Shout OUT!

HAPPY BDAY to Bella Baggins (7/6) and the BIGS (7/13)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

True Hate

I'm back to drop knowledge on you fools. I've been out with "writers block" but I've been inspired.

Since "hating" is the new "love" for '09, what then is the new hate? How can you hate on someone and not respect them nowadays? That's easy--show them love! Huh? Let me explain.

Rather than calling someone names, tearing someone down, or even talking about their mother, pump them up. Smile in their face. Encourage the hell out of them. Gas them up to go beyond what their skills, talent or financial means will allow them to go. Then sit back, relax and watch them fail. Once they fail don't laugh at them--encourage them to get up and try again. And again. And again.

For those of you that still don't get it, the person ultimately will humiliate themselves. Instead of calling someone a fat ass, encourage them to eat more and work out less. Eventually they will start believing your hype. When they have to use one of those motorized scooters to get around, you will have truly hated on them. The chick at work that dresses like a slut? Don't dog her out--encourage her to dress sluttier. Tell her that all women should be able to dress with such grace. Once she's fired for repeated dress code violations you will have truly hated on her.

A prime example is our own John London. In the short time I've known him, I've only known him to hate on one person, mostly because the hate actually gets to this person. But to truly get you, he keeps pumping you up to do things you never would do or could do in a million years (especially if there is alcohol involved). He's even willing to humiliate himself just to get you involved. The man will encourage you to have sex with fat women just to see the shame you have after you've sealed the deal. He'll have you shooting basketballs from places that you never should. He'll have you buying shots in crowded bars. All the while encouraging you, telling you that what you are doing is a good thing. THAT my friends is a true hater.

Why is showing so much love, actually hate? Because no matter how cocky, arrogant, stubborn or ass-holish a person is, everyone dies inside a little when they fail or are humiliated. A part of them wishes their mother never birthed them. They feel like huge losers. Worthless even. Hating? That just lets people know you're jealous. Showing someone love though is taking it up a notch. The person has no idea of your true and ultimate goal--their demise.

Yep love is the new hate in '09.

And I'm out!
The meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low down around this town,


Haterz are Trick ass Marks

Let me rant it out for a minute since that is what I am good at. Why do people think that hating on something makes them special? So you throw mad negativity on something or someone and you're special why? Why am I listening to your pulsating sad ass hate? Forget second hand smoke, can we get hate free zones?

Are there cases for hate? Mos def! When you invent the light bulb and another dude gaffles it, go ahead and hate. If you come up with an operating system and someone steals it and makes billions, please HATE or come up with the IPHONE and laugh!

Now if you're hating because you think people need to hear every thought that comes out of your head, then you're dead wrong. Let me wake you up...SHUT IT. Go read a book...oh wait, you might catch and idea in there that you will employ and I will have to Hate on you. No better yet, just run around ranting. It amuses me to no end. I want to video it, edit it, throw on some crazy Britney Spears remix behind it, post it on YouTube and then get 3 million hits. Then you will have a reason to hate. Until then, learn to enjoy life you empty soul pieces of shit.

Waking up the dead

ps. Make love not war...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ask Bucky!

A take off of ASK THE CHOOCH PUNISHER...Bucky Done Gun answers life's everyday questions Oscar the Grouch Style!

Why is my house being foreclosed?
BDG: Because you're a dumb ass who can't read. ARM = adjustable rate mortgage. I know, people are making this the sole reason for this crisis...NO! It was the sales pitch, telling the public not to worry about the payments because they were going to sell the place for twice the original value, and make tons of money, then go buy a bigger house! Like there were people just itching to buy ur fucking studio condo for 300K. I mean i saw people who make half what i make living in a place twice my size. Now they live in a cardboad box. Don't feel bad for them, I gave them the box my plasma came in...they had nothing before.

How do I know if my (girlfriend/boyfriend) is right for me?
BDG: Simple...what you need to do is consult this series of posts ( 1 2 3 4 ), and if they match up any of the criteria...PULL THE FUCK UP!!! Just roll out. Dont leave a note because they will construe that as you want them to pursure you even more. ROLL OUT!!!

If a stripper says she likes me, but can only talk in the VIP room, is it real love?
BDG: Yes,it is real love. She is in love to the very core of her being with your wallet. There is no sex in the champagne room. You will go in there and drop a G and walk out wondering how to explain it to your underage girlfriend. Just dont do it!

What should I get my boyfriend to say i am sorry for sleeping with his brother?
BDG: Asian twins...freaky ones. Only acceptable form of retribution.

My mom sasys i have do i maximize it?
BDG: First, stop living with your fucking mom. That's a on that.

What should i do if someone shared a secret i shared with them?
BDG: Keep ur fucking mouth shut. Tell ur priest and take ur chances. So, if u like to play with toys that dont have lego on the side, and dont want no one to know, just keep it to yourself.

Until next time,
Bucky Done Gun!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

iz3y steps into a time machine

Let's tackle a very important issue I am currently facing and see what kind of input I can get from my freaks out there.   Over the last 40 hours I have found many of the people who knew me when I was a snot nosed kid of all of 4'9" tall...Really nothing has changed except I got taller (not much) and fatter (a lil too much).  

So what is the appropriate question to ask these fools?
  • What the Fuck happened to you?
  • How many kids do you have?
  • Why did we think that hairstyle was acceptable?
  • Whatever happened to {fill in blank}?
  • Divorces?
  • Chins?
Seriously, what is the etiquette here?  Is there anyone who is off limits?  Personally I don't care, I love all my people, and if someone can remind you of what you were like or give you a different insight, I say roll with it.  Some people bury the past, I say break out a fucking shovel and dig it out.  Embrace the dumb ass hair style and embarrassing moments because they made you.  Well unless you never grew up, in which case you won't mind me making fun of ur silly ass.  It won't hurt, trust me! 

My Ace in the Hole, Jokey once wrote out his biggest regret and I would always say I had none.  NONE!!!  Was I delusional or just repressing something?  Well over the last 40 hours I can tell you I have had a chance to think about it hard.  While I have none that would keep me from entering heaven I have to say I have a minor one.
-Being a stupid kid at 15 and acting like a drama queen when a girl broke up with me.  I wrote letters, cried, and acted out the whole 80s movie scene.  Shit I even gave myself feelings I didnt have.  From 13-15 I was such a pussy.  Still, from that I developed a real sense of who I was, and what I wanted personally.  While I still made mistakes and whatnot throughout my life when it came to relationships, I feel better off.  My EGO, my arrogance, MY SELF WORTH, was hardened and shaped and it makes me secure in knowing I will always be ok.  Also, I was able to warn my lil siblings on what to look out for and hopefully spare them unnecessary heartache.  So to that girl, my bad...

When looking for my people's from my past I don't care about what I was like, or what I did, or if they still think I am stupid.  I have become the type of cat I CAN BE PROUD of and I hope they have too.  So when I look back for them, I want to see their journey.  I want to count their scars and show them mine.  Exchange stories about what roads we took.  I won't feel better, or worse....maybe just a little more complete.  I might also find a great friend (CHAPIS) that fell away from me as I launched the izcorp! enterprise.  I can also thank people for things they did for me that still stick today, Annie C's older brother = thanks for the nickname!

I really don't have any books to close.  I don't have revenge in my heart because I don't care.  Still there is exactly one person I have left to find, because I gots to know what happened to that dude.  Everyone knows who he is (Tony Ferrell), and hopefully you can help me find him.  If not, screw it, I will just continue on gathering up all the other souls and plan the biggest most awkward party ever.  If you don't think I am gathering up the playlist full of DM, CURE, ERASURE, TOO KOOL CHRIS, and JULIAN JUMPIN PEREZ, then you have no idea who you are dealing with.

So go out...lets see how many people you can find and reconnect with.  I have 40+ hours on you...good luck!

going back to the future

Monday, February 23, 2009

Jokey's Affair

1. Jokey once threw a party after writing the gayest blog post ever
2. It was the most interesting party ever.
3. Jokey told everyone afterwards that it was the best party he had ever given, ever, in the history of basement parties.
4. Jokey mumbled "shorty i could take you there" while throwing this party.
5. Jokey did indeed “take us there.”
6. Jokey's party was so awesome it knocked some poor fool unconcious.
7. Since He died for about 8 seconds, Jokey had to momentarily stop the party to send his rescue squad after hour later.
8. Jokey didn't skip a beat and then continued the party.
9. Jokey called us all dirty “Goldo(puerto Rican Slang)” while throwing this party, and after getting housed.
10. Jokey saw Fernando's O-FAce, as he projectile vomitted.
11. Jokey thought he did such a great job on the party, he wrote a fourteen blog posts under his 14 different pen names...and a video...and a grpahic novel called 'Basement Parties and the people who shit in their pants'
12. Jokey wrote a song about the time he threw a another party called 'One is the loneliest number'.
13. I'll never need another basement party for the rest of my life because this party Jokey threw was the best ever.
14. Jokey will never admit to this encounter.
15. Jokey does not return calls on calm, quiet tuesday evenings like he used to
16. Jokey is a bitch.
17. Jokey, I gave your number to Schweez
18. Scwheez wants tips on throwing these affairs
19. Johnner the "French Tickler" will also be there
20. They will get into a drinking contest, winner gets to hold the video camera.

Survivor of the Jokey Affair
-Rescue Ranger iz3y!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

10 things more believable than....

A-Fraud's story:
  1. Cedric Ceballos' blindfold was completely opaque
  2. Baseball has a worse steroid/testing problem than the NFL
  3. The Cubs have a chance at a World Series
  4. Boston's bitch that the Yankees are the evil empire
  5. ESPN does not favor the east coast
  6. ESPN reports the news and doesnt create the news
  7. Soccer doesn't work here because we like real sports, and not because we can't control the rights
  8. Beckham would play 100% for the Galaxy next year
  9. Kobe and Shaq get along
  10. Joe Torre isn't bitter with the Yankees

Rod Blagojevich's claims:

  1. That Sargeants in the Chicago Police Department always check their officers b4 they go out to work...just not that one day the 14 year old was there
  2. It matters what the rest of this state thinks, and not just Chicago
  3. Every other state doesn't have this level of corruption
  4. Roland Burris has no inconsistencies and nothing to hide
  5. Jesse Jackson Jr. was working with the FBI
  6. Santa Claus is real, and not a creepy old guy that Schweez transforms into so kids will sit on his lap
  7. Paris Hilton isn't a retarded whore looking for attention.
  8. Jokey doesn't fantasize about Schweez.
  9. Israel and Hammas will sit down for some brats and pork chops, and Jesse Jackson will broker the deal
  10. Women are not into the physical as much as men

Who can spin the A-FRAUD/Blagojevich lies better? Send in your lies and see who does the best job. You never know, it could become a calling.

staring into ur soul,

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears!!!

Sorry to steal your lead in Peter but i had to do it.  Anyways, piece of shit athletes, that's what really grinds my gears.  A-rod can contest this Schweezy fellow for giving Omar the best blow job for all i care.

He's sorry!  My cousin told me about it!  I was scared!  Pussy!

You knew what you were doing.  You were what?  23-24 years old?  If you had no clue what you were doing, you are certainly dumber than you look!  Mysteriously your home runs go up by 20 in one year.  HMMMM!?!??  Between 1997-1998 you increased your home run output by 19. 19! From then on it was swoll city. 

I do not blame him for using the Juice, but i blame him for not being honest.  Bud Selig is a joke!  Between the juicing of the balls, the all star game deciding home field advantage and the steroid problem how is he still in charge?  I do admit, however, that the Wild Card race is amazing and keeps us on our toes until the last day or beyond.  See White Sox '08.  

This was a huge problem and supposedly is under control now.  But the example this sets on kids is ridiculous.  You did roids, who cares?  It was not illegal then so it does not matter.  Ozzie is right.  The current penalty is not strict enough.  Suspensions is not enough.  I want your salary, endorsements and awards stripped.  All of it.  

Don't get me wrong, if it was not illegal then and there was no penalty to enforce then it is the MLB's fault and our fault for believing in the athletes.  They should not be penalized if they were caught before penalties were set.  Morally, however, is where they were wrong.

If you were really sorry then give back your 2003 MVP Award and award it to Carlos Delgado, who came in second.  Teams should have clauses in place that if you falsely perform and get caught doing it than we want our cash back.  Either that or it should go to some charity and you do not see a penny of it.  Also, a year!  That is what 1st time suspensions should be.  

Instead of playing you will give 162 speeches at 162 different schools speaking about the side effects of steroids.  You will explain how Lyle Alzado and other athletes died from the side effects.  You will explain how one side effect will make you think skeletal like female Kennedys are attractive in order to progress your political career.

Endorsement money will be gone.  Phelps loses Kellogs for taking a hit from the bong.  This guy won 8 gold medals.  Let the man chill for a minute.  I know, I know.  Marijuana is a drug.  But see Robin Williams' stand up bit and in no way is Marijuana a PED.  A-Rod should lose it all because he is a phony.  

Last but not least you should lose your stats.  All of your personal stats should be wiped clean.  This way glory hounds like Bonds, Big Mac and Clemens will not be looked at as heroes.  

Lance Armstrong almost died, DIED!  He came back and won the Tour de France 7 times.  Amazing!  He was tested every day.  After every stage.  Whenever the French felt like it they would randomly test him.  Fuck you if you say cycling is not a sport.  Let me see your punk ass ride up those mountains without dying of cardiac arrest.  Some heavy ass, grease sucking large man on "Sports Reporters"  or whatever the name of that show is on piece of shit ESPN had the nerve to say it wasn't a sport.  Here is a man who can't take a breath without losing his breath and he had the nerve!

Why did we never test the baseball players this way?  If you listen to the Score at all, Stoney admits that this has been a problem since the '70's.  The 70's!!!  And Selig and others have not done anything until a few years ago.  They care more about home runs and bringing fans in which is the American way, greed.  

A shame, because while these rich ass swoll assholes give these fake ass news conferences, little kids are wanting to be like them.  I hate that this is a fact but it is.  Ass fucks like Sir Charles can say they do not want to be role models but that is what is thrown upon them as soon as they step into the limelight.

I'm sorry!  Yes you  are!  You truly are!  Be sorry for the example you set for little kids.  Not because you were caught.  Sorry doesn't begin to describe how sorry your punk ass is.  Ozzie has always been right about you.  

Are you sorry as you count your millions?  Fuck you!  You dingleberry, give up every penny you have made sine 97 and then i will believe your ass.  Punk ass bitch ass pussy ass!

How I know Jokey has to come out: MELTED CHEESE

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Tech News

My Great Mind

After 32 years on this blessed earth I have come to this realization...

I have contacted all the worlds religious leaders and they've assured me this revelation stands among the greatest ever to come from a human mind...

It hit me in the middle of my slumber, the truth was so powerful I had to wake to post it and share this epiphany with you good people...

The following statement is not meant for the weak-minded and will surely shake your whole existence...

Please prepare yourself and and remember you have me to thank for giving this to you..

The first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all but to protect little cheese ‘gems’ from burglars.

Pass this wisdom on to the world,


Helpful Tip

Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.

-Your Friend,

Friday, February 13, 2009

Just call him Schweezy!

So this white Puerto Rican bastard just started rolling with the crew out of nowhere. Getting photoshopped in pix and what not and it dawned on me...."What does the Schweez bring to table and who gave him a fucking chair?" J. Schweezy's affect on the group can be summarized in 13 lines!
  1. we now use his hair gel to wax our cars to protect against dirt, water, and meteors
  2. Jokey has gotten way more gay. His unrequited love is boiling over. Read MELTED CHEESE for proof of this.
  3. We play bags often just so he can be good at something when he is with us.
  4. We no longer have Intellectual discussions or spelling Bees because he went to St.Rita and is essentially a vegetable
  5. We listen to DJ DO-DAT cds religiously so he can try to convince us he is the voice who says "you're now in the mix with DJ DO-Dat"
  6. We all now laugh after anything is said...hahahahha...LMAO.
  7. We have someone to blame when we fuck up because no one really knows him and quite honestly, he prolly was the reason anyway.
  8. Jimmy has a place to crash, Omar has someone to fantasize about, Roly has someone to pummel, and I have someone who is smaller than me. According to Omar..sick fucking bastard!
  9. WE keep coming up with nicknames to cover the fact that he has the worst last name in the history of Puerto Rican last names: Schwertfeger. I am sure Lady Schweez is hoping he takes her name.
  10. We no longer think Puerto Ricans are worthless...just shy, white guys, with incredibly stiff hair.
  11. We entertain ourselves with Schweez's late night Karaoke sessions consisting of a Corono Bottle for a mic, and the saddest freestyle jams we can dig up.
  12. We now have more knowledge about cartoons from 1960-1990 than any group of people on the face of the earth. Ask him to spell cat and all u will get is PING-PING-PIINNGGGGG!
  13. We have someone we can throw at hungry fat chicks we are trying to run from since they love them their lil White Boys...Johnner kept falling in love.

warming up the paddle

Smile..your earned it... Part VIII

As promised, the lopezKIDZ entertainment group has another hit video to make u smile. U might be thinking that breakin is dead, but oh is alive and well. I just want to thank theORIGINAL for making this party.
Remember to raise a glass to yourselves, your good people, and you deserve it.

popping and locking

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Rants Vol IV

I. I want breakdancing to come back as a viable form of battling. You know like in the movies where the rival crews would get all riled up and instead of a gun that one dude would start breakin, then the rival gang would send out one, next thing you know everyone was battling. No guns, no knives, just breakin. Can we bring that back? Can I get a pop and a lock? 'Hey bitch ass, can you do this? [smooth ass fresno is thrown out]" not, 'Hey bitch ass [smooth ass glock is pulled out]" A guy like theORIGINAL (all 5'3" and 125 lbs) would be deadly. Also the names were kooler. No we have Latin Kings and Lil Spooky. Back then, Midnight City Rockers and theORIGINAL. Who can get on this? Barack....

II. Love how my boy, Barack, is on TV all the time. He knows people are hating so like a True SouthSider he is going to be on TV as much as he can. Like a true leader he is going to weigh in on every damn thing. Stimulus package...check. A-Fraud...check. Dude, I got this chicken head who is acting all funny...check. My boy is repping it real hard like a true kid from the CHI! what is the problem? At least he sounds like he knows something. He is just barbershopping it on a grand scale....

III. So what ever happened to Philosophy circles? I mean when did humans decide WE HAD TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING and if you didn't YOU'RE WRONG! There is no more exchanging of ideas...or thoughts. You start talking and people immediately go, you're a [republican/democrat, liberal/conservative, black/white, catholic/muslim/jew/buddhist] and hit the mute button on your ass. So that is it huh? No more learning, no more exploring. Everyone fucking knows everything. Fuck different points of view, just live your little vanilla lifestyle. You know, we dont have menage a trois, or kama sutra without these meetings. We don't discover chocolate or brats without this. Nowadays being American, means everyone else is wrong and should shut up because we are right. I hate this image....can we change it already...the fucking record is scratched and we need new beats...

IV. Lil wayne won a grammy? So there goes that fucking award. I don't care what it was. Best use of electronic voice, or best way to make an ugly gremlin muthafucka look uglier. I don't give a shit because despite liking his beats he should never win shit. Kid creates one usable lyric, 'i am a beast, i am a dog, i am a muthafucking problem, fine ur goon but what's a goon to a goblin' and all of a sudden we are giving him awards. He then proceeds to fuck that line by saying that a goon and a goblin are the same thing. Crackhead...u had something there...shut the fuck up. Serious...just be quiet. Go get another tattoo....

V. Can you ever just get one tattoo? People always say that want another once they get one. Then you have the tramp stamp which took this country by storm and now i look around and i wonder...what is that grandma over there gonna look like? Hey Grandma...who is mike? Does Papa Bill know him? i would be covered in dumb shit like lil weezy if i tried getting a single tattoo. I love the number 13, my son, and a bunch of catholic symbols. I would look more of a fucking idiot than I do now when i wear my ultra hip affliction shirts....

VI. Is it almost time for these things to die down. I like the simpler ones, but some guys are taking it to the next level. I was watching UFC not too long back and some of these shirts are hideous. Remember tribal art? Imagine a huge tribal art thingy all around ur neck and the majority of your shirt like a spastic kid took a magic marker to you. Then imagine four other guys at the same table have your shirt. I mean i like Monarchy and Affliction shirts and own like 3, but come on, you have to know which are the ones you leave at the store. Also, those Ed Hardy ones with like a big ass koi fish or tiger that were 100 a pop...seriously....come on. Who wore that? That's almost as bad as...

VII. Rock Band parties. I got it, it is fun to air guitar and who doesnt like doing that when no one is around. WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND! Read that again. Now, you want to get ur crew together and just rock out...ok. Hell, I would understand if you wanted to karaoke it out at a party for like 5 or 6 songs...fine. But having a party, then ROCK BANDING it out...christ i want to stab someone. Yeah, lets not interact...lets watch five people rock band it. Hell, I understand the appeal to the singer, since they are the star, but the others. Hey guys, we have shots over here, i think you need like 8 of them minium. Sometimes you just need a drink...

VIII. Delirium tremens is a great beer. Miller lite is shit. does it matter when your week has been hell. Drawing that line in the sand to determine what is relieving stress and what is drowning your soul is difficult. You dont want to be whining about ur life to others at a bar, because they are there trying to get their relief on. Then again, maybe they are just listening and discovering that their life is at least not as shitty as yours. I usually go with if i am dancing up on a hot chick and not thinking about anything else..I must be ok. Problem obviously here is the long known side-effect called beer goggles. That chick aint hot!!!!!!

IX. Can I put in a request to skew the 'hotness' barometer back to at least 1980s level? Not the clothes but body styles. Where have the curves gone? Why is someone who is 102 lbs or less considered hot. Why has having an ass a bad thing? DAmn it man, i am tired of toothpick chicks walking by and some fucking frat boy shouting...'DAMN SHE IS HOT!' Naw u blind muthafucka, she is hungry! Step ur fucking game up, no excuses...

X. In general the art of excuses has slipped too. You give a lame ass excuse and just are satisfied with your work. You're half assing it. You already fucked up and here you are fucking up the excuse that is supposed to save you.
  • "This school is racist" [why they couldnt do their homework]
  • "I was busy at work and tired" [almost universal excuse to explain not doing something]
  • "Life is just too hard" [why they couldnt just suck it up and continue living]
People, at least get creative and go around the world with it.
  • "I did my homework, but it was too fucking outstanding and if I had turned it in, your infantile intellect would collapse in on itself"
  • "Yeah work sux and I am dog ass tired, but really, I just dont give a fuck. I feel like giving a fuck is too much work and it is obvious I am not down with that.
  • "You know, i have always wanted to see what heaven looked like as i descened to the depths of hell!"
feeling the love this weekend!!!

Smile..your earned it... Part VII

Today we don't mess around people. Oh no, today is a day we definitely don't mess around. The lopezKidz entertainment Company is very proud to present the first in a long line of classic videos. Today's subject has seen fame and notoriety before, as you may remember him from the first SMILE video. Today, we show him in all his glory.
Raise a glass of the finest stuff, your good people, and u definitely deserve it!

peace, love, soul



i was in a car accident late January, and the effects of it came to knock me in the head only recently. it didn't help that i fell on my head in martial arts class and added a small concussion to the ever-present tension headache. my brain felt swollen and would pulsate consistently day in and day out despite a high dose of ibuprofen. still, i dealt with the pain for about 5 days before accepting that i needed to see a doctor. everything went pretty smoothly, and based on the neurological exam, he decided i just needed a little time to rest and some muscle relaxers to help ease the pain and get my blood pressure back up. it's just that, this is kind of new to me; this idea that when you get sick you see a doctor...he gives you pills to take...the end. i couldn't afford being a hypochondriac until i got health insurance. i was accustomed to drinking an assortment of teas and lighting candles to cure my ailments. how long do you wait before you see a doctor? thinking about it now, 5 days of pain is a lot to put up with, but if i went after the first day of pain, i would feel like i was being dramatic. with how much pain should you put up?

Monday, February 9, 2009

'Roid Rage

So we found out this weekend that Alex Rodriquez tested positive for steroids in 2003.  While this hardly came as a surprise (at least to me) the sports writers world went nuts.

Why was I not surprised?  Because since I can remember, athletes in every sport have been doing any and everything to gain an edge on their competitors.  I remember in high school there were guys on the basketball team using creatine and anything else they could get from GNC.  Imagine then your livelihood depended on your being physically better than everyone else?

No doubt A-Rod already had talent.  But when you mix talent with drugs--performance enhancing drugs--you get a superstar.  The real question becomes is this cheating.  To me there is a line between cheating and illegal.  Something that is not allowed within the rules is cheating; something that is against the law but not defined within the rules is NOT cheating, particularly since the general laws of society don't govern certain activities (i.e. sports).  So what A-Rod and 103 other people (and likely more) may have been illegal, but since it wasn't against the rules of baseball it can't be cheating.

A-Rod, Giambi, Bonds, even Clemens didn't cheat.  They just took their attempt to get better to the next level.  While some guys were drinking energy drinks, popping uppers, going to GNC, these guys had the financial ability to get human growth hormone and other steroids that the average minor leaguer couldn't touch without a hook up.  In short, they weren't fuckin around.

Considering that we are a doped up society as a whole, we shouldn't be surprised.  There is a drug for just about everything now, many of them geared toward the mark of getting better at something.  What the use of steroids by these guys does do is rob us of knowing how truly great they are.  And it tells us how great guys like Ken Griffey Jr, Frank Thomas and the like are (assuming they didn't use anything at all).  But what they did wasn't cheating--it was simply one upping the next guy.

What iz3y learned this last weekend (2/6-2/8)

Very simply, when I get this much knowledge, life, and experience dropped in my lap, I HAVE TO SHARE IT with the world.
  • When you meet 'theORIGINAL' you better have a video camera ready to rock. There will be visual evidence to support what I am about to tell you, but trust me when I say that dude is bad. Who is this? A 40-year old B-boy trapped in the body of a mini cholo! Kid shows up rocking a Carlito's way T-shirt and walked out with our respect, admiration and love. To summarize the night, he did a 'suicide', which is a dance move where u you do a front flip and land on your back. Not feet...BACK!!! In case we forgot, he broke it off again! You will have to see the video.
  • DJ Trancid needs to make more mixes. I am on these mixes as they are serving as my life line to good music. I have the same job for Cratebug. I can't stand any more Weezy or Kanyeezy or Jeezy. Fuck Sneezy too!
  • Drunk dialing is dumb. Just fucking stupid because you say shit you mean, that you would never say if u had half a brain cell working.
  • EAT BEFORE YOU DRINK! i mean this is simple shit, and i cant believe i had to learn it the hard way.
  • Getting your boy a Bags set is cool. Customizing it with his logo...cooler. Putting lights in it...coolest. Making him almost cry when u give it to him...PRICELESS. Thanks Shadez, O, Roly, John Boy, for helping me out with that.
  • You can only change yourself...make sure not to go to far. Ask Michael Jackson what that's like.
  • I don't know Karate, but I do know CA-razy!
  • The World is a small place. Embrace it. Remember all the people you meet in life because one day you might need a place to drink 12 year old whiskey as u drunk dial people!
  • Carrying the weight of the world is not that hard as long as you have friends and family.
  • Shadez got into our group too easy...his time approaches. John Boy got in the rough way, but he won't give us the power to ruin his night.
  • John Boy no longer owns the best dance video, but easily the funniest.
  • Grudges are dumb...
  • Our son has the coolest nightmares, and the worst habit of expressing them by kicking me in the head.
  • A bear doing the robot is no where as impressive as a mini cholo doing a 'suicide'.

Working on my gangsta lean

Friday, February 6, 2009


To all my haterz (re. JOKEY),
Continue to hate.
As TubeSteak so eloquently said, "when you mix talent with hate, you get a SUPERSTAR!"



ps. "ur gonna hate on me so much, ur going to become me" - Johnner Londono.
When johnner has better lines than u, you need to hang them up JOKEY!

Helpful Tips from iz3y! - The Valentine Day's Massacre

We are one week away from this hallowed day, where guys rush to the florist or Godiva and start pouring money on the counter in an attempt to prove how much they really want to fuck the person they are getting the chocolate/flowers for. Oh, you thought I was going to say something about the symbols of love or an open expression of heartfelt sentiment. NAW, sorry, can't start spitting soft lies up in here, I am grimey and keep it hard hitting. See, if your waiting for ST.V to prove ur worth, you prolly got an STD from all the scandalous ASS you were messing with whilst ignoring your significant other. Waiting for the 14th is like filing on April 15th and acting like you did the government a favor or pulling Cs in school. Sure, you did something, pat yourself on the back and do your funny walk if u want, but don't expect me to recognize your ass as a PLAYER. did the get minimum recognition.

To be a true baller, at least pay attention once in a while and get them what they really like. If they are allergic to chocolate, DO NOT GET THEM A HEART SHAPED BOX OF IT. It will not make them going into shock any less painful. Man, if you get flowers showing any kind of wilt, just put them back. I mean you are trying to get some, at least try. Oh, and finally, do not bite what ur friend did last year. Trust me, peoples talk, and they will be crazy upset once they know they got sloppy seconds. You might be getting sloppy seconds later that night. Hell, you might have been getting sloppy seconds this whole time with your uncreative ass.

Remember, keep it simple, because if u been doing it right, this should just be another day where both of you end up with a smile you can't wipe off. If need be, go ahead and pop the champagne, just don't lean over and say, "can i lick this off of you?" and the restaurant isn't even that crowded. Play some music, other than hip hop and no, TuPac's "me and my girlfriend" is not appropriate. Remember, above all your are trying to get some ass, and the person knows u are and is fully willing to cough it up. Dont mess it up now!

For those of you who want the quick fix anyway:
For those you who want a quickie: (not sure if it is real site but i am sure u know of one!)

wrapped up in love,

10 things we all long to have more of

- Hair (jokey I see u!)
- Jokes (un funny people suck)
- Cash, cause cash rules everything around me
- Bitches...yes even women would like having bitches around if only to call them bitches!
- love. We are all terribly self centered!
- Beats, if u dont like music...fuck u.
- super powers
- gold chains. looking like an 80s rapper never goes out of style.
- Degrees. They will keep you warm as u sleep on a Park bench.
- their own blog site. BECAUSE everyone wants to hear what u have to say

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Please stop me before I [BLANK] again

What is it with these lists nowadays. Facebook is being swarmed with this phenomenon right now where people have to list out 25 facts about themselves. You arrogant muthafuckas, thinking someone wants to sit through 25 mindless ramblings about you. Well actually, we do! People always hope that they can pick up some new nugget (no not chicken mcNuggets Jokey) about a person they know. Well I did one and Jokey was all on my nuts to write more. He is a fan like that. Strawberry Kiss wondered if it was scary that I knew so much about myself, but like i told her, I talk to myself regularly. Anyway, here goes some more off the wall shit to kill your Wednesday and possibly give u ammo for the next time I am busting ur chops. Please feel free to add shit you think u know about me, or even put your own mindless ramblings.

Random Fact: I truly stand 5'8". I wished i was 6', a doctor swore i would only be 5' and when it comes to board games I am 8'3" and the master of all I see.

Stupid Bet
: I bet Jokey a PUNCH TO THE FACE, that Dave Chappelle said that Puffy had Dolphin teeth in the episode of THE HATERZ BALL. I am currently working out harder than Rocky in Rocky IV, and hiring Antonio Margarito's tape man... a little plaster of paris...NO, not me!

Guilty Pleasure (TV edition)
: I watched every episode of Sex and the City and loved that show. A great insight and proof to the fact women are just as bad as men about getting some ass. Another humorous side effect is this incessant need for women to categorize themselves after characters on the show. Everyone thinks they are Carrie, but most are truly like Charlotte or claim not to be slutty like Samantha. No one admits to being like Miranda...and yes, I know what the fuck all this means. I have broken ur code...I am sharing the secret to my male brothers.

Place i want to see before I bitch about it again!: Italy...Greece..Spain. Fuck I feel a whiny rant coming on.....

Guilty Pleasure TWO (DANCE EDITION)
: America's Best Dance crew is a great show. Yes, I try to do the choreography, and no I am no good at it. I was blessed with the ability to talk to machines...I must embrace my limitations and invent robot dancing legs.

Most Shocking unshocking revelation: I am a know it all smart ass. Thank you, i will be here all week u cretons! Actually, I do know it all, but i really make most of it up and make people believe it is real. I go as far as bend the time and space continuum.

Movie scene u should watch again: Kevin Spacey, SE7EN, when he is in the back of the Taxi. I am not even sure he is acting. I legitimately think he killed someone just before the cameras rolled and used it to make the scene more real. Besides, his rant sounds like something you would find on this blog. I recommend watching this movie again...make a date night!

FACEBOOK these nuts!:
I started off chatting with a collegue, escalated to having some form of communication with my Sisters, and now I am basically working out the basis of a heroine network on that thing. Serious, i am on that thing enough to claim it as part of my actual daily work tasks. Engineer enterprise solutions for a Insurance company/Facebook with your peeps! Hell I am even close to becoming a hyporcrite, as I know have something like 90 friends, and i am sure I don't speak to 97% of them. I really only have them on there so I can read their personal info, and sound like I really care about them when I hit them up for money at some point down the road. Oh I will sound real sincere as I fleece you!

I will not be shackled:
4 years i wore a tie during my stay at the fine all-boys institution, Brother Rice College Prep. I learned to read and write, and even some math, all at the small cost of wearing this phallic symbol around my neck. Mine was always pretty sharp and flashy....but no longer...can't do it. I hate dressing up more than I hate people who get all puffy chested and start spouting off threats and ultimatums, WHEN YOU KNOW, they dont have the stones to back it up. I also hate cream cheese in my sushi...fucking stupid. Oh oh oh, and the CUBS...wont get into it.

No coffee, just shut the fuck up!: I am not a morning person, so don't ask me shit, or expect me to say shit. I am not going to say a damn thing to you and if I do it will have all the warmth of a cold ass January morning after a night of sipping malt liquor out of paper bag and being mugged by a homeless guy.

I believe in anything that gives me my money back. Bailout...sure, ur giving me my money back right? I mean everytime I look at my pay stub, I see this large number that used to be mine and is now property of the Federal Government. I understand that my refund will be smaller, but at some point I am getting it back. So why are people freaking? The economy sux, get over it. As matter of fact, get back to fucking work you useless sacks of flesh. Quit worrying about something that will only get better with more production and quit wasting ur breath. As a matter of fact, take the check and go buy yourselves something nice. Like a cup of coffee, or some other extravagant thing. Just please stop complaining..if it wasnt necessary we wouldnt do it right. IT is not like a useless and pointless war that costs us 10bil a month.

Hi fiving the man,

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How to spend the bailout money

Washington seems to think that the way to "fix" our economic woes is to increase consumer spending.  It's why they're spending so much time trying to get banks to lend money--if people have money they will spend it.  But this isn't quite true.  There are some cultural considerations.  First, despite making up only 12-14% of the U.S. population, Blacks outspend every other demographic group by a wide margin.  Mostly because Blacks don't really produce anything.  The term "Black business" is an oxymoron--most Black businesses (particularly those that sell goods) are simply distribution arms for other much larger corporations.  Blacks (and other minority groups) provide the labor for the producers, i.e. they have "jobs" but they aren't really at the top of the food chain.  Thus if the solution really is to increase consumer spending, the dollars should be focused on Blacks.

From rims to Jordans to new furniture for the house, Black people have an affinity for spending money.  It's as if Blacks are allergic to saving.  There are three (THREE!) wealthy Black people on EARTH (Oprah, Bob Johnson's punk ass, and Shawn Carter).  Everyone else is rich and doesn't mind reminding you with customized cars and big homes.  Then there's the hood rich--those that live in the hood but drive similarly customized cars and have the freshest gear, but no net worth.

Unfortunately I'm being dead serious about this.  The concerns Washington has about people saving and hoarding money are only true for people who AREN'T Black.  Dave Chappelle made light of this in a skit on his show.  When Blacks got reparations for slavery, they didn't go and pay off debt or make other smart investments.  They spent the money.  One guy bought a truck full of cigarettes.  That was meant to be a joke, but in reality it is likely to happen.  Sure there are a select few that would spend any "free" money on debt or other prudent investments.  Personally Chase would see most if not all of any money Uncle Sam gave me.  But I have been eyeing these blue tooth headphones to use at my desk, because the cord on my other headphones gets caught in my chair.  And Bachrach is having a liquidation sale...

The point is that Black people will spend that money.  Give dollars to anyone else it's going someplace safe for a rainy day in case they lose their job or worse.  Give it to Black folk?  Someone somewhere will see it.  And quickly.

In all seriousness, consumer spending will do something to help our economy but it will be short lived.  The economy can't be "fixed."  This is the nature of the free-market system--money goes into circulation in large quantities until it no longer has the same value.  This is inflation.  The only way to stop inflation?  Remove money from circulation.  That's called recession.  In other words, the situation we're in now is part of the model.  It has to happen every 10 or so years (the last time we had similar issues was 99-2001 and that was partially blamed on 9/11).  So no matter what the folks in Washington say they're doing or try to do, they can't FIX this issue.

But if they want a quick jolt, put all $800 bil in the hands of Black folk.  I promise you the world will feel the effects of all the shit that will be bought.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Joy and sunshine and rain!

I originally began working on this after my EPIC: "50 signs that you should run from that BITCH/ASSHOLE!!!" Again, this was reader driven but this time, we show you the sunshine after the storm. Anyway, enjoy and share your moments with the world, because HOPE is a powerful thing.

change #1: u unlock ur phone because it is no longer under NAZI rule

change #2: you say you are going out, without thinking of a 30 min proposal defending your position

change #3: u drink because you want to have fun, not to drown out the buzzing telephone

change #4: u start doing things U like to do and amazingly it feels good

change #5: ur friends in psycho relationships hate u...and u look at them like animals in a cage at the pet adoption agency...hoping to save at least one

change #6: u frame the restraining order.

change #7: u take 911 out of your speed dial, and dont readily know Police officers first names anymore.

change #8: u stop having to explain bizarre behavior to your family...and enjoy the people who mean the most in life

change #9: u get appreciated for the stuff you do, and are no longer the bane of someone's existence

change #10: your clothing is no longer subject to inspection

change #11: Your friends and family no longer are subject to a ranking system (ie. "you always put your friends/family ahead of me!")

change #12: You realize those weren't strange hateful thoughts in ur head. It was that psycho not shutting the fuck up long enough to hear urself.

change #13: ur no longer ashamed to go out in public.

Now someone pass me another Delirium and the remote...