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Friday, January 30, 2009

The Rules


Throughout the history of mankind, we have tried to box ourselves in by laws, rules and regulations.  From Moses' 10 commandments to Biggie's 10 Crack Commandments, we've tried to structure ourselves so that we don't go crazy.  Well today in a break from my normal postings I give you some solid rules to live by, all compiled from various sources but very applicable to your everyday life.  Without further ado...

1) You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

This one is quite literal.  Prostitutes and other "whorish" types make terrible housewives (or wives for that matter).  In other words, you can't turn a bad girl good so don't try.

2) Never get high on your own supply.

Basically you can't believe too much of your own bullshit.  You are certainly allowed to pull the wool over the eyes of others, but once you start drink too much of your own kool-aid, it can become toxic.

3) Unlike love and hate, there is not a thin line between success and greatness.

Success is enriching your own life.  Greatness is enriching the lives of others.  There are plenty of people who died successful that you've never heard of.  Strive to be great.

4) Snitching on rivals is perfectly acceptable.

This in fact is strategic.  How do you get rid of your rival without committing a criminal act?  Get some dirt on them and snitch your ass off.  Now you'll have more room to operate.

5) "Bros before hoes" only works when you're younger than 25.

Try pulling that shit after 25 and you'll end up a lonely motherfucker.  Sure women love it when you ignore them, but the older you get the more fierce the competition.  When you're young, every guy's a loser and women know this.  As you get older there are some of us guys that actually graduate from loser to "worth it."  Soon, she'll be choosing one of your bros over your dumb ass too.

6) Having a child does not make you a parent.

RAISING a child--now that's parenting.

7) Race matters.

Soon it won't because we will all be so mixed you won't be able to tell the difference.  But for now it shapes who you are more than class, gender or any other classification.

8) One MUST manage perception.

It seems that since we spend most of our lives learning that it logically follows that people are inherently stupid.  It's this inherent stupidity that accounts for the need to manage perception, since perception is reality (because people don't think critically; what is given simply is accepted).  Thus, it is important to shape the view you want people to see.  If not, they'll think what THEY want.

9) Never sell no crack where you rest at.

Also known as don't shit where you eat.  In other words, if you're gonna do dirt, don't do it at home.  Do it in someone else's hood.  A different state even.  Just don't do it around your house.

And finally...

10) If there is no one hating on you, then you are doing something wrong.

In this day and age success is determined by the amount of ill will you generate towards you from others.  In that regard, John London is one successful mug.  Hate is the new respect.  Get you some haters!

The meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low-down around this town,
SHO-NUFF

2 comments:

strawberrykiss said...

nicely done. i would appreciate acknowledging that #1 is pretty much that you cannot change someone. whoever told you it was possible lied to your gullible ass.

JokeyJokemaker316 said...

11) Never triple-stamp a double-stamp

12) never play cards with people with colorful nicknames such as Montana Charlie, Superhead, The Duke, The Natural, the Prodigy, or Jesus

13) never go out with a girl with a nickname like those listed above

14) Never FIGHT with people with the nicknames above

15) never buy a car from a lot with hand-painted signage

JJ