the JIMMY-isms...because greatness can't be deleted!

KNUTE WAREZ

• Jimmy was the fifth beatle, now he is the third
• Jimmy is the only person in the world to have successfully answered the Credence Clearwater Revival's age-old question of "Who'll stop the rain?"
• Jimmy knows that for a good time he can always call Jenny at 312-867-5309
• When Jimbo was asked if he like blondes, brunettes, or redheads, his simple reply "FUCK YEAH!"
• Jimmy once beat off a mob of angry men single HANDEDLY!
• Jimmy once enetered the kentucky derby on foot, and came in third. The jockey has not finished any higher since that fateful day
• Jimmy knows that the bird is the word
• Jimmy knows the last digit of Pi
• Jimmy only parties in international waters, because you CAN DO ANYTHING WITH DOLPHINS OUT THERE!
• Jimmy is the master of Johnner's domain
• Jimmy won second place in a beauty contest for post-op transexuals. He had not even formally entered or paid his entrance fee.
• Few people know Jimmy has a pet pig with a wooden leg. It once pulled him out of a burning building, fought off a wolf in the forest, and alerted him of an impending earthquake. So I said "How did it lose it's leg?" Jimmy answers "A pig THAT special you don't eat all at once!"
• Jimmy sucks cock and can slam a revolving door
• Jimmy was born with an extra long umbillical cord - he then invented bungee jumping
• Jimmy had a small role in Boogie Nights 2: Boogie Mornings. Critics describe his acting as a breath of fresh air.
• Competitive Mode Jimmy arises like a phoenix out of arizona when needed.
• Jimmy's jeep has no horn, he just hires a man to sit on the roof and go "Woo woo woo woo" like a police siren
• Jimmy starred in ZOOLANDER 2, and won a Golden Globe for his role.
• Jimmy has 6 toes, that’s why he never wears sandals
• Jimmy can eat a footlong kielbasa sausage WITHOUT CHEWING
• Jimmy can eat an onion, 3 eggs, a pepper, and a tomato, and SHIT out a perfect omlette!
• Jimmy brings knives to gunfights
• If Jimmy could rearrange his alphabet, he would put "I" and "Cock" together
• I was bartending one day, and Jimmy comes in and orders 5 shots of Whiskey. I go "whats the occasion?" he goes "First blowjob." I go "SHIT, let me buy you one too!" He goes "No thanks, if 5 shots won't kill the taste, the 6th will be a waste!"
• Jimmy once got a watch for his birthday. He got mad and sold it to buy a gun. "Why?" i asked. He said "If I come home and my woman is getting boned by some dude, what am I gonna do? Look at my watch and ask how long they're gonna be?"
• Jimmy once went to the doctor compalining of having an orange penis. The doctor told him to stop masterbating and eating cheetos all day long
• Jimmy once did yoga for a few months, in an effort to be limber enough to suck HIS OWN cock.
• Jimmy once argued that if he cloned himself, and made love to that clone, he would not be gay. He was quickly asked to leave the church.
• Jimmy kills drifters to get erections.
• Jimmy gets that special porn that they cannot send through the regular mail. he has to have a P.O box and pick up mail during special hours under supervison of at least 3 armed guards.
• Jimmy takes horny goat weed pills. I believe he thinks it will help him attract more goats
• Jimmy likes to "Box the ONE-EYED CHAMP."
• Jimmy has never paid taxes, he just sends the IRS a picture of himself in a fight crouching position

iz3y

• Jimmy didn’t pay more his muffler, he just rebuilt it using beer cans and fishing line
• Jimmy Banda is to VEGAS like beer is to a FRAT PARTY
• Jimmy parties with the Most Interesting Man in the World
• Bruce Banner no longer turns into the HULK after losing to Jimmy in arm wrestling
• Jimmy is an Anti-Dentite, he pull his own teeth!
• Jimmy performed LASIK on himself with a flashlight and a magnifying glass
• Jimmy is male stripper at a gay club...yet he doesnt work there
• Jimmy doubled for Oscar De La Hoya three times and won three titles in three weight classes
• Jimmy locked the target, baited the line, slowly spread the net and caught the man, then sold him for the ten times his price at least
• Jimmy cured the common cold, but decided that the strong should survive!
• Superman was a DJ until he came to Jimmy's block and heard him spinning Disco Cryptonite!
• Jimmy does 2000 pushups a day...no hands
• Jimmy slapped Bruce leRoy, Bruce LeRoy thanked him and called him the 'TRUE MASTER'
• Jimmy arm wrestled a bear...the bear is now missing an arm
• Jimmy can't be a lawyer because passing the BAR is something he can't and won't do!
• Jimmy Banda is to VEGAS like what beer is to a FRAT PARTY
• Jimmy is Derek Jeter's Wingman!
• Cutting crew wrote "i just died in ur arms tonight" after a night of passion with Jimmy
• Jimmy's "Jimmy Jams" playlist went platinum despite just being a collection of gay songs by various artists.
• If you ghost Jimmy's location, he will bleed u you quiet, and leave you there!
• Jimmy have never bitten off more than he can chew, and he can eat stuff that will make a billy goat puke
• Jimmy once played a black man in a movie, without makeup
• Jimmy wasnt satisfied with the current dances out there so he invented the 'Jimmy' Dance which became an instant classic but tragically caused the death of 10 people in a New York CLUB
• Jimmy speaks french...in spanish...with a british accent!
• Jimmy started the Chicago fire so he could piss on the ashes
• Jimmy has the strength of an ant...and the penis too
• Jimmy once performed CPR on a woman...she had a baby 8 months later despite having her tubes tied
• Jimmy has 5 illegitmate children with 5 women and they all can use his fake ID to get into the club without being questioned...Jimmy cant.
• Jimmy captured the one-armed man, and promised him freedom if he could beat him in arm wrestling...there is a dude in jail with no arms.
• Jimmy made love to a lion, just prove he was the king of the jungle. The lion still calls him to this day, but Jimmy has moved on.
• Due to false allegations, Jimmy was forced to take an alcohol evaluation exam. He passed it easily when he bet the evaulator he couldn't out drink him.
• Jimmy has three best friends, each of which can bring about the apocolypse...Jimmy keeps them at bay!

ShoNUFF

• Competitive Jimmy talks mad shit yet maintains minty fresh breath
• Jimmy slept with Macaulay Culkin at Neverland Ranch and then pinned it on Michael Jackson
• Jimmy once got a speeding ticket while jogging
• Chuck shit his pants at the sight of Jimmy
• If Jimmy has an erection lasting more than 4 hours he doesn't call the doctor, he calls over company
• Jimmy doesn't stop until he's had enough
• Jimmy speaks Spanish...in Polish
• "spits" is not in Jimmy's vocabulary
• Jimmy takes "poking" on Facebook to a whole new level
• Jimmy's refusal to lay sufficient pipe is the reason half of New Orleans was washed away in Katrina

RoboJesus

• Jimmy Banda can't live up to Jimmy Banda’s reputation!
• Jimmy leans wit it and rocks wit it….at the same moment!
• Jimmy is as Jimmy does!
• Jimmy can do push ups with his Eyelashes!
• Jimmy once bitch slapped Chuck Norris for being a pussy!
• When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks for Jimmy under his bed!
• Jimmy once shot a bull elephant in his pajamas, what the elephant was doing wearing Jimmys pajamas no one will ever know!
• Osama Bin Laden considers Jimmy a terrorist!
• Jimmy was once water boarded...using sulfuric acid!
• Jimmy was detained at GITMO...for a DUI!

COLLABORATIONS

John London vs iz3y
John London: Jimmy is the real "Soup Nazi"
iz3y: Jimmy perfected Clam Chowder without using any clams



Knute Warez vs iz3y

Knute Warez: Jimmy is a re-gifter
iz3y: Jimmy was once given herpes, he gave it to someone else!

Knute Warez: Jimmy starred in a porno called "All deliveries IN THE REAR," as the wacky neighbor Tobias, and then as Recipient #2
Knute Warez: Jimmy is a triple threat. He sings, dances, and sucks cock.
Knute Warez: Jimmy is the Co-Owner of the Manhole Gentlemens Club.
iz3y: Jimmy's Big finale can no longer be shown in theatre's due to excessive gayness. The Gays thought it was too gay

Presented by:
KnuteWarez/iz3y/ShoNUFF/RoboJesus/JohnLondon

Because a comment wouldn't do this justice...

One of our own included the following in a blog post recently:

Guess what? We are America, people hate us because we have freedom. people hate us because our forefathers shed their fucking blood and guts for that freedom, and they look at themselves and they know that deep down, they are cowards. The do not have freedom because they are cowards, and instead of doing something about it, they smear and hate those with the courage and freedom they WISH they had a sliver of.

Now I wasn't really offended per se.  At least not by what was said.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  The problem is a mistake of fact--particularly on why people hate America.

People hate America because we are and always have been hypocrites.  America preaches freedom yet enslaved a race of people for hundreds of years.  And then when America said they were free, treated them like dogs.  We support dictators until they are of no use to us.  We advocate peace yet supply arms around the world.  We're the country that says 16 year olds are old enough to drive, but not vote or get abortions.  18 year olds are old enough to go fight our wars, but not drink.  America is the same country that believes there are several fundamental rights--but education isn't one of them--yet it's okay for the state to say you HAVE to go to school until you're 18.  We have separation of church and state yet deny people of the same sex to get married (as if the two weren't related in any way).  We're friends with India and hate on Pakistan yet India is the reason Pakistan exists and the treatment of Muslim Indians (i.e. Pakistanis) by India is partially why people randomly blow up shit in the name of Allah there.

People hate America because America preaches freedom, yet freedom must be OUR way.  America has become and continues to be the largest imperial force on the planet.  We have military bases all over the world to "protect our interests."  It's why we're so buddy buddy with Israel--not because we honestly believe in Zion, but because it's right smack dab in the middle of a vast oil supply, and we'll be damned if we let the Muslims control it all.

People hate America not because it was founded on the blood of our forefathers, but on the blood of the natives it was stolen from and the backs of the slaves and immigrants.  We're the same country that hates on Hitler yet put Japanese AMERICANS in concentration camps.  We're the creators of the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act that allows the Feds to arrest AMERICANS and hold them without charging them, seeing a lawyer or even have a judge call their name to appear in court.

People hate America because we believe in the right of the people to choose, yet when the people do choose we try as hard as possible to interfere (see Iraq and Palestinian elections).  It's why we have the electoral college.

This is why people hate America and want to threaten our way of life.  The ways of the haters surely are not excusable but they are understandable.  When you look at America throughout history up until now, the only other force in the history of the planet that even comes close to its shadiness is the Catholic church (and don't even get me started on them).  Yes some Muslim guys hijacked some planes and killed thousands of innocent civilians.  But before that we sold nerve gas to Iraq (which was used against innocent people), supplied Israel with weapons to keep non-Jewish Arabs in check (used to kill innocent Palestinians) and replaced leaders loved by the people with puppets that had our "interests" in mind.  They don't hate our freedom.  They hate the costs everyone else pays for our freedom.

Religulous

Watched Bill Mahr's movie last night and aside from his constant condescending tone towards the people he was interviewing, it was a relatively thought provoking piece of work.  One could even call it inspiring, especially since it inspired me to write this entry to our blog.  In a space where just about nothing is off limits, I'm about to touch the one that is generally more taboo than race and politics--religion.

Religulous--a combination between "religion" and "ridiculous" sets out to (according to Mahr) "question" religion and those that practice it feverishly.  In my opinion it goes a step further and openly mocks religion, while failing to prove it's point.

The problem with religion isn't the subject matter; the problem lies in the fact that religion is an attempt by un-God like creatures (i.e. flawed, non-omnipresent or all powerful beings) to try and create something that is supposed to allow us to understand something that is beyond our understanding.  It is man's arrogant attempt to control something that is uncontrollable, and is often used and has been used historically as something to control the very souls of men and women.  In other words, if religion had been created by God, we'd be fine.  Instead religion was created by men (note the use of small "m" meaning people with dicks rather than capital "M" which would mean mankind generally).

Since the beginning of time, no matter which story you believe (evolution or creation), men and women have tried to understand and build rituals around some higher being/power greater than themselves.  Eventually however men began using the idea of a higher power for their own gains; somehow some way God began to choose men to lead countries, free people, and give out laws.  Kings were kings because God said so.  People were servants because God said so.  God had specific teachers and prophets and never spoke with you directly but only through these "holy" people.  Everyone else (especially women) was left out of the conversation.

Men have used God to justify killing people ("They were non-believers" or "infidels"), justify slavery and just about any other unsavory act of man-kind  as "God's will."  Religion is a collection of dogmas and ideas that have been used to shape our ideas about and towards other people (ex. Gays are evil and abominations before God).  Religion has been used to enrich those that manipulate it (evangelists).  THIS is the problem with religion--religion is about man while masquerading as being about God.  It is not crazy to believe in God or to even believe as many do that God directs your life.  What is crazy is listening to some man or woman tell you what God thinks or how God feels on a certain topic.

Religion, like politics requires one to think, which is the problem with both.  Most people don't want to think, they want to be spoon fed.  So if from the age of 3 people are told that homosexuality is a sin in Christendom, by the time they're 30, gays will be evil.  However if one were to read for him or herself what the Bible actually says, it says that any sexual act outside of the of marriage is the issue.  Male-female butt sex?  Okay so long as your married.  Oral?  Fine so long as you're married.  Swinging?  Now we're getting sketchy but at least you're married.  Two men or two women?  Not okay--which is why all the hubbub about concerning gay marriage in this country.  (Different blog for a different day).

Men wrote and continue to interpret something that is supposed to be the word of God, whether it be the Bible, Torah or Qur'an.  If we are to believe in something that is greater than us, something much more powerful, then it cannot bear human flaws.  God must be asexual (as in neither male nor female).  God can't harbor human emotions and cannot "think."  God cannot be claimed by one group over another.  God must be like many things humans cannot understand (for example wind) and just simply BE.  Sort of like Manny being Manny, we must quit trying to define and understand God, we just need to let God be God.  We cannot complicate God with our human trivialities (ex. God willed X team to win a championship).

What about all this history that talks of various prophets and teachers and even a Messiah?  Understand this (and buckle your seat belt because I'm about to rock your world): history and for the most part TRUTH is written by the winner.  Meaning there is no such thing as truth, except for what IS.  History then is what WAS, except we depend on men to tell us the story of it (thus HIS-STORY).  Which means because we weren't there to experience the truth of the past, we cannot trust it completely in the present or the future.  I'm sure that to some degree, each event recorded in history happened in some way in some fashion.  I'm even confident that prophecies have been fulfilled.  But I'm also quite sure that men embellish the facts to suit a purpose.  Hell as someone trained as a lawyer I'll readily admit that the western legal system is built on this very thing: whichever side can sell you the best story wins.  Constantine conquered a good portion of the globe in his day so Christianity won.  During the time of the Moors Islam flourished.  Whoever won is who's left to tell you what happened.  We never get the entire story.

So what can we believe?  Believe what IS.  Whether it be science or spiritual believe it.  Miracles (or whatever you wish to call them) can and do happen.  There is a difference between coincidence/luck and everything else.  Luck is hitting that shot at the buzzer from half court or a 14 seed beating a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament.  A miricle is modern medicine declaring someone dead yet they continue to live.  However you wish to categorize it or for whatever reason you wish to put behind it, it IS.

As for me and mine, I'll continue to believe that there is an all powerful, ever present being who has many names but no shape or form I can comprehend.  And because my brain and vocabulary is so limited I will call it God.  I will continue to believe in spite of Mahr's best efforts to prove otherwise that God has done and will continue to do great things, simply by existing.  Everything else in between is because we, as humans, have chosen to make it happen.  War, disease, famine, homelessness, poverty are all man made creations and circumstances.  Perhaps if mankind were willing to accept that God IS and we acted accordingly, the world would be a much different place.  Alas we live in the here and now, where men teach and preach and the masses follow without thought and are willing to die for something some other human being said was God's will.  That my friends is why the world as we know it will end--maybe as part of some divine plan--but more likely it is because we as people aren't following any plan but our own.

Too Big to fail

Perhaps I'm an idiot.  I thought we lived in a country with a capitalist economy that supposedly encouraged competition among businesses.  This allegedly gives consumers a benefit--the more choices, the better the pricing and the better the quality.

Yet my government is telling me that there are organizations that need to be bailed out because if they failed it would be catastrophic.  How is this possible?  If AIG failed, there are hundreds of insurance companies that would kill each other to try and gain the market share.  The same for the car manufacturers.  The car manufacturers are more about national pride--we don't want to lose U.S. auto making--so don't make it about jobs and money.  The foreign companies would just enlarge their foot print in the U.S.  Many of them already have plants in the U.S. and employ non-union U.S. workers.  So if U.S. parts suppliers were no longer supplying parts to U.S. auto companies, guess who they'd have to supply parts for?  It's like if you imported Coffee and Kraft (or Quaker Oats/Pepsi or whoever) decided they were gonna get rid of Maxwell House--you'd sell coffee to someone else!  That's the way capitalism is supposed to work!

Businesses fail ALL THE TIME.  What happens as a result?  NEW BUSINESSES or BUSINESS GROWTH.  Andersen begot Monroe Street Partners, while KPMG, Grant Thornton and Toilet and Douche got bigger.  TIG begot SUA.  Datsun began Nissan.  Within 10 years, there will be companies to replace Circuit City, Linens and Things, and any and all of the other companies that have failed in the last year.  Or Bed Bath and Beyond and Best Buy will expand market share.  That's what's SUPPOSED to happen.

Meanwhile don't tell me that companies are too big to fail.  Sure AIG is a global conglomerate that underwrote several of the securities that are being blamed for our current financial situation.  And because we know those securities are worthless, no one will underwrite them anymore.  When you buy car insurance, the pay out for the car if it's totaled goes down the longer you have the car; why shouldn't the pay out for securities be the actual value of the security?  In understand insuring one's investment, but this is ridiculous.  AIG is still paying people, meaning they took all the risk while the investors had none (because they were insured with AIG).  Minus that retardedness, CNA, Metlife, Allstate, Nationwide, etc. would line up to underwrite the rest of AIG's business.  The worst that would happen?  The investors holding policies against bad assets don't get paid--which is what would happen had they just bought a bad stock or invested in Maddoff.

Pontifications on the economy

You generally can't depend on an organization to fix itself.  The members of it are too vested and can't be objective.  It's why companies hire consultants.  So without further ado I offer my unsolicited consultative advice to the banking industry:

1. All lines of credit should have fixed terms.  Notice how secured credit has fixed terms--home loans must be paid off within 15 - 30 years.  Car loans anywhere from 3 - 6 years.  Fixed terms fix your payment.  Unsecured credit however has an unlimited term--if you never wanted to pay off your credit card you don't have to.  And the banks prefer it that way.  In their current format, banks want consumers to keep paying minimum payments.  This allows interest to accumulate on the account thus making the bank more money.  The assumption is that the consumer will eventually pay it.

If this recession has taught us anything it's that this assumption is wrong.  While banks continue to lend, they have no capital to do anything else so long as people aren't paying.  Outstanding consumer debt equals no capital for the bank to invest or re-lend.  Thus, banks should force people to pay by setting payments based on the amount outstanding and the number of months before the account "expires" (the same date the card expires would be one way to do this).  This would keep money in the bank while also helping consumers manage debt.

2. Change lending practices.  Lenders generally lend money and charge more money if the debtor is deemed "risky."  But why are they risky?  BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE THE PAYMENTS!  So what sense does it make to charge higher interest?  I get the whole "higher risk, higher reward" dynamic.  But more often than not, the risk "comes true" meaning the "reward" never comes.  It makes no sense to charge the person I'm really confident will pay me back less money than the person I know is iffy--and if the person is iffy why lend them money in the first place?

The answer should be simple--lend people with iffy credit less money and charge them the same interest as everyone else.  Coupled with a fixed term, force them to pay the money lent back, allowing them to build their credit and allowing the bank to take less risk.  Banks can make their money and take other rewarding risks in other ways (business loans for example) rather than charging some college kid 22% interest.

3. Put free money in the Black community.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: if spending is really what will get this country (and our world) out of recession, give the money to Black folks.  While at the Nike outlet on 87th and Cottage recently (to make a return) you would never know there was a recession.  People were spending money like it was going out of style and charging credit cards if they had them.  Black folk will spend money to look good and eat good--Black people in America spend more money than any other group despite representing less than 13% of the population.  Black spending will spur white investment and development and Latino employment.

One can say this would be an utter waste--and that's the point.  Giving out say $1 trillion interest free to the Black population of America, even if given away in equal shares, will end up being $10 trillion once it's "put to waste" in Black folk's hands.  Chains, rings, clothes, shoes, rims, cars--Black folks in the Midwest alone would save the auto industry from collapse if given free money.  Eventually all those that sell this "wasteful crap" would be flush and would do what they do--reinvest in their businesses or invest in general.  Wall Street would skyrocket.  There would be an abundance of jobs, one because some Black folk would just outright quit after getting free money and two because businesses would grow to meet the demand.

These things will never happen because of greed, stupidity and Al Sharpton.  Sure #3 sounds racist on its face, but it's no less true than the fact that incest is legal in Kentucky.  This is the path we need to take to rescue or financial woes.

I'm the meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low down around this town and I approve this message.

Sho-Nuff

2 for 1 special

In these tough economic times it's always good to find a sweet deal.  Today I give you one--two blog posts for the price of one.  "But these things are free anyway..." you say.  No one asked you smart ass.  Anyway, on to the blogs.

Part 1: When Life Imitates Art

Is it me or are Roland Burris and Clay Davis from The Wire the same guy?  ("Sheeeeeeeeeeit")  Granted Burris has yet to be called in front of a grand jury, but both were defiant in the face of accusations of wrong doing and in both cases, the Black community rallied behind them and crowned them "leaders."

Now as someone who likes to know as much as possible about something before making a decision, I can't say for sure whether Burris is dirty or not.  But if you play in the mud long enough, you're bound to get muddy.  And politics is a dirty game.  Sure Illinois is notorious for its political corruption--the state is hard pressed to go through it's history and not find a politician that didn't do anything questionable for even more questionable reasons.  But that's how politics works.  One trades "political capital" for a "favor" with the understanding that the "favor" will be returned some day.  

Whether it be votes or assistance with campaigning to government contracts, jobs and even flat out money (as is the case in Illinois) this is how business is done.  Do you think the U.S. used private security contractors to fight our wars ONLY because the country was short on volunteers from the ranks of the poor?  Not quite.  Not only were there not enough soldiers, but there was money to be made by friends of people in high places, namely Dick Chaney and George Bush.  And you think those friends got those favors just because they were friends?  You think friendships grease the wheels of politics?  Try political donations.

To spell it out--in exchange for millions in political donations, rich business owners get government contracts that are inflated to not only cover the cost of the job, but also refund the political donations.  Illinois is not the only state that does this.  This is common political practice.

Now back to Burris.  What infuriates me most about Burris (and Clay Davis) is that the people were not bright enough to pick up on the scam.  Instead, the people with something to gain from Burris remaining in office (namely other Black politicians in the state and church leaders) play the race card--Burris is only be persecuted because he's Black.  Bobby Rush give me a break!!!  No no one asked Kennedy to resign all those years ago following any of his famous scandals but it wasn't because he was white.  Just ask the senator from Minnesota who tapped his foot in the bathroom stall (who was also white).  It was because he was a KENNEDY.  It's comparing apples and oranges.  Roland Burris is a single-A prospect at BEST when compared to a Kennedy.  Burris is being asked to resign because he's dirty.  Unfortunately Black folk in Illinois are too distracted by race to notice that Burris is just as muddy as Blago.  (Most of them don't even notice their own ministers stealing from them either but I digress.  That's a whole other blog).

Part 2: Extremism exists in America yet it's not called "terrorism"

So I'm watching the news and political blow hard Rush Limpdick is spewing all sorts of hate.  Hating on the democrats, hating on Obama, hating on the economy, hating hating hating.  Dems and Obama are probably flattered by all the hate since hate is the new love in 2009.  Meanwhile all his minions are falling in line dying for a "return to pure capitalism."  (It should be noted that no one believes government should be in the business of securing the safety net of the citizenry--except when they need the net).  Yet for all this bashing of "leftist" policies, there is no analysis into what part the right has played in the situation we are in.

Political extremism is right here in America with Rush and his retards on the right and Nancy Pelosi and her folks on the left.  In the middle are the rest of us, essentially POWs in this "bloodless" war.  There are definitely victims (we call this disenfranchisement) but there's no reporting of that.  See in Iraq, Israel, Gaza and other parts of Asia and Africa they use guns.  Here we have "policies."

No one wants a socialist or communist state.  Yet pure capitalism doesn't work.  Save the "boot strap" bullshit for the birds--particularly when the game has been rigged from the beginning.  Whether it be discrimination against white or brown immigrants, slaves, or the displacement of natives, the notion of equality has been a long hard fight in this country.  Add to it that successful pure capitalism requires a sort of de facto caste system and failure is immanent.  Ideologically we all have equal rights and are all equal--but aren't.  Education, health care, and access to either are not rights.  Yet those things are essential to participation in a capitalist society.  Pure capitalism suggests that you can start at the bottom and work your way up--you can pay for education to get a better job and raise your level of status in the game.  Yet the flaw in it is that there ALWAYS must be a lower class.

The right complains and complains about immigration and how immigrants are "stealing" American jobs.  Yet they don't talk about the American business owners who ship jobs overseas in the name of cheaper products at home.  Ironically these immigrant workers that "steal" American jobs are necessary--who else would do those jobs at those wages in order for our way of life/economy to continue?  Americans?  Yeah right!  Americans have unions!  Which is why American companies open offices internationally in the first place.

On the left, the Unions complain about immigration and how immigrants are lowering the standard of living for American workers because they accept wages much lower than what the unions would allow.  But the unions are partially to blame for the state of the American auto industry.  Sure the auto companies were terribly managed--everything from duplicating cars and branding them differently then trying to convince us that they were in fact different cars to trying to shove SUVs down our throats--but how about those bloated salaries, benefits and lifelong pension plans for unskilled laborers?  Seriously?  Paying four generations of people who barely graduated high school for their ENTIRE LIVES (with health benefits) is a good idea?  All because the employees MIGHT withhold their labor and shut down the factories?  Now employers are moving their factories to places that are happy to even have jobs--and the unions are losing out.  The government has already done it's part in passing various labor laws.  How about the unskilled labor force (and their employers) stop being so greedy?

Caught in the middle are those of us with common sense--and the education, skills and abilities to contribute to this country.  But our contributions should be placed in perspective--capitalism demands that there be people bent over to allow others to step on their backs in order to move up.  The sooner we accept this fact, the sooner we can tune out the extremists and begin to move this country into a sensible direction.  If we really want capitalism, accept that there will always be unemployment between 3-5%.  Always.  Accept that there will always be those that produce goods and services making 85-90% of the money.  Always.

The fight between the two sides leaves those in the middle jobless, under employed, dependent on entitlements and unrepresented.  Personally neither Rush Limpdick nor Nancy Pelosi represent me.  I don't particularly care for the right getting us in bed with China and don't expect the government to bail me out if I'm in trouble.  What I do expect is for government to regulate in such a way that gives me and other Americans opportunity, rather than make trade agreements that allow American companies to make products over seas and send them back here without tariffs and sell them to me at "suggested retail price."

Pure capitalism and it's advocates would have "the Market" rule rather than government.  The left would have government rule the market.  Neither works.  Meanwhile both sides terrorize our country by yanking us in either direction, both of which are paths of failure leaving many as victims.  No one talks about this sort of terrorism.  Screw fighting it abroad, what about at home?

True Hate

I'm back to drop knowledge on you fools. I've been out with "writers block" but I've been inspired.

Since "hating" is the new "love" for '09, what then is the new hate? How can you hate on someone and not respect them nowadays? That's easy--show them love! Huh? Let me explain.

Rather than calling someone names, tearing someone down, or even talking about their mother, pump them up. Smile in their face. Encourage the hell out of them. Gas them up to go beyond what their skills, talent or financial means will allow them to go. Then sit back, relax and watch them fail. Once they fail don't laugh at them--encourage them to get up and try again. And again. And again.

For those of you that still don't get it, the person ultimately will humiliate themselves. Instead of calling someone a fat ass, encourage them to eat more and work out less. Eventually they will start believing your hype. When they have to use one of those motorized scooters to get around, you will have truly hated on them. The chick at work that dresses like a slut? Don't dog her out--encourage her to dress sluttier. Tell her that all women should be able to dress with such grace. Once she's fired for repeated dress code violations you will have truly hated on her.

A prime example is our own John London. In the short time I've known him, I've only known him to hate on one person, mostly because the hate actually gets to this person. But to truly get you, he keeps pumping you up to do things you never would do or could do in a million years (especially if there is alcohol involved). He's even willing to humiliate himself just to get you involved. The man will encourage you to have sex with fat women just to see the shame you have after you've sealed the deal. He'll have you shooting basketballs from places that you never should. He'll have you buying shots in crowded bars. All the while encouraging you, telling you that what you are doing is a good thing. THAT my friends is a true hater.

Why is showing so much love, actually hate? Because no matter how cocky, arrogant, stubborn or ass-holish a person is, everyone dies inside a little when they fail or are humiliated. A part of them wishes their mother never birthed them. They feel like huge losers. Worthless even. Hating? That just lets people know you're jealous. Showing someone love though is taking it up a notch. The person has no idea of your true and ultimate goal--their demise.

Yep love is the new hate in '09.

And I'm out!
The meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low down around this town,

Sho-nuff

'Roid Rage

So we found out this weekend that Alex Rodriquez tested positive for steroids in 2003.  While this hardly came as a surprise (at least to me) the sports writers world went nuts.

Why was I not surprised?  Because since I can remember, athletes in every sport have been doing any and everything to gain an edge on their competitors.  I remember in high school there were guys on the basketball team using creatine and anything else they could get from GNC.  Imagine then your livelihood depended on your being physically better than everyone else?

No doubt A-Rod already had talent.  But when you mix talent with drugs--performance enhancing drugs--you get a superstar.  The real question becomes is this cheating.  To me there is a line between cheating and illegal.  Something that is not allowed within the rules is cheating; something that is against the law but not defined within the rules is NOT cheating, particularly since the general laws of society don't govern certain activities (i.e. sports).  So what A-Rod and 103 other people (and likely more) may have been illegal, but since it wasn't against the rules of baseball it can't be cheating.

A-Rod, Giambi, Bonds, even Clemens didn't cheat.  They just took their attempt to get better to the next level.  While some guys were drinking energy drinks, popping uppers, going to GNC, these guys had the financial ability to get human growth hormone and other steroids that the average minor leaguer couldn't touch without a hook up.  In short, they weren't fuckin around.

Considering that we are a doped up society as a whole, we shouldn't be surprised.  There is a drug for just about everything now, many of them geared toward the mark of getting better at something.  What the use of steroids by these guys does do is rob us of knowing how truly great they are.  And it tells us how great guys like Ken Griffey Jr, Frank Thomas and the like are (assuming they didn't use anything at all).  But what they did wasn't cheating--it was simply one upping the next guy.

How to spend the bailout money

Washington seems to think that the way to "fix" our economic woes is to increase consumer spending.  It's why they're spending so much time trying to get banks to lend money--if people have money they will spend it.  But this isn't quite true.  There are some cultural considerations.  First, despite making up only 12-14% of the U.S. population, Blacks outspend every other demographic group by a wide margin.  Mostly because Blacks don't really produce anything.  The term "Black business" is an oxymoron--most Black businesses (particularly those that sell goods) are simply distribution arms for other much larger corporations.  Blacks (and other minority groups) provide the labor for the producers, i.e. they have "jobs" but they aren't really at the top of the food chain.  Thus if the solution really is to increase consumer spending, the dollars should be focused on Blacks.

From rims to Jordans to new furniture for the house, Black people have an affinity for spending money.  It's as if Blacks are allergic to saving.  There are three (THREE!) wealthy Black people on EARTH (Oprah, Bob Johnson's punk ass, and Shawn Carter).  Everyone else is rich and doesn't mind reminding you with customized cars and big homes.  Then there's the hood rich--those that live in the hood but drive similarly customized cars and have the freshest gear, but no net worth.

Unfortunately I'm being dead serious about this.  The concerns Washington has about people saving and hoarding money are only true for people who AREN'T Black.  Dave Chappelle made light of this in a skit on his show.  When Blacks got reparations for slavery, they didn't go and pay off debt or make other smart investments.  They spent the money.  One guy bought a truck full of cigarettes.  That was meant to be a joke, but in reality it is likely to happen.  Sure there are a select few that would spend any "free" money on debt or other prudent investments.  Personally Chase would see most if not all of any money Uncle Sam gave me.  But I have been eyeing these blue tooth headphones to use at my desk, because the cord on my other headphones gets caught in my chair.  And Bachrach is having a liquidation sale...

The point is that Black people will spend that money.  Give dollars to anyone else it's going someplace safe for a rainy day in case they lose their job or worse.  Give it to Black folk?  Someone somewhere will see it.  And quickly.

In all seriousness, consumer spending will do something to help our economy but it will be short lived.  The economy can't be "fixed."  This is the nature of the free-market system--money goes into circulation in large quantities until it no longer has the same value.  This is inflation.  The only way to stop inflation?  Remove money from circulation.  That's called recession.  In other words, the situation we're in now is part of the model.  It has to happen every 10 or so years (the last time we had similar issues was 99-2001 and that was partially blamed on 9/11).  So no matter what the folks in Washington say they're doing or try to do, they can't FIX this issue.

But if they want a quick jolt, put all $800 bil in the hands of Black folk.  I promise you the world will feel the effects of all the shit that will be bought.

The Rules

Throughout the history of mankind, we have tried to box ourselves in by laws, rules and regulations.  From Moses' 10 commandments to Biggie's 10 Crack Commandments, we've tried to structure ourselves so that we don't go crazy.  Well today in a break from my normal postings I give you some solid rules to live by, all compiled from various sources but very applicable to your everyday life.  Without further ado...

1) You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

This one is quite literal.  Prostitutes and other "whorish" types make terrible housewives (or wives for that matter).  In other words, you can't turn a bad girl good so don't try.

2) Never get high on your own supply.

Basically you can't believe too much of your own bullshit.  You are certainly allowed to pull the wool over the eyes of others, but once you start drink too much of your own kool-aid, it can become toxic.

3) Unlike love and hate, there is not a thin line between success and greatness.

Success is enriching your own life.  Greatness is enriching the lives of others.  There are plenty of people who died successful that you've never heard of.  Strive to be great.

4) Snitching on rivals is perfectly acceptable.

This in fact is strategic.  How do you get rid of your rival without committing a criminal act?  Get some dirt on them and snitch your ass off.  Now you'll have more room to operate.

5) "Bros before hoes" only works when you're younger than 25.

Try pulling that shit after 25 and you'll end up a lonely motherfucker.  Sure women love it when you ignore them, but the older you get the more fierce the competition.  When you're young, every guy's a loser and women know this.  As you get older there are some of us guys that actually graduate from loser to "worth it."  Soon, she'll be choosing one of your bros over your dumb ass too.

6) Having a child does not make you a parent.

RAISING a child--now that's parenting.

7) Race matters.

Soon it won't because we will all be so mixed you won't be able to tell the difference.  But for now it shapes who you are more than class, gender or any other classification.

8) One MUST manage perception.

It seems that since we spend most of our lives learning that it logically follows that people are inherently stupid.  It's this inherent stupidity that accounts for the need to manage perception, since perception is reality (because people don't think critically; what is given simply is accepted).  Thus, it is important to shape the view you want people to see.  If not, they'll think what THEY want.

9) Never sell no crack where you rest at.

Also known as don't shit where you eat.  In other words, if you're gonna do dirt, don't do it at home.  Do it in someone else's hood.  A different state even.  Just don't do it around your house.

And finally...

10) If there is no one hating on you, then you are doing something wrong.

In this day and age success is determined by the amount of ill will you generate towards you from others.  In that regard, John London is one successful mug.  Hate is the new respect.  Get you some haters!

The meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low-down around this town,

SHO-NUFF

The "N" Word

It's taboo.  Boycotted.  Al Sharpton even wanted it removed from the dictionary.  You're not even allowed to use it around Black people; you can only use it when your Black friends aren't around and you're quoting a song or movie line.  Or if you're Black.  

Well I'm here to tell you that's bullshit.  I say use it freely.  I say the sting is gone, because it is no longer a racial epithet.  Because no matter what your race, creed or color you can be a nigga.  Blago?  Nigga.  Brittany Spears?  Yep.  She's a nigga.  There has been a recent uptick in "niggaism"; indeed America is becoming more and more "nigga-ized."  There are all kinds of people that deserve the term be directed at them--and I wholly advocate it's use if it fits.

This is a relatively recent phenomenon.  Niggas used to only be Black.  But sometime in the 80s and 90s, someone decided it was a good idea to give niggas money, mostly to entertain the rest of us who are/were not niggas.  This was the worst idea in history.  You can't give niggas money!  Especially millions of dollars.  Because then niggas do nigga shit to grandiose proportions.  Plaxico Burress.  Adam Jones.  Kevin Federline.  All niggas doing nigga shit with the money we paid them.

So we pay niggas to entertain us, and like court jesters they deliever.  Except the most prominent niggas tend to be Black, leaving those of us who are not niggas to be categorized with them.  In other words, "niggaism" begets all sorts of other isms--class-ism, racism and sexism.  "WTF?" you ask.  Check it--it doesn't matter your tax bracket, but if you're doing nigga shit you're looked down upon by those more well off, i.e. class-ism.  White folks look down on colored folks who partake in nigga shit, i.e. racism.  Women who participate in nigga shit are looked down on as chicken heads, hood rats or white trash, i.e. sexism.

So what is nigga shit?  Perhaps wearing baggy sweats a club--and tucking a gun into the waistband.  "Leasing" a car on the promise to sign autographs and make an appearance--and then let your boy borrow the car, wreck it, and then don't sign the autographs, or return the car.  Having Maury Povich determine the paternity of your child.  "Making it rain" in a strip club.  Failing to think critically.  Taking everything you're told as truth.  Following rather than leading.  Having more children by the time you're 30 than most people have in a lifetime.  Complaining about your circumstances, yet not making any moves to change them.  Growing up shitty, but "keeping it real" in refusing to better yourself or those around you.  Living "ghetto fabulous," including but not limited to driving a car that is more expensive than your rent/mortgage.  I could go on but you get my drift.  Things like this (at least if you only watched the news) only used to happen to Black people.  Now?  These things go on all the time, even in white suburbia.

So go ahead.  Drop a few N-bombs on some deserving soul.  It's only inappropriate if it doesn't fit, much like calling a woman a "bitch" or a "slut" when in fact nothing about her behavior suggests she is either.  Use the word and use it wisely.

Brought to you in part by:

The baddest, the meanest, the prettiest,

SHO-NUFF

Damnned if you do...

I'm not a fan of our 43rd president. Never have been. But there is a strange parallel between Bush and "The Dark Knight." Before you bash, hear me out.


I recently read an article that advocated for Bush's legacy to be that of torture--he authorized and turned a blind eye to the torture of "enemy combatants" back in 2003; arguably a "human rights violation" and could get him and members his administration indicted for war crimes.


BUT (and here's where the "Dark Knight" parallel comes in to play) what was he supposed to do? At the end of "The Dark Knight" we found out that Batman was the hero Gotham NEEDED. If he had to do dirt, he did it. If he had to go about it clean, he did that too. Either way, whatever Gotham needed him to be, right or wrong, he did it. Bush, despite all his failures and sometimes outright stupidity did what was necessary (with the exception of invading Iraq) to keep this country safe. If depriving prisoners of sleep and stringing them up naked made a difference in the security of this nation, then it needed to be done.


The conflicts in the world today are not unique; indeed wars over ideals have been fought for centuries. But the people in charge are terrible historians--there are only three wars that have ever been fought over ideals that have ever had a clear victor. The Revolutionary War, the Civil War and World War II. What America (and to some extent Israel) is fighting today is a MOVEMENT. How do you kill a movement? How can you stop something that is bigger than a person or organization? Will America be safe if we eliminate Al Queda? What about other extremest groups? Do people think they won't step up? And every time we invade a country (or condone Israel killing innocent people) the movement gets STRONGER. So what do you do? You do what is necessary. You take shit to the next level. You cannot win a war with a movement with rules of engagement; movements don't give a damn about rules. Movements demand an end result. That was the difference between Batman and The Joker; it wasn't until Batman was willing to fore go his rules that he was able to stop The Joker. Bush was willing to break the rules in order to keep America safe. And unless Obama is willing to do the same, the movement will never be stopped.


Granted sometimes the answer isn't more violence; in politics violence is often NOT the answer. And Obama doesn't seem to think violence is the answer. But someone somewhere is going to have to do something. Like, I don't know, take action opposite of what we've done thus hurting the propaganda machine of The Movement. It's a long shot but it just might work.


Side note: Israel's response to Hamas was a little extreme. Death squads or "Jason Bourne" would have been more appropriate; cutting down the orchard to kill a few bad apples is not the answer. You don't get rid of pests in your house by destroying the house, you exterminate. I understand the necessity of giving the ground troops a little breathing room--had the bombs not been dropped soldiers on the ground would have been killed by traps and snipers--but now there are almost 1,000 innocents dead and the region is now more against Israel (and the U.S. for letting it happen) than before. Not a good look and definitely not something Sho-Nuff can co-sign on.

- Sho-nuff

Greatest Emcees

This started on Facebook when Kelley, a.k.a. Kells, a.k.a. The Pied Piper of Claims, a.k.a. One Letter Short of a porn star had the audacity and nerve to proclaim that Eminem is the greatest emcee of all time.  I will give Em his due--he's in the discussion for perhaps the top 30, but nowhere near the top 10.

First the rules: Emcee = an individual who can just pick up a microphone and start flowing, leaving you and your comrades in awe at their lyrical genius.  This means no matter the beat, the time of day or the location, this individual will "put it down."  They must be flexible, being able to conquer any beat while still maintain the ability to tell a story and not just rhyme.

For you "new school" cats, anyone with a name (or nick-name for that matter) ending in "eezy" doesn't even belong in the discussion.  The following people are the only people that should even be considered when discussing the greatest emcees of all time (in no particular order)

• Christopher Wallace
• Shawn Carter

These two gentlemen are/were more versatile on the M-I-C than your average.  Just listen to Life After Death and everything Jay has done since The Life and Times of Shawn Carter Vol. 3--these dudes change their style up with EACH SONG.

• Black Thought

Highly under rated, just like The Roots in general.

• Rakim

Took the use of similes and metaphors to a whole new level.  Period.

• Nasir

More of a poet than typical rhymer, but like the next two guys it's more about what he says.  Accomplishments include a song that tells a story--backwards and another in which he likens himself to a gun.

• Mos Def
• Talib Kweli

Real hip-hop heads know who these guys are and will hold them up against any other "artist."  Kweli in particular uses an excellent blend of metaphor, simile and vocabulary that is often imitated but never duplicated.  Mos is a great story teller.

• Certain members of the Wu, namely Ghostface, Gza, Golden Arms, and Raekwon
• KRS-One/BDP
• A Tribe Called Quest (particuarly Phife, the five foot assassin)

In case you didn't know, Phife is Kweli's dad.  Has to be.  They look alike and have the same presence on the mic.

• MC Lyte

The only female that belongs on this list.  Sorry Lauryn, Salt, Pepp, Queen Latifah, Moni (the one in the middle), Lil Kim, Foxxy Brown, Eve, et. al.  It's the Lyte and that's it.  In fact, I'd put $10 on Lyte in a battle with many of the men on this list and feel confident I'd win the bet.

• T.I.

I have to admit I was a hater at first, but as you continue to listen he's got skills.  Problem is he's becoming more commercial, which is what killed others NOT on this list.

• Lupe Fiasco

Hasn't been around that long you say.  He's too new you say.  He's not gangsta enough you say.  He's still probably one of the more lyrically gifted folks doin it right now.

• Common
• Eminem

Note that Tupac and most West coast and southern rappers are not included.  Could it be market bias?  Not at all.  There just aren't that many good lyricists coming out of Cali (maybe Karupt but I'm not sold on him being included on this list).  And you need an interpreter to understand most of them southern cats.  But why not 'Pac?  Well to put it simply, despite being wildly successful and a pretty good lyricist, he NEVER CHANGED HIS STYLE UP!  Do we know how Pac would attack an up tempo beat (like "Anything" on Jay-Z's Kingodom Come)?  Sure he could pick up his pace, but so can Calvin Brodus (notably missing from the list).  If this list were top Gangsta Rappers of all time, no one would even come close.  But Pac doesn't belong on this list.  Besides, the game has changed.  The point has become to make money and sell records (as noted in T.I.'s last installment) not wow us with skills (like Lupe continues to do number of units sold be damned).  THAT's why many of your south and west cats aren't on this list--they may have skills but don't care to show them.  They are more concerned about makin your ass shake.

Other notables that could be on this list but for some fatal flaws:

OutKast--Dre 3000 writes and pretty much fell off after ATLiens.  Southerplayalisticcadilacmusiq is and will forever be their greatest accomplishment.  Besides, they retired and started acting.

EPMD--Erick Sermon kills them otherwise they'd be on this list.

Redman--dude is literally nuts.

Eve--good, but not quite good enough.  But what can you expect from an ex-stripper?

Busta Rhymes--in a class of his own, just not this class.

Big Daddy Kane--another example of failure to change the style up.  He does get his credit though for fathering many other rappers who continue to bite his style to this day.

Dr. Dre and any other member of N.W.A.

And if their name wasn't mentioned, it wasn't worth it.