are free to rejoin society like the rest of us. Except in addition to their time served, now the person can't vote and finding a job is tough. Why in 2009 does an employer care more about the felony in 1989 than the 20 years of good behavior? Insurance. It's more expensive for a business to get insurance with a felon on the payroll. Jobless, with few options to be an active member of society what else is left? (This is where Jokey suggests rapping).

I certainly understand that once someone commits a crime they lose rights. They lost their chance to be whatever they wanted to be. But there are actually people that try and "get their lives together." It's these people who are harmed by the "cruel and unusual punishment" of the stigma society places on felons. A conviction over 10 years old isn't admissible in court and can't be used against someone as evidence because it's too prejudicial--jurors tend to assume once a criminal always a criminal. Unfortunately society doesn't have the same rule for the same reasons. Employers especially and people generally assume that if one did time, they will go back down that path again and soon.

However it's this short sightedness that tends to lead former criminals back to lives of crime. Assuming you the reader is a normal law abiding citizen (and given the demographics of people who tend to have Internet access to even read this site I think that's a safe assumption), let's put you in the shoes of a felon. Say hypothetically you are in the car one day with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Your friend has 10 ecstasy pills in the center console of the car for whatever reason. You're pulled over, and for whatever reason the cop has cause to search the vehicle and finds the X. You're both charged with possession. Maybe you have a wack attorney and you're convicted and sentenced to 2 years probation + 60 days in jail (you being a first time offender and all). Now you've got this nice felony conviction on your record. It can't be expunged because you were convicted and served at least 60 days in jail. Due to your incarceration you lost your nice high paying job and no one else will hire you because you're a FELON. Now what? What would YOU do?

Now imagine someone who pretty much made their living as a criminal or maybe was a drug addict who committed crimes in order to get money for their next hit. Several years of jail actually works to rehabilitate them and they want to rejoin society as a law abiding citizen. "Get out of the game" so to speak. But we won't let them in. Sure we can send them to special programs to get job skills and training--our taxes are used for these programs for ex-cons and poor people to get these skills. But what good are skills when an employer won't hire them? What else do they know? What else are they good at? So what do you think they're gonna do?

The criminal justice system is supposed to do three things: deter criminal behavior, rehabilitate criminals, and provide society with retribution. A felon who stays clean for a certain amount of time, wants to rejoin society and has paid their debt to society--in other words the justice system has done it's job--should get the chance to contribute and REALLY pay back that debt by becoming a tax paying citizen. Unfortunately for them, we won't let them.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Pardon the egomaniac

Much has been made of the interruptions of our President and of Taylor Swift by Rep. Joe Wilson and Kanye West respectively. But there is one thing missing from all of this commentary--their actions are merely an example of a larger problem in our society, a problem that has been festering for a long long time.

Way way way back in the day psychology birthed the idea of "autonomy" and the idea that human beings needed to reach this level of actualization to be anything. Built on this idea of autonomy (as well as old school Greek politics) came the idea of "individual freedoms" promoted by John Locke. Locke essentially ushered in the "me first" mentality, which became the basis of all "Western" ideology. Every individual is free unto themselves, can make their own decisions, own their own land, etc. etc. (Except Negros and Indians because they're savages. But I digress). After centuries of inward focus, our society has "evolved" (if you believe in that sort of thing) and has given birth to fellas like Wilson and West--egomaniacs that really need you to see and hear them in order to feel actualized.

Sure Wilson was merely fired up over the subject matter of Obama's speech and West was drunk of yac. But West is consistently trying to "pull some shit" for us to notice him. Whether it be by making his music different, wearing a ridiculous outfit on TV or saying something stupid the point is to put the attention on him. Since this is Wilson's first offense (that we know of) I'll let him slide only a little. After all he was in a crowded room and not until much analysis of film did we even find out it was him. But you don't interrupt the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES while he's talking and accuse him of being a liar on NATIONAL TELEVISION unless you're looking for attention.

Our society is full of these people and thanks to myspace, youtube, countless other sites on the World Wide Web and reality TV they have a place to get noticed. Why else would a ridiculously hot woman allow some loser to film her fellating him or performing any other sex act for that matter? How many famous people do we have now that are simply famous for...being famous? They haven't done anything and they have no real talent--but US Weekly follows them around to take pictures. These people are shoved down our throats like we care about their lives. To make matters worse we actually give them attention, which only feeds their egos.

In order to keep our attention and to stay relevant these egomaniacs do outrageous things. And even then those things must be topped. They MUST be the center of attention at parties or any other gathering. Everything they do from crazy stunts to talking out of turn to saying whatever they want screams "WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!?!" Why can't we ignore these people? Mostly because they won't let us. They interject themselves into our lives. Take Mr. West for example. You were sitting there watching the VMAs not even thinking about Kanye. Once he realized this he jumped on stage, said some dumb shit, got escorted out and suddenly he's seemingly the only thing being talked about for two straight days. Sure he apologized--but he's not sorry for his actions. He got what he wanted in the end.

So the next time you recognize someone being a douche bag recognize it for what it is--an attempt at attention. And then realize you are partially at fault for making them that way.

"hey ma, look at that pointy haired girl..."

I have a suggestion for the next greatest exhibition the world has ever seen. We could even debut it at the next Olympics which will be the next great World Party that Chicago will throw. Ready for this? here it goes...Let's start a Zoo filled with crazy people instead of animals.

Who wouldnt pay to see that? Take people with different calamities and have them presented just like you would a caged Tiger or an Ape. Padded rooms? Fuck padded rooms, i am talking about Plexiglass and rails, so that people can take pictures with them. We can sit around and listen to them spout off their crazy rambles and tell our children that it is ok, because they are safe behind glass. If it is funny to watch a monkey fling poop, how wouldnt it be funnier to see a crazy person do it? I personally would have about 5 locked in a room and watch as they invent stories based on their hallucinations. We could watch as they argue and swear that what they are seeing and hearing is real. This could be like swimming with the dolphins at Sea World and people could interject comments and story lines that the 'crazies' could run with. They could agree with one and see how ramped up they could make them.

"Elvis lives and is screwing Princess Diana in the ass and i know because his sister told me!"

The more random the story or act the better. If things got out of control, dart to the neck just like they do to the animals in the zoo now.

I know you think I am mean, but how is this different than taking a proud ass lion or tiger and confining it to a cage? Yes, let's restrict their right to live and be free, and instead have psychos stare and poke fun at them. Crazies provoking them by shouting the dumbest shit ever. "No honey, they love being in the safe zoo. They no longer need to find food, or mate, because they take care of all of that. They even take care of their babies, so they really dont need to see them".

We would now have a place to put all these crazy fuckers, and make a buck or two on the side. Hell, it be better if we made it free just so that people could get off their lazy unemployed asses during the day and out of the house. I need to get with a venture capitalist because this is genious!

the genius known as

Jay Z - On to the Next One

Friday, September 11, 2009

The black box

Who the fuck thought keys to a house were in Oprah's black box? What are you.....STUPID?



The Matrix

Some people actually hated the Matrix Trilogy. It was too deep they say. Too confusing. Stupid even. But there was one message (out of many) that should have resonated for anyone who understood what was going on: life has to balance. There is no good without evil, no dark without light, no sun without rain. This principle is true for just about everything--society as a whole, our individual lives, economics, you name it.

Yesterday I took the day off to volunteer my time with my Chicago White Sox. The site was Warren Phillips High School on the south side. 90% of the students live below the federal poverty line. 25% of them are considered "homeless." And I'm willing to bet $10 based on those aforementioned facts that the following is also true: many of them come from single family homes with no male influence, if any adult direction at all. While at the school volunteering, I witnessed several students essentially wasting their time at school. Yes they were in the facility, but they weren't in class. Instead they were roaming the halls and chillin in the stairwells. Admittedly this was appalling and annoying. But then it hit me like the scent of marijuana in the boys bathroom--knuckle heads are a necessary part of humanity's equation.

Everyone contributes to society in some way. Criminals, CEOs, entrepreneurs, illegal immigrants--all of them are necessary for our society to function. Without criminals there would be no need for police or jails, prosecutors or public defenders, or sheriffs. The criminal justice system employs a lot of people. Without illegal immigrants, some businesses couldn't function because Americans sure as hell don't want the jobs (or the low wages) some of these immigrants are willing to do. Without poor people Capitalism collapses. If everyone was middle class and educated, (or even upper class and uneducated) who would work at McDonald's? Wal-Mart? Who would be cashiers, baggers, stock people, news paper peddlers, servers, cooks or janitors?

The natural inclination for the educated liberal in all of us (even those of us who swear we don't give a damn about humanity) is to try and "fix" this. But it works just fine. Ancient civilizations realized the need for balance long ago, yet now that we are "enlightened" we want to mess with it. Allow me to dust off my Republican hat for a second: if we are truly a capitalist society, government shouldn't do anything to help the poor. Yeah I said it. Which explains why Republicans seemingly work hard to keep the rich rich and the poor poor. They are trying to ensure balance. Unfortunately the past racist politics of our country tend to discriminate as to which people get to be rich and which get to stay poor, but that's another topic for another blog. The point is, despite our best efforts to "save" people, help the poor, reach out to "at risk youth"--we need drop outs, drug addicts, idiots, douche bags, and whores just like we need people to follow the status quo. Otherwise society falls apart.

Does this mean we shouldn't help our fellow humans? Not at all. I certainly advocate service to others. The point is in giving service to others, recognize everyone will not be saved. Some circumstances may change and when they do, enjoy it. If not don't get frustrated. Understand that both you and the person you're helping are doing your part to balance the equation.

The meanest, prettiest, and baddest mo-fo low-down around this town,

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I. So why is weed not legal? Oh because it is addictive and a gateway drug. Yet, just a week ago i almost ran over a guy in my 'Environmentally GREEN' little Toyota Prius as he stepped out in front of my car to pick up a Cigarette Butt from the street. Two weeks before that, i watched a similar incident occur in DownTown only a Yellow Tax Cab was involved. You know what,'re right Weed is bad. It is the killer of kids. It is the root of all evil and should be condemned to hell. Someone pass me a 'Virgina death stick'...i need to calm my nerves.

II. If no Chicago Baseball team makes the playoffs, yet no one cares...did it really happen? UR DAMN RIGHT IT DID! Please, can we just act like a major league city and get our shit together. I want to do this mostly to shut people from the EAST COAST (NY, BOS) up. I want to stop hearing about their teams. I want to watch my team's highlight package without having to endure 20 clips of NY/BOS teams before, after and during. For the Love of God, I would love it if Sporting Networks would just show me something that doesnt have NY/BOS in it for at least 10 min. Clearly though, we have some work to do to help facilitate this change.

III. Whilst reading the 'DEVIL IN THE WHITE CITY' and doing the briefest of Google searches, I learned that Chicago periodically gets really fed up with all the blubbering of New York, and throws a world class party to remind muthafuckas of what's what! Oh, guess what...the OLYMPIC bid is coming up. I expect nothing short of the most baller spectacle the World has ever seen. I am talking about the biggest grandest party ever. I am talking about labor strife, congestion, and stupid ass protests. I also expect innovation, and breath taking architecture. Are you aware that when we put our mind to it, we give u PBR, CrackerJacks, L trains, stunning architecture? We invent 'skyscrapers' and do it all because we are the blue collar people who want to show the world we are second to no one. So, watch out...if we get the Olympics...they better prep the flag for another RED star, because we are going to go off!

IV. In the grand scheme of things life is short, so why worry? Oh because bills are long! Creditors have longer memories. Jail really drags on when ur ass is a fair game! Enjoy the shit out of life, just dont forget not everyone is on ur timetable. Your rantings about 'having to get the most of out and not being a slave to the confines of society' really dont work with everyone. I am not saying you shouldn't thoroughly enjoy life. YOU SHOULD. EMBRACE THAT BITCH. Go upgrade ur ticket to FIRST CLASS on a whim and enjoy a vacation from your COACH life. Splurge on an expensive dinner that costs way too much yet brings ur mouth to orgasm. Just dont break out this marketing campaign of "life's too short", whenever u make a really bad decision, u know u shouldnt have/are making. It is not a coverall or band aid for ur fuck ups. It should be a motivator to experience new things, not destroy ur old life.

V. What's up with the dirty south music? I was listening to this recently and have only a few questions i need answered.
1: WHAT THE FUCK? How do you keep your daughter's off the pole after they hear that? It is some of the grimiest, dirtiest, more graphic shit ever. Great expense and detail is put into describing what i would watch in the lastest release from VIVID Video (that's porn people).

2: Just read 1 again, and imagine a woman rapping the lyrics (TRINA). It takes getting used to.

I was listening to Mos Def, and i really felt this man was spouting Shakespeare in comparison. Jay-Z sounds like a College Professor compared to the South. I have to say, though...the beats are tight. If you ask my nephew, he tell u, it psyches him up for football. Ask my FL crew, and they tell you, they can hear nothing else...but still. Listening to that is like eating Southern food full of lard and sticks of butter...on second thought...nothing wrong with that.

VI. Is it funny that if in downtown I will walk for miles around the city and not give it a second thought. Yet, if i have to go 2 blocks from my to the the grocery store, i procrastinate until i get my car? Serious! I have driven to the park a block from house...or my parents house. Yet, for lunch i will walk close to a mile to get gumbo, CARNE ASADA, or a spicy chicken sandwich. If i leave the city, i have no issues walking. Honestly, i ever get a SEGWAY, i would weigh 300lbs

VII. Chuck Norris Vs the Most Interesting Man in the World? EASILY, the Dos Equis spokesperson wins. Did anyone ever watch Return of the Dragon. Bruce Lee whooped his monkey ass. Bruce LEE vs tMIMitW that is a good matchup, i give to Bruce. Trust me! The man wore skin tight yellow jump suits, was banging a white chick, who may or may not have poisoned him, during a time when that was a real no no. To top it off, he has a family curse that finally got him. Oh...and he made it real baller to weigh 110lbs!

VIII. At a BBQ...bring a bottle of something or food or some kind of refreshment. Please, this is imperative and in this day and age we can longer let this tragedy continue, where mugs show up with nothing, and walk out with plates of food. We is utter bullshit!

IX. Jamiroquai and Deee-Lite should have a kid. That kid would produce the sickest music ever, and be the smoothest dancer. The child would also me underappreciated and be relagated to cult status in Britain. Every once in a while he flash brightly in the US, when we got sick of listening to Auto-Tune pieces of shit. I can only dream of the day that we give up this need to sound like a Speak n' Spell and get back to dropping block rocking beats...and Jam-DEEE will lead us there!

X. The death of the FratHouse? According to my sources, the FratHouse went the way of the Bunny Ranch Orlando. Time and maturity laid to waste two sites of collegial gluttony. The Frat House elevated Beer Pong and Rock Band to new found heights as they became staples of entertainment bringing together an ecclectic group of humans. The FratHouse also gave us stair slalom and a female rugby player laying my brother out despite being 1/3 his size. Still, time will smile kindly on these institutions as they fade into memory and become mythical legends to be told to a younger generation of revelers. FratHouse will join other important pantheons that gave way to the hour glass. R.I.P. will be missed!

keep it classy chicago,

Yaz - Don't GO

Friday, September 4, 2009

Politics and the Race card

If you think that race is a non-factor now thta we've elected a Black president, you're a damn fool. Politics is still riddled with racism, while America suffers from a greater ill--retardationalism. (No using the term retard is NOT politically correct at all. No one has ever accused me of being politically correct or even tactful so deal with it).

Example number one I saw on the news this morning. Cook County Commissioner Deborah Sims had "racist" voice messasges left on her voicemail the past few days. One message was left by a white male (based on the sound of his voice and accent) hoping for Ms. Sims to catch AIDS and die. Not sure how this is racist--except for the fact that a white man wished ill will on a Black woman. She claims everything has always been about race since Todd Stroger took over as Cook County President. How so? Because the white commissioners are calling out all of the BULLSHIT the unqualified Black commissioners are on?

The reality is Black politicians (especially in this city) always want to pull the race card when they are on bullshit. And other Black politicians and "leaders" will fall in line--because they want to benefit from said bullshit or eventually pull some of their own bullshit. But this has nothing to do with RACE. EVERY politician is full of shit, whether Black, white, Latino, whatever. Bobby Jindal's Indian ass likely has some bullshit up his sleeve. Just because your opponents call you out doesn't make them racists--it means they want to press their own bullshit agenda over yours.

Which leads me to the greater problem in America--retardationalism. What is this? It is the ideology of retards, tools, strokes, douche bags--generally anyone with lesser intelligence or Republicans. (NOTE: that's not a dig on the Republican party--the numbers back me up. Espeically since an substantial number of people that claim they are Republicans are uneducated and live in rural areas and probably have children with their cousins or are missing teeth. Meanwhile I'm ashamed to say the leader of the party is a Black man). Retardationalism leads people to think retards are doing the right things and are being "crucified" for doing so. People that stand behind Blago or voted for Todd Stroger (and will again) are likely retardationalists. People that will elect Deborah Sims to represent them again on the Board of Commissioners "because we need strong Black leaders" are likely retardationalists. People who pray that the President will die--and soon-- and go to hell are retardationalists. People that think Obama is doing a terrible job when he hasn't even done shit yet are retardationalists. People who think Obama is doing an excellent job but he's being hated on because he's Black is a retardationalist. And anyone who thinks they are right or correct on any political issue is a retardationalist.

The tremendous flaw of democracy is that you cannot please all of the people all of the time. Thus in the great country we live in where everyone is allowed to have their own ideas (and even express them on the internet!) NO ONE CAN EVER BE RIGHT ABOUT A POLITICAL ISSUE. There is no right answer--the answer is what benefits the most people or makes the most people happy. And that has nothing to do with race. If it did, Obama wouldn't be in office because lets face it, a Black man will NEVER be able to make a majority of all people happy. Black men have enough problems pleasing other Black folk--no way we're making everyone else happy too. The real problem is the majority of Americans are retards. One of the definitions of retard (according to is "a slowing down or hindering of progress." And if that ain't a majority of America I don't know what is.