Ridding the world of HBS Pt. 2

Mere days after typing the wondrous entry "Even fine ones suffer..." I realized I was missing something. Something big. The basic premise is this: in order to truly find and secure a mate, that mate must not only be the sugar to your Kool-Aid, the Yin to your Yang, the jelly to your peanut butter, they must also value you in along the same lines that you value yourself while also knowing their role/place in your life.

Everyone in America has a distorted self view. It's what makes America so special. Whether you think more of yourself than you should or less, generally speaking what we think of ourselves doesn't really conform to reality. This is where that special someone has to value you for what you value yourself.

If you think and feel within your heart of hearts that you're special, when reality is you're just an average muthafucka, it won't work out with someone who sees you for what you truly are (an average muthafucka) but it will work with someone who thinks and feels that you are truly special. Now I know you're thinking "no shit Sherlock" but if it were that obvious John London wouldn't be such a successful man whore. (Entirely different blog but I digress). The point is if we really want to rid the world of HBS, people need to get real with themselves and come to grips that you're really not that fly/smart/etc. or that you're more attractive/smarter/etc than you give yourself credit for or...improve their powers of seduction.

Convincing someone that you're something that you're not is pretty much the whole premise behind dating. Once you get into that relationship that's when truth comes out and people see you for who you really are. Emotions (and great sex) will keep you together. But this formula leads to an over 50% divorce rate in this country. Instead I recommend people (especially the ladies) take the time to determine "what makes me so fucking special?" Once you have that list, I promise you'll be able to find more compatible partners in love.

Which brings me to the second premise--know you're role. After your self assessment you'll figure out why others didn't really treat you according to your own perceived self-image. To take a line from the Chooch Punisher, "you're a shiny apple. You're used for what you can be, and then you are left a core, to be discarded." In other words, you ain't that special. So look at the list. If all that's on it are superficial things, recognize then that your role will likely be a superficial one. You'll be arm candy perhaps. Maybe a jump off or bust down. I say embrace it--at least until you can convince someone else otherwise.

There's a reason why so many relationship "experts" claim that couples must be teams--it's because sports teams are the best example of how these things should work. Every player on a team has a role. Some are better than others at filling that role, but most successful teams have players that aren't just good at their role but are WILLING to play it. Kyle Korver probably thinks he's a starter in his mind, but he's willing to come off the bench for the good of the team. Sometimes you need to be a bench player for a while. Sometimes you'll be a starter. You never know when the team will need you, so you need to stay ready either way. Once you know your worth and your role, there is no limit to your happiness within a relationship. HBS will finally be cured.

The meanest, the prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low-down in this town
Your Highness in waiting,
SHO-NUFF