Well for those of you who know me, you know I wont shut up. I love to talk and my brain never shuts off. So it should come to no surprise that I write for two blogs…fourwinds13.blogspot.com and bombsquadreport.blogspot.com. So for this one I am going to rip off the BS REPORT and present….
THE FLORIDA RECAP, AWARDS, and QUOTES!
I see why people come to Florida at this time. The weather is just super nice and u can get away from that crazy shit that is Chicago. I just happen to be working in Florida on a Work assignment and since my lil MAN was visiting his gmoms in Bonita Springs, FL and I had to work on the following Monday, I decided to hit up Miami. Yeah, I know, I live a rough life, but please don’t feel sorry for me…I will find a way to keep on keeping on.
STAGE ONE: the assignment was to get an office up and running = Check, they have phones, internet, email, and can print. Which means they will be IM-ing, you tubing, and printing out HOT or NOT LISTS, then will call their friends to talk about how hard they work.
STAGE TWO: hang with the Londono Brothers (Johnner aka JOHNNY, and JONATHON aka LIL JOHNNY) in JAMLANDO, their revered birthing ground. If I couldn’t go to Colombia, this was the next best place to get the John London Experience.
STAGE THREE: go to Miami on a mini vacation to get, what I thought was to my Latin on. As is my luck, I ran into the Winter Music Conference, which is nothing but a cluster fuck gathering of DJs who share tips, tricks, and then go to clubs and perform all day and night. No serious…all day and night…there is never a break. It culminates with the two day Ultra Music Fest, which was so loud the surrounding high rises were vibrating from the bass. HIGH RISES!!!
STAGE FOUR: drive my ass back and open said office in Orlando. I get there and these people are working full bore. I mean like the phone is ringing like they were giving money away, and everyone who called was gonna get some. These people didn’t know how to use the phones. No serious, it was like giving a caveman an iPhone. Oh, and before you start, FUCK YOU CAVEMAN from Geico…take a joke! So my Monday was filled with finishing the place then racing home to see the lil man.
STAGE FIVE: see lil C, the lil MAN, theBRAND, the lil FIREMAN! As I am writing this, I am on a plane to do just that. See, I had to see him, because I missed him. So I was doing, oh….85-90 to get the airport. What takes something like 40 min to an hour on a normal open road, I did in lets call it 40 door to door with not one, but two stops to get cash to pay the tolls. I mean I was in the Airport lounge people!!!!
On to the awards for the trip!
TRIP AWARDS brought to you by izcorp!
BEST MOJITO IN FLORIDA: Blue Martini [Irma Castaneda]: Visit Blue Martini in Orlando, it is a great spot for Latin music and serves the best Mojitos I had while staying in Florida…Thanks Irma. Oh, yeah…the wait staff is awesome!
BEST FOOD IN MIAMI: Puerto Sagua/La Parrilla Liberty: Puerto is located on 7th and Collins and is a total dive diner that serves outstanding Cuban food. Get the Ropa Vieja or just slap urself and go eat McDonalds. Hell if it is morning, get the Ropa Vieja with two eggs over easy. I DID. La Parrilla Liberty is an outstading Argentinian place that serves great meat. I mean, you people who love to swallow the meat, go here. Get the Flat steak or the Meat combo..yes, I will need to get my stomach stapled soon.
BEST AIRLINE: Airtran: I so heart Airtran. Upgrades to Business class are $70 bucks…and that includes two checked in bags. Normal cost is 15 for bag, 40 if over weight. So for 30-54 more you can avoid sitting on a packed plane full of kids/teenagers/frat boys and ride in comfort.
DUMBEST IDEA AWARD: Flying Standby during Spring Break season: It doesn’t matter where ur going or how early u get there…that flight is going to be full, and ur going to look like an asshole begging to get on a flight. Good work Johnny, Mij, and Jokey.
BEST IDEA AWARD: BECOMING A DJ: I am going to call them out a little here , but honestly, you geeky bastards only became DJs to get the girls right? I mean I watched these guys who either looked like the total schmo from your third grade class, or the way too hip guy who wasn’t hip, hang with nothing but gorgeous women. Forget the drug game, pick up a pair of decks and a fader people. Serious! The headliner to a club, James Zabiela is a total shy dork, but man, that dude had the hottest women I have seen up close, dancing to his beat like an addict. Shit, she was there all night, no matter who spun! PLAY ON PLAYERS!
SO WHAT DO YOU DO AWARD?: IT jobs: Hands down the most stepped on profession right now. Before u get that image from Swordfish that the IT work and lifestyle is all glamorous and pretty people…SLOW DOWN. Being in IT means working with a machine that is about it, but I know how people get mesmerized. They see someone power up a machine and when that image fires up, you automatically assume government hacking, like in WAR GAMES with Matthew Broderick. Others just like to front it out by throwing big names out there like ANALYST, PROJECT MANAGER, or ENGINEER. Well let me shatter the myth….At this point my son is on track to know more than me in 7 years. TOPS! So lets keep it all in perspective….
Still it has its perks knowing how a cable in Chicago will eventually lead to a computer in Orlando, and eventually leading someone to be able to send important information like “OMG the weather up here is shit…how is it there?”
QUOTES:
“MIRA, LA CERVEZA CUBANA SE PRODUCE EN PUERTO RICO CARAJO!...Mira, todos saben que nada sale de CUBA! – PR waitress at Puerto Sagua, arguing with a Honduran over what was a real Cuban beer. She also made the most dismissive face known to man!
“I am from Chicago!” - random
“What Part?” – me
“[Fill in city not Chicago: Schaumburg, Elgin, etc] – poser random!
“Oh oh, get ready to see Elaine Benes” - A girl busting on her girl for her unique Dance style
“DJ Psychobitch is a total bitch, but I love her!” – G G
“They call me Fruit” – Sarah Townson from the UK who owes me a recording
“I am learning US slang, like sick means good, and whack means GOOD!” - Fruit
“Whack doesn’t mean good it means bad…like really bad” - me
“isn’t bad good as well?” - Fruit
“Touche, but in this case WHACK really means it sux!” – me
“I will only move back up north when I am pregnant” – the general consensus of the women on when they will leave Florida and move back up north.
“goo..ahaha…blll….shhh.sha…glelel….HAHAHAHHA” – lil C explaining his vacation to me
“Do the phones work?” – unnamed dumbass as the phones are literally ringing off the hook!
“Where are you from?” - me
“Sicily!” – wannabe izzy
[an hour later and telling me her backstory]
“I was born in Milwaukee…” – wannabe izzy
“so ur from Milwaukee. LIAR!!” – me. Can people just claim whatever?
“DWYANE WADE IS MY UNCLE!!!” - random 12 year old girl who is losing it as the Heat are blowing away the Bucks by 20 points.
“DUDE…$9 water!!!” – Han the Tech warrior!
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