Shout OUT!

HAPPY BDAY to Bella Baggins (7/6) and the BIGS (7/13)

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Letter to the Commish

Dear Mr. Stern,

I am writing to bring to your attention the massive amounts of offensive language and gestures invading the fair game of professional basketball. Recently, your league fined Kobe Bryant and Joakim Noah for using the term "fag" or "faggot" toward a referee and a fan respectively. This term is certainly a derogatory one to question ones manliness. But other words are used on the court that go unnoticed it would seem by your office.

Recently (as in this evening), the Miami Heat organization used songs (although instrumentals) that use offensive language during the introductions to both teams. They used Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You" (a.k.a. Forget You if you listen to the clean version) and C-Murder's "Down for my niggas." In other words, the Miami Heat organization sent a big "F U" to Dallas during introductions and then called the Dallas team "niggas."

Mr. Stern if you are not familiar with Mr. Murder's song, here is a sampling of the lyrics:

Fuck them other niggas cause I'm down for my niggas
Fuck them other niggas cause I'm down for my niggas
Fuck them other niggas, I ride for my niggas,
I die for my niggas
Fuck them other niggas

What niggas? Them niggas? Yeah dog you wit it
Fuck em, let's get em, do em, I did em.

Admittedly Mr. Murder's song will get a nigga hype and I'm sure that was the point of using it to introduce the Heat. I've witnessed such hypeness myself first hand. And as you can see I support the use of the term nigga, so long as it is appropriate. But that doesn't make it less offensive, particularly to former players who blazed the trail for some of these niggas to get rich. I'm sure the NBA is full of upstanding Black men to go with its share of niggas. But I'm pretty confident Dirk Nowitzki isn't one of them (an upstanding Black man or a nigga). And I'm pretty sure Dallas appreciated being told Fuck You and being called niggas over the PA system (as opposed to being caught by a randomly placed TV camera).

In sum Mr. Stern I hope that your office reacts harshly and swiftly to these actions. It would certainly be an outrage for the pockets of Mr. Bryant and Mr. Noah to be lighter today for use of an offensive term said on the court, and for the Heat organization to go unscathed for use of offensive innuendos over the PA system.


The meanest, the prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low-down in this town
Your Highness in waiting,

Break up the NCAA

The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) is an administrative body created to regulate college sports in order to make them safer. Eventually it was expanded to make rules and regulations generally. Schools choose whether or not to belong to the association, however because of its size and the revenue available to its members, belonging at some point becomes involuntary--you almost HAVE to belong. In choosing to belong to the Association, schools give away its intellectual property rights to the Association, thus the NCAA owns the exclusive licensing rights to all intellectual property (logos, performance of games, etc) of its members (with the exception of Notre Dame). This makes the NCAA sort of a monopoly (more on this later).

Student-athletes must also abide by any rules set forth by the Association by way of accepting a scholarship to play a sport at a member school. Student-athletes generally cannot receive any sort of benefit outside of their scholarship or any "swag" they may receive for participating in an NCAA sanctioned event per NCAA rules (which automatically are incorporated into their contracts). And here's where the problem lies.

We live in a society that loves to shower people of fame with gifts. Designers give actors and actresses free clothes because if their spotted wearing the shit, its advertisement for the designer. Car companies give away cars for winning things (like awards, sporting tournaments, or Wheel of Fortune) with the same idea in mind. However the NCAA frowns upon people not affiliated with the school giving student athletes "hook ups."

Take the Ohio State football program for example. Ohio State football is HUGE in central Ohio. There is pretty much nothing else to attract the love and attention of sports fans (with the exception of the Columbus Crew and Blue Jackets--but both of those fan bases combined can't compare to the love for the Buckeyes). Business owners are more than happy to give star players the privilege to "use" a nice car for free--in hopes that when they get big bucks they'll come back and buy one later. Others will ask for memorabilia--whether to keep for themselves because they're huge fans or to sell on eBay--in exchange for merchandise. Needless to say, stars on the Ohio State football team (and to some extent the basketball team) are the biggest celebrities in the city. Which makes this no different than Kobe getting hooked up in L.A. or Urlacher walking into Nike Town and leaving with free kicks.

In sum, this massive monopoly does not allow its contractors to participate in society and use their fame like any other member of society can. In any other situation, these people could sell their signature, accept free shit and be a VIP. Hell reality "stars" are better positioned to make use of their celebrity than student-athletes. In any other situation members of an association could leave the association (ex. Barry Bonds opted to not be a member of the players' association once he got to the Giants. He figured he should profit off his likeness and all things Bonds related--not baseball generally). However student-athletes can't leave the NCAA. Their choice is to play for another school which may belong to another association (the NAIA for example) which may not offer as much exposure, or the academic quality of the school may not be as good (if they care about those sort of things), or the ladies might not be as nice (because lets face it--chicks dig Division I). To a 17-20 year old this is no choice at all. When there is no other choice, you have a monopoly.

The solution isn't paying players or creating a "minor league" for football (the NBA already has the NBADL and Europe; baseball and hockey players can play professionally right out of high school), but to have the courts look into the power the NCAA has. Ultimately, the NCAA and it's rules influence the daily lives of players. Players are losing scholarships or being sanctioned for activity that should be beyond the purview of NCAA regulation--since the NCAA was created to regulate ON FIELD activity, and especially since some of the behavior doesn't tarnish the image of the NCAA. The fallacy the NCAA wants you to believe is that these young people are "amateur" athletes and for the purity of the sport all that should matter is free school, housing and books. Yet the NCAA rakes in BILLIONS off the sweat and hard work of the players and coaches in the sporting programs. There is something wrong with this picture. These players aren't "cheaters" and the coaches that don't snitch on them shouldn't be ridiculed. They're no different than anyone else in our society trying to capitalize on their celebrity status. If we can't stop Octomom from doing so, the NCAA shouldn't be trying to stop student-athletes from doing it either.

Monday, May 30, 2011


I have written several blogs about varied and well documented ways that Jesse Jackson has failed as a minister, a politician, and a human being.  By far, the Top Failure of Jesse Jackson, and the Jackson  Family as a single cohesive unit, is the Budwieser Distributorship Fiasco.  This move is unprecedented, and can be labeled the single reason that Jesse Jackson, and the Jackson family are still around.  

     Years ago, Jesse Jackson started out as a troublemaker who would go around and accuse businesses of not being diverse enough.  This, in and of itself, was not bad.  I dare to say that if this were his only mission, I might like the dude.  Many businesses had their attention drawn to the need for diversification, and did so accordingly.  However, a strange thing happened.   Jackson, basically became a nuisance to the point that many businesses just paid him to go away.  These were not outright payments, but donations to the Rainbow PUSH org that Jackson embezzles money from.  

     One such example is the fact that the Jackson family own the Budwieser Distributorship in the Wrigley Field area.  The market price at the time at the time was 40M, and once Jackson realized that he could only raise half that, he began to raise the race issue at corporate headquarters.  He gathered investors slowly but surely on his end, and annoyed Budwieser to the point where they took the 20M just to get him the hell away from the corporate office.  All you stupid, stupid Cubs fans are paying Jesse Jackson and his group to drink and watch shitty baseball.  

     Jackson did not stop there.  He slowly and methodically got investors who were not directly tied to Rainbow PUSH bought out/removed from the investment group, and had the Jackson family buy their shares.  This beer money helped pay or Jesse's illegitimate child support, fund the attempted sale of the Senator seat to Jesse Jr, and pay for a political fucking nobody Sandi Jackson to win an aldermanic seat.  The issue is not the shadiness perpetrated by the Jackson family, but rather the extreme hypocrisy that they practice.  These fucks are the same people who march up and down and try to get  cigarettes banned in black neighborhoods.  WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOLISM?  IS THIS NOT AN ISSUE IN BLACK NEIGHBORHOODS?  I sometimes drive by black neighborhoods in the afternoons, and there are always 10-15 fucking guys standing around liquor stores looking like zombies.  Its 1 pm,  are there not better places for them to be?  Is this not an issue for you Jesse?  I guess not, as long as they are democrats.    Jesse, your lies, your deception, and your unscrupulous behavior has led me to hate you and what you stand for.  You outran me once, you won;t be so lucky next time.

The Raving Lunatic


Sunday, May 29, 2011

Myths of Education

Hello dear friends,

     It is I, the Raving Lunatic, back to ask a question.  "Just how good is the U.S Education system?
I have just netflixed the movie "Waiting for Superman,"  and found it a bit underwhelming.  It was just as underwhelming as the educational component in Freakanomics.  There are stories, facts and figures out there pro-this or anti-that.  But what info makes the MOST difference when it comes to education?

Is it the quality of the teachers?  Is it the neighborhood the school is located in?  Is it the parents of students?  Is it the influx of immigrants in our school systems?  Can we just fire bad teachers? 

Public education is a right pf passage in American society. Maybe your family had a little money, or your parents worked their asses off to send you to private school.  It is known that the public schools must accept everyone who appears at their doors, no matter their race, language, economic status, or disability. Like the huddled masses who arrived from Europe in years gone by, immigrants from across the world today turn to the public schools to learn what they need to know to become part of this society. The schools should be far better than they are now, but making them all private charters, or offering school vouchers is no solution.

It bears mentioning that nations with high-performing school systems—whether Korea, Singapore, Finland, or Japan—have succeeded not by privatizing their schools or closing those with low scores, but by strengthening the education profession. They also have less poverty than we do. Fewer than 5 percent of children in Finland live in poverty, as compared to 20 percent in the United States. Those who insist that poverty doesn’t matter, that only teachers matter, prefer to ignore such contrasts.

Parents seem to demand that public schools start firing “bad” teachers so they can get the great results that one of every five charter schools gets. But he never explains how difficult it is to identify “bad” teachers. If one looks only at test scores, teachers in affluent suburbs get higher ones. If one uses student gains or losses as a general measure, then those who teach the neediest children—English-language learners, troubled students, autistic students—will see the smallest gains, and teachers will have an incentive to avoid districts and classes with large numbers of the neediest students.

Friday, May 27, 2011

TV shows you really need to NetFlix

I watch more TV than you. I always say this but i feel like beleaguring the point. Your TV watching is nothing compared to mine. I am the king of the couch. I am the master of the remote control. I am the supreme cyclops of TV, so listen up because I have some shows you need to go watch.

What you will notice is that I left off many popular shows because they are too easy and really the base common denominator.  CSI...well that is an awesome show, so i dont have to tell you to watch and ignore CSI: NY, Miami or NCIS or NCIS LA or NCIS: Russia.  Law and order is only good if you're a frustrated lawyer.  I also left off some of my personal mindless favorites like White Collar or Fast Lane because I know those shows suck but they entertain me.  Other things you will notice is that F/X is a great network for TV.  I could have added Damages or Riches on there if they would have just lasted a bit longer.  F/X does a great job rolling out shows that other networks overlook or wont show.  so peruse the list, go to netflix and start watching.  you wont be disappointed unless you think Big Momma's house is a good movie!

The Shield
Sons of Anarchy
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Rescue ME (up to season 5)

The Wire
(I intentionally left out Sopranos and True blood because those shows arent good.  They were ok and have survived on the mass appeal of people who didnt know about the other shows on this list.  Eastbound and Down is also off because it is not that funny and dont even get me started on Curb your Enthusiasm... You also already know that Entourage is awesome...for the most part!)

(sorry L Word and Tudors...i havent watched you.  Nurse Jackie was good for 2 episodes, and whatever that nonsense is with William H Macy, I will pass on it.)


Psych (season 1-2)
Burn Notice (season 1-3)


Cartoon Network:
Cowboy Bebop

Sports with the Handsome Righthander

Hello Sportsfans,

     LeBron Still aint shit.

The Handsome Righthander


I am a born and bred Chicagoan.  I have never entertained the thought of moving out of Chicago, and i am the first to stick up for my city when people claim the suburbs or other cities are better.  I am a fan of every single sports team in Chicago, except the Cubs.  So I will, like millions of other Bulls fans, get up and tip my hat to the Chicago Bulls, despite being crushed and decimated after last night.  This morning  I am still proud to be a Bulls fan and will rock the hat and shirt hard!

No one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE, predicted we would have been this good this year.  No one saw a team, with so many new players, new coaches and NEW FANS, have the potential to storm the league the way they did.  They covered their flaws with heart, hustle, desire, determination, and raw love for the game and this city.  People across the country began filling in fan applications again because we embodied what people loved about team sports.  We also had an exciting young player who acted like a Man and shouldered the blame, spread the fame, and played the game all while carrying this City's name.

We won 62 games, and lost 20, and in every one of those games we appreciated the effort.  In the playoffs, we cheered and shouted and rooted for this team in hopes our collective energy could will them to the top as much as their will pushed their strengths and covered their weaknesses.  Yet, they did more for us than we want to realize at times.  They made our city proud and gave us great moments to be cherished and talked about. They gave us hope.  Hope that we are relevant in the NBA scene again.  Hope that we will compete on the big stages repeatedly and with the same class as our other champions.  The Bulls werent supposed to be this good this soon, but they were.  Having expectations is what makes people great and inspires others.

I watch my son pick up a ball and practice his Derrick Rose feints and fakes, and shot.  He mimics his free throw routine, and defiantly throws it down with a two hand flush full of the same power and fury that D.Rose does.  He heads to youTube to watch D.Rose videos and is mesmorized by the well crafted highlight clips thousands of inspired fans have created.  Yet, it is not limited to him.  I am inspired by a kid who is 11 years younger and 1000000 times more athletic.  I am happy my son likes him, and his favorite player Luol Deng, because they are easy to like and represent a great ideal.  My dad even gets into the mix loving every energy exhausting play Joakim Noah makes.  The list goes on and on and on.

This morning, people are going to tell us what we need and how close we were.  I would like to tell them...WE KNOW.  We won 6 championships with the greatest player of all time at the helm.  We havent forgotten the feeling or the price for that that feeling.  The heartache those teams went through before bursting through.  The pain that came before the Reign of Jordan.  We also know we are on our way with this crew who is hell bent on being like those teams instead of shying away from that historical load.

Thank you: SHIEK, Taj, Big Sexy, RON RON, Hot Sauce, CJ WAAATson,  (bench mob)
Thank you: Bogans and BOOZ
BIG THANK YOU: D. Rose...southside legend

Now go take a month off and get ready for next year.  It will suck not watching you guys play 48 minutes of terrifying defense.  It will absolutely suck not catching more highlights of D.Rose.  We will miss your games and your hustle, but thanks for the great year.

Chicago Fan 1977-?
I do it - Big Sean (song from d.Rose crazy light commercial)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Time to play the race card...

Tiki Barber made news recently for comparing his hiding away in his agent's attic to the plight of Ann Frank. This was somehow anti-Semitic and made light of the Holocaust--undoubtedly the most horrific event in human history (insert sarcastic tone here). Don't get me wrong--the Holocaust was indeed a terrible event. Luckily that kind of evil is hard to come across in this chapter in human history. But someone needs to say it and only I, your Highness in waiting Sho-Nuff, have the balls to say it--the Holocaust pales in comparison to what happened to Africans in the Americas and the trans-Atlantic slave trade.

Let's break it down:

--More Africans died ON THE WAY TO THE AMERICAS than the six million plus Jews that were killed by Hitler.

--Concentration and internment camps, gas chambers and genocide are terrible--but Jews were not sold or stolen from their homeland and dragged to another hemisphere...and then placed in camps, ghettos, and killed off.

--They weren't bred to make more laborers. (Yeah I know they were killed for their heritage. But its arguable which is worse--to be killed or to have your child taken from you and sold...and then beaten or killed?)

--Their women weren't raped, impregnated, and the children they gave birth to sold into slavery.

--They weren't hung and castrated with their genitals shoved in their mouths for even the slightest perceived amount of disrespect to "master" or any other white person.

--They weren't beaten and dragged through the streets before being hung and castrated.

--It wasn't illegal for them to read.

--New laws weren't created for them to keep them separate from the rest of the population...after they were released.

--They weren't, and are not 3/5ths of a person in any country's constitution.

--They weren't forced to be "buffalo soldiers."

--They weren't made fun of with "black face."

--Their exploits weren't celebrated to the point that their buffoonery has overtaken many of the successes achieved by them. (More kids know who Gucci Mane and Soulja Boy are than know that Barack Obama is the 44th president of the United States. Hell DMX didn't even believe there was a Black man running for President or that his name was actually Barack Obama).

--They got reparations.

The Holocaust was definitely terrible because so much death happened in such a short duration--but imagine the Holocaust going on for over 300 YEARS--and then tack on a few hundred more for Jim Crow. So yeah I'm playin the race card. BIG TIME. On all you suckas. Bobby Jindhal isn't the first Indian-American governor without Lawrence Douglas Wilder. Sonia Sotomayor wouldn't be the first Latino on the Supreme Court without Thurgood Marshall. Bottom line is every time some tea toddler takes a shot at Obama, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton (the poster children of bringing attention to themselves whenever anyone has been "dissed") don't bring up slavery. But perhaps they should--everyone else gets to whine about the historical plight of their people. So should we.

Your Highness in waiting,

STILL EVEN MORE Jesse Jackson Failures

Failure 2) The Bloody Turtleneck

Jesse Jackson burst on the scene as a wanna be MLK right-hand man.  When MLK was assasinated, Jesse smeared MLK's blood on his turtleneck, and refused to take off the shirt in interviews and apperances afterwards.  He wore it not in some symbolic statement, or tribute to the slain hero, but in a selfish attempt to garner attention for himself.  He went on to say that if he were the Leader of the MLK movement, he would continue the work of MLK.  Now, Marty King was a great marketer and self promoter, But at the heart of his actions was a basic understanding that equality needed to be sustainable.  No matter how many businesses Jesse shakes down for money, he will never even get a sniff of the power that MLK was building.  Jesse is all about getting money, but no matter how much money he has left after paying child support, he will never be able to buy the peace of mind that comes with the knowledge that people will want to help you if your heart is in the right place.  He is satisfied to make enough noise to get paid to go away, like a hooker, or Hare Krishnas.   


People always want to know why people do the obvious.  It is not enough that stuff is obvious, people want a reason.  Today's, "holy shit that is obvious" moment deals with the SPERMINATOR Arnold "the Governator" Schwarzenegger.  People have gone out of their to fall out of their chair to wonder WHY WOULD HE CHEAT ON HIS WIFE?  Well Jokey was kind enough to post a pic of Arnold's latest "known" conquests which you can peruse here and cringe.  Now just take a moment and let this soak in.

Not obvious yet?  Well think inside the box for a moment.  If Maria wasnt going to do what was necessary, Ah-nold is going to do what he thinks he has to.  As a well known celebrity he just cant roam the club looking for ass, so he got drunk and hit the first thing closest to him who he could pay off.  Shit, the only real mystery i can see is 1: why didnt he strap it up to avoid procreating and 2: why didnt he hire better looking staff?  well 2 is obvious actually.  Maria probably thought the uglier the staff the more secure she was that Ah-nold wouldnt cheat.  Oops.  Those who dont learn their history are DOOMED to repeat it.  Maria should have learned from Hilary.  If you have a man who is marginally powerful and has groupies hanging around who are willing and ready, you best be doing your part or at least control your territory.  Hire lesbians!  Hire professionals who only fuck for money, and then pay them to not fuck ur man.  There are a plethora of moves that could have been made and Maria avoided them all.  I am not absolving Ah-nold for his part in this tragedy, but he did have a history of being AH-NOLD!  women would throw themselves at him.  In the end, the cat was CLEARLY looking for soemthing and that nasty crusty house staffer was ready, willing, and available.

Married, dating, going steady, or just best make sure ur doing what you can to make your boo happy.  Otherwise....


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

C'mon man...

Terminator, Predator, Raw Deal, Commando, The Running Man, Twins, Junior, Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, being Governor of Cali, and all that bodybuilding cash?


I like Kim Kardhashian's TITS eyes.  So pretty.

Sorry to all you horny pervs, this was just a test of my new Striketrough posting system.  From now on, i wil let you into the deepest recesses of my mind and strike through anything I deem to racy, racist, or inappropriate.  I will still let you see it, just pretending to be a little more PC for the new fans I have.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

EVEN MORE Jesse Jackson Failures

Failure 3 )Wedlock baby

Everybody knows that Jesse Jackson fathered a baby outside of wedlock.  The story does not end there however.  The woman Jackson did the deed with worked for his advocacy group the Rainbow-PUSH Coalition. You know, when you name your advocacy group something like that you are just inviting trouble. Anyway, her name is Karin Stanford and their love fest lasted four years. He was paying her $120,000 per year from the coalition but not reporting it on his taxes. He then paid her $35,000 cash to move to California and, is paying $3,000 a month in child support. That’s a lot of money and what I want to know is does this guy even have a job? I don’t know what he does for a living and apparently neither does anybody else.  In fact the child support got upped to 4K a month, thats 48K a year, who pays for his love child support payments?  Thats right, Businesses that pay him to go away.

So the child was 20 months old in January of 2001, which would put the birth day in May of 1999. Working backward from there we arrive at a conception date of September, 1998. So? So, you say? Well I’m sure you remember that little Bill and Monica misunderstanding. What you probably don’t remember is that the good Reverend Jackson was so concerned about the soul of Mr. Clinton that in August of 1998 he went to the White House to pray with the Clinton family over the Bill’s sins. That’s right, Jackson was counseling Bill over his cigar fetish while his own concubine was eight months pregnant. Ya gotta love the balls on this guy.

The love child is called Ashley and would be about 11½ years old now. Thats Ashley and her mother in the picture below.  She is way cuter than that Arnold Schwarzenegger fugly kid, and the baby mamma is not half bad, lookin like a busted ass Michelle Obama.  But at least she aint 60 like Arnold mistress.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Former IMF President Dominique Straus Khan.....Who am I kidding, ITS THE CHOOCH PUNISHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby, since you've been gone, The chooch punisher just hasn't been the same. I must admit to you, I miss our loving. Since you left, I have been unable to erase the memories of you from my mind. Day and night, I dream of you. I dream of all the wonderful moments we shared together. I dream that one day, I will enjoy the privilege and pleasure of rat-tat-tat-tatting that ass once again.
Sweet, baby. I want to invite you back to my apartment and make a special night for you. I want you to lay back and let the  CP make everything all right again. I want to make you a gourmet meal and serve it to you on only the finest chinet heavy paper plating. I could also keep the enviroment in mind and use real plates,  Thats how much I care for you.   We will enjoy wine and candlelight, and I will make roast duck or cornish game hen, or some such meal that is equally as fine. Only the finest meal is fit for my baby. There will be cheddar biscuits also.  
I will hand-spoon the meal into your sweet mouth. Every bite. And I won't rush you. I will not present you with another bite until after you are completely done with the one you are on at that time. I would never choke you with anything other than ............well, figure it.
I believe that after I prepare this superb meal for you, you will come back to me. You will forgive me for all the wrong I've done you. I know you will. Because I am truly sorry for all those things I did to you. And I am deeply sorry for all the things I said to you. Your big breasted friends all said they had better bodies than you and I had to defend your honor again and again and again and again.  Sometimes it was 2 or 3 against one.  But I hung in there until I was dehydrated and needed a 20 min nap defending your honor.  You know I didn't mean any of it. the Punisher will love you with all of his heart and for all of eternity. His love will be sappier that any shitty Boyz2men song on your Ipod.

I mean, sure, i ravaged her body over and over, BUT IT WAS MEANINGLESS.  Meaningless in the Friedreich Nitchzie, God-is-dead, kind of way.  I mean, we both had multiples,, but it was meaningless!  In fact,  I just want to get freaky with you right now. Right this second. Do it to me right this moment.  The only time the Punisher is ever happy is when he is thinking of you. Don't you see, baby? I can't live without you.
When I am thinking about you, I am thinking about sprinkling the floor of your home with rose petals. Then I want to put on your favorite Jodeci tape and dance with you real slow. Then I want to slowly pull your clothes off your smooth, sexy body and move you onto the floor. Then, I want you to get on top and reverse cowgirl me all night long.  Oh, you don;t like the reverse Cowgirl?  Never mind then,  I must have mistook you for your friend....Susanna.  When you see her, tell her i said "Hi."

And you know, girl, when the chooch punihser says he will love you all night long, he means all night long. From the onset of night to the break of dawn. I will not sleep until you are satisfied. I will attend to your every desire. I am not concerned with my own happiness whatsoever. I will rub scented jasmine lotion all over your naked body. I will wrap you in satin sheets and hold you. I will strip for you like the woman in Titanic, or The Full Monty.  
Baby, I just want to be your everything. I will make it my sole mission in life to be your servant. And I will not stop eating peaches and pleasing you until the day I die. I will also give you attention and love during that time

Sunday, May 22, 2011

More Jesse Jackson Failures

This blog could go on forever, but in the interest of not having my hands fall off from excessive typing, I will limit of to another couple of failures.

Failure 5)Bad reputation.

 I overheard two very prominent individuals (Ceo of AT&T and COO of Morningstar mutual funds) speaking at a Rainbow PUSH conference a few years back.  They were talking about paying Jackson to go away and leave their businesses alone.  One made a comment about the payoff, when Marc Whittacre, CEO of AT&T one of them said: "Make sure you send the money with a hot white woman, or else he won't pay attention to it."  The other person said that he had heard about that, but figured that as long as the money was green, the woman could be black.  Either way, for two powerful industry giants to be talking out in the open about a religious leader, it was quite shocking.  I for one thought he was partial to Asian women.

Failure 4) 
Failure number 4 is essentially an extension of number five, but focuses on the dumbass moves Jesse has made in the media.  Its no secret that Jesse loves a camera.  He can be seen commenting on anything that has anything to do with black people, as their spokesperson.  I don;t know who else was in the running, But I assume that Oprah, Jay-Z, Kobe Bryant, Chad Ochocinco, Lil Wayne, Dr. Cornell West, Lebron James, Al Sharpton, The black lady on the view, the loudmouth dude from the And 1 mixtape tour, Former wrestler and sharp dancer Koko B. Ware, Obama, nation of Islam leader calypso Louis Farrakhan, Tavis Smiley, American idol's Randy Jackson, and Charles Barkley were busy that day.

Jackson has recently drawn criticism for blindly supporting 6 black youuths in the savage beating of a white teen.  The Jena 6 situation was bad, but the unprovoked attack of a white boy by 6 black youths was uncalled for.  Jackson bused a group of African Americans to Jena, Georgia or wherever the hell Jena is, and began to protest the decision of local officials to arrest the black teens.  Later, it came out that most of the teens had violence issues and previous arrests in their past.  In the end, when the court case focused on the oldest black youth who had the whiteboy on the ground and was stomping his skull, did Jackson admit ridiculous defeat?  No, he said that Jena was a racist town, and the youths would not get a fair trial there.  Uh, 6 Against 1, the 1 was not even guilty of anything or provoking the attack, and was on the ground not fighting back when the black guy started stomping his skull.  Thats a slam dunk case even in SAUDIA ARABIS I bet.

Thene there was the whole DUKE Lacrosse case.  Several white kids hired a black stripper to perform at a party.  She claimed she was raped, and JESSE ran to North Carolina to defend her.  Only this clown gets the Rev AL SHARPTON to join him.  DUKE suspended the athletes for a year, and cancelled the program until a trial could be had.  After the trial, the girl confessed to being a hooker.  Jesse, said, "The whiteboys are still guilty, because all white men have wanted to rape black women through history."  Racial Harmony fail.

To be continued

Friday, May 20, 2011

The ongoing failures of Jesse Jackson

Hello evildoers,

    It is I, The raving lunatic, back share something with you.  I hate Jesse Jackson.  I have met the man several times, and have each time, refused to shake his hand.  My hatred has grown to a ravenous desire to beat the man to a pulp.  Why, just a month or so ago, I was driving near Rainbow PUSH headquarters, and I saw him.  We locked eyes for what seemed like a year.  As i threw my truck into the first available parking spot, he took off like a shot in the opposite direction.  I got within 5 feet of him, but he shirked me and ran behind some big muslim dudes.  I bade them a Salahikum Salaam, and got back in my truck a drove off.      I got to thinking about all the different ways Jesse had failed, and i decided to write this blog.  Now, I will preface it by saying that he has not returned any phone calls or emails, so this is all purely my own highly educated and insanely informed opinion.  I looked for direct quotes and supporting articles wherever I could.

Failure 10)  Grammar Fail

Jesse Jackson made his name with a poem in the late seventies.  "I am SOMEBODY."  I states that although I may  poor, uneducated, and on welfare I am somebody.  Once at a local college, he took a look at the crowd and modified his message a bit.  he said "Repeat after SOMEOBODY!"  English Fail.

Failure 9)  Jew-bashing

"That's all Hymie wants to talk about is Israel. Every time you go to Hymietown that's all they want to talk about"  Hymie Fail.  Washington Post reporter Milton Coleman talking to Jackson (25 January 1984), using an anti-semitic slur. See Coleman (10 April 1984) "A good reporter must put ethics ahead of other considerations" The Milwaukee Journal

Failure 8)  Failed election campaigns.

 This guy was the Donald Trump of his time.  He would run for president as a democrat, threaten to unite the black vote, and then get paid off to endorse the eventual Democratic candidate.  He never ever got close to uniting the black vote, in fact, freakin Barack Obama did not unite the black vote.  What kind of person do you pay to go away after you're done with them?  Thats right, prostitutes.

Failure 7)  The fake tears at the obama inauguration. 

 As I watched this proud country's finest racial harmony moment, I saw in the crowd a Jesse Jackson with tears on his cheeks.  His eyes were not watery or red, his nose was not runny.  He merely has streams of water on his cheeks, and looked for cameras to pretend to ignore.  What made this moment disingenuous was the comments made by Jackson earlier in the campaign of Obama (See below), and his actions in Selma, Georgia.    

Failure 6) Cut his nuts off/N-word double whammy.

See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith-based... I want to cut his nuts off. Barack, he's talking down to black people.
Jesse Jackson, thinking his mic was off, on Obama's faith-based initiative, while on Fox News Channel;

The Raving Lunatic
political muckraker


Oh yes...we are back for another grandiose review of another movie you will go see because you just have to. Blockbusters HAVE TO BE SEEN. you dont want to be that person who has to admit that u havent seen it and therefore admit u have no social life. So without further ado, allow me to introduce my panel of experts.

Cast: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz; Ian McShane

T.G.ED: the comic book encyclopedia and lover of all things Pirate, that star JOHNNY DEPP
SMASHli: the lover of all things T.G.ED and items to bash T.G.ED
BELLA: see lover of Johnny Depp and the only person who doesnt give a shit one way or the other about comic book movies
iz3y: i write this u know u know i am grandiose!

iz3y: let's kick this off by....
T.G.ED: no wait! I am writing this one bigBRO. You know nothing about the awesomeness of Johnny Depp. This is PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN...arrrghhh...and I shall be the one to take us on this journey!
SMASHli: oh T.G.ED relax....
SMASHli: you are so going to die

T.G.ED: to begin, no one can keep me away from Pirate Johnny Depp.
iz3y: u do know how gay that sounds right?
T.G.ED: im fully aware of what i just said and i regret nothing. JD, if i can call him that, is the best. They finally realized they didnt need the skeletal remains of Keira Knightly or the feminine presence of Orlando Bloom. Hell like cowbells are to Chrisopher Walken, I need more DEPP!
iz3y: you mean the franchise needed more depp?
T.G.ED: i did not stutter did quiet! Pirates NEEDED MORE DEPP. why waste minutes and lines on building characters that didnt add much to the swashbuckling goodness that is Pirates. Barbosa...great supporting character. The KRACKEN...awesome supporting monster. Blackbeard, Davy Jones, and even the psycho monkey who cant die because he stole the Aztec coin (you had to sit through 15 minutes of credits after part 1for that tidbit) were all perfect compliments to the DEPP!
SMASHli:...right... I want to see Johnny!
BELLA: FINE MAN! a little too much makeup but i can look past it. He is a classic. Great actor...
T.G.ED: SHUSH WENCHES AND THAT BE YOUR LAST WARNING!!! as i was saying, centering the Franchise around the man that stole it and molded it and brought it to the plains of Asgardian greatness, was long over due!
iz3y: dude i think ur brain is malfunctioning. You just said Asgardian greatness...ur mixing ur comics
T.G.ED: Depp overload!

SMASHli: (after binding and gagging T.G.ED in a chair): on to the characters. Was that Penelope's real voice or does she really talk like that. That is nonsense! i
BELLA: nope, real voice. The damn ostrich talks like that
iz3y: when she speaks spanish and isnt starving herself to look like a coked out whore, she is rather pretty.
BELLA: now ur just being dumb. You have a thing for ostriches!
SMASHli: OMG...seriously dude. She was squawking that whole movie. I didnt undestand some of the lines.
T.G.ED:(muffled noises before gag gives way): she was perfectly hot for her time period. 400 years ago wenches that looked like that were hot.
iz3y: good point. I thought Blackbeard was cool and of course the costumes were impeccably done.
BELLA: yep..i liked the mermaids!
SMASHli: hell yeah the mermaids were cool!
iz3y: there were mermaids...didnt notice
BELLA: yeah cause u only happen to wake up in time to see them.
iz3y: key part to the movie. I understand my broheem over there is drooling over JD, but the mermaids were eye popping. Well done! They werent just a throw in, they were key. Also, they were vicious!
SMASHli: i want to be a mermaid!
T.G.ED: YES!!! baby doll and mermaid...i love you honey
SMASHli: u could at least look at me and not the JD poster when you say that.
T.G.ED: i could....i just wonder where was BlackBeard for the other movies? Couldnt he and his ship controlling powers have been useful against Davy jones. Also, why didnt the nations of Europe team up to stop the threat of piracy....
iz3y: it is a movie remember. you're thinking too hard
T.G.ED: hmmm...ok. turning off brain again.

T.G.ED: i wont give too much away, but this movie was awesome. The franchise is awesome and it just continues. This is a Pirate movie. It isnt going to win an Oscar, though JD should for being AWESOME!
It is fun, the visuals are as always AWESOME and you get your normal Pirate action. Penelope's voice isnt Christian Bale in Dark Knight bad, so you can swallow it. I do have to say that it isnt as epic as the other movies because it is a standalone adventure. There isn't much tying it to the past stories. As, i mentioned with BlackBeard, I wonder why he wasnt around or mentioned in the past movies. Also, can we make the BlackPearl bad ass again. Why is Jack Sparrow always without his ship? Still this movie was good and i look forward to them making many more and giving me more Johnny!
SMASHli: I agree. PIRATE MOVIE...not a drama piece. not a period piece...PIRATE MOVIE!!! i like action...I like adventure. This is what this movie is. Now, if only i could get my hands on a sword that could control a ship. That would be key....
BELLA: Johnny Depp and fighting. It was good. The ostrich was bit much to take in, but no worse than Keira knightley. the mermaids are a definite watch. I have to say i may be done with Pirate movies though.
iz3y: they have said it all. The only thing I could add, was they had much better mermaids to look at, and they chose the one that looks like an 11 year old. I am nitpicking obviously, but come on! Swashbuckling good time and something that really stays true to the years past when kids would hear about pirates and act it out. It was great that they brought the focus to Johnny because,along with Robert Downey Jr, he can carry a film. Very few actors can claim that. As for gripping story line or historical tie ins...throw that out the window. Go watch it if ur a fan of Johnny, and Pirate fighting.

T.G.ED = 4 of 5 (generous due to the JD factor. PArt 1 was a 19 out of take it as u will)
SMASHli = 3.5 of 5 (solid Effort...need sword!)
BELLA = 2.5 (good one time watch, but enough of the pirates)
iz3y = 3 of 5 (good kids movie, entertaining, not a must for opening weekend, but you wont be pissed if u do go)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Johnner Vs Jokey Jokemaker

Those of you that know the both of us, know that Johnner is insanely jealous of the fact that I am cool, while he is not.  I was born in a industrious country, and he was born on a banana plantation in Ecuador.  I am charming, while he is not.  I am funny, while he is not,  I dress well and have color combination sense, while he makes shirts out of curtains from the set of 80's sitcoms like Three's Company.  He is forever challenging me to fight him, and last week I got fed up with it and took him up on his challenge.  I thrashed him about, and afterwards, I held no ill will against this man.  We had a beer, and discussed his inferiority complex.  He was surprisingly clever and candid once he came to and picked up some teeth off the ground.   I think maybe he used to box a little bit back in his adolescent days in Honduras.  He kept calling me Sam, and thinking he was in a post fight interview, when in fact, he was just standing under a bright street light and talking to a hydrant.  He said: 
"Well, it appears as though I was somewhat presumptuous about Jokey's fighting abilities.  As it turns out, he's actually quite an adept fighter—so good, in fact, that while he was snapping my head back with various lefts and rights, and blood began to fill my mouth and gush from my nose, I thought to myself, "This guy knows exactly what he's doing here in terms of fighting, whereas I clearly haven't thought this thing through."
I guess my first mistake was throwing a punch at a man who, in the interests of full disclosure, is much stronger than I initially gave him credit for. I wouldn't be surprised if he lift weights four or five times a week and is enrolled in some sort of mixed martial arts class. This would certainly explain why he seemed to expend very little energy throwing me to the ground, and why how he effortlessly put me in a hold that caused my shoulder to make a popping sound that, until that moment, I didn't know a human body could make.
By then, there was no turning back. That's not to say I didn't try. I hadn't crawled more than a few panicked feet away when he grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back into a circle of people, all of whom were looking at me as if to say, "Why would you call Jokey a fucking prick if you weren't prepared to defend yourself?" I found that to be an excellent question, one that I will explore in depth at a later date when my cranial swelling has subsided.
Anyway, he began pounding fist after fist into my helpless, highly-unprepared-to-fight-him body. My athletic fit shirt was soaked in blood and urine pretty quickly.  Gotta give credit to Jokey here for putting so much force into my ribs that the blows not only caused me to gasp for air and writhe in pain, but broke my will to fight completely.   I still suffer from intestinal pain, and may have to fly to Peru for some cut-rate medical attention just so I won't die.  Never in my life has my spirit been so low as when Jokey started kicking me in the face with his steel-toed boots.  I thought my years of Salsa Dancing training would have helped me evade the crushing hooks to the body, but i could not be more wrong.  
I kept trying to defend myself now, because But you have to remember, I was still mad at Jokey. Furious, even. This is Jokey we're talking about, after all—the same Jokey whose crap I've had to put up with for far too long.   Every time he makes the slightest comment, all you brother Rice guys laugh to pieces!  I hate you Midwesterners!  That is why my pride kicked in and I asked, through loose teeth, coughed-up blood, and what I will now admit were tears, "Hey, Jokey, is that all you got?" Well, it turns out that was not all that Jokey had. In fact, he had much, much more. You see, whereas I was ready to quit 10 seconds into the fight, Jokey somehow found another gear, and boy was it impressive.
Here's an interesting tidbit about Jokey: When he gets really mad, he does this little thing where he puts his knees on your chest so you can't move and then proceeds to elbow—not punch, elbow—your head over and over and over again. Not just the sides of your face, mind you, but the nose, the mouth, and the temples in a brisk pattern that leaves no portion un-hit for more than three seconds. I had blood dripping from my ears, which was a first for me.
So, in summation, Jokey, you are very good at fighting. So good in fact that I was not even close to achieving my initial goal of teaching you a lesson when it comes to messing with Johnner. If anything, I learned never to mess with Jokey, which is a lesson I will not soon forget."  He then passed out and i remarked that those few minutes, were the most well spoken, and clear I had ever heard Johnner sound, he must have been concussed.

Jokey Jokemaker

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Things I think I think Vol 3

   These are the things I think and have thought for a while:  

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.  Remove the hard drive, and mulch it immediately.  

2. The best part of an argument is when during an argument you realize you're wrong, but you decide to try and win anyway.  

3. I wish I had a second chance to take back all those times I didn't want to nap or work out when I was younger.

4. There is a dire need for a sarcasm font.

5. Bad decisions make good stories.

6. You never know when it will happen, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.  I call it Morning coffee.

7. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.  I dont need YET another copy of TOMBSTONE, THE WARRIORS or THE MATRIX....or do I?

8. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?  HELLLLLOOOOOOOO?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and die?

9. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.  Sometimes I get home and changed into jogging pants before I see a person of consequence

10.  Was learning cursive really necessary?

11. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the situation, I always hate Jews cyclists.

12. Goggle Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night - more kisses begin with ice cold Dos Equis than Kay Jewelers.

15. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Sketchy-ass Ghetto" routing option.

16. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.  The Goonies, for example;  Who the hell invents the stuff that wierd Asian kid did?

17. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say, "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

21. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.  Its funny how falling feels like flying, for a little while.

Jokey Jokemaker

So I asked Depeche Mode's Dave Gahan for a favor a while back.........

This song I Liz's and my favorite.  Thanks DG!  I will waive my yearly blog subscription fee.

Jokey Jokemaker316

Monday, May 16, 2011

How good is this Cure song from 1996?

Hello friends, it is I Rafael the De La Ghetto, art expert.  Today I would like to focus on a band that has had a few bad albums now, but still manages to craft good songs or create tangible atmospheres with their music.  Here, I chose a great song off the Wild Mood Swings cd of 1996.  I remember good friends going to the concert together, and 12 of us sitting in the rosemont horizon using only 9 ticket stubs.  I remember the wild frantic dancing in the isles, the rare songs the Cure performed that night.  I remember the wonderful atmosphere & energy I felt at the concert. That is what a good song or band should make you feel.  Judge for yourself the merits of the sample song.

She whispers
"Please remember me
When I am gone from here"
She whispers
"Please remember me
but not with tears...
Remember I was always true
Remember that I always tried
Remember I loved only you
Remember me and smile...
For it抯 better to forget
Than to remember me
And cry"

"Remember I was always true
Remember that I always tried
Remember I loved only you
Remember me and smile...
For it's better to forget
Than to remember me
And cry"

Rafael De La Ghetto
Music Expert

Friday, May 13, 2011

Rafael De La Ghetto on.......

Dear fellow asthetes,

     It is I , Rafael De La Ghetto, and i'm back to discuss the finer things in life.  I am not a complete snob.  I will occasional turn my gaze upon those things which would fall well outside of the commonly agreed-upon parameters of beauty.  Like here:  Where yo titties at girl?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Jokey Jokemaker reviews THOR

Hello evildoers,

     It is I, Jokey Jokemaker, here with my review of THOR.  First off, let me say that as an avid collector of old school comic books, avid reader of said comic books, and a moderate to hard-core fan or Norse mythology, my review will be much deeper than the previous review.  I have been waiting for this movie for many years now, and as wild as it seems, the movie met my lofty expectations.  Director Kenneth Brannaugh has done his Shakespearean roots proud.  

     The movie uses the same comic book premise that has made the stories and adventures of THOR universally loved and acclaimed.  THOR, is the God of Thunder, Heir to the Throne of Asgard, most principal of the nine worlds in that realm.  THOR is Impetuous, brash, and quick to anger.  His wise Father, ODIN (Anthony Hopkins)  tries again and again to teach his son the humility and wisdom he will need to lead the people of Asgard.  Odin tries both love and discipline, and finally a banishment to earth.  Odin, has another son, LOKI (Tom Hiddleston), the god of mischief.  He is what THOR is not, slight of build, insanely smart, and a long-range planner.  he is generally seen as second to THOR, and suffers an inferiority complex because of it.

      It is so hard to capture all then the comics have encompassed in a 2 hr film.  The movie does a good job of offering a simple to understand plot, cast of characters, and premise.  Die -hard fans will recognize Bifrost (The Rainbow Bridge), Heimdall (Idris Elba), Laufey (the Frost Giant King)  and Frigga (Renee Russo).  While the concept of THOR being bound to earth and learning what it is to be a human is common, it has traditionally been done with THOR inhabiting the body of a crippled doctor, or the like.  In the movie, they reference this by having THOR being depowered, and claiming to be an amnesiatic researcher.   The movie also depends more heavily on the good son/bad son focal point.  LOKI learns a shocking secret and moves to bring an end to the nine worlds if he cannot rule over them.  THOR, being truly powerless for the first time in his life, must find a way to bring new meaning to the wisdom of his father, and do right by the humans he has grown to admire and respect as equals.  

     In the end, the movie was successful because it relied on some tried and true notions of power, responsibility, sons and fathers, and kick ass fight scenes.  The movie gives you a crash course on THOR, the power struggles that go on around him, and raging within him, and also does a good job of establishing LOKI as a kick ass character, who figures prominently in the formation of the AVENGERS.  It works on a stand-alone level, and on a foundational cannon piece as well.  Go watch it, and at least have an idea of whats going on when it comes to the AVENGERS MOVIE NEXT YEAR (Hint, stay until after the credits).

Jokey Jokemaker
THOR fan


Alright, I was personally asked to review this from my movie sensei so of course i accepted the mission. My partner in crime today is my beautiful girlfriend Bella who somehow kept it a secret that she was such a THOR fan. I mean, it took no effort at all to get her to go, and she was even heads up enough to buy a poster and download a wallpaper of Chris Hemsworth as Thor for her phone.

Theater: Quarry
Time: 10:40
Chris Hemsworth (ladies begin drooling now), Natalie Portman (borderline pedaphile delight), and the immortal Idris Elba (doing his thing).

iz3y: First of all, going into this movie my expectations were set to just above Daredevil levels. If you were unlucky enough to watch that nonsense you would know, i have zero love for that movie. Hell, I have max hate for Daredevil. This is how i was going into this one. Natalie Portman does absolutely nothing for me in terms of drool factor. Iron man had at minimum Gwenyth and then upped the game to include Scarlett. In terms of special effects, i wasnt overly impressed and in terms of Characters, I cant say I was too excited for THOR. He doesn't have the pomp or circumstance of Spider-man/Batman or the awesome acting of Robert Downey. This was not in Dark Knight Territory and seemed as cheesy looking as the 7/11 cups they were pushing.
Bella: uhhh...Thor is hot. I still think Natalie Portman is pretty, she is athletic looking. Other than that is this a comic? Who is Thor? (Jokey somewhere is groaning)
iz3y: needless to say the BUZZ is not good

THE THOUGHTS post Movie:
iz3y: Who the hell is Kenneth Brannagh and how did he pull this off? He completely assassinated the pre-movie buzz with a smart, well done film. He took a character, with again, no real moxie and by the end you actually look forward to the another movie with Thor. Whether that is the Avengers movie or THOR: Bringing the Thunder from down under, you are in. The Special effects were nice and not over done. The action sequences were spot on, and finally someone made that stupid hammer look cool. The worst part of the movie was Thor's crew, but other than that...WELL DONE and definitely worth the watch. 3D, as in most cases with movies, is not necessary.
Bella: I liked it. I thought the story was good, and i had no idea who he was, but it was good and easy to follow. I also believe we need to see more of him. Maybe he can dye his hair black or something. I think Natalie Portman is so cute!

iz3y: i had to say that Idris Elba needs to be in more movies. His character on paper is total damn nonsense. He is basically an overgrown troll guarding a bridge, but he brings something to it. Loki was also brilliantly casted as you can instantly find at least 5 things to hate about him and he hasn't really done anything yet. I would have liked to have seen more mischief, but I am sure they had to keep some things in reserve.
Bella: count me in for the fighting. ENTERTAIN ME!!! the action sequences were good, and that is what I wanted to see. I don't care about stupid helmets or fantasy lands. I want to see someone get their ass kicked!
iz3y: you're so practical!

Bella: Let me talk about this whole Natalie Portman thing. I know you don't like her, but she is cute. I didn't feel she was right for Thor. We needed a woman. possibly Italian, with some passion.
iz3y: Monica Bellucci? yeah...something like that...maybe curlier hair. But seriously, they did a good job casting then they kind of just dropped Natalie on us. Loved her in Black Swan, accepted her in THOR. Rutger Hauer...he alright.
Bella: The story line was rea good. It was simple and yet effective. The movie needed a soundtrack maybe. Sucker Punch and Hannah had great soundtracks and that helps.
iz3y: good call!

iz3y: this movie was just effective. Not too much flash and not to much cheesiness. It really delivered the action and the characters were presented so well. We caught glimpses of Hawkeye, and the tie in to the Avengers so they definitely covered their "franchise" bases.
Bella: I would recommend it as a date movie since women get theirs. It was a good story line, great action, and some nice special effects.
iz3y: It's not IRON MAN
Bella: duh...there is no Robert Downey Jr. but those muscles make up for it. The acting was good though and the Direction was well done. Suprisingly funny and definitely visually appealing.
iz3y: yeah so basically, not as good as Iron Man and no where near the class of DARK KNIGHT, but definitely a good watch. It was as good as XMEN 1 and on par with Spiderman 2.
Bella: yeah!

iz3y: 3.5 of 5...Entertaining and good follow.
Bella: 4 of 5...Hemsworth aided rating!

I cannot be the only one.....

Hello Evildoers,

     It is I, the Handsome Righthander, back to ask the question:  "Am I the only one who thinks Atlanta's Jeff Teague with the faux-hawk  looks like Chauncey from Menace 2 Society?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Ladies and Gentleman your NAVY SEALS

you ever watch GI JANE or SEAL with Charlie Sheen? No...what the fuck is wrong with you.

See on Sunday last week, the US basically quit playing around with people and decided that these long campaigns of "naiton building" wasnt really working out for our Planetary rep. No...we decided to go in a new direction under Obama...and that is COUNTER TERRORISM!!! Yes, ladies and gentlman...COUNTERing the TERRORISTS. Whoa...what does that mean you are asking. Glad you asked.

we go in and bomb the fuck out ur country because we believe you are hiding a terrorist. We then tell you who should run the country and what political system you should have. As a cherry on top, we will take your prized export, act like we own the place (i mean, we did bomb the shit out of u) and then when you need us most, leave or reduce the number of troops we have there. the W thought this was a great idea and i have to say it has worked out well in terms of keeping oil high (see everyone wants to fuck with our oil lines), trash our international relationships, and make the spot light a little brighter on that moron.

You bomb us, we go on about ripping ur fucking terrorist organization apart. We spend years tracking down the target's friends, family, couriers, hoes, people who owe them money, etc. We do that on the quiet. Real hush and what not. We don't take over your country, we swoop in with two black unmarked helicopters carrying 25 of the baddest men and women we can carry loaded up with high tech night goggles, rifles, and whatever else they can carry. We give them instructions to acquire or eliminate the target, and DIE TRYING to accomplish that feat. We have jets circling the country that has the misfortune of a "high profile target" hiding in it. We have drone planes, extra attack helicopters on stand by with munitions ready to blow your shit to kingdom come. As Hilary said..."there is no waiting us out."

To return to the rant...Sunday sent a strong message that people are picking up on. 1: when we say we are going to do something, we are going to do it. That alone should inspire banks to trust us again. 2: if you keep fucking with us (khadafi...looking dead at your ass) you will be on the wrong side of 25 of the baddest people we have to offer. They wont be negotiated with and you cant use ur wife as a shield.

So thank you NAVY SEALS, and thank you whoever really ratted out the whereabouts of Osama, and at one point, Saddam Hussein. Your efforts and heroism is appreciated by us all. We sleep better because you all do things that would make us lose sleep. Also, you guys inspire awesome movies with Charlie Sheen and to be honest, in retrospect even, you deserve better than that!


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Usama Bin Laden and Sports

Hello Evildoers,

     It is I, the Handsome Righthander, here to talk about sports.  These are the burning issues in sports today as they relate to Usama Bin Laden being slaughtered like a pygmy goat gets circled and devoured at Brookfield Zoo's children's petting zoo.

1)  Osama Bin laden is dead.  How is this sports related?  Well, it basically means USA -1, Pakistan - 0.  EAT IT PAKISTAN.

2)  Obama interrupted  Donald Trump's show, the Apprentice.  I for one, was unaware this show was still on.  Most network TV sucks.  I like the notion though, that Obama made trumps show doubly insignificant with both good news, and interruption.  Who the hell was still in their seats after the announcement was made?  Who wasn't a bit teary eyed hearing the news.  I like to think the move was on purpose.  In fact, you could say it was Obama's trump card.  To which, Trump replied that he needed to see the death certificate.

3)  Osama was hiding out in some compound a mile from a Pakistani Military base.  The house was 5X larger than any other structure in the area.  A team of bad ass American troops moved in and took him out without alerting Pakistani officials.  I believe that this was to keep them from shuffling Usama around.  In the end, they shot him as he cowered behind a female human shield.  In the compound they  found a bed he shared with another man, a can for burning garbage, and Derek Jeter's hitting ability and swing.

4)  The Bulls thought that yesterday was a national Holiday, and that's why the only really tried hard int he 3rd quarter.  They only honestly tried to score 100 for the free big mac, and when that seemed implausible they packed it in.

5)  The only time I turn down Sox Tickets, they go nuts and win a game.  I stayed home to watch the Bulls game, which they lost.  it was a backwards day all around.  But hey, my day could have been worse.  I could be Usama Bin Laden, all dead and stuff, in the intestines of some fish in the ocean.

6)  The US Government is considering showing a picture of Bin Laden's corpse.  They had better not, unless they want millions of Americans to make shirts and quilts and bumper stickers of the image.  In fact, a smart government would trademark the pics, and sell bumper stickers to raise money for the national budget.  At baseball games, we could post it as the national anthem played.  We could say an athlete got "Usama'ed"  instead of "Bombed."  We could also say "I gotta go bury bin laden" as code for flushing a piece of shit out to sea.

7)  Every fan at the next Sox and Cubs game, should donate a dollar towards the 25M reward put on Usama's head.  now Payable to troops probably making 16-24K a year, far from home and families, and defending our rights every day and night.

8)  We should honor the soldiers who got Usama, and they should never have to pay for super bowl tickets or beer for the rest of their lives.  If they cal lay off the slider on the corner in the dirt, they should also get to play left field for the Cubs.

9)  My throat is all sore from screaming and yelling in the quad here at the school I work at.  To the class who's quiet introspection time I ruined, go screw yourselves.  There is no damn quiet introspection time at work.  There is not quiet introspection time when the budget has to be ironed out by end of day.  There's no time to meditate when you are an Umpire and the bases are loaded and there are no outs and Ozzie Guillen is angry at the strike zone.  There is no time to meditate when the baby is crying, the stove is boiling over, and the phone is ringing.  How about you all go quietly reflect on how to spell words correctly?  LOL, LMAO, and all that other shit does not count as real words.  

10)  Obama should have a 20/20 special to talk about how the plan all went down to kill Bin Laden.  he should be in a room with Lebron James, and a bunch of rappers, to make Muslims think that James and the rappers are strategic masterminds.  Since most Muslims are distrusting of African Americans or blacks, this will stop them from recruiting in Africa, where the crazier terrorists tend to come from.  This will also help to show young people who look up to these entertainers that forcing your ideology on others is wrong, unless it mentions bitches and hoes, or taking your talents wherever the hell you want.  Secretly, I just hope the terrorists target Lebron James and wakka flakka flame.  Well, I just hope the smack James around.