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HAPPY BDAY to Bella Baggins (7/6) and the BIGS (7/13)

Friday, June 26, 2009

A little self-involved are we???

I have found over the past 2 to 3 years that a lot of Packer fans are ambivalent about ex-Packer Brett Favre. In 2006 while still attending school i would have conversations regarding the replacement of Brett by young up and comer Aaron Rodgers. About 50 percent were for it and 50 against. Then the summer of 2008 arrived.

Boy was Wisconsin in for a surprise. Brett retired after many many years in gold ol' green and gold and shed many tears at his retirement news conference. But then, in late July he declared he would like to come back and lead his mighty team to victories once more. However, Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy decided that was not the best of ideas.

Why would we want to bring back the all time leader in touchdowns thrown, interceptions thrown, consecutive games by a QB, painkillers ingested and so on and so on who led us to the NFC Championship game the previous year?!

So Brett goes on to play for the NY Jets and yadda, yadda, yadda, he might end up playing for the Minnesota Vikings this year. I read on websites and hear through conversation good and bad regarding this decision. I am here to focus on the bad which is, "If Brett throws on that damn purple and gold jersey he is dead to me".

These are the same people who praised his name during his tenure with the Packers. Who stood by him during his pain killer times. Who with every interception didn't mind because he was the ultimate "Bear Killer". Not only a Bear killer but a guaranteed 4 to 5 wins within your own division. That is huge considering you would only need to win about 50% of your remaining games to make the playoffs.

A man who owned the NFC North/Central for more than a decade. Now i do not have to tell you how many quarterbacks the Chicago Bears have been through since Brett Favre grabbed the reigns over at Lambeau. John Madden went over that stat many times in his Monday night career. But i do have to tell you that your hate will take you no where.

Because Brett played for the Jets and might play for the Vikings does not take away the blood sweat and tears that he literally shed for you for over 15 years. The pain of playing through a broken finger. The pain of playing through fighting a drug addiction. The pain of playing through his father dying the night before and still lighting up a sorry ass excuse for a secondary that the raiders throw out year after year.

And i hear all this talk about the Hall of Fame. I do not want him going in as a Packer if he plays for the Vikings.


How dumb are you?!?!? You call yourself a football fan? Football players are not enshrined as a player for a team. They are enshrined as a player! There is no logo on their forehead. There is no helmet on their bust (for you lower level Packer fans out there, this is a sculpture of a person's head, shoulders and chest, not a woman's breasts).

If a player plays for 5 years with the Steelers then 5 years with the Chargers and were a high enough quality player to be inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame they do not flip a coin and pick which team they go in under. They go in as "John Doe" greatest whatever to play the game.

Point being. Respect the man! I know he is a super diva and likes the thrill of should i retire or not. But your Packer organization gave him up for an unqualified, untested starter. Packers went what? 5-11 last year with 2 of those wins coming against the Lions. From the NFC Championship to the cellar all to prove you have big enough balls to say we do not want him back. Well guess what! The Vikings just need a consistent enough QB to complement AD. Maybe they have that in dude from Houston or from Brett. Oh and guess what! Bears went out and traded for a Pro Bowl QB who just might make the receivers better and throw some TD's to Olsen. And if they straighten up their defense, uh oh!

This man has played his heart out for years without using PED's, that we know of, unlike the Rocket, so let him do what he wants. He has earned that right. Packer fans might say that i am a Bear's fan and what do i know about QB's. Exactly! What do i know? But i do know this. A certain guard, 6'6" from North Carolina played his heart out for a team and brought them 6 championships. Come the end of his career he made some weird decisions. Decisions that cost him two championships that might have given him 8 in a row. This would have placed him in a league that only the legendary Celtics have been in.

Did i disown him? No, I understood what he did for his team our city and the game.

So next time you follow some overrated linebackers way of thinking and say that he is the enemy. Remember those 3 MVP's he earned, the 1 NFL Championship he brought to Green Bay and most of all, all the spine tingling plays he made for you each and every Sunday.

And please please please if you regard yourself as any type of fan. Learn how to spell his damn name!!!

In regards to the previous post

first off, Sho-nuff.....suck my cock...again. I am not ssure if fagmael is involved, but let's give him the perfunctory "Fuck you fagmael."
"Gomar?" Thats all you got? Also, don't ever fuck with me and music.

Michael jackson was alright, but its not the end of the world. He actually was a gifted tambourine player, and i heard he could really manhandle the piccolo (Italian slang for the meat flute). He was a gifted entertainer, and an even more gifted self-promoter. I also understand that the beatles only relased 4-5 albums, so if you got the goods, you don't need to release an album/mixtape every 3 months like lil weezy.

The black or white, dangerous, and remember the time were played on SEVERAL
channels, usually in 5 minute formats following a good show such as the simpsons, or In Living Color. It was most certianly not a black thing, a white thing, it was a w global thing. I do not think that we would brush off the child molestation charges if it were a white guy, or justin timberlake. Michael had to show his penis because several children could identify the moles and spots on his pubic skin.

MJ bleached his skin because he hated his black-ass dad, and everytime he saw his big nose in the mirror, je was reminded of his dad. In closing, its sad, but its an overdose. I am gonna make a ton of money by putting a picture of michael jackson, barack obama, biggie and tupac on a shirt, and selling it at local discount malls.

I actually got history at the midnight offering at Target, so for those of you that assume you know how i will play a hand, smoke my pole.

"Like most artists, perhaps his greatness will be more appreciated now that he's gone." people loved the fucker while he was alive and crazy, it can't get much better for him.


Hail to "The King"

I know Gomar is hating right now, but it had to be done.

Today (and beyond) we remember the greatest ENTERTAINER of all time. Mike wasn't the best singer, and who knows if he could even play any instruments. But he entertained us. Whether it was performing, constantly changing his face, or prime time "press conferences" to give us his view unfiltered by the media and tabloids, he was entertaining. Many will remember him for his music and many more will remember him because of his eccentricity. But it is undeniable that Michael Jackson, the man that created his own nick-name, the man that dropped albums in the fall that went platinum by Christmas, the man that did EVERYTHING big was by far the best we will ever see.

In order to put this in perspective, recognize that Mike only had 6 solo albums (not including movie soundtracks and "Blood On The Dance Floor" which was more of a prequel to "HIStory"). What does that have to do with anything? How many artists with such a small catalog (coupled with such a long career) are even remotely remembered like Mike? Mike didn't believe in releasing garbage. It literally took him years to drop a record. And when it finally dropped, it was accompanied by a movie length video and mad hype. I recall watching BET (yes, I used to watch BET) when "Dangerous" came out, most specifically the video for "Remember The Time." There was pub just for the VIDEO. And it was aired in prime time. He dropped "Off the Wall" in August--it was certified platinum by December. Thriller sold almost 30 million copies. Television stations shut down what they were doing to air Mike in prime time, whether it was for a video or an "exclusive" interview. CBS had an entire 2 hour long special of just Mike. Read that again. That's not a cable station. They made a movie about his life--and he was still alive. The man hasn't dropped an album since 2001, but his concert tickets for next month in London were selling at over 2000 British Pounds a piece. ($1 U.S. = .6 pounds).

Now we can hate on the fact that he started life as a little black boy and ended it looking like a white woman. But part of me thinks you can't blame him. Have you seen Jermaine? Joe? That's what Mike would have looked like. It's almost just as bad. We can hate on his eccentric behavior--how he hung with Emmanuel Lewis or how he'd show up to award shows with models when people questioned his sexuality--but he didn't half ass anything. Even his missteps were big.

Mike hated haters yet he couldn't help but incite them. He married Elvis' daughter for goodness sakes. When he was accused of child molestation, the evidence gathered included pictures of his dick. Most people give DNA samples--Mike had to show off the goods. He changed his face more times than Beyonce changes costumes at a concert. He bought and licensed out the entire Beetles catalog. He suddenly went Muslim on us. He suddenly was BLACK again (listen to "HIStory" to see what I mean). We must take blame/credit for most of this. This was a man who literally lived in the limelight since he was a kid. Even his attempts to hide (wearing masks or stay private) were big news. He couldn't escape us. At least 80% of the shit we hate on Mike for would be brushed off it it were anyone else.

Mike was an artistic perfectionist but we wanted his life to be like his music. Doesn't work that way. Most great artists are tragically flawed. Mike was no exception. You can hate on the man all you want, but his greatness as an entertainer is undeniable. Shame on those of you that didn't buy or at least listen to "Invincible." Shame on those that forgot about "Dangerous." Shame on those that didn't recognize that Mike's music changed with the times and the product remained good. NONE of his albums sounded alike.

Like most artists, perhaps his greatness will be more appreciated now that he's gone.


Thursday, June 18, 2009


Stories, ideas, and hate filled tirades from true office events!

I. In the grand scheme of things, why do people send emails to 40 people to prove they are right about the most insignificant shit in the world. do they feel someone will stand up and clap and say, "you said it all brother...u said it all. I mean the work didnt get done, but you really proved us wrong by being right that u sent an email saying it needed to be done. "?

II. you know how bad sucking up to your boss has become? People are now doing it via email! Sending random ass thoughts and stolen ideas over email and hoping their boss will come to them and give them a fucking cookie. THERE IS NO COOKIE COMING. We just know ur a fucking moron, because now we have it in print!

III. Why is it my job to get people from another department to talk to each other? Oh and why do people assume you know all the things they want because they called a meeting? U go to the meetings, THEY CALLED, and they ask u to tell them how they should do their work. I mean...people dont even try to think anymore.

IV. When did we go to the lowest common denominator thinking at the work place? So we have to dumb everything down because people gave up on trying to be good/smart at their job. You assign a task to someone and you have write out every step they have to take including what hand to double-click the mouse with (and in some case, what double-click means). If the company distributes a memo saying to do one thing, people say, "well it wasnt clear that I HAD TO DO IT! It just says to do it!" People's collective IQ has perished so much that it is no wonder China is licking their chops. Maybe it is because....

V. HR departments are afraid of getting sued. So what! Let them sue and lose money trying to defend themselves in court for being to0 lazy or too stupid to their damn job. "Yo honor, i am not certain why i was fired. I show up and do good work. I mean, i dont finish, or even do it well, but I try! And anyways, its not like they never fucked if i messed up 20's my fault?" [Actual response!] So if u have a weak ass HR department you will be forced to work with these morons because they are too PC and afraid that the Muppet will sue the company for wrongful termination. Bring me back the 80s where people got fired for not wearing shoulder pad suits!!!

in Full monday morning mode

Monday, June 15, 2009

Sports with the Handsome Right-Hander


Kobe STILL ain't shit!

Thats all for this week, join us next week when we will have detailed analysis of the Crosstown classic between the Kane County Cougars, and the Moline Mudfish.

The Handsome Right-Hander
Sports Mondays

Kobe 4 of 6 for 66.6%, MJ in the finals 6 for 6 for 100%

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Just put it in your mouth...

So my younger cousin asks me to be a chaperone on a field trip. We were not going anywhere fancy just downtown on a scavenger hunt. I have a group of five or six that i am chaperoning. One of them being a very overweight 11 year old. We end up finished with the hunt and at a ice cream parlor. She orders a double chocolate something or other. No big deal. All of a sudden other groups of kids show up and are going to the ice cream parlor across the street. My group goes across the street and the overweight young lady orders another triple chocolate something or other. It not being my place to say anything i kept quiet and just made sure no one was doing anything out of line.

This leads into my aunt letting her grand-daughter drink soda and whatever sugary delight that is in front of her. Oh she just needs some soda she says.

Negro Please!!!

Young people need to be taught what to and what not to eat. The reason this upsets me is because these young kids were and are African-American. They have a higher chance of developing diabetes than other people.

Do not shove anything and everything they want into their mouths just because they want it. I understand, i understand. But it's my whatever and they just want a little bit. Tell that to them when you have to inject them with an insulin shot everyday. Or when they end up on the Biggest Loser because Mommy or Grandma let them eat whatever they want.

I am not trying to pretend like my kids eat the healthiest in the world. But i damn sure make sure they don't eat a bunch of shit! Grab some grapes, kiwi, bananas, oranges, strawberries, yogurt, natural juices, or water for them to munch on!

We are here to set examples for them so they do not end up on TLC as the half ton kid who can't make it to his/her prom. I am not saying they can not have cookies or ice cream or whatever else you allow them to have as a treat. But remember. Everything in moderation. Not just for blacks. I was just using that s an example (because i have a multi-cultural family mostly). But for all of our kids. Teach them young and they will lead a healthy life.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Alderman Update 2


I have noticed a sharp weight-loss in the alderman in my area. I have also noticed a sleepless look, and a paling of the skin. Phase one of my plan is complete. Phase two goes something like this

1) Shouting "Target Acquired" out loud when he goes to his office in the morning.

2) Walking by, and speaking into my sleeve, while looking in the office window.

3) Splashing marinara all around the doorstep to his office, and empty ammunition boxes in the trashcans

4) dressing up 3 buddes in head-to-toe black outfits and parking directly near the door.

5) shorting out the wiring located near the alley, allowing me to kill power to the strip mall any time I desire

6) leaving movies like "Dead Man Walking, Jacob's Ladder, Insomnia, and Psycho, in the mail. Ensuring that the onlyhands to touch said dvd's are the clerk's at Best Buy

7) Noticing that without fail, lunchtime occurs between 1224-and 142 m-f.

8) Stating for the record, that I wish my alderman no harm in any way shape or form

9) having his neighbor weed his garden with a sling-blade like device

10) getting to the office early mornings to ensure it is I, who recieves the morning paper, inserting my own "SPecial Events" section.

We will see how it goes

The Raving Luntic
Wishing my alderman no HARM in any way shape, or form


ok- it's been a while and it's 2:16am...i guess im not a LAME-O bc i do have a "partygirl"- i could have been so still out right now ...not so much bc i like to party (bc i actually dont :) but bc im not sleepy at all so figured "hey! ill just blog:)"

i actually havent blogged bc ive been very proactive...if i feel like "blogging" (usually some weird emotion is going on) -ive taken up the activity of powerwalking/jogging. I love it soo much! esp the jogging! BOOOY do i feel like a winner when i jog! Joggin is so mental it's not even funny! I always thought running was about fitness but really if you can see yourself running you can run. Sometimes i run to "run" away from my troubles and boooy does that work! i can run like a cheetah when i do channel that negative energy in me (which unfortunately is alot :/ ) - it's like im sweating off all that bad stuff! AMAZING! if you do not run - do try it! it's great! :)

So anywho today i went to some intro of some Landmark Forum? I'm prety much convinced and even if might (maybe :) talk shit about it in this blog lol i plan to do it :)

So this is some 3 day course and 1 evening that is supposed to transform your life...being the cynical person i am I think :" how is that possible?" esp when i have been trying to do that the past 3 years!!??

but according to this group it is? i have decided to try it even though many people i know that were in it already seem upbeat and positve and have job satistfaction! im quite the opposite- cynical , pessimistisc etc but will do it anyway...So im wondering where they liKe this before the forum or did it come after :) :L

i wouldnt be able to answer that but do know that i need help and see this as a good thing :)

so we shall see?? i have decided to join "group therapy!"...the cult!.....

and have ALOT to say about my experience today and why im joining but will leave it at that for now and will blog about it once im definitely in...hmmmm (thanks Rey for inviting me to the informational ;)

have a good night! :)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Scumbag Alderman Update

I own hook swords. I do not mean to brag, but I am a fucking whirlwind of destruction with those in my hands. So, I decided to put some "Subconcious" pressure on my alderman. I park my car right in front of the big picture window of his office. I prominently display my pair of hook swords, and get out of my car. I smoke a few cigarettes right in front of the office, feigning anger al the while. When the alderman comes out to ask if those are real swords, and if I am fucking nuts i say "No,they are wall decorations and Yes, I am crazy, but on meds." He kinda laughs nervously. I say " I wish they were real, cause I am a fucking surgeon with those in my hands. I could shave you, or behead you in the time you raise your hands." Needless to say i was asked to leave the premesis.


50 Yard restaining order, luckily, Home run Inn pizza is 52 yards away, and has outdoor seating. HA HA HA

Watching and Waiting
The Raving Lunatic

Sports Monday with the Handsome Right-hander

Hey all,

It's me, the Handsome Right-Hander, with your sports. Cubs lost, Sox won, We are all witnesses to LeBron's abject failure. Will Nike be the next to seek bankruptcy protection? Only time will tell. I believe all is as it should be. See you all next week.

Handsome Right-Hander

Why wouldnt I do that!!!

Have you ever done something because at the time it just seemed like a winner of an idea? You buy a car because you sort of needed a new one and decided this was the perfect time to knock this out. You go and talk to a girl 'out of ur league' just because u had the gumption or the requisite amount of alcohol in ur system to make it seem like a great idea. I have had some jackass moments which i detailed here, but these are not one of those times. No, the 'FUCK IT' moments usually lead to something kool, unexpected and pretty story worthy. Hell, at minimum you are able to write something down on our life resume and finally say u did something with your short time on this beautiful planet. So without further build up, here are some of my FUCK IT moments.

  • iz3y goes to New Orleans to get gumbo
    I am dead serious about this. Yeah, I mixed in a trip to see some family, but really, i was just tired of hearing about the Gumbo in New Orleans and decided to go get some. It was a 15 hour drive just to satisfy my curiosity in which i hung out at the French Quarter, ran right into Jazz Fest, which drove up my hotel rate to 250 a night for a flea bag room. I ate alligator, gambled, walked on the street with alcohol, and avoided a dark ass street that had 'mugging and ass raping here' written all over it. I did witness a girl flash the crowd, and the cops arrest her ass for doing it. I saw the end of i-55 (which i think is cool since the other end is in Chicago) and yes i finally had some gumbo. I would like to report it is REALLY GOOD! I ate at MOTHER's, a dump of a place behind the Harrah's casino that serves fantastic cajun food. The Gumbo was awesome, the etouffee was way better.

  • iz3y drives to LA because it is right there...
    So i left a wedding in San Diego and i see the I-5 sign to LA, and I was trying to convince my navigator that LA's walk of fame is just a crappy sidewalk and that the whole area really is a dump! So we said fuck it and drove to LA (112 miles) at midnight just to prove a point. Now, i had been drinking watered down liquids earlier in the night and i washed that down with 2-3 tall glasses of water later in the night and i used the washroom exactly once. This is vitally important because once in LA i saw the Disney Music Hall which looks just like the Millenium Park Band Shell back home in Chicago and I really wanted to stop and check it out. Problem was, the seal was broken and nature was calling! So i drove a block up and pissed on the street. No lightpost, no tree...just on the street. Fucking Vagrant move i know. We then drove to Hollywood and checked out the fancy dirty sidewalk with stars and names all up and down it. Shit while i was here being disappointed we decided to see the Hollywood sign. For those of you who dont know, YOU CANT GET CLOSE TO THE SIGN! I had been here before and knew that, but I promised to uncover the wackness of LA so we went and got lost in the Hollywood Hills (thank you HERTZ NEVERLOST!) and finally got to a point where we could see the sign...well at least the WOOD part. So, we drove 2 hours to see WOOD! yep...i love LA! Am i glad i pissed on the street? i think we all know i am!

  • iz3y drives to WoodHaven!
    I know, many of the people who know, know this don't mean shit. Woodhaven is where we camp and is only two hours outside of Chicago, but see I wasnt going. Nope, i was dead set on going to a party hosted by my good friend Renee, and was on my way there with my date and my friend Mij and his running mate at the time. First, we decided to warm up at a Wine Bar on Taylor street. A few glasses down, we are telling them how great WoodHaven is, and finally we are like fuck it...lets go! so we go home throw shit in a bag, and head out to camp all last minute. I know, not that crazy great times around a fire, playing cards, and fishing, and we almost chucked it to go to a party. Sorry, know i love you! Being young and bored had its advantages!
  • iz3y jumps off a shack in Belize
    For those of you who like Costa Rica...good. I have been, it is awesome, but give me my Belize. Well I have family there and that makes special to me, plus it is legit gorgeous. So I am there and my fam takes me to the sea. When we get there, I see these kids climbing the shack constructed of corrugated metal and jump off head first into the sea. Shit looked like crazy mad fun so i asked my uncle what he thought? This uncle is 2 years younger than me and i asking him his advice. So he climbs up and flies off and i was like fuck all that... I take my ass up there and look down. Now normally, the see is stupid clear but today the rains had made it muddy, so I fly off and cut through the water, and miss a boulder by a smooth 3 inches.

  • iz3y works up courage to set up his first date
    Don't care what you all say, but this is always a big deal. The moment where u try not to say dumb shit. You worry about the breath, the booger in your nose, and yes, even if u put on enough Cool water! I am happy to report i succeeded, and toured Ford City Mall like a super champ. I even scored a would be but one moment in the up and down track record of my dating life. Still, it will always be a 'fuck it' memory and moment.
  • iz3y tells his Managing Partner...PEACE!
    For those of you who have been laid off, you know how much it sux. That stomach punch feeling as they hit you with the letter, phone call, or just a "can I see u in my office?" Well for me, it was the list! The list of people who got promoted and I wasnt on it. I knew I was fucked well before that, for reasons to long to descibe, but I knew. So there i was staring at this list officially knowing i got fucked over. So i had two decisions to make, accept the fact that I didnt get promoted and that people stupider than a block of salt did, or go into my Partner's office, he didnt like me, and ask him what's what.
    I chose Option B...scheduled the appointment, and walked in there and asked, "Why didnt I get promoted? I assume your going to lay me off". He sat there suprised. I guess he expected me to grovel..THERE WILL BE NO GROVELING!!! So he starts with "I am not sure you are a fit here. I think that is obvious, and we do have a way of doing things at [NOW DEFUNCT BIG 5 FIRM]. I am just not sure you got that in ur time here"
    Here is where i laughed. See, I had been with this firm for 6 years now, he never knew that because jack ass never looked at my file. Oh yes, I had a file...a thick one. Full of commendations and recommendations...oh and probation notice from this jack ass! Yeah...u can be put on probation for fun at [NOW DEFUNCT BIG 5 FIRM]. So I thanked him for his time, asked for my 3 weeks severence pay, told him, it is obvious u never opened my file because u would have known i worked here for 6 years and know a few partners and managers all of whom have given me great reviews. I capped it with "I may not be here a fit with you, but i am young enough and now trained enough, thanks to you, to find another great opportunity and that is all I am looking for. " His face was priceless. He was stunned. Again, I think he was expecting a break down, all we did was shake hands and I strolled out with a 3 weeks of cash plus vacation pay. Best break up ever!!!


being super generous in my selfishness

Cypress Hill - I wanna get high