Facebook statuses I would like to read...if i cared

You know how people put up real inspirational shit on the FB statuses like they are Dr. Drew or something.  Hey, Dr. Phil that shit is nonsense.  OPRAH...quit trying to express to me the power of a woman or how this Monday will unlock the happiness trapped in my soul. [cut and paste as your status]

This is Facebook, not a therapy session.  Quit acting like you are screaming into the ocean and realize we all are in the same room, and you know... you look ridiculous.  Post some real shit about you.

Suggestions? Sure...here we go!!!!

Spur of the moment:
"Holy crap, my legs are still sore, I am wearing last night clothes, and I smell of sex...what an awesome Bar Mitvah"

Religious:
"Jesus died on the cross for my sins...you're SOL!"

Passive Aggressive:
"I hate that bitch who thinks she can keep my son from me.  Not naming names and shit."

Topical:
"secretly i hate Obama for being black, but since he can't clean up W's mess, I am going to blame him for all that and call him names in private.  Like this if you agree"

Seasonal:
"It is hot as balls, but at least my neighbor keeps her window open when changing...and for me to get in!"

Educational if you must:
"Class is so awesome right now.  My professor is mad smart and I love this class.  wait...i just missed what he said"

Sports:
"Fuck Bill Belichik"

Arts:
"That Rafael de La Ghetto is hilarious.  His posts of tit pix are classy!"

Newsworthy:
"Oh shit someone got shot in front of my house...that is messed up"  
(editor's note: please call the cops before you post to FB)

Anyway, you get the point.  Let's keep FB fun or at least entertain me. Inspirational messages are for group therapy groups.  I know there are a lot of alcoholics, addicts, and nymphos on here, so you know, make them laugh.  They get enough of that other shit in real therapy!

-iz3y!
Global Niche Movement/David Sabat - Strong Man (MKTL remix)