Shout OUT!

HAPPY BDAY to Bella Baggins (7/6) and the BIGS (7/13)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Smile..your earned it... Part V

This vid was provided by Strawberry kiss, AKA, Princess DI, AKA, DJ PhatBeats.
One thing that has to be remembered is that here at FourWinds, we are very concerned about the well being of people and we will highlight those people who go above and beyond to take care of their fellow human.. so watch, enjoy, and raise one up to're good people, and your deserve it

Partner in crime

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Interview: Meet The Schweez!

Conducted in September 2008

I am back and proud to be able to conduct this next interview. Getting an audience with this guy is as hard as it gets. I traversed various neighborhoods and gin joints just hoping to find an in, and finally my day has come. As I drive to Casa de Schwertz, a few things cross my mind. Specifically, how the hell does a Puerto Rican kid from Bridgeport get a name like Schwertfeger? I had more questions but my thoughts were interrupted when I arrived at the Casa. I was immediately approached by a guy who asked me tons of questions about Stats and other useless shit. Past him was the sprawling bachelor pad and complete with typical velvet couches, oil paintings of tigers and Schwertz himself, and what looked like a half naked woman sneaking out the back door. Who is Shadez? Only one way to find out, so with collar loosened and sitting a room with the smell of a freshly lit Cloves cigarette I began…


Me: thanks for letting me hang out man…who the hell was that at the door?
JS: you talking to me? Sorry, the cloves are kicking in, and well you know…HAHAHA
Me: nope…know what? It’s a cigarette man, why are you getting the munchies? And do u know u resemble the hell out of REN from REN And STimpy?
JS: Cigarrette…right…right…(winks) sure. REN..must be a classy guy…HAHAHAH
Me: Yeah…so the guy at the door?
JS: my butler..yeah he got hit on the head and now spews nothing but useless stats. Great for taking out my trash though…HAHAHA
Me: NICE! Why do you always laugh…
JS: I don’t know..HAHAHAHA

ME: so do you have a special lady in your life man? It looks like a bad 70s porn set here…so I am saying no.
JS: come on man…pshshshsh…you know how I do. I just flash the smile, apply the gel, and put the money on the table. All good! …HAHAAH
ME: Can your hair really withstand hurricane type winds and what kind of gel is it?
JS: Oh yeah, without a doubt. I am not sure I can reveal my gel brand, but all I have to say is that a smart guy at NASA hooked me up….HAHAHA
Me: Wow…that is impressive. What the hell is that smell?
JS: My bad…can’t leave the cologne open like that…too much for you to handle. SEX PANTHER…sick stuff right? …HAHAH
Me: mos def…please put it away. Did I see someone run out of here like 2 min ago?
JS: Yep…cleaning lady. …HAHAH
ME: looked old
ME: I am not high fiving u!

ME: Obama or McCain?
JS: Huh? Do I look like a political guy? Deron Williams or Chris Paul. Pepsi or Coke (PEPSI btw). These are the real issues. Though Palin looks like a hot librarian. I might get political now.
ME: ur way quieter than I expected…whats up with that?
JS: I gotta keep on the down low…under the radar…you know.
ME: no idea…and please put a cap on the cologne…dear god!
JS: being quiet equals mysterious…dangerous…
ME: lonely?
JS: huh? I was doing my hair…huh?
Me: nothing…so u like Palin?
JS: Who? Oh the hot Librarian…Oh yeah. Might have to text her. See if she’s down!

ME: What are your favorite sports teams?
ME: Cubs huh…what the hell happened to you? You’re a Bridgeport native. You grew up in the shadow of Comiskey Park
ME: low blow my friend
JS: Well I like the women.
ME: huh?
JS: See at SOX games they actually pay attention, at Wrigley…well they are impaired. Nothing like a little edge!
ME: wow….
ME: How did u start playing softball?
JS: well I just took my love of sports and beer and decided to fuse them together. Normally, I play 16in, cause I like big soft balls, but I decided to go with a little something challenging.
ME: Any other Sports?
JS: BAGS! I am champ…I hustled for money as a kid. I dominated the streets. Some people play dice…I bag it up
ME: I have lost to you many times…the pizza flop technique…how?
JS: Lots of wrist work…LOTS!!!
ME: great…explains the lotions. IS that pina colada Butt Lotion?
JS: why ye…
ME: know what…don’t worry about it.

ME: What type of music do you like?
JS: I am down for whatever. House, Freestyle, House…reggaeton…Freestyle…
ME: nice, ur pretty diverse. It also explains the Fantasy Girl that is in the background but not the Hasselhoff poster…wow!!!
JS: I am half german dick. WE LOVE THE HOFF. I have his collection (a secret panel slides open revealing not a carefully stashed collection of porn but a glorious mountain of HOFF material.)
ME: dear lord…u have locks of his hair..Can I tou…
JS: Don’t even think about getting near that.
ME: you know his greatest contribution is Knight Rider right?
JS: Whoa, pump ur breaks son before I go blitz krieg on ur ass. That man is a national treasure in Germany.
ME: he is American..ur American…
JS: settle down…just listen to this cd and tell me it sux!
ME: (listens and almost vomits) it sux.
JS: [violent words in German]….
ME: relax man..just not my cup of tea
ME: wow!
“don’t talk about the HOFF!

ME: what is ur philosophy of on life man
JS: keep it quiet, and attack like a panther when the mood is right. You think this tiger printed robe is an accident. You think these silk sheets with cheetah spots are accidents. You think I get all faded up for nothing. Naw man..premeditated baby…premeditated. Ready for action…adventure…[phone rings] ‘Yeah mom, I will be by to pick up my laundry.’ Gotta jet…girl be calling.
ME: Dude that was ur mom!
JS: yeah..but no one knows that…not like ur going to publish this…HAIL THE HOFF, I AM OUT!!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the HATERZ Ball ...VOL I

1. I hate that Sarah Palin no longer will be on TV...she was hot and dumb!

2. Hate that the Bears have no coordinators, or head coach that have any damn sense.

3. Hate that Ben Gordon and Luol Deng dont realize that Derrick Rose is their boss.

4. Hate that I dont have a grill, not for my teeth, but to burn up some steaks

5. Hate that Omar laughed at his blog, and had it framed above his bar...

6. Hate that my sister is in Italy and is homesick.

7. Hate that the weather gets stupid cold

8. Hate that I wont leave it, never...ever ever!

9. Hate that i havent won the lottery...might have to change my investment strategy

10. Hate the haterz that hate!

Smile..your earned it... Part IV

Sorry, i know it has been a long time since I have given you all something for being so great. Well here you go, a spoof that is well done, scripted and acted. We watched this repeatedly and used the lines over and over again, just for giggles. Were we slightly inebriated? Yeah, u can say that. Anyway, raise a glass to yourselves, because ur good people, and u deserve it.

ur friend in crime


Friday, November 14, 2008

Omar's TOP ten moments/lines

1. Birth of his daughter - we got a call whilst camping. I hear he immediately passed out, then woke, and passed out again.

2. "Chara chara Yubera Yubera" - he actually got us yelling this out loud whilst camping. We camped a lot and there is nothing wrong or gay about that.

3. THE ELBOW SMASH DANCE - we were at Betty's Blue Star and Omar walks in half -buzzed/ Half-Crazed dressed in Black and ready to rock. So there is a beat on and he goes nuts and starts announcing, " I am going to dance like this" [proceeds to dance] "then go BAM!!!" [proceeds to mimic his elbow quickly risingup and smashing someone in the face] "and that guys is going to be all like...'MY NOSE MY NOSE!"

Omar did this to every song, all night. Just over and over doing his new dance. I hear it caught on in Germany...Schwartz...can you confirm?

4. "THAT's MY FANTASY TIGHT END!" oh yeah, he yells this out right after Greg Olsen makes a catch and we all just fall out. I mean rolling, Def Comdey Jam laughter style. It is hard to make fun of Omar because he is like a machine gun with words and has psychopath's sense of remorse. Here, he just fell on his sword...or did he swallow one?...GAY ASS!!!

5. The SEE THRU Swim Trunks - if there was a day that tested our friendship more, i dont recall. we all gathered at my parent's house since they were in Cancun and they had a pool. guys and the respective women, are having a good time when we turn on the pool lights and low and behold, Omar's NEOn green trunks have become see thru. People fled that pool faster than the scene in Caddyshack. The mere memory causes me to shake.

6. "PRRRRREEeeeeeEEEECARIOUS!" - you will here this come out of nowhere from Omar. I mean it will just hit u like a ton of bricks and punctuate whatever is going on. Major decision u have to make on the spot...PRECARIOUS!!! Should i eat a slice of sausage or pepperoni pizza...PREEECARIOUS!!!! you will instantly feel the spotlight on you.

7. OMAR drinks Tequila - EVERY TIME...i mean EVERYTIME, he drinks tequila he clutches his chest like Fred Sanford and says "ROUGH!!!" I swear we think he is having a heart attack every time.

8. " mother thinks u suck too!" - simple and classic Omar. your locking horns with this man and you run out of material. So you go simple...YO MOMMA! He comes back with 'my mother thinks u suck too". a deer in headlights. I know, as your reading this, your saying, you would have come back with something super smooth...but u have no idea, cause after this the machine gun starts up again.

9. Omar fixes his car with a pair of pliers - so Omar has been driving this Nissan Sentra for fits him like a Modern Fit shirt fits Johnner. One day it breaks down, and the next it is running fine. We ask O, what happened, and he is like, "I just fixed it and all I had was as pair of pliers.!" We were like...right...this man cant hang a picture, but he can tackle Japanese engineering with a pair of pliers. So we ask his dad...this man truly fell out. FELL OUT LAUGHING...Mij and I, just walked was painful to watch...I can still hear him laughing.

10. "I got two words for you..NI-CE!" this is all about delivery with this guy. Your walking along, and say.."damn, 2 cheeseburgers for 1" OMAR: "I got two words for you...NI-CE!"
Instantly, your the Warren Buffet of the fast food world! try it...let someone say something positive and break this out all over them.

So there you go, the top ten moments/lines of my good friend, Jokey, the handsome righthander, sir lucious leftfoot, Fomar, actor, comedian, renaissance painter...Omar.

come back for another installment featuring another of the crew.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Rants Vol II

I. So are all rappers going to use electronic filters now? I mean, do they think it is new? This is kind of like when the hip hop community people made fun of Techno, then Timbaland went and heard a beat in a club one time and now people think he is a pioneer. Hey, Kanye, Tpain, and lil weezy the fireman...if u cant sing or rap...shut the fuck up and let mos def get back on the trax. I am sure T.I. would be more than happy to take ur spot. If i wanted to hear a speak n spell rap i would be furiously typing on one right now and collecting millions as i did!

II. Why did the WIRE get cancelled? Why is the Shield the next one out the door? Was it too real? Does the American Public hate great acting and great scripts? I was forced to watch the Sopranos for 7 seasons and that wasn't remotely true or half as entertaining as people made it out to be. It was as bloated as James Gandolfini with stereotypes and cliches. Now don't get me started on PARIS HILTON AND MY SEARCH FOR 15 MINUTES OF MORE FAME. Bring back the shows that actually feature acting, and a plot, and glimpses of genius. Marlo, Omar, Stringer, Vic, Lem, and AVON...RIP. Dexter, Californication, Entourage, Sons of Anarchy, and Rescue me...keep ur head on a swivel.

III. Barack Obama, I salute you. Having a leader u can be proud of is a refreshing idea. Also, anyone who says they listened to his speech and wasn't proud to be an American is full of shit. I am being dead serious about that. U could be a Tax cutting Republican or a bleeding heart liberal Democrat and still see the wisdom, genius, and pride in his statements. Plus, he reps the SOUTHSIDE...BITCHES!!!

IV. Why don't radio stations play Classics? not Classical music, but like old school beats. People still love them, and I bet would listen just to see if they would catch a song that will automatically transport them back to their younger fun days. Is this really that hard to understand? Is it better to like the songs on the radio or hear LOVE LOCKDOWN one more time?

V. I have no issue with Love Lockdown, but it really isnt that great a song. 'Jesus Walks'...stunning. 'Get 'em High'..fantastic. 'Workout Plan'...ass shaking quality. 'Love Lockdown', has its quality, but if u really dig into it, the Speak n SPell sound says very 'stalker on the phone trying to hide his voice as he is hiding in the bushes watching u with binoculars' -esque. And you can't dance to it...u just can't! I tried, and i ended up doing some form of the Harlem Shuffle mixed with Elaine's dance from Seinfeld. I almost pulled a muscle...

VI. Now that the election is over and the ads have died down, will people even care as much as they did a week ago? Why do we need TV to stir us up? Why, cause we dont really care. Honestly, people live their lives and are very grateful for what they got. This is a great country, but when we see on TV that the terrorists are coming, or that we are going to pay higher taxes we get all excitable. WE jump up, rock the pins featuring the cool slogans. We all act like we got Poli Sci Degrees (which are totally useless to begin with) and huff and puff about how the country should be really run. Then right after, shit dies down and we go back to our lives, call up the neighbor we called a 'facist right wing psycho' and invite them over for coffee. Why is that...well that leads me to...

VII. ...Are we ready to admit we are all brainwashed? Not talking about just TV or radio, but the internet as well. The bigger the Ad the more it has to be right. The more they play the ominous music, or the catchy tune, the better it has a chance to stick. If i asked you right now to hum, the Empire Carpet number, i bet all of us in Chicago would know it. YES WE CAN! IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE.
I am not saying we should stop watching TV, just please stop acting like experts because we saw it on TV, Internet or heard it on the radio. If we have no intention of truly examining a point from both sides, then shut the fuck up and enjoy ur life. It is way too short to spend it acting like you work for MSNBC at the local Starbucks.

VIII. Remember all those movies u loved in the 80s? Karate Kid, The Last Dragon (Featuring the two coolest characters ever: Bruce Leroy/Shonuff), Weird Science, and Gremlins, just to name a few. What happened to that child like suspense of disbelief when we go to the movie theaters? Imagine me watching a flick today about the GLO, or a scrawny kid taking on a bunch of punks dressed as Skeletons. I think we have become too cynical to just enjoy the shows.

Then again, maybe we just stepped up our standards!

IX. Men and women have been battling since day one. There have been wars waged, Art created, and books written documenting, detailing, encouraging and advising us through the whole affair. This even after we figured out that our thingy goes into your whatchamacallit. Seriously, why is there a problem? Dont we both want the same thing? Thingy + whatchamacallit = good times. GAmes + fighting = bad times. This shit is not that hard. Damn it I did it again...thought logically. Now a woman is going to tell me about feelings and soulfullness... :D joking...dont get ur panties in a bunch!

X. I am watching mad TV late night, shut up all of you saying what else is new, and I was truly wondering how was I not getting infinitely smarter? I mean look at it this way...I just picked up crazy knowledge. I learned how to move wet off the step and what mistakes to avoid so I don't caught. How does this not improve my intellect? I also know the Miracle Blade never goes dull, in the 50s married couples slept in separate beds, white guys could be racist as long as they were funny and were named Carol, and if you lose all integrity they will give u a show on MTV or VH1 guaranteed. Dude, do not play Trivial Pursuit with will catch an ass whipping and i know how not to get caught by the cops!

-Daft Punk (yes, they used an electronic filter and they had the song b4 Kanye got a hold of it)

- theKING

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Super Powers I want to have

in no particular order:

- mind control
- illusions
- super speed
- super strength
- invisiblity
- stop time

How would u guys get down and why?

yeah...being this bored sometimes is a crime!!!


Monday, November 3, 2008

Hallowfest Shout out - by T.G.ED

Halloween Bash!!!!!!

Yesterday at 10:09am
As most of you know friday was the halloween party and I just wanted to say, MASSIVE SUCCESS!!!!I owe it all to my friends, you guys did not disappoint, your costumes, your attitudes, I think we proved without a doubt what former art students are capable of.

Some highlights of the night

Voda's dick in the box costume - watching Voda constantly smack Alonzo in the face with the "Package" was probably one of the funnier things I have seen, Watching him walk through the house "accidently" running into People only compounded on the humor, But what really set it off was watching him use the Box as a disposal unit, He truly put his "junk" in the Box. What will you do next Voda!!!

James the hipster - As many of you know James refused to tell me his costume, of course this drove me mad with curiosity and mulled over the idea of waterboarding Phil for the information. So you can imagine I was excited when the day arrived for me to finally see what my friend's mind could possible fashion, Enter James the hipster. As some of you know, James harbors an intense somewhat irrational hatred of “Hipsters” (for full view of said hatred please read “I hate Hipsters”) So to see James come in with his tight pants, Belt that functioned more as an accessory then its primary job of pants holding, tight T-shirt and colored hat, I couldn’t help but Crack up. But I think what truly had me going was when he asked me to get him some beer in his pickle jar. Excellent Job James !!!

Saroni and Claudio – I have to give a shout out to Saroni, a newly acquired member thanks to one Justin “el fucking” Voda for not only coming to her first Lopez “FAM” party but also bringing along one of our (Alonzo and myself) High school classmates. Saroni, amazing call on bringing by one of the first people I met in high school. Claudio lets just say when I walked into the room to see you dress as a female there was NO surprise in my mind. Thanks both of you for coming, you both helped make it a great night!

Where’s Phil??? – Phil I’m not sure if the fact that you slept face to face with another man is hilarious enough, or if it’s the fact that you came in the party with a mid drift version of “Where’s Waldo” Shirt. Oh wait perhaps it’s the fact that you had matching underpants to go along with it. You never cease to amaze me Phil…..

Erin, new member of the PCD – Erin just had to mention, great work on the costume , Loved the fact that you knew the entire dance to “When I grow up”. Also glad you brought a friend and hope she also had a good time. Erin how you can dive down carpeted steps in a PCD outfit with a straight face is an amazement to me.

James, Neal , Phil cutting the rug – Honestly while having music blaring in the background was fun I did not expect there to be much dancing in my tiny little house, But I guess I should have expected that nothing could stop the RB crew, You guys really got the partying going!!


Ish patient of the rush hospital(what the fuck you injure this time??) – My brother Helped to organize the Party, considering the only thing he had to work with was “Ish I want a Halloween Party” I’d say he did a great Job . As some know my brother is VERY accident prone and the fact that he stole a patients gown from Rush hospital during his most recent visit was funny enough , but if anyone noticed my brother had his recently acquired injury to his eye. I’ve seen people use make up for there Halloween Costumes but to actually use a real injury FOR Halloween. Genius!!

Ani the bee – Thanks older sister and eldest of the Lopez Clan for helping to decorate the party, I love how my older sister knows full well that I’m to lazy to even buy lights for a party I myself asked for. Those ended up being great for setting up the mood once James drunkenly shut the lights off.

Alonzo the young Hugh Hefner – Alonzo came in rocking the velvet Robe and playboy bunny (his gf Lynn) in hand. I owe a HUGE thanks to my amazing roommate for helping set up the house and more importantly, bringing the Keg. I recently bashed my ankle pretty decent (tripped over first base) and without Alonzo we wouldn’t have had a Keg or 160 jello shots. If anyone got drunk at the Halloween bash you owe it all to this man.

Rolli the scarecrow – I had a DJ set up for the party but he cancelled last minute and The Halloween Bash was on the verge of extinction. Rolli I saved you for last because you definitely saved the party by providing both the speakers and SICK BEATS thanks man I owe you one.

If anyone has more to share please feel free to throw some comments down PEACE!!!! T.G.ED the green man

P.S. some people who were missed Sam Lopez, Meghan Coleman, Brittany Caldwell, Claire ParkinsonSorry you guys couldn’t make the party, you were definitely missed and I really hope you can make it out for the next one.