Thursday, April 30, 2009
Some answers to Fagmaels questions
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Because a comment wouldn't do this justice...
One of our own included the following in a blog post recently:
Guess what? We are America, people hate us because we have freedom. people hate us because our forefathers shed their fucking blood and guts for that freedom, and they look at themselves and they know that deep down, they are cowards. The do not have freedom because they are cowards, and instead of doing something about it, they smear and hate those with the courage and freedom they WISH they had a sliver of.
Now I wasn't really offended per se. At least not by what was said. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The problem is a mistake of fact--particularly on why people hate America.
People hate America because we are and always have been hypocrites. America preaches freedom yet enslaved a race of people for hundreds of years. And then when America said they were free, treated them like dogs. We support dictators until they are of no use to us. We advocate peace yet supply arms around the world. We're the country that says 16 year olds are old enough to drive, but not vote or get abortions. 18 year olds are old enough to go fight our wars, but not drink. America is the same country that believes there are several fundamental rights--but education isn't one of them--yet it's okay for the state to say you HAVE to go to school until you're 18. We have separation of church and state yet deny people of the same sex to get married (as if the two weren't related in any way). We're friends with India and hate on Pakistan yet India is the reason Pakistan exists and the treatment of Muslim Indians (i.e. Pakistanis) by India is partially why people randomly blow up shit in the name of Allah there.
People hate America because America preaches freedom, yet freedom must be OUR way. America has become and continues to be the largest imperial force on the planet. We have military bases all over the world to "protect our interests." It's why we're so buddy buddy with Israel--not because we honestly believe in Zion, but because it's right smack dab in the middle of a vast oil supply, and we'll be damned if we let the Muslims control it all.
People hate America not because it was founded on the blood of our forefathers, but on the blood of the natives it was stolen from and the backs of the slaves and immigrants. We're the same country that hates on Hitler yet put Japanese AMERICANS in concentration camps. We're the creators of the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act that allows the Feds to arrest AMERICANS and hold them without charging them, seeing a lawyer or even have a judge call their name to appear in court.
People hate America because we believe in the right of the people to choose, yet when the people do choose we try as hard as possible to interfere (see Iraq and Palestinian elections). It's why we have the electoral college.
This is why people hate America and want to threaten our way of life. The ways of the haters surely are not excusable but they are understandable. When you look at America throughout history up until now, the only other force in the history of the planet that even comes close to its shadiness is the Catholic church (and don't even get me started on them). Yes some Muslim guys hijacked some planes and killed thousands of innocent civilians. But before that we sold nerve gas to Iraq (which was used against innocent people), supplied Israel with weapons to keep non-Jewish Arabs in check (used to kill innocent Palestinians) and replaced leaders loved by the people with puppets that had our "interests" in mind. They don't hate our freedom. They hate the costs everyone else pays for our freedom.
FUCK YOU KEVIN GARNET!!!
Don't even try to act tough when your on bench in street clothes..no worries, i am sure once you come to Chicago again, someone might give you the Eddy Curry Treatment. Dude acts like he grew up on the Southside or he is from New York. You're from SOUTH CAROLINA...
http://www.nbcchicago.com/sports/basketball/Worst-Person-In-The-World-Kevin-Garnett.html
http://www.nbcchicago.com/sports/basketball/Worst-Person-In-The-World-Kevin-Garnett.html
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Questions i need to ask!!!
I want to thank the Chooch Punisher for guest blogging this week, but i have many questions i need to ask and maybe he can answer some of them, maybe i can get you guys out there to answer them...here we go:
- Why the fuck do people waste time dating stupid people?
I am talking about the woman who takes shit from her deadbeat overweight boyfriend about her appearance. He cant walk 14 steps without gasping, but he is concerned with her appearance [clothes, makeup, weight]. She is all of a sudden a whore because she is wearing the same clothes that attracted this Jabba the Hut, but now another guy might find her attractive. So yeah, treat her like shit, lock her up, beat her down and i am sure she will appreciate ur effort or chop ur dick off and fling it out of a window one day.
Then you got the crazy women who get all up in their man's business because HE MIGHT CHEAT ON HER IF SHE DIDNT! Hey quick wake up call...if u jail a person for murder he didnt commit, he is going to want to kill someone! So dont get all fucking flabbergasted when u get the pink slip in the mail telling u that ur services are no longer needed. - This one is for the Chooch Punisher....How long should u wait before u punish another chooch?
I was reading a book called "I hope they serve beer in hell" and one story in particular stuck with me. This guy was chillin in his apartment and this girl called him up and told him she needed a 'protein shake' before her big date with this guy she just met. So, he wasnt doing shit and invited her over. she arrives, and quickly, goes to town on him...DOWN TOWN!!! She finishes, rolls out and heads off to the date. The guy sits in his crib, and is laughing because he can only imagine how the rest of the night is going to play out for that schmuck on the date. Imagine if u will the moment when she kisses her date, and well, the garlic sauce isnt the only residue she might have on her lips. Then something strange occurred to him...HOW MANY TIMES HAS THAT HAPPENED TO HIM?!?!?! So he calls his friend, a girl, and recaps the events. The girl dies laughing and tells him, "what u thought u were special or something?" - So if i play Ginuwine, do people still go nuts and say stuff like, "that's my shit!"? I could never take that muthafucka serious. I mean really, you gremlin looking bastard, you get people in the mood? Give me Marvin or Portishead. YEAH I SAID PORTISHEAD!!! So what is it, that gets people doing what they have to do? Freestyle joints? Al green? What is the most effective joint or is there one? Ladies, does hearing that frog faced Jodeci still work? Remember back in the day the immortal mix tapes...what do we have now? Ipod Playlists called Playtime or what not.
- Can a bad guy/girl turn good like a good guy/girl turn bad?
We know the stories. The guy/girl meets the 'ONE' at a bar/club/church/library/strip club and immediately is impressed with their style/vibe/GAME! So they give in and at some ponit get their heart ripped out and trampled on when they realize they just fell for it. The pain is so deep that they become bitter, angry, and REAL HORNY! Now can this work in reverse? Can a person hurt bad and be floating down the river of FUCKEDUP, come back? Shit, does it just take a big event to do it. Near death? Baby? Fresh new pair of Jordans? We seriously need to get a collective hug network going because i have one too many friends who need one. I am sure this is why people date that bad guy/girl hoping they will be the one who sheds the light on them and transforms them. - Is game really game or a manifestation of one's true self stripped of doubt and fronts?
Deep right...actually here is my real observation of this so called game. Everyone loves the chase and people really crave attention. They crave it like a fat kid loves cake, and Paris Hilton loves seeing herself in night vision. So the master of game manipulates that attention like someone controlling the flow of water through a faucet. Watch the movie Casino and in particular the 'Game' of the James Woods's character. This total deadbeat completely manipulates Sharon Stone, despite her being this well connected, gorgeous woman. So to you gold diggers/players out there...I salute u, and I really hope you have life insurance, because karma is a bitch. For the those of u lacking game, suck it up and develop a personality for God's sake. Confidence or GHB are ur surest bets to 'meating' people.
So lets get to work on these and add your comments...I love studying human nature. We are wildly more entertaining than those fucking penguins!
completely clueless know it all
-iz3y!
I fear for the safety of the United States of America
Friends,
As you read this, there are already attempts to squelch information about a terrorist plot in NYC today. Spectators in Battery Park, New York took frightening footage of a 747 plane being followed by 2 F16 fighter jets. Mayor Bloomberg came on TV and said he was alerted to "US Air Force maneuvers" in NYC. The 747 flew past the site of the World Trade Center, and all around the financial district.
I feel that this is a bold-faced lie, and this was in fact a terrorist attempt that was foiled. I believe that if it were maneuvers they would not have used a regular 747. I believe that a hostage situation was quited by our government, and spun by the media into something to keep citizens from panicking. The story has already been dumbed-down in favor of a story about Michelle Obama saying something to someone at some time that is undetermined. I feel that this is the first attempt to test Barack Obama and see how he would lead our nation in time of war. The response was one of cowardice, and that fact that they gave us some bullshit excuse like "maneuvers," only shows how ill-prepared the US is to keep another 9/11 from happening. "You mean to tell me that despite waiting 2 hours, getting naked-searched, and fucking keeping my nail clippers/3 oz. water/2 oz. toothpaste to a minimum, a God-Damned plane flew within 100 yds of the financial district AGAIN?"
Don't you ever assume barry soetero, that i will buy whatever line of shit you are spewing. You are a fat kid, who grew up and wants everyone to like him. Guess what? We are America, people hate us because we have freedom. people hate us because our forefathers shed their fucking blood and guts for that freedom, and they look at themselves and they know that deep down, they are cowards. The do not have freedom because they are cowards, and instead of doing something about it, they smear and hate those with the courage and freedom they WISH they had a sliver of. If this post offends you FUCK YOU. If you like Barry Soetero/Barack Obama, and you feel he is a strong leader, FUCK YOU. If you like Michelle Obama, and you feel she is no way reminds you of Grace Jones, FUCK YOU. If you hate freedom, FUCK YOU. If you believe that the Air Force was out on maneuvers with 2 jets but film only shows one, FUCK YOU. I would have believed it more if they had said they were filming IRON MAN 2.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/27/low.flying.plane/index.html#cnnSTCVideo
As you read this, there are already attempts to squelch information about a terrorist plot in NYC today. Spectators in Battery Park, New York took frightening footage of a 747 plane being followed by 2 F16 fighter jets. Mayor Bloomberg came on TV and said he was alerted to "US Air Force maneuvers" in NYC. The 747 flew past the site of the World Trade Center, and all around the financial district.
I feel that this is a bold-faced lie, and this was in fact a terrorist attempt that was foiled. I believe that if it were maneuvers they would not have used a regular 747. I believe that a hostage situation was quited by our government, and spun by the media into something to keep citizens from panicking. The story has already been dumbed-down in favor of a story about Michelle Obama saying something to someone at some time that is undetermined. I feel that this is the first attempt to test Barack Obama and see how he would lead our nation in time of war. The response was one of cowardice, and that fact that they gave us some bullshit excuse like "maneuvers," only shows how ill-prepared the US is to keep another 9/11 from happening. "You mean to tell me that despite waiting 2 hours, getting naked-searched, and fucking keeping my nail clippers/3 oz. water/2 oz. toothpaste to a minimum, a God-Damned plane flew within 100 yds of the financial district AGAIN?"
Don't you ever assume barry soetero, that i will buy whatever line of shit you are spewing. You are a fat kid, who grew up and wants everyone to like him. Guess what? We are America, people hate us because we have freedom. people hate us because our forefathers shed their fucking blood and guts for that freedom, and they look at themselves and they know that deep down, they are cowards. The do not have freedom because they are cowards, and instead of doing something about it, they smear and hate those with the courage and freedom they WISH they had a sliver of. If this post offends you FUCK YOU. If you like Barry Soetero/Barack Obama, and you feel he is a strong leader, FUCK YOU. If you like Michelle Obama, and you feel she is no way reminds you of Grace Jones, FUCK YOU. If you hate freedom, FUCK YOU. If you believe that the Air Force was out on maneuvers with 2 jets but film only shows one, FUCK YOU. I would have believed it more if they had said they were filming IRON MAN 2.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/27/low.flying.plane/index.html#cnnSTCVideo
Monday, April 27, 2009
Ask the Chooch Punisher, Guest Commentator
hello evil-doers,
I, THE Chooch Punisher, have been asked to make a guest appearance on the four winds blog. After waving my usual guest-fee, and signing all the necessary waiver forms, I have come to answer your most pressing questions.
"Dear chooch punisher,
This weekend I was reminded of the "boob to ass ratio" and was wondering what is the perfect ratio? Can this be achieved naturally or is enhancement necessary?"
The answer my friends, is scientific. There is In mathematics and the arts, a concept commonly referr3d to as the GOLDEN MEAN. When two mumbers have a ratio between the larger one and the smaller approaching approximately 1.6180339887. This ratio is commonmy expressed in terms of a golden rectangle. in which the ratio of the longer side to the shorter is the golden ratio—believing this proportion to be aesthetically pleasing. Mathematicians have studied the golden ratio because of its unique and interesting properties.
This ratio can be found in great architecture (The Louvre), paintings(Mona Lisa), hot chicks (Angelina lips to face, Pam Anderson's boob-to-butt ratio, Monica Belluci Butt-to-petite body). It is thought to be the most perfectly symmetrical ratio the human eye can distinguish without the aid of laser beams or electron-powered microscopes. So, yes, there exists a perfect balance of boob-to-butt, and its the Golden Mean. NOTE: this all depends on whether you are a boob-man, or a butt-man. Ladies, this mean is most commonly expressed in male biceps, buttocks, and v-shaped torso-to-belly ratio.
I, THE Chooch Punisher, have been asked to make a guest appearance on the four winds blog. After waving my usual guest-fee, and signing all the necessary waiver forms, I have come to answer your most pressing questions.
"Dear chooch punisher,
This weekend I was reminded of the "boob to ass ratio" and was wondering what is the perfect ratio? Can this be achieved naturally or is enhancement necessary?"
The answer my friends, is scientific. There is In mathematics and the arts, a concept commonly referr3d to as the GOLDEN MEAN. When two mumbers have a ratio between the larger one and the smaller approaching approximately 1.6180339887. This ratio is commonmy expressed in terms of a golden rectangle. in which the ratio of the longer side to the shorter is the golden ratio—believing this proportion to be aesthetically pleasing. Mathematicians have studied the golden ratio because of its unique and interesting properties.
This ratio can be found in great architecture (The Louvre), paintings(Mona Lisa), hot chicks (Angelina lips to face, Pam Anderson's boob-to-butt ratio, Monica Belluci Butt-to-petite body). It is thought to be the most perfectly symmetrical ratio the human eye can distinguish without the aid of laser beams or electron-powered microscopes. So, yes, there exists a perfect balance of boob-to-butt, and its the Golden Mean. NOTE: this all depends on whether you are a boob-man, or a butt-man. Ladies, this mean is most commonly expressed in male biceps, buttocks, and v-shaped torso-to-belly ratio.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Love to luv
I love me some me. What i love more is love itself. I love how people get stupid ignorant. I love the drivers who cut u off because u passed them. I love how people talk shit but dont and wont, and cant back it up. I love how a girl will hit a guy 3x bigger than her because he wont hit her back. I love to hear a guy is in jail because he hit her back, despite her being 3x times smaller than him, and really it didnt hurt him in the least, but that girl found out the hard way that there are guys who will hit back. i love how they both lost and i laughed. I love how i hate cheese and love pizza. I love how i hate cream cheese and I will smash cheese cake. I love how i am a hyprocrite and it all makes sense to me. I love how my son is a tech genius and yet has no idea what he is doing. I love how my parents have no idea what tech is, except that my mom gets great deals on flights, and my dad can read his books on a KINDLE. I love how my friends can call an improptu dinner, we all show up and it is like family. I love how my company needs three meetings to set up the one meeting we all will go to and we act like we are parts of a tribal council meeting to decide the fate of our continent. I love how people on the street hate paying taxes and love bitching about pot holes. i love how a drunk text is what u always wanted to say unfiltered, yet it makes no damn sense. I love how my brother is so stubborn i have decided to intentionally recommend shit he likes, just so he can say he wont do it. I love firing a paintball into someones chest. I love hitting a ball so clean u dont feel it, u just know u crushed the shit out of it. I love how my sisters argue over dumb shit, and make up, argue, make up and how my brother and i, just laugh. I love how my mom gets mad that we laugh, like we somehow started it. i luv meeting new people, and reconnecting with old ones. I love sports. I love religion as long as i am allowed to practice it any way i want. I love how God and i are on the same page with that...dont worry i asked! I love how dumb people think they are smart and smart people act dumb. I love how i been both.
late night blog!
-iz3y!
Underworld - Moaner
late night blog!
-iz3y!
Underworld - Moaner
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
FLY TIMES 2nd Edition
Ok, so maybe it is the altitude getting to me, but here goes my 2nd edition of FLY TIMES.
SOUTHWEST: I still heart Airtran, but I have to respect how Southwest rolls. They are the low key pimp on the corner who has hoes that are not quite as pretty, but still get the job done and charge way less. Like there is always a line on that strip because you know, if u get there early, you will get a good one, and u will be on ur way in no time. This pimp doesn’t charge extra for shit, and every service is included. The bigger pimps like United and American completely hate his ass because he is straight hustling in their face, and you know what…I just have mad respect for your game player!
“I be loving you, that way u want me to….but the vibe is wrong”: Look we all know what it is like when u break up with someone. It sux, it rips ur heart out. Your relieved, your devastated. Part of u is free and part is wondering, “ wow, how did I fuck this up?” You seek comfort in others, or just in urself, sometimes both and u have a full blown orgy on your hands. WHATEVER!!! My point is, turn ur phone off. Don’t go near a microphone, stay away from your blog spot, don’t call the other person’s family and friends… whatever you do, do not have a record of this pain. DO NOT COME OUT WITH AN ALBUM ABOUT IT. Do not post it up. Do not text it to others. Next million dollar idea is a service u can text, email, or call that will allow u to spout off all ur heartache, joy, pain, confusion, and ridiculous KGB suspicions, and give u nothing back but a recorded message that says...”look, you’re good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you.” CLICK! Listening to KWest’s first albums and then comparing it to this latest compilation of crap almost makes me want to call him and just make sure he will be alright.
Being a Parent means ur a super sleuth: You ever wonder how your parents would always know what you were up to? Mine were like mind readers, but you know what if I really wanted to, I would get over on them. I would craft the nice story of being at practice, which I was, but maybe I left out that extra hour I was there because I was talking to that cute girl from another HS. Maybe I went to a party or two with my friends, but the real reason was..well yes, that cute from the other HS. Still, I always thought I was the slickest until now. Yeah, right the hell now. See, I can’t lie to my parents because they are actually involved parents. They raised me, saw my game develop, my intellect and whatnot. So, I am now whole-heartedly convinced I didn’t get over with shit! Why, did I just come to this realization? Because I have the lilMAN in my life and watching him, I can see him thinking of ways to get over on me. I tell him not to play with my stereo, which by the way I put conveniently at eye level for him, and he puts his toy on top of it. Then he will shoot me a look that says, “hey, I am not playing with ur stereo, I just want my toy, and these buttons and knobs are in the way.” When this cat gets older, I just I hope I do as good a job as my parents did faking like I will fell for his lame ass lies.
Tips and tricks that will save ur life:
SOUTHWEST: I still heart Airtran, but I have to respect how Southwest rolls. They are the low key pimp on the corner who has hoes that are not quite as pretty, but still get the job done and charge way less. Like there is always a line on that strip because you know, if u get there early, you will get a good one, and u will be on ur way in no time. This pimp doesn’t charge extra for shit, and every service is included. The bigger pimps like United and American completely hate his ass because he is straight hustling in their face, and you know what…I just have mad respect for your game player!
“I be loving you, that way u want me to….but the vibe is wrong”: Look we all know what it is like when u break up with someone. It sux, it rips ur heart out. Your relieved, your devastated. Part of u is free and part is wondering, “ wow, how did I fuck this up?” You seek comfort in others, or just in urself, sometimes both and u have a full blown orgy on your hands. WHATEVER!!! My point is, turn ur phone off. Don’t go near a microphone, stay away from your blog spot, don’t call the other person’s family and friends… whatever you do, do not have a record of this pain. DO NOT COME OUT WITH AN ALBUM ABOUT IT. Do not post it up. Do not text it to others. Next million dollar idea is a service u can text, email, or call that will allow u to spout off all ur heartache, joy, pain, confusion, and ridiculous KGB suspicions, and give u nothing back but a recorded message that says...”look, you’re good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you.” CLICK! Listening to KWest’s first albums and then comparing it to this latest compilation of crap almost makes me want to call him and just make sure he will be alright.
Being a Parent means ur a super sleuth: You ever wonder how your parents would always know what you were up to? Mine were like mind readers, but you know what if I really wanted to, I would get over on them. I would craft the nice story of being at practice, which I was, but maybe I left out that extra hour I was there because I was talking to that cute girl from another HS. Maybe I went to a party or two with my friends, but the real reason was..well yes, that cute from the other HS. Still, I always thought I was the slickest until now. Yeah, right the hell now. See, I can’t lie to my parents because they are actually involved parents. They raised me, saw my game develop, my intellect and whatnot. So, I am now whole-heartedly convinced I didn’t get over with shit! Why, did I just come to this realization? Because I have the lilMAN in my life and watching him, I can see him thinking of ways to get over on me. I tell him not to play with my stereo, which by the way I put conveniently at eye level for him, and he puts his toy on top of it. Then he will shoot me a look that says, “hey, I am not playing with ur stereo, I just want my toy, and these buttons and knobs are in the way.” When this cat gets older, I just I hope I do as good a job as my parents did faking like I will fell for his lame ass lies.
Tips and tricks that will save ur life:
- Sure fire remedy for a hangover is not to drink
- people only will bug you for as long as you pay attention to them
- in order to succeed, u cant fear failing. U should do all u can to avoid it, but u cant fear it
- being funny is awesome
- learn to dance, even if it is just that one dance move side to side
- dumb people cant be reasoned with, so don’t try
- surround urself with people who have no issue telling u ur acting like a bitch/pussy/asshole/dick, just make sure u really are acting like one of the above.
- U don’t need an upscale club to have a good time. U need people and a personality, if u have neither, go to an upscale club and meet more people like u
- Say hi to a stranger. Just fucking do it, don’t worry about shit else
THE FLORIDA RECAP, AWARDS, and QUOTES! (3/23-3/30)
Well for those of you who know me, you know I wont shut up. I love to talk and my brain never shuts off. So it should come to no surprise that I write for two blogs…fourwinds13.blogspot.com and bombsquadreport.blogspot.com. So for this one I am going to rip off the BS REPORT and present….
THE FLORIDA RECAP, AWARDS, and QUOTES!
I see why people come to Florida at this time. The weather is just super nice and u can get away from that crazy shit that is Chicago. I just happen to be working in Florida on a Work assignment and since my lil MAN was visiting his gmoms in Bonita Springs, FL and I had to work on the following Monday, I decided to hit up Miami. Yeah, I know, I live a rough life, but please don’t feel sorry for me…I will find a way to keep on keeping on.
STAGE ONE: the assignment was to get an office up and running = Check, they have phones, internet, email, and can print. Which means they will be IM-ing, you tubing, and printing out HOT or NOT LISTS, then will call their friends to talk about how hard they work.
STAGE TWO: hang with the Londono Brothers (Johnner aka JOHNNY, and JONATHON aka LIL JOHNNY) in JAMLANDO, their revered birthing ground. If I couldn’t go to Colombia, this was the next best place to get the John London Experience.
STAGE THREE: go to Miami on a mini vacation to get, what I thought was to my Latin on. As is my luck, I ran into the Winter Music Conference, which is nothing but a cluster fuck gathering of DJs who share tips, tricks, and then go to clubs and perform all day and night. No serious…all day and night…there is never a break. It culminates with the two day Ultra Music Fest, which was so loud the surrounding high rises were vibrating from the bass. HIGH RISES!!!
STAGE FOUR: drive my ass back and open said office in Orlando. I get there and these people are working full bore. I mean like the phone is ringing like they were giving money away, and everyone who called was gonna get some. These people didn’t know how to use the phones. No serious, it was like giving a caveman an iPhone. Oh, and before you start, FUCK YOU CAVEMAN from Geico…take a joke! So my Monday was filled with finishing the place then racing home to see the lil man.
STAGE FIVE: see lil C, the lil MAN, theBRAND, the lil FIREMAN! As I am writing this, I am on a plane to do just that. See, I had to see him, because I missed him. So I was doing, oh….85-90 to get the airport. What takes something like 40 min to an hour on a normal open road, I did in lets call it 40 door to door with not one, but two stops to get cash to pay the tolls. I mean I was in the Airport lounge people!!!!
On to the awards for the trip!
TRIP AWARDS brought to you by izcorp!
BEST MOJITO IN FLORIDA: Blue Martini [Irma Castaneda]: Visit Blue Martini in Orlando, it is a great spot for Latin music and serves the best Mojitos I had while staying in Florida…Thanks Irma. Oh, yeah…the wait staff is awesome!
BEST FOOD IN MIAMI: Puerto Sagua/La Parrilla Liberty: Puerto is located on 7th and Collins and is a total dive diner that serves outstanding Cuban food. Get the Ropa Vieja or just slap urself and go eat McDonalds. Hell if it is morning, get the Ropa Vieja with two eggs over easy. I DID. La Parrilla Liberty is an outstading Argentinian place that serves great meat. I mean, you people who love to swallow the meat, go here. Get the Flat steak or the Meat combo..yes, I will need to get my stomach stapled soon.
BEST AIRLINE: Airtran: I so heart Airtran. Upgrades to Business class are $70 bucks…and that includes two checked in bags. Normal cost is 15 for bag, 40 if over weight. So for 30-54 more you can avoid sitting on a packed plane full of kids/teenagers/frat boys and ride in comfort.
DUMBEST IDEA AWARD: Flying Standby during Spring Break season: It doesn’t matter where ur going or how early u get there…that flight is going to be full, and ur going to look like an asshole begging to get on a flight. Good work Johnny, Mij, and Jokey.
BEST IDEA AWARD: BECOMING A DJ: I am going to call them out a little here , but honestly, you geeky bastards only became DJs to get the girls right? I mean I watched these guys who either looked like the total schmo from your third grade class, or the way too hip guy who wasn’t hip, hang with nothing but gorgeous women. Forget the drug game, pick up a pair of decks and a fader people. Serious! The headliner to a club, James Zabiela is a total shy dork, but man, that dude had the hottest women I have seen up close, dancing to his beat like an addict. Shit, she was there all night, no matter who spun! PLAY ON PLAYERS!
SO WHAT DO YOU DO AWARD?: IT jobs: Hands down the most stepped on profession right now. Before u get that image from Swordfish that the IT work and lifestyle is all glamorous and pretty people…SLOW DOWN. Being in IT means working with a machine that is about it, but I know how people get mesmerized. They see someone power up a machine and when that image fires up, you automatically assume government hacking, like in WAR GAMES with Matthew Broderick. Others just like to front it out by throwing big names out there like ANALYST, PROJECT MANAGER, or ENGINEER. Well let me shatter the myth….At this point my son is on track to know more than me in 7 years. TOPS! So lets keep it all in perspective….
Still it has its perks knowing how a cable in Chicago will eventually lead to a computer in Orlando, and eventually leading someone to be able to send important information like “OMG the weather up here is shit…how is it there?”
QUOTES:
“MIRA, LA CERVEZA CUBANA SE PRODUCE EN PUERTO RICO CARAJO!...Mira, todos saben que nada sale de CUBA! – PR waitress at Puerto Sagua, arguing with a Honduran over what was a real Cuban beer. She also made the most dismissive face known to man!
“I am from Chicago!” - random
“What Part?” – me
“[Fill in city not Chicago: Schaumburg, Elgin, etc] – poser random!
“Oh oh, get ready to see Elaine Benes” - A girl busting on her girl for her unique Dance style
“DJ Psychobitch is a total bitch, but I love her!” – G G
“They call me Fruit” – Sarah Townson from the UK who owes me a recording
“I am learning US slang, like sick means good, and whack means GOOD!” - Fruit
“Whack doesn’t mean good it means bad…like really bad” - me
“isn’t bad good as well?” - Fruit
“Touche, but in this case WHACK really means it sux!” – me
“I will only move back up north when I am pregnant” – the general consensus of the women on when they will leave Florida and move back up north.
“goo..ahaha…blll….shhh.sha…glelel….HAHAHAHHA” – lil C explaining his vacation to me
“Do the phones work?” – unnamed dumbass as the phones are literally ringing off the hook!
“Where are you from?” - me
“Sicily!” – wannabe izzy
[an hour later and telling me her backstory]
“I was born in Milwaukee…” – wannabe izzy
“so ur from Milwaukee. LIAR!!” – me. Can people just claim whatever?
“DWYANE WADE IS MY UNCLE!!!” - random 12 year old girl who is losing it as the Heat are blowing away the Bucks by 20 points.
“DUDE…$9 water!!!” – Han the Tech warrior!
THE FLORIDA RECAP, AWARDS, and QUOTES!
I see why people come to Florida at this time. The weather is just super nice and u can get away from that crazy shit that is Chicago. I just happen to be working in Florida on a Work assignment and since my lil MAN was visiting his gmoms in Bonita Springs, FL and I had to work on the following Monday, I decided to hit up Miami. Yeah, I know, I live a rough life, but please don’t feel sorry for me…I will find a way to keep on keeping on.
STAGE ONE: the assignment was to get an office up and running = Check, they have phones, internet, email, and can print. Which means they will be IM-ing, you tubing, and printing out HOT or NOT LISTS, then will call their friends to talk about how hard they work.
STAGE TWO: hang with the Londono Brothers (Johnner aka JOHNNY, and JONATHON aka LIL JOHNNY) in JAMLANDO, their revered birthing ground. If I couldn’t go to Colombia, this was the next best place to get the John London Experience.
STAGE THREE: go to Miami on a mini vacation to get, what I thought was to my Latin on. As is my luck, I ran into the Winter Music Conference, which is nothing but a cluster fuck gathering of DJs who share tips, tricks, and then go to clubs and perform all day and night. No serious…all day and night…there is never a break. It culminates with the two day Ultra Music Fest, which was so loud the surrounding high rises were vibrating from the bass. HIGH RISES!!!
STAGE FOUR: drive my ass back and open said office in Orlando. I get there and these people are working full bore. I mean like the phone is ringing like they were giving money away, and everyone who called was gonna get some. These people didn’t know how to use the phones. No serious, it was like giving a caveman an iPhone. Oh, and before you start, FUCK YOU CAVEMAN from Geico…take a joke! So my Monday was filled with finishing the place then racing home to see the lil man.
STAGE FIVE: see lil C, the lil MAN, theBRAND, the lil FIREMAN! As I am writing this, I am on a plane to do just that. See, I had to see him, because I missed him. So I was doing, oh….85-90 to get the airport. What takes something like 40 min to an hour on a normal open road, I did in lets call it 40 door to door with not one, but two stops to get cash to pay the tolls. I mean I was in the Airport lounge people!!!!
On to the awards for the trip!
TRIP AWARDS brought to you by izcorp!
BEST MOJITO IN FLORIDA: Blue Martini [Irma Castaneda]: Visit Blue Martini in Orlando, it is a great spot for Latin music and serves the best Mojitos I had while staying in Florida…Thanks Irma. Oh, yeah…the wait staff is awesome!
BEST FOOD IN MIAMI: Puerto Sagua/La Parrilla Liberty: Puerto is located on 7th and Collins and is a total dive diner that serves outstanding Cuban food. Get the Ropa Vieja or just slap urself and go eat McDonalds. Hell if it is morning, get the Ropa Vieja with two eggs over easy. I DID. La Parrilla Liberty is an outstading Argentinian place that serves great meat. I mean, you people who love to swallow the meat, go here. Get the Flat steak or the Meat combo..yes, I will need to get my stomach stapled soon.
BEST AIRLINE: Airtran: I so heart Airtran. Upgrades to Business class are $70 bucks…and that includes two checked in bags. Normal cost is 15 for bag, 40 if over weight. So for 30-54 more you can avoid sitting on a packed plane full of kids/teenagers/frat boys and ride in comfort.
DUMBEST IDEA AWARD: Flying Standby during Spring Break season: It doesn’t matter where ur going or how early u get there…that flight is going to be full, and ur going to look like an asshole begging to get on a flight. Good work Johnny, Mij, and Jokey.
BEST IDEA AWARD: BECOMING A DJ: I am going to call them out a little here , but honestly, you geeky bastards only became DJs to get the girls right? I mean I watched these guys who either looked like the total schmo from your third grade class, or the way too hip guy who wasn’t hip, hang with nothing but gorgeous women. Forget the drug game, pick up a pair of decks and a fader people. Serious! The headliner to a club, James Zabiela is a total shy dork, but man, that dude had the hottest women I have seen up close, dancing to his beat like an addict. Shit, she was there all night, no matter who spun! PLAY ON PLAYERS!
SO WHAT DO YOU DO AWARD?: IT jobs: Hands down the most stepped on profession right now. Before u get that image from Swordfish that the IT work and lifestyle is all glamorous and pretty people…SLOW DOWN. Being in IT means working with a machine that is about it, but I know how people get mesmerized. They see someone power up a machine and when that image fires up, you automatically assume government hacking, like in WAR GAMES with Matthew Broderick. Others just like to front it out by throwing big names out there like ANALYST, PROJECT MANAGER, or ENGINEER. Well let me shatter the myth….At this point my son is on track to know more than me in 7 years. TOPS! So lets keep it all in perspective….
Still it has its perks knowing how a cable in Chicago will eventually lead to a computer in Orlando, and eventually leading someone to be able to send important information like “OMG the weather up here is shit…how is it there?”
QUOTES:
“MIRA, LA CERVEZA CUBANA SE PRODUCE EN PUERTO RICO CARAJO!...Mira, todos saben que nada sale de CUBA! – PR waitress at Puerto Sagua, arguing with a Honduran over what was a real Cuban beer. She also made the most dismissive face known to man!
“I am from Chicago!” - random
“What Part?” – me
“[Fill in city not Chicago: Schaumburg, Elgin, etc] – poser random!
“Oh oh, get ready to see Elaine Benes” - A girl busting on her girl for her unique Dance style
“DJ Psychobitch is a total bitch, but I love her!” – G G
“They call me Fruit” – Sarah Townson from the UK who owes me a recording
“I am learning US slang, like sick means good, and whack means GOOD!” - Fruit
“Whack doesn’t mean good it means bad…like really bad” - me
“isn’t bad good as well?” - Fruit
“Touche, but in this case WHACK really means it sux!” – me
“I will only move back up north when I am pregnant” – the general consensus of the women on when they will leave Florida and move back up north.
“goo..ahaha…blll….shhh.sha…glelel….HAHAHAHHA” – lil C explaining his vacation to me
“Do the phones work?” – unnamed dumbass as the phones are literally ringing off the hook!
“Where are you from?” - me
“Sicily!” – wannabe izzy
[an hour later and telling me her backstory]
“I was born in Milwaukee…” – wannabe izzy
“so ur from Milwaukee. LIAR!!” – me. Can people just claim whatever?
“DWYANE WADE IS MY UNCLE!!!” - random 12 year old girl who is losing it as the Heat are blowing away the Bucks by 20 points.
“DUDE…$9 water!!!” – Han the Tech warrior!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Rants Vol V
I. Why do people bitch about traveling for work? I never really understood this. I am not talking about those who are road warriors and are in different time zones 80-99% of the time. Your not traveling for work bitch....u have no home. You home is an airport terminal. Nope my gaze is strictly focused on the muthafuckas bitching about a couple days out of the month to good destinations. They annoy me more than the work at home bitches. I just got back from Orlando where I did a fair amount of work. Still, I was in Orlando when the weather was dog shit here. My company spotted me the hotel, car, air fare and food. Some people call this a vacation.
II. i really cant stand people who think they are super clever because they do nothing but bag on other people. I mean every once in a fucking while try to show love. Sportswriters/radio host...please, we get it...ur an angry little non athletic bitch who could never play so now we hear u whine all the time. I have a friend in the industry who does a pretty good job playing devil's advocate and i think there is something in his head that clicks when is about to cross the line towards being a whiny bitch. I recently had a lengthy argument with him over Cutler and that is what it was. A discussion/arguments with points and couter points. Most of these numb nuts just spout out their dumb ass thoughts and expect us to bow at their feet.
III. Can we all take a deep breath? you fucking fantasy owners are killing me. We are 4 games into the season (baseball) and already i hear u moaning. Guys/girls/dorks...it is going to be ok. there are 162 games to be played. Lets not jump off a ledge because Justing upton is 0-17 for the season. Also, who doubted Carlos Quentin...please stand up so I can smack the shit out of u. 162 games people...lets let them find their swings. Cub Fans, relax...Kevin Gregg sucked b4 he got to your team, and he is going to suck for your team. If your fucking team wasnt biased to white people that resemble your fans you would know that Carlos Zambrano has been ur best pitcher for the last 5-6 years and that Carlos Marmol is the best shot at a closer (and yes i know he sux porno dick). Yes, i did just pull out the race card, and talked Cubs baseball. ohhh..fuck the Cubs...
IV. You know what is super baller...watching a drunk stripper/whore make a fool of herself at a mexican restaurant at 2am, all the while her friend is convincing her to stay out and 'have a good time'. The icing...the two guys who are super excited that the friend is doing a great job convincing. Do they make steel belted or kevlar condoms?
V. i think we should all chip in and define the baby shower/wedding shower rules. Is it now a couples thing? Women only? what? It is getting pretty annoying having to guess and then the default being couples. What do guys do at these things....we make them BBQs. Is that what u wanted, because that is all your getting. Beer, charcoal, half a cow, and ridiculous comments slurred out on film as u open the latest elmo toy. We need to get on this...YES WE CAN!
VI. So Obama is the latest sports prognosticator. Dude, ur the president. Now ur winning NCAA brackets, calling NBA championships, meeting heads of state, giving advice to women's groups...is there something u dont do u perfect muthafucka? U best moderate this shit, because people in the hood are gonna start calling u a know-it- all trick. You're my boy...just letting u know.
VII. Facebook vs Twitter vs My Space vs Hi-5...i say who the fuck cares. The real genius is the one who combines them all into a seamless portal so you can manage all of them easily. Much like the universal chat client, and the one size fits all T-shirt. I am fully aware i just gave away a million dollar idea, but honestly i am not a programmer, have no intention of programming, and really would just like to see us advance as a human race.
VIII. i want to go to Sicily and do the whole Michael Corleone getaway. I talked to a Sicilian and i hear it is a great place. BEautiful really! My lil sis went and told me nothing about it, only now she is deep with this 'family', talks with her hands, and keeps asking me to call her Dona...Dona Lopez or something. Oh and for a tribute...not sure what that is all about, but when i think of Sicily i think of the scene in True Romance. Either way, i have decided to visit the 'SOUTHSIDE' of Italy.
IX. Happy Easter. Pretty wild that we went from a the son of God escaping a cave with a boulder for a door, to a pink bunny hiding eggs. i really got nothing much more to say except, I love Cadbury eggs, and JC is my homeboy. oh oh oh..and we can eat steak on Friday again.
X. I heart Hipsters. Thank you...thank you all of you for doing what u do. I could be mad, sad, depressed, or just straight 'don't fuck with me' mode but when i see u guys with your girl pants and geek chic glasses, i am automatically in a better mood. I mean wow...you do realize that in 10-20 years you will look back and wonder to yourself, when was it cool to wear pants that tight. To quote Jay-Z, "i cant wear skinny jeans because my nuts dont fit!" I like not having my balls squeezed up into my lower intenstine, but hey, thanks for the laughs brothers...keep up the good work!
luv luv luv
-iz3y!
The Cure - Lets Go to Bed
II. i really cant stand people who think they are super clever because they do nothing but bag on other people. I mean every once in a fucking while try to show love. Sportswriters/radio host...please, we get it...ur an angry little non athletic bitch who could never play so now we hear u whine all the time. I have a friend in the industry who does a pretty good job playing devil's advocate and i think there is something in his head that clicks when is about to cross the line towards being a whiny bitch. I recently had a lengthy argument with him over Cutler and that is what it was. A discussion/arguments with points and couter points. Most of these numb nuts just spout out their dumb ass thoughts and expect us to bow at their feet.
III. Can we all take a deep breath? you fucking fantasy owners are killing me. We are 4 games into the season (baseball) and already i hear u moaning. Guys/girls/dorks...it is going to be ok. there are 162 games to be played. Lets not jump off a ledge because Justing upton is 0-17 for the season. Also, who doubted Carlos Quentin...please stand up so I can smack the shit out of u. 162 games people...lets let them find their swings. Cub Fans, relax...Kevin Gregg sucked b4 he got to your team, and he is going to suck for your team. If your fucking team wasnt biased to white people that resemble your fans you would know that Carlos Zambrano has been ur best pitcher for the last 5-6 years and that Carlos Marmol is the best shot at a closer (and yes i know he sux porno dick). Yes, i did just pull out the race card, and talked Cubs baseball. ohhh..fuck the Cubs...
IV. You know what is super baller...watching a drunk stripper/whore make a fool of herself at a mexican restaurant at 2am, all the while her friend is convincing her to stay out and 'have a good time'. The icing...the two guys who are super excited that the friend is doing a great job convincing. Do they make steel belted or kevlar condoms?
V. i think we should all chip in and define the baby shower/wedding shower rules. Is it now a couples thing? Women only? what? It is getting pretty annoying having to guess and then the default being couples. What do guys do at these things....we make them BBQs. Is that what u wanted, because that is all your getting. Beer, charcoal, half a cow, and ridiculous comments slurred out on film as u open the latest elmo toy. We need to get on this...YES WE CAN!
VI. So Obama is the latest sports prognosticator. Dude, ur the president. Now ur winning NCAA brackets, calling NBA championships, meeting heads of state, giving advice to women's groups...is there something u dont do u perfect muthafucka? U best moderate this shit, because people in the hood are gonna start calling u a know-it- all trick. You're my boy...just letting u know.
VII. Facebook vs Twitter vs My Space vs Hi-5...i say who the fuck cares. The real genius is the one who combines them all into a seamless portal so you can manage all of them easily. Much like the universal chat client, and the one size fits all T-shirt. I am fully aware i just gave away a million dollar idea, but honestly i am not a programmer, have no intention of programming, and really would just like to see us advance as a human race.
VIII. i want to go to Sicily and do the whole Michael Corleone getaway. I talked to a Sicilian and i hear it is a great place. BEautiful really! My lil sis went and told me nothing about it, only now she is deep with this 'family', talks with her hands, and keeps asking me to call her Dona...Dona Lopez or something. Oh and for a tribute...not sure what that is all about, but when i think of Sicily i think of the scene in True Romance. Either way, i have decided to visit the 'SOUTHSIDE' of Italy.
IX. Happy Easter. Pretty wild that we went from a the son of God escaping a cave with a boulder for a door, to a pink bunny hiding eggs. i really got nothing much more to say except, I love Cadbury eggs, and JC is my homeboy. oh oh oh..and we can eat steak on Friday again.
X. I heart Hipsters. Thank you...thank you all of you for doing what u do. I could be mad, sad, depressed, or just straight 'don't fuck with me' mode but when i see u guys with your girl pants and geek chic glasses, i am automatically in a better mood. I mean wow...you do realize that in 10-20 years you will look back and wonder to yourself, when was it cool to wear pants that tight. To quote Jay-Z, "i cant wear skinny jeans because my nuts dont fit!" I like not having my balls squeezed up into my lower intenstine, but hey, thanks for the laughs brothers...keep up the good work!
luv luv luv
-iz3y!
The Cure - Lets Go to Bed
Religulous
Watched Bill Mahr's movie last night and aside from his constant condescending tone towards the people he was interviewing, it was a relatively thought provoking piece of work. One could even call it inspiring, especially since it inspired me to write this entry to our blog. In a space where just about nothing is off limits, I'm about to touch the one that is generally more taboo than race and politics--religion.
Religulous--a combination between "religion" and "ridiculous" sets out to (according to Mahr) "question" religion and those that practice it feverishly. In my opinion it goes a step further and openly mocks religion, while failing to prove it's point.
The problem with religion isn't the subject matter; the problem lies in the fact that religion is an attempt by un-God like creatures (i.e. flawed, non-omnipresent or all powerful beings) to try and create something that is supposed to allow us to understand something that is beyond our understanding. It is man's arrogant attempt to control something that is uncontrollable, and is often used and has been used historically as something to control the very souls of men and women. In other words, if religion had been created by God, we'd be fine. Instead religion was created by men (note the use of small "m" meaning people with dicks rather than capital "M" which would mean mankind generally).
Since the beginning of time, no matter which story you believe (evolution or creation), men and women have tried to understand and build rituals around some higher being/power greater than themselves. Eventually however men began using the idea of a higher power for their own gains; somehow some way God began to choose men to lead countries, free people, and give out laws. Kings were kings because God said so. People were servants because God said so. God had specific teachers and prophets and never spoke with you directly but only through these "holy" people. Everyone else (especially women) was left out of the conversation.
Men have used God to justify killing people ("They were non-believers" or "infidels"), justify slavery and just about any other unsavory act of man-kind as "God's will." Religion is a collection of dogmas and ideas that have been used to shape our ideas about and towards other people (ex. Gays are evil and abominations before God). Religion has been used to enrich those that manipulate it (evangelists). THIS is the problem with religion--religion is about man while masquerading as being about God. It is not crazy to believe in God or to even believe as many do that God directs your life. What is crazy is listening to some man or woman tell you what God thinks or how God feels on a certain topic.
Religion, like politics requires one to think, which is the problem with both. Most people don't want to think, they want to be spoon fed. So if from the age of 3 people are told that homosexuality is a sin in Christendom, by the time they're 30, gays will be evil. However if one were to read for him or herself what the Bible actually says, it says that any sexual act outside of the of marriage is the issue. Male-female butt sex? Okay so long as your married. Oral? Fine so long as you're married. Swinging? Now we're getting sketchy but at least you're married. Two men or two women? Not okay--which is why all the hubbub about concerning gay marriage in this country. (Different blog for a different day).
Men wrote and continue to interpret something that is supposed to be the word of God, whether it be the Bible, Torah or Qur'an. If we are to believe in something that is greater than us, something much more powerful, then it cannot bear human flaws. God must be asexual (as in neither male nor female). God can't harbor human emotions and cannot "think." God cannot be claimed by one group over another. God must be like many things humans cannot understand (for example wind) and just simply BE. Sort of like Manny being Manny, we must quit trying to define and understand God, we just need to let God be God. We cannot complicate God with our human trivialities (ex. God willed X team to win a championship).
What about all this history that talks of various prophets and teachers and even a Messiah? Understand this (and buckle your seat belt because I'm about to rock your world): history and for the most part TRUTH is written by the winner. Meaning there is no such thing as truth, except for what IS. History then is what WAS, except we depend on men to tell us the story of it (thus HIS-STORY). Which means because we weren't there to experience the truth of the past, we cannot trust it completely in the present or the future. I'm sure that to some degree, each event recorded in history happened in some way in some fashion. I'm even confident that prophecies have been fulfilled. But I'm also quite sure that men embellish the facts to suit a purpose. Hell as someone trained as a lawyer I'll readily admit that the western legal system is built on this very thing: whichever side can sell you the best story wins. Constantine conquered a good portion of the globe in his day so Christianity won. During the time of the Moors Islam flourished. Whoever won is who's left to tell you what happened. We never get the entire story.
So what can we believe? Believe what IS. Whether it be science or spiritual believe it. Miracles (or whatever you wish to call them) can and do happen. There is a difference between coincidence/luck and everything else. Luck is hitting that shot at the buzzer from half court or a 14 seed beating a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament. A miricle is modern medicine declaring someone dead yet they continue to live. However you wish to categorize it or for whatever reason you wish to put behind it, it IS.
As for me and mine, I'll continue to believe that there is an all powerful, ever present being who has many names but no shape or form I can comprehend. And because my brain and vocabulary is so limited I will call it God. I will continue to believe in spite of Mahr's best efforts to prove otherwise that God has done and will continue to do great things, simply by existing. Everything else in between is because we, as humans, have chosen to make it happen. War, disease, famine, homelessness, poverty are all man made creations and circumstances. Perhaps if mankind were willing to accept that God IS and we acted accordingly, the world would be a much different place. Alas we live in the here and now, where men teach and preach and the masses follow without thought and are willing to die for something some other human being said was God's will. That my friends is why the world as we know it will end--maybe as part of some divine plan--but more likely it is because we as people aren't following any plan but our own.
Monday, April 13, 2009
this blog has gone to shit
Hello evildoers,
Because the powers that be have driven this blog into the shitpile, i have decided to write a quick piece. I just had a conversation with a student, and he quoted back to me some of the strange things that i have said to him. It got me to thinking about all the crazy shit i say to you all in my regular life. I have decided to just give a quick list of things i have been known to say for you to judge. I may be crazy, but I am not boring.
Top Quotes Attributed to Jokeyjokemaker:
1) I would blow out a hamstring racking her
2) I would rack her till I was dehydrated
3) Even I could drive the lane and score on the Bulls interior defense
4) I am nimble like a jungle cat
5) Fagmael can kiss the fattest part of my ass
6) I could hit that curveball
7) I went to a Cubs game to throw out the first pitch, I signed for the year and went 4-2 with a 3.21 ERA out of the bullpen. My two losses? White Sox, and Nationals.
8) I can wrestle with, and beat a california brown bear 3 out of 4 times.
9) I can survive a few gunshots long enough to dramatically defeat the bad guy
10) Wrigley field would be full if the lineup featured giovanni soto and 8 silverback gorillas. This is not a testament to the loyalty of cub fans, but their ignorance
11) Julia Roberts got famous for being a whore in pretty woman. Paris hilton for being a whore, and not being a pretty woman
12) Ryan Seacrest is a pretty woman
13) ian mckellan should have gotten more respect for "Apt Pupil"
14) if Einstien was so smart, why is he dead?
15) I am full of emptiness
16) You hurt my soul to the very core
17) I will rock you like a hurricane
18) fuck that guy
19) johnner is a scumbag
20) something went wrong? I blame the democrats
Because the powers that be have driven this blog into the shitpile, i have decided to write a quick piece. I just had a conversation with a student, and he quoted back to me some of the strange things that i have said to him. It got me to thinking about all the crazy shit i say to you all in my regular life. I have decided to just give a quick list of things i have been known to say for you to judge. I may be crazy, but I am not boring.
Top Quotes Attributed to Jokeyjokemaker:
1) I would blow out a hamstring racking her
2) I would rack her till I was dehydrated
3) Even I could drive the lane and score on the Bulls interior defense
4) I am nimble like a jungle cat
5) Fagmael can kiss the fattest part of my ass
6) I could hit that curveball
7) I went to a Cubs game to throw out the first pitch, I signed for the year and went 4-2 with a 3.21 ERA out of the bullpen. My two losses? White Sox, and Nationals.
8) I can wrestle with, and beat a california brown bear 3 out of 4 times.
9) I can survive a few gunshots long enough to dramatically defeat the bad guy
10) Wrigley field would be full if the lineup featured giovanni soto and 8 silverback gorillas. This is not a testament to the loyalty of cub fans, but their ignorance
11) Julia Roberts got famous for being a whore in pretty woman. Paris hilton for being a whore, and not being a pretty woman
12) Ryan Seacrest is a pretty woman
13) ian mckellan should have gotten more respect for "Apt Pupil"
14) if Einstien was so smart, why is he dead?
15) I am full of emptiness
16) You hurt my soul to the very core
17) I will rock you like a hurricane
18) fuck that guy
19) johnner is a scumbag
20) something went wrong? I blame the democrats
Thursday, April 9, 2009
izzy hearts Public Transportation....
Why drive when u can ride? Why battle the murderous infantile morons who pile into their metal killing machines and ride you like a stripper in vegas hurting for money for her next fix? izzy believes jumping on the bus is a breeze. A crisp breeze on a spring morning as you stare out and watch life transform into a wonderful mozaic playing out live. The blur that is life spun together to create art. izzy will stare at the half awake drivers and almost watch as little more of their soul gets sapped away as they sit in traffic. Izzy knows public transportation offers u a chance to really see the a city or town. It is an accurate sampling of the people, aka the soul of a place. Tourists, they have their tour on double decker buses or boats, but izzy knows Public Transportation can show u more, be more. Day to day though is the real benefit. Izzy dreams of the hour to chill, and relax before going to work. Izzy appreciates what amounts to a brief getaway at the end of the day going home.
iz3y knows there is nothing more exilerating than waking up, getting ready and walking 2-3 blocks to catch Public Transportation in Chicago. Through rain, sleet or snow, you walk as the wind hits ur face, knowing that at any moment, you will see your mechanical tormentor zoom by. iz3y swears he can see a bastard smirk on the beast, but still, iz3y endures. iz3y stares at this GPS tracker that tells him his next ride through the river Styx is on its way in 12 minutes. This is but one feature that caused iz3y's fare to jump, then jump again, then jump yet again despite no improvement in service. When 15 min pass, he checks again only to be assured that it is arriving. So iz3y strains and stares deep into the asphalt distance and sees nothing remotely resembling his carriage. Still iz3y is given notice via the precise GPS device that his transport will soon be there. When it arrives there is no guarantee, iz3y will arrive in any kind of timely fashion. Oh no, a feature of this particular ride is the tortoise like speed we are traveling, so that every building looks like a still picture instead of a blur. Women on walkers zoom by at green lights as we wait, practicing Shaolin monk patience with a driver who obviously is at work, while the rest of us only dream to arrive. If only Hera would direct her rage elsewhere instead of placing us under the whims of a mad man driver skilled in the art of torture. iz3y loves interacting with people and being so close to another human on days we are squeezed on the bus like sardines, particulary on hot days when the windows wont open and with Air Conditioning that failed 100 trips ago. iz3y at least is not stuck in traffic to pay 20 dollars to park his car.
We appreciate that our journey is not the just arrival at the destination, but the experiences, memories, and friends we have collected along the way.
-iz3y
Zero 7 - Destiny
iz3y knows there is nothing more exilerating than waking up, getting ready and walking 2-3 blocks to catch Public Transportation in Chicago. Through rain, sleet or snow, you walk as the wind hits ur face, knowing that at any moment, you will see your mechanical tormentor zoom by. iz3y swears he can see a bastard smirk on the beast, but still, iz3y endures. iz3y stares at this GPS tracker that tells him his next ride through the river Styx is on its way in 12 minutes. This is but one feature that caused iz3y's fare to jump, then jump again, then jump yet again despite no improvement in service. When 15 min pass, he checks again only to be assured that it is arriving. So iz3y strains and stares deep into the asphalt distance and sees nothing remotely resembling his carriage. Still iz3y is given notice via the precise GPS device that his transport will soon be there. When it arrives there is no guarantee, iz3y will arrive in any kind of timely fashion. Oh no, a feature of this particular ride is the tortoise like speed we are traveling, so that every building looks like a still picture instead of a blur. Women on walkers zoom by at green lights as we wait, practicing Shaolin monk patience with a driver who obviously is at work, while the rest of us only dream to arrive. If only Hera would direct her rage elsewhere instead of placing us under the whims of a mad man driver skilled in the art of torture. iz3y loves interacting with people and being so close to another human on days we are squeezed on the bus like sardines, particulary on hot days when the windows wont open and with Air Conditioning that failed 100 trips ago. iz3y at least is not stuck in traffic to pay 20 dollars to park his car.
We appreciate that our journey is not the just arrival at the destination, but the experiences, memories, and friends we have collected along the way.
-iz3y
Zero 7 - Destiny
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Matt Damon ain't shit...
So i'm watching "The Bourne Ultimatum" the other day and it just clicked. What the fuck is Matt Damon doing kicking so much ass? This cat goes from seeing about a girl to driving with the precision of Steve McQueen and kicking ass with such precision as anyone we've seen in a long time.
This made me think....who else could come from out of nowhere to make a kick ass action movie.
The answer is Rowan Atkinson!
So yeah he made Johnny English and that was sort of an action movie. But imagine him shaving his head, gaining about 100 pounds of muscle and taking out some baddie while delivering some kick ass tag line.
This is my answer to the Jason Bourne series. Who would yours be???
This made me think....who else could come from out of nowhere to make a kick ass action movie.
The answer is Rowan Atkinson!
So yeah he made Johnny English and that was sort of an action movie. But imagine him shaving his head, gaining about 100 pounds of muscle and taking out some baddie while delivering some kick ass tag line.
This is my answer to the Jason Bourne series. Who would yours be???
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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