- It is better to be poor and alone than be stuck in a loveless shitty relationship. what ends up happening is you are neither alone or poor, but that is our great fear...kinda like getting fired. You fear being poor and hungry and what ends of happening is that your shiftless ass gets it together and you end up better off.
- Forgiveness sucks. I know that doesnt sound Christ-like or whatever, but it does. I recently went to the dentist only to have him tell me i ground down my left canine tooth. It must have been from all that shit i had to look the other way on. I am not a kind hearted person by any means, but sometimes it is for the best. Plotting that many murders would take a toll on you.
- I realized that a ton of sports "fans" aren't really sports fans. They are number crunchers playing the stock market. They are gamblers with no money riding on the event! Look at Fantasy GMs. Go ahead, they are easy to find. Now watch a game with them and you will see they are cheering AGAINST THEIR FUCKING TEAM! How did this happen? Who made this cool? I want to strangle a bitch. A fan is a fan is a fan! Be a fan of your team. Root for your fucking team. Hate the other team. You can respect the other team, but there better be a heaping spoonful of hate mixed in.
- Also, if you are from a Podunk town that has no major team in the sport you love, you are allowed to choose your team from professional league of your choice in the order that follows.
- the Team NEAREST to your shitty town
- the team your parents rooted for, or any other inspiring role model
- the team your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend or whoever is giving u ass cheers for
- the team your friends root for and therefore gives u something to bond over
That's it. It is not acceptable to turn on the TV during the championship game of that particular sport and pick the winning team as your team unless you live internationally and dont know shit about shit. If that is case, fine. You can have that team, but when a die-hard fan talks admiringly about their team..SHUT THE FUCK UP. Don't get puffy chested about how AWESOME "your" adopted team is. You look like a fucking fool talking to a real fan about love and passion when you merely turned on the TV and picked the team with the shiny trophy. After 10 years of pain and heartache and cheering for that adopted team through thick and think may you open your mouth, and even then you still should temper your nonsense a bit. 15 years for Yankees fans because of your propensity to not know shit about shit, yet act like you're a die-hard fan is retarded on a monumental scale. - Bears fans are Cubs fans mixed with Sox Fans. We are die-hard and travel well. Bears fans love that team so much, we still believe Ditka is a great coach. some believe he founded the team, and not just played for it and coached it. Others believe he secretly still coaches the team from the ESPN studio he works on. Where we mix Sox fan sensibility is that we are very hard on that team. Every fuck up is met anger and doubt. We are pessimistic fans! Unlike Cub fans who think every year is the year, we actually need to see a trophy in our hands riding down Michigan avenue in order to believe. We will also defend them with passion. We go out of our way to diss the Packers for no reason...much like a Sox fan spews vile at a poor Cubs fan for fun. This team is our bonding point!
- Californication is required viewing for parents and couples. If you know nothing about the show, watch it anyway. Essentially, it reveals the worst and best in humanity. It also features soft core porn, awesome dialogue between characters, and more soft core porn.
- When you get older, it is harder to establish time with your friends. This of course is bullshit, but true. Friends might need therapy like a counselor, but we never get it. Nope, we trudge on and remember we are friends and in the end it will all work out. In the end we will always be "boys" or "Girls" and the 3 month break of limited convo has no bearing or ill effect on that. Nope, when you finally get together all that shit is forgotten and your back where you were. No harm no foul! Remarkable right? Yet our divorce rate is 50%! There are millions of books telling you how to date and doing it badly. There are experts on TV making bucks on ur shitty love life. My point...we forgot to be friends with the people we fucking. The fucking replaced the friendship. Be smart...fuck ur friend!
- When is a good time to speak your mind to someone? Do we need to schedule this shit like a dentist appointment for a good time that works for the asshole you want to talk to? How does that work? I truly believe it robs some of the power of the rant. I say forget nicely scheduled interventions, and bring in the guerrilla tactics used so successfully all over Central America. If your on my list, you best be ready at all times. Church, your place of employment, shower stall, wherever! I am not waiting for festivus to air out my grievances. I also wont wait for your birthday to tell you how cool you are. Speaking your mind doesnt have to mean i am going to bitch you out. Embrace that people...and keep your head on a swivel!
-iz3y!
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