Father Arnulfo Mendoza (R.I.P)

Hello evil doers, it is I, Jokey Jokemaker.  I have returned because I feel the need to tell you about a good man.  This story is actually about celebrating the life of a good man, and simultaneously celebrating the stories and history of our mothers and fathers.  Yesterday was my mom's birthday. We were over at her house, and we began to tell stories, like we always do.  She began to talk about a priest in her hometown.  Fr. Arnulfo Mendoza.  I have heard tales about this man before, but yesterday for some reason, I felt the need to write these down.  I hope you enjoy.

     Fr. Arnulfo Mendoza was a well-known, and well-loved priest.  He would minister to the small ranches in Villa Juarez, San Luis Potosi in Mexico.  This was a time when there was a small town, and many ranches that had yet to formally join the town.  My grandmother (R.I.P) came from a well to do family.  When my aunt, mom, and uncle were born, they were taken to see the local priest.  So to say that Fr. Mendoza knew my family is an understatement.  He married my grandparents, my parents, give my aunt, uncle mom, their first communion, confirmation, baptisms, etc.  Fr Mendoza was the man in that part of the world.  He was so beloved in that part of town that every Christmas, thousands of U.S. dollars made their way back to this man.  To his credit, he would go out and buy rice, beans and other foodstuffs and deliver them to the ranches he knew were in need.  People knew this, and I think that made them more than willing to help.  My dad, who is far from a hard core religious man, had deep love and admiration for this man.  One time, my dad asked the priest if there was anything he could do, and with my mom being in the room, he pulled my dad aside and with a solemn face, asked for a a major favor, new pair of boxer shorts.  Fr Mendoza was known to have 3 shirts, three pairs of pants, and never be seen without his smock.  This man was given fine suits and designer clothing, but was known to sell those gifts in order to provide the poor of the area with things THEY needed.  "I only need a couple of changes of clothes, and the Lord will provide the rest," he would say.

This man was so loved by men and women alike, that he just inspired people to do/be their best.  A mechanic fixed up a truck and painted "El Milagro (The Miracle)" on it.  It was old, but a good truck.  When it would break down, the mechanic would repair it, and when it was working, it would usually be laded with supplies for the farmers and poor of the area.   The joke was that it was a Milagro that the truck ran at all!  Because he was my uncle (R.I.P)'s godfather, my family had special love for the man.  He would often show up at my grandmothers house, which was tat the edge of the town proper.  "Ave Maria!"  was his call.  "Venga a comer (Come and eat)!"  The house would call back to him.  "Por eso vengo, que vengo del ranch muriendo me de hambre! (Thats why I am here because I was nearby and starving to death)."    Fr Mendoza was a part of my family, and pretty much a part of everyone's family.  He had been sick towards the end of his ministering of Villa Juarez days, and seeing as how he had only his mom and sister, who was a nun, spoke to my grandmother about what to do should he pass on. 

     Fr Mendoza was moved from the small town, to the larger town 8-10 miles nearby, and although he had more work to do, he only used that as a means to help more people.  The beat-up pickup truck was now loaded with more supplies, and his helping hands reached out to more people.  Its said that when the man passed away, he was given a wake for 3 days non-stop.  Traffic on the town was shut down for six blocks around the small church where the people of the state demanded he be waked.  For 3 days and nights the lines never shrank.  My grandmother had been given two bank books by Fr mendoza with instructions that his mom should be taken care of should he pass on.  My grandmother gave them to Fr. Mendoza's mother, and the sum total of 2 bank accounts was about 26 pesos.  The hundreds of thousands of dollars he was given by those who loved him went to help the poor and hungry of his congregation.  he was a professional until the very end.  His mother was cared for by the townspeople that so loved Fr. Mendoza.

     About a year after the good Fr passed away, the area was hit with a major drought.  Corn stalks only reached about 18-24 inches in height.  The intense heat was scorching the earth and drying out the crops.  People did not know what to do.  Well, it seems that Fr. Mendoza had one last miracle up his sleeve.  The town, which could count on Fr. Mendoza while he was alive, flocked to the church to ask his spirit for help.  The prayers were strong and intense.  No crops meant no life, nevermind making any money, there would be nothing to eat!  As the townsfolk left the church after a prayer vigil, small droplets of rain began to fall.  They say that it rained for days.  The cold, fresh rains that it seems makes yellow crops green in an instant.  The town flooded back into the church to pray and thank Fr. Mendoza for his help, and in some parts of Mexico and the U.S, he is looked upon as a saint.  Wherever I live, and wherever I go, thats how I will think about him.  Not having known him personally, the look on my mom and dad's faces is enough to show me how good a man Fr Mendoza was.   With the Catholic church the way it is today, its nice to have a few stories of the goodness that can come from religion and faith. 

Jokey Jokemaker
faithful and devoted.

Strong retort sent to my email about the DREAM Act.

Mexican citizens shouldn't have rights in America... but they do. They have a right to emergency room care, which they use for all medical needs, and cause many ER's to bankrupt and close, as is evident in places like California and the Carolinas. They have a right to free grade school education as well as the right to in state tuition or a third of tuition for colleges and universities, while American citizens who pay taxes and feel the crunch have to pay full price. This causes our grade school children to be slowed from a fluent system of learning for the sake of resources being diverted to ESL services. They don't pay taxes or go through naturalization procedure which legal immigrants are forced to do, and in turn don't learn English or American History and don't care about America in general, even continuing to fly their own flag. Affluent and/or famous people, who want to look good to the public, really irk me when they show how disconnected they are with common people in this country by these sorts of crusades, and incessantly try to ram things like this ridiculous Ponzi Scheme of illegal immigration down our throats because it doesn't effect your life directly in any way. First of all, this country should be looking out for the welfare it's own citizens then maybe help the less fortunate from other countries when we are doing ok. This country hasn't been dependant on industrial labor since the 1920's, and the children of these people aren't satisfied with picking fruit, they want everything, and they aren't in any capacity, adept at possessing it. Get ready for more racism, more injustice, more crimes, more corruption, and more poverty in our own low skilled working class, when you see Mexicans in any seat of authority in America, just like their home country, because they haven't been required to assimilate and come in such large numbers they don't have to. Mexico has insanely strict laws regarding immigration to where people who come into the country without the money to support themselves and family members, or people who try to influence their laws and political system can be imprisoned and deported. while they send us all their rejects in order to funnel billions back into their rich mostly Spanish blooded aristocracy's hands. The fact that the Mexican government is demanding anything at all is enough of an insult to me to send back all illegals and their outlaw anchor babies without a second thought. It's no great mystery as to why the richest man in the world is now a Mexican. We don't get the best of others countries anymore. We used to, but the very fabric of immigration has changed. I hear pro immigrant people preach diversity, but diversity for most Mexicans is Mexico, with most of them having a problem of even giving up their flag. It is too many of them, and they bring far more strife and division with them than any help. I support refugees from places like Cuba or Haiti, but Mexico isnt a communist regimne or dictatorship. It's a democracy just like ours and they have problems that they need to fix on their own, rather than for us to grin and eat **S** for the sake of looking good to people. I'll tell you how to fix the ecomony. My Grandmother, She is far from being rich. Her whole life she has never been in debt. She has never had a credit card and doesn't owe anyone any money. She never lived outside her means. if people did that rather than blaming Bush or Obama and using the honorable position of President as a whipping boy or object of scorn, then progress might be made, but if everyone remains a greedy and whiny **A** that only looks out for number one then everything is destined to collapse. Mexican's aren't magical little lighthearted people from The Shire. They are products of a grossly disfunctional society and bring with them all the seeds of strife that makes their world miserable, along with bed bugs, swine flu and those huge cucaracha bugs

Then and Now, a social commentary as sung by Los Tigres Del Norte. (La Laula De Oro - The Golden Cage)

Hello Friends, it is I, Jokey Jokemaker.  I have returned to blog about a recent failure of congress to support the DREAM Act.  This is the act that would enable a select group of undocumented young men and women to exchange millitary service, community service hours, or hours spent in college classes earning passing grades for an easier path to citizenship.  Congress was very clever in attachingthe legislation to another bill tied to the contraversy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and gay rights.  The bill died before making on on the floor for a vote on wether or not to move on to the next step, which is probably reading it.  This was just another perfect example of how our congress has failed us.  We have issues going on that are hot topics, and congress does what they can to avoid taking a side.  Recently, congress has even said that there will be no tax decrease vote untill after the November elections.  Where is the outrage?  Where is the coverage on CNN, NBC or Univision?  Imagine this scenario.  I walk into a restaurant and order, and the waiter says " I won't bring your food until much later because I AM WAITING TO SEE IF YOU ARE REALLY HUNGRY OR NOT."  My first inclination would be anger, followed by intense rage, followed by smoldering hatred, then, scheming and plotting my vengeance.  Yet here we are, just sitting there like idiots, starving for justice, letting some Cover Your ASS politicians dictate whether your voice is heard or not.  

In crazy times like these, I turn to Los Tigres Del Norte.  La Jaula De Oro tell the sad story of a man who feels trapped in a golden cage.  he laments having come here to give his family better opportunities, and the fact that he has left his home, culture , and way of life behind where he can never go back.  he laments that growing divide of his family, as his children grow up in another culture and language, and have forgotten their roots.     The singer sings "What good is money, if I feel trapped like a prisoner in this great country? When I think about home it makes me cry, because even though its golden, this cage remains a prison."  

The song has a break in the middle where he talks to his son in Spanish, and the son answers him in English.  The verse goes on to delve into the psychology of first generation children born here wanting to establish their own identity distinct from their parents.  The singer goes on to basically lay out all of the sacrifices made on his behalf for the sake of his family.  The singer sings that he is afraid to leave his own house and panics on the way to work out of fear that he will be deported and separated from his family and way of life now.  This is the reality of a great deal of people in our communitieses.  They are under served, under represented, and abused.  When this song is played at a backyard BBQ, its not surprising to see a few wet eyes and beer bottle microphones. 

I understand that unique pain, because I am a first generation Mexican American.  I struggled with creating an identity that was my own. I can distinctly remember grabbing some of my dad's cassette tapes t record some crappy music like Vanilla Ice or whatever fad was popular at the moment.  The rich treasure of music that I now ferociously seek was dubbed over with episodes of B96 morning drivel.  I got some good HOTMIX 5 stuff too, but i still jam to that so its o.k.  The culture that I have made an intricate part of me, was resisted by my younger self.  I think back to what a fool I was not to embrace my roots and wacth Beverly Hills 90210 instead of Sabado Gigante.  The CHACAL should blow his horn in my ear!  Righ songs like La Jaula De Oro tell tales that are significant because they are still going on today.  I figure the best way I can atone for my transgressions is to work towards a better tomorrow for the raza, which includes my daughter, who knows less Spanish than I did at her age.  My culture and heritage will be passed on to my daughter, and I am in the same position my parents were years ago when I was small.   This song speaks to me on so many levels because I fear that our heritage has to compete more vigorously with Nickelodeon and The Disney channel.  I will instill in her the need for justice, and do my own part to see that songs like these are ancient history.  Will you do the same?

Jokey Jokemaker

DREAMer       

De Paisano a Paisano - A Critical Deconstruction

Friends, I make a bold declaration to you.  This month, for Hispanic Heritage Month, I will blast Los Tigres Del Norte from my IPOD wherever and whenever I am given the chance.  "Why?," You might ask.  "Never has a band or group captured the emotions, ways of thinking, and unique pain that is the Mexican immigrants in the United States like Los Tigres Del Norte has.  I am bored to death of Bono and U2 going on about starving children in Bufoo, Carajolandia.  They can sell Red IPODS and ask you to hold up cell phones at their 100/per ticket concerts, but how will that change anything.  Besides, I use T-Mobile, my screen will only stay lit for 2 seconds, and drain the hell out of my battery. 

     For this and many other reasons, I will play Los Tigres Del Norte.  Los Tigres Del Norte challenge everyone listening to their music, watching them on YouTube, and dancing at backyard BBQ's to listen, feel, and think about what is going on in thew world.  Below is a favorite of mine called De Paisano a Paisano.  Loosely translated it means "from nationalist to nationalist."  The song though, actually goes on to show there are more similarities than differences between we as a people.  The context of the title actually would be better interpreted as "From brother to brother."  More after the jump.

                                                                                                                                                                                  The lyrics are thought-provoking because they at first paint the picture the Mexican immigrant as a hero, smashing down obstacles and holding their head high.  They describe the immigrant plight as a life of wandering looking to provide a better life and a future for their children.  The second verse goes on to say that if this cray life should come to an end in a stange land, the singer wishes to be wrapped in his beloved Mexican flag and sung the national anthem of Mexico 10 times.  The singer also expresses a wish to be taken to his native soil rather than be buried elsewhere.  

The chorus is particularly telling because it is half battle cry half wail of lament for the current situation.  The chorus lays out many of the feelings that have been associated with the Mexican immigrant.  "From friend to friend, brother to brother, simply because we want to work.  they have warred with us, and patrolled borders, they cannot defeat us.  From brother to brother, friend to friend, to be a man means to cry.  How it hurts one's national pride to see my people cry out in lament."

The most important part of the song, is the Soliloquy, in which the singer outlines some of the ways in which the Mexican Immigrant has been mistreated.  The singer asks to speak to the boss of the establishment and in a played out argument, the singer asks who does the housecleaning and kitchen work, who kills themselves in construction jobs, while the boss is scolding, and shooting the breeze in his luxury home. 

Then, the singer turns to the listener and expresses anger over other injustices.  These examples are notable here because they are the common stories in our community.  That is to say, everyone knows SOMEONE who has been in this situation.  The singer talks about not getting paid for the back-breaking labor work immigrants do.  He sings about blistered and sore skin, being repaid with immigration raids as a paycheck  while the boss reaps all the hard work.  The singer then sings about how he wishes he could use this song to topple half-hearted border regulations, and unite the world under one single flag, as a single unified nation. 

The song then goes on to repeat the first to verses, but after the soliloquy, the verses take on new meaning.  The verses are now a song of hope.  A song in which people are just trying to get paid for the hard work they do, trying to provide a better tomorrow for their kids, and expressing pride in their native land.  These ideals do not seem so different across countries and continents do they?  The songs of Los Tigres Del Norte are all full of rich symbolism, and they challenge one to think that although things seem good, they are not good for everyone. 

Now, for my opinion.  I feel that it is very necessary for music like this to find regular play on your IPOD, cd player, or YOUTUBE, because its helps to know that its not just you fighting to better the plight of the immigrant.  It helps to know that the single Saturday afternoon you spend at the car wash to raise money for undocumented kids to go to college is making a difference.  The act of re-sending people emails about the DREAM act are important, because they add to the growing tide of people trying to make an positive impact for immigrant rights.  While Obama and the flailing Democrats dangle immigration reform as a carrot to motivate the Hispanic minority to vote democratic, and Republicans cast an unseeing eye yet again to the DREAM Act and the need for substantial changes, I get angrier.   The fact that no one asks where the monies and taxes paid by immigrants are not refunded or ever claimed as tax returns is astounding.  The fact that Bi-Lingual Education teaches 1/4th of the total yearly curriculum for English speaking students which is leading to a nation of ill prepared bilingual students, and slightly better prepared English speaking students. 

The fact that we all just sit back and wish for things to get better without doing anything is slowly killing my desire to help ANYONE.  Every day that Immigration Reform is not passed, amounts to turning a blind eye towards the injustices and crimes committed against the immigrant.  The fact that basic humans rights are given and taken on whims is not legal, fair, or even moral on the most basic of levels.  Do Something reader, even if its just play this damn song for someone.  Lets get started, lets make our impression felt.  Lets change the world instead of waiting others to change it for us. 

Jokey Jokemaker

DREAMer

Nicknames shouldn't just be handed out.

This past week there was an article in the Chicago Sun-Times regarding Jay Cutler's ability to understand and fully operate a Mike Martz offense. Without a doubt Jay has the most potential of any QB the Bears have had under center in our generation. Key word there being potential.

Let's break it down a bit. The following info does not include any of Martz' time spent at St. Louis. It just isn't fair. Faulk, Pace, Holt, Bruce, and Warner. 5 Hall of Famers. Enough said.

So i've decided to look at points per game followed by their standing in the entire league that season (we've evolved from 28 teams to 30 to 32 throughout his career). He was a QB coach and Offensive Coordinator everywhere else so hopefully this will show us a fair representation of his offensive production. Not going to look at individual stats either. Cut had almost 500 passing yards yesterday and the Bears had no business winning that game.

1992 Rams 19.6 (12th)
1993 Rams 13.8 (26th)
1994 Rams 17.9 (21st)
1997 Skins 20.4 15th)
1998 Skins 19.9 (17th)
2006 Lions 19.1 (21st)
2007 Lions 21.6 (16th)
2008 49er's 21.2 (22nd)

Notice a trend? Never even cracked the top ten. Hell, most years they were in the bottom half. If he was such an offensive mastermind, or evil genius, or whatever the clever moniker of the day is, shouldn't he produce?

Average points per game comes to a whopping 19.2 PPG. How many points did they score yesterday? Bears 19 - Lions 14.

Check out the top three teams of last year. Packers were 3rd with 28.8, Vikings 2nd with 29.4, and the Saints 1st with 31.9. The Bears scored 20.4 ppg last year under the guidance of Ron "scapegoat" Turner.

Averaging under 20 points a game with the defense that Lovie plays will not suffice. The Cover 2 is as penetrable as Paris Hilton. Not when the top 3 scoring teams play in our conference. I bleed blue and orange and am sad that Lovie was brought back this year but all is said and done. This is what we have for the season. However, what i can't seem to shake is the fact that we are wasting good years off of Jay's progression. Last season = a waste. This season = lame duck. Next season = will there even be a next season? If there is we waste another year of him learning the, hopefully, new system under a new coach. Let's not be so quick to judge the "franchise" QB without judging whose guidance he is under.

You can't just take the engine out of a Ferrari and place it in a Ford Focus and expect it to run as awesome. All the pieces have to fit. Without the right mechanic to make the correct adjustments and show the driver what's what, it just won't work.

Kim kardashian is a beautiful idiot

This week more pictures of a naked, young, and verile Kim Kardashain came out from a playboy shoot she did years back.  "Go on do it," her mom said, its not like we will have a show on tv, or you will have a sasquatch for a big sister or a whore for a little sister.  its not like you will make a terrible porn tape with a wannabe usher, or be self concious about your butt.  Do Playboy, make them appreciate your mind!

For the record, I am glad she did these pics while she was young and tight.  Its so sad when haggard actresses try to do playboy when they are older, in a vain attempt to be considered hot or even relevant.  THIS JUST IN, next month, jennifer anniston, lisa kudrow, and courtney cox will be in playboy.  My comedic timing, sharp as ever. 

When history is actually a lie...

It was recently reported that Reggie Bush would be stripped of his Heisman trophy since he would have been ineligible in 2005, the year he won. Reggie's former school USC has already removed all images of Bush from the school and returned it's copy of the Heisman trophy to the Heisman trust. Ultimately the point is to show that Reggie Bush never did what he did in 2005.

Except that he did. I'll get to how hypocritical the NCAA and USC are later. Removing Bush's image from the school and stripping him of his Heisman will not erase the FACT that he gained over 2000 total yards and scored 18 TDs (from scrimmage--not counting kick returns). Which leads me to the ultimate point--no matter how much we cook the history books, the fact remains that it happened. Therein lies the problem with history and why we can't ultimately accept it as truth. Somewhere along the way it's likely that someone decided to change the historical record for whatever reason.

Aside from the later generation of people that will never know what Reggie did in 2005, there really is no harm done. Except for the hypocrisy by the NCAA and USC--two institutions who are trying to eschew "values" and righteousness. So what if Reggie's family stayed rent free in a nice house? Or Reggie himself stayed in an off campus luxury condo? Did that somehow give him an athletic advantage over the other players? Probably not--but it helped USC gain MILLIONS more in revenue thanks to the BCS bowl appearances. And it helped the NCAA gain MILLIONS more in revenue thanks to TV and bowl contracts. In fact I'm pretty sure everyone involved got paid. So why make a big stink about it now? USC wants to act all high and mighty, removing images, returning trophies and re-writing history--but I don't see them sending back any BCS checks.

If the NCAA and USC want to take the high road, perhaps they should repay all its investors--corporate sponsors, fans who bought tickets and merchandise, etc.--before they try rewriting history. Because along with the people that remember what happened on the field in 2005 (record books be damned), history will also show the NCAA and USC got paid.

Step your game up T.I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn T.I., I sure hope this is a starter wife!  step your game up.  You're in pro-wings, get some chuckers fucker!

Signed

Jokey Jokemaker

RECAP OF SPADESFEST September 2010

You did not even realize how epic yesterday was.  You probably woke up, had a crumby breakfast, and dragged your tired butt to work.  You pout in your 9 hours, did unremarkable work, and then drearily headed home to watch your beloved Chicago Bears at 7pm.  The starters did not play, and your evening plans were dashed by 7:01.  If you are like so many others, you went to bed early and tried to catch up on lost sleep. 

     If you are awesome like me, you played cards, drank beers, and talked shit to a rag-tag bunch of people you call your friends.  Yesterday.....YESTERDAY, the battle was fought on a stage so epic in scale, one can only call it CHICHEN ITZA!  On this ground, this killing field, 4 titans met and clashed for the title of SUPREME SPADES CHAMPIONS OF THIS UNIVERSE AND SEVERAL OTHER NEARBY ONES.  The Battle lines were drawn early, and it would be Sir Sherwood Schwartz of Schwertfeger in Switzerland and Fearsome, Fightin Fagmael Lopez, Vs the Garfield Ridge Grappler, and his sidekick, Jim the Cubs are still in it Banda.  There was also Johnner Londono, but was peripheral, and not important to the story.

     The first round went to the Schweez and fag.  Our heroes were instantly down 10-3.  SInce the fist round relies heavily on luck, and skill plays only a minor role, I was not worried.  The second round was quickly underway.  The grappler and Hopeless cubs guy circled their prey like a starving jackyl would circle johnner.  Quietly, they waited to see what their enemies would do, searching all the while for hidden clues or eye movements that would leak vital information as to their gameplan.  In the distance johnner said something about I don't know what the hell he was talking about.  The second round was fast and furious, fag and schwert were not.  They quickly found themselves in a hole.

The third and fourth rounds saw more of the same.  The grappler, and hopeless cubs were throwing cards that danced on the field of death like a Valkyrie picking worthy souls to whisk off to Valhalla, the great hall of Asgardian's heroic dead.  Time after time the grappler's cards found their mark, with momentum being handed off between the grappler and Hopeless Cub guy effortlessly.  Patrick Schwayze and drew brees were in dire straights.  They decided to act on their suicide plan to go blind.  Going blind my friends, is when you state your target before the cards are dealt.  Successfully reaching your goal, will not only crush your opponents will, but net you DOUBLE points. 

The fifth round had begun.  ity looked bad for the grappler hopeless cub guy, with their own bid a meager minimum of 4.  Whent he dust had settled, breezy and schweezy had reached their goals.  They laughed and rejoiced and danced around and pinched each others butts, but their gay celebration was short-lived, they had not bothered to look at our heroes' hands.  They too had reached their goals!  They did not celebrate.  They wore no expressions of joy on their faces.  They knew the fickle nature of lady luck, and were determined to hump her into submission right then and there on the crazy aztec/incan/mayan folding cardtable of death.

  The sixth hand came and went as quickly as you read this sentence, which is fast unless you are johnner londono.  After making fun of Johnners JP Morgan CHASE shirt, the players quickly refocused on a potentially big round seven.  By this time, the schweezy breezy beautiful cover girls were getting blown out like so many cub games where they face the pirates.  Round seven, the seventh iteration of this deadly game of chance and will, would be the last.  Both teams made their bids, with a wild all-or-nothing gambit by the cover girls.  This would be difficult for the grappler, and the cubs suck duck faced dick hopeless guy.  Their bid needed to walk the razor's edge of awesomeness and madness to win.

The cards were dealt, and the round began.  Cards flew fast and furious, like our insults towards Johnner.  the Grappler had had decent luck, and in this hand, this last hand of the match, he had hit the motherload!  He had to be careful not to win too much, as underbidding had dire consequences.  The grappler had no other choice but to let the cover girls think they had a chance to win.  Skillful acting and purposefull losing had fed the hopeless dreams of the cover girls, like so many seasons fo New York Giants Football.  But just like New York Giants football, there would be a late game swoon, and spiral towards a lonely and meaningless death.  The grappler having no other alternative, boldly proclaimed "ABondon all hope, ye who enter here!"   For the benefit of johnner, that means " You are super-fucked, because I cannot lose."

     They had done it.  Our heros had won.  On that day those proud few, that band of brothers, took the best their opponents could muster, and laughed at them, and at Johnner.  They won with the ultimate victory being 532 to 51, which is fucked up because you get 50 points just for showing up.  The evening then qucikly led to internal bickering on team Cover girls, huffy puffy rants by fag, and mild indifference by schway-z.  The table was quielty folded up, and stored away.  The teams bumped fists, and went on to walk around.  Some, with the sweet victory and cold beer taste in their mouths, and others with bitter defeat and salty tears.  This ramifications and repicussions of this epic event were felt in downtown Lagrange, New Zeleand , and in the sweet sweet banana trees of Colombia, but if you blinked, you probably missed it.

Yours in Victory
The Garfield Ridge Grappler

Obviously Jenifer Lopez is not getting it.

Dear ass,

     Its me, your papichulo, and I am madder than I was last week.  I talked to you about how you can make your life better, and I thought you listened.  You tilted your head, and nodded, so I assumed i made an impact on you.  You did, however totally misunderstand about the pearl necklace I said I wanted to give you, so maybe I should have expected this. 

Jennifer Lopez has a very much deserved reputation for being an insufferable bitch, and today Life and Style provides even more proof by reporting her demands for anyone applying to be her new assistant.


“The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries.”
“You’ll be expected to travel at a moment’s notice and must know how to adjust in each city.”
“The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks.”
“You’ll be on call 24/7 and you’ve got to be organized and always on point.”
“You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away.”

The pay for being a slave toepisodes of racing across town at 3am to change her kids diapers? $55,000 to $65,000 a year. Best case scenario, if you get the 65 a year and only work 72 hours a week, that’s 17 dollars an hour. To get yelled at because you didn’t fold her giant underwear into the shape of a eagle. With gas at 3.20 a gallon, 17 bucks wouldn’t even cover the gasoline I would need to buy to set her on fire.

These crazy requests come ont he heels of news that Jennifaa isn’t completely out of the running as the third judge for American Idol. I doubt that will happen because that delusional bitch was demanding 20 million a year plus she wanted Fox to pay for her the army of assistants and hair and makeup experts. She typically spends 8 grand a day just on makeup. “She costs too much money and doesn’t sell enough,” one person said, and that was back in 2007 when she was relatively popular. These days one of her concerts would be so barren and deserted that Survivorman guy could film a show there. These days her concerts would be a lonely as a "I love Johnner" party. 

Jennifer, please, get over yourself.  That ass is a timebomb, and you will not win against old age and gravity. 

JokeyJokemaker316
Papichulo

How the semi-mighty have fallen......Jennifer Lopez

"HMMMNN I wonder what I wil wear today-Jennifer Lopez"

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sad.  Sad because Jennifer Lopez has become a joke.  She is no longer the semi-talented Singer/Dancer/Actor she used to be.   She mistakenly thinks that money equals fame or respect.   In recent years, we have seen:

1) 0 movies (Smart move by her)

2) a couple of bullshit albums (She got dropped from Sony, and signed for peanuts to def jam)

3) a line of clothing WITH NOTHING CATERING TO FAT ASSED WOMEN?????  Jenny is the patron saint of fat assed women, I thought a line of fat bottmed jeans would be natural.  Tie in some QUEEN-fat bottomed girls-beat BUT DO NOT SING ALONG, and you got an advertising winner!

4) A dance contest with Tom Cruise in a fat guy suit, AND YOU LOSE TO HIM?

5) and now, AMERICAN IDOL FIRES YOU because you are a diva?

Look jenny from the block, i like you.  You got a big butt, and mediocre skills, I get it.  What I do not get is how your atttitude could have gotten as big as your ass.  You hit the height of your popularity with the Clooney movie and the first cd.  Everyone was happy, and then ready to move on.  You kept coming back around, and for some reason, people paid you attention.  I think its because you still have a big ass.  You should be happy for your extraordinary amount of success considered your woeful lack of talent. 

I remember our nights of passion, the love we had.  Your great ass, my teaching you dancing skills.  I was your fly guy, and you were my fly girl Way before you were Keenan Ivory Wayans' fly girl.  It hurts me to think that you are pushing the upper limits of your meager talent.  You should be on every cover of KING magazine, not trying to talk to dumb ass kids about how to sing better.  Every single kid on that show is better in an infinite amount of ways than you as a singer.    You should be thankful for what you have, and get rid of this sense of entitlement you have. You now equate riches with importance?  There are plenty of rich people in the worlkd that everyone hates like Lebron James, Terrel Owens, Marky Mark Wahlberg, and Rod Blagojevich.   Yeah you have a big ass, but so do thousands of young women in the projects and barrios around the world.  You got a break, be thankful., and stop being a stuck up cunty bitch.  And for Christ's Sake do not ever sell out like George Lopez did and do a chihuahua movie.  You're better than that, not much better, but better. 

Jokey Jokemaker
hood poet

RANT Vol VII

I. Ozzie Guillen is a genius...a flat out Nobel Peace Prize winning genius. The guy is hilarious, gregarious, and nefarious! I mean he doesn't give a shit about how you're gonna take the news, he just says what he has to say and moves on. Latino Players not being treated right...IN YOUR FACE BITCH. Remember when Gary Sheffield/Torrii Hunter were whining about African-AMERICAN players and how they are not being treated right because Latin players are stealing their jobs...well in your face bitch! Still whining about Latin Players Gary...oh that's right you are, because they took your job. MY bad.

II: Being unhappy with your job doesn't mean you get to whine about it to the unemployed! I think this is straightforward. Now, you can whine about it at the bar. You can whine about it at the park. You can whine about it at the zoo, with a brew, sipping a stew, but not in front of the fucking unemployed. It is like eating a donut in front of a fat kid at fat camp.

III: Parents (and Jack's colon wrote on this) please stop feeding ur fucking kid sweets. I can't stress this enough. If your child looks like it was inflated, you need to change their diet. You, you can eat whatever the fuck you want. Please gorge on fried bacon, I dont care, you have lived your life. Your child deserves a chance at life without diabetes slowing them down. PUT THE DONUT DOWN AND BUY some fruit and vegetables. They will one day love your for it.

IV: Organic food...anyone? I understand why people buy it. It tastes better, looks better, and they feel elitist about it. Now please be quiet about it. When I buy organic milk I dont announce it. Shit, before this you had no idea. Why do i do it...see above. I love my son and he deserves the best i can offer. Not everyone has this chance/choice. I dont care that a normal family buys Deans...I lived on that shit my whole life. I just cant stand those assholes who clamor that it all should be organic. NO!!! If it was, I would be paying $20 for a gallon of milk, and we would playing out an episode of ROME with my family playing the part of beggar! Organic is good for you..better even. NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD IT...oh and before you say something stupid. NO, it all can't be organic. We dont have the resources or money to do that. I like getting strawberries in winter. I enjoy eating Crab whenever i please and not pay ridiculous amounts of money. All organic means an end to this so enjoy your organic, regular, or nuclear, and quit trying to big time people because you can.

V: Just because you drive a Landrover and are barely 21, doesnt mean you can mouth off to a Cop who is itching to write tickets. No amount of money can by class, but it CAN pay your fines!

VI: I once got a parking ticket for 100...I didnt pay, so i got a notice for 150....I say fuck you PIG! I didnt pay....when it got to 250..I paid that shit before they asked for my son! How is this a good thing...wait I paid the ticket. Nevermind, clearly i was outsmarted by the government machine. Though if you have no money, what do you do? Do you call a lawyer or live in fear of the boot?

VII: Lawyers are paid to argue for you. They interpret law, and try to represent it the best way they can for you. They are paid lots of money because they look shit up and present it. They know what to present. Good ones make magic out of it. Before you advise someone what they should do in court when they are paying someone 400 an hour, remember to shut the fuck up. Serious...it is not like TV shows where there are grandiose arguments and your helpful tidbit turns the tide. No, you're helpful tidbit is common sense and trust me when I say it was already thought of. Watching Law and Order does not make you qualified to bug people paying someone 400 an hour with your common sense, albeit attempted 'helpful', tips. Listen, hug, shut up before you make it awkward and people have to give you a dirty look.

VIII: Why do people make shit awkward? You know that person that asks you for stupid shit and forces you to be the asshole. I mean really? You want to talk and be friends after calling me an asshole to my friends and family? You want borrow my car after telling me you crashed yours? You want to hang out with my girlfriend, but I am not invited? What circle of hell did you come from? Do these people really not get it or are they morally corrupt harpies sent here to drive us nuts? The awkward game...i want to make this 'back-handable' offense.

IX: I love how people are entitled to shit, when they dont' work for shit. Slap me in the face why don't you and tell me i deserved that. Dont work, dont hustle, sit on your ass and complain, but please make sure to collect that State Check and cry that the good lord shafted you because you deserve and are entitled to more. Is that what we are raising in this country. Shiftless, stupid, sad sacks of excuses? Land of free, and home of the shiftless?

X: you can complain about your life...but it is still YOUR life. So quit complaining and do something to change it. For the love of God, please do something to change it. Unhappy with your job, look for another. Hate your man, find a new one! At the the end of the life span, your life is on you, and if u dont like some shit...change some shit!

jack and jill walk up the hill...

so, we are all familiar with that story. Jack goes up the hill...Jill goes with him to fetch a pail of water... Now, i dont remember anything that says he bent Jill over the water well and went to town on her sweet ass. Nor do I remember Jill asking Jack to give his opinion on her BJ technique then dropping to her knees to show him what she learned from watching REAL SEX on HBO.

The point of my rant today is "Men and Women CAN just be friends!" Yes, friends as in, talk, eat lunch, hang out after work and have drinks. You know, friend shit. Jack and Jill be friends and not just the early stages of Fuck Buddies. And yes, i will address the loud women in the back of the room shaking their heads, and saying shit .."no no no...all he want to do is get you in bed sweetie...Watch out for his penis!" Oh wait..there are guys mixed in as well...no worries.. I will explain it all to you.

Grow up people! Friends can be just friends unless they CHOOSE to be something else. See, you can choose to be an upstanding citizen or go rampaging around stealing shit. You can choose to be a good person, or act like an asshole and hate people based on the color of their skin. YOU CAN MOST CERTAINLY CHOOSE TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE EVEN OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. Just because they have the genitalia that you desire to play with does not mean you have to play with it. It is a choice people. Now are there factors that can cloud your choice....SURE! Alcohol, drugs, Barry White and low lit room, all will make your choice fuzzy, but that goes for anything else in life. Shit, PCP made Rodney King a rampaging maniac who got his ass beat for his troubles. I have seen my fair share of people explode with 'personality' once they got some alcohol in them. I have seen people transform into the incredible hulk filled with PURPLE RAGE, when day to day they are sweet mild mannered people. People choose to be something until they are either influenced or they choose to be something else.

It is a choice. If people agree to be friends, they can be. Men and Women can go out and have fun and no porno scenes need to be filmed. Men and Women can talk and there is nothing that says they have to be any more than that, as long as they are honest about being friends. If you they are lying to themselves, or one person is not honest, well that is something entirely different, and at some point Jack will be doing more than walking up the hill with Jill.

Btw...I am entirely aware that the jealous psycho set of girlfriends/boyfriends/husbands/wives just flagged me for writing this CHEATER's MANIFESTO, but fuck you. I know for a fact that you suspicious muthafuckas think EVERYONE wants to sleep with your property, and that your property can only live in your shadow of protection. I am not trying to talk sense into your fucking warped mind, instead...this is for you. Your property is fucking someone else..and they love it. They enjoy the fact that you suspect them, and they enjoy the fact they are still doing it DESPITE all your crazy psycho intervention. Now go do something stupid to entertain me.

-iz3y!

Blur - Girls and Boys