True Hate

I'm back to drop knowledge on you fools. I've been out with "writers block" but I've been inspired.

Since "hating" is the new "love" for '09, what then is the new hate? How can you hate on someone and not respect them nowadays? That's easy--show them love! Huh? Let me explain.

Rather than calling someone names, tearing someone down, or even talking about their mother, pump them up. Smile in their face. Encourage the hell out of them. Gas them up to go beyond what their skills, talent or financial means will allow them to go. Then sit back, relax and watch them fail. Once they fail don't laugh at them--encourage them to get up and try again. And again. And again.

For those of you that still don't get it, the person ultimately will humiliate themselves. Instead of calling someone a fat ass, encourage them to eat more and work out less. Eventually they will start believing your hype. When they have to use one of those motorized scooters to get around, you will have truly hated on them. The chick at work that dresses like a slut? Don't dog her out--encourage her to dress sluttier. Tell her that all women should be able to dress with such grace. Once she's fired for repeated dress code violations you will have truly hated on her.

A prime example is our own John London. In the short time I've known him, I've only known him to hate on one person, mostly because the hate actually gets to this person. But to truly get you, he keeps pumping you up to do things you never would do or could do in a million years (especially if there is alcohol involved). He's even willing to humiliate himself just to get you involved. The man will encourage you to have sex with fat women just to see the shame you have after you've sealed the deal. He'll have you shooting basketballs from places that you never should. He'll have you buying shots in crowded bars. All the while encouraging you, telling you that what you are doing is a good thing. THAT my friends is a true hater.

Why is showing so much love, actually hate? Because no matter how cocky, arrogant, stubborn or ass-holish a person is, everyone dies inside a little when they fail or are humiliated. A part of them wishes their mother never birthed them. They feel like huge losers. Worthless even. Hating? That just lets people know you're jealous. Showing someone love though is taking it up a notch. The person has no idea of your true and ultimate goal--their demise.

Yep love is the new hate in '09.

And I'm out!
The meanest, prettiest, the baddest mo-fo low down around this town,

Sho-nuff

Haterz are Trick ass Marks

Let me rant it out for a minute since that is what I am good at. Why do people think that hating on something makes them special? So you throw mad negativity on something or someone and you're special why? Why am I listening to your pulsating sad ass hate? Forget second hand smoke, can we get hate free zones?

Are there cases for hate? Mos def! When you invent the light bulb and another dude gaffles it, go ahead and hate. If you come up with an operating system and someone steals it and makes billions, please HATE or come up with the IPHONE and laugh!

Now if you're hating because you think people need to hear every thought that comes out of your head, then you're dead wrong. Let me wake you up...SHUT IT. Go read a book...oh wait, you might catch and idea in there that you will employ and I will have to Hate on you. No better yet, just run around ranting. It amuses me to no end. I want to video it, edit it, throw on some crazy Britney Spears remix behind it, post it on YouTube and then get 3 million hits. Then you will have a reason to hate. Until then, learn to enjoy life you empty soul pieces of shit.

Waking up the dead
-iz3y!

ps. Make love not war...

Ask Bucky!

A take off of ASK THE CHOOCH PUNISHER...Bucky Done Gun answers life's everyday questions Oscar the Grouch Style!

Why is my house being foreclosed?
BDG: Because you're a dumb ass who can't read. ARM = adjustable rate mortgage. I know, people are making this the sole reason for this crisis...NO! It was the sales pitch, telling the public not to worry about the payments because they were going to sell the place for twice the original value, and make tons of money, then go buy a bigger house! Like there were people just itching to buy ur fucking studio condo for 300K. I mean i saw people who make half what i make living in a place twice my size. Now they live in a cardboad box. Don't feel bad for them, I gave them the box my plasma came in...they had nothing before.

How do I know if my (girlfriend/boyfriend) is right for me?
BDG: Simple...what you need to do is consult this series of posts ( 1 2 3 4 ), and if they match up any of the criteria...PULL THE FUCK UP!!! Just roll out. Dont leave a note because they will construe that as you want them to pursure you even more. ROLL OUT!!!

If a stripper says she likes me, but can only talk in the VIP room, is it real love?
BDG: Yes,it is real love. She is in love to the very core of her being with your wallet. There is no sex in the champagne room. You will go in there and drop a G and walk out wondering how to explain it to your underage girlfriend. Just dont do it!

What should I get my boyfriend to say i am sorry for sleeping with his brother?
BDG: Asian twins...freaky ones. Only acceptable form of retribution.

My mom sasys i have potential...how do i maximize it?
BDG: First, stop living with your fucking mom. That's a start...work on that.

What should i do if someone shared a secret i shared with them?
BDG: Keep ur fucking mouth shut. Tell ur priest and take ur chances. So, if u like to play with toys that dont have lego on the side, and dont want no one to know, just keep it to yourself.

Until next time,
Bucky Done Gun!

iz3y steps into a time machine

Let's tackle a very important issue I am currently facing and see what kind of input I can get from my freaks out there.   Over the last 40 hours I have found many of the people who knew me when I was a snot nosed kid of all of 4'9" tall...Really nothing has changed except I got taller (not much) and fatter (a lil too much).  

So what is the appropriate question to ask these fools?

• What the Fuck happened to you?
• How many kids do you have?
• Why did we think that hairstyle was acceptable?
• Whatever happened to {fill in blank}?
• Divorces?
• Chins?

Seriously, what is the etiquette here?  Is there anyone who is off limits?  Personally I don't care, I love all my people, and if someone can remind you of what you were like or give you a different insight, I say roll with it.  Some people bury the past, I say break out a fucking shovel and dig it out.  Embrace the dumb ass hair style and embarrassing moments because they made you.  Well unless you never grew up, in which case you won't mind me making fun of ur silly ass.  It won't hurt, trust me! 

My Ace in the Hole, Jokey once wrote out his biggest regret and I would always say I had none.  NONE!!!  Was I delusional or just repressing something?  Well over the last 40 hours I can tell you I have had a chance to think about it hard.  While I have none that would keep me from entering heaven I have to say I have a minor one.

-Being a stupid kid at 15 and acting like a drama queen when a girl broke up with me.  I wrote letters, cried, and acted out the whole 80s movie scene.  Shit I even gave myself feelings I didnt have.  From 13-15 I was such a pussy.  Still, from that I developed a real sense of who I was, and what I wanted personally.  While I still made mistakes and whatnot throughout my life when it came to relationships, I feel better off.  My EGO, my arrogance, MY SELF WORTH, was hardened and shaped and it makes me secure in knowing I will always be ok.  Also, I was able to warn my lil siblings on what to look out for and hopefully spare them unnecessary heartache.  So to that girl, my bad...

When looking for my people's from my past I don't care about what I was like, or what I did, or if they still think I am stupid.  I have become the type of cat I CAN BE PROUD of and I hope they have too.  So when I look back for them, I want to see their journey.  I want to count their scars and show them mine.  Exchange stories about what roads we took.  I won't feel better, or worse....maybe just a little more complete.  I might also find a great friend (CHAPIS) that fell away from me as I launched the izcorp! enterprise.  I can also thank people for things they did for me that still stick today, Annie C's older brother = thanks for the nickname!

I really don't have any books to close.  I don't have revenge in my heart because I don't care.  Still there is exactly one person I have left to find, because I gots to know what happened to that dude.  Everyone knows who he is (Tony Ferrell), and hopefully you can help me find him.  If not, screw it, I will just continue on gathering up all the other souls and plan the biggest most awkward party ever.  If you don't think I am gathering up the playlist full of DM, CURE, ERASURE, TOO KOOL CHRIS, and JULIAN JUMPIN PEREZ, then you have no idea who you are dealing with.

So go out...lets see how many people you can find and reconnect with.  I have 40+ hours on you...good luck!

going back to the future

-iz3y!

Jokey's Affair

1. Jokey once threw a party after writing the gayest blog post ever

2. It was the most interesting party ever.

3. Jokey told everyone afterwards that it was the best party he had ever given, ever, in the history of basement parties.

4. Jokey mumbled "shorty i could take you there" while throwing this party.

5. Jokey did indeed “take us there.”

6. Jokey's party was so awesome it knocked some poor fool unconcious.

7. Since He died for about 8 seconds, Jokey had to momentarily stop the party to send his rescue squad after him..an hour later.

8. Jokey didn't skip a beat and then continued the party.

9. Jokey called us all dirty “Goldo(puerto Rican Slang)” while throwing this party, and after getting housed.

10. Jokey saw Fernando's O-FAce, as he projectile vomitted.

11. Jokey thought he did such a great job on the party, he wrote a fourteen blog posts under his 14 different pen names...and a video...and a grpahic novel called 'Basement Parties and the people who shit in their pants'

12. Jokey wrote a song about the time he threw a another party called 'One is the loneliest number'.

13. I'll never need another basement party for the rest of my life because this party Jokey threw was the best ever.

14. Jokey will never admit to this encounter.

15. Jokey does not return calls on calm, quiet tuesday evenings like he used to

16. Jokey is a bitch.

17. Jokey, I gave your number to Schweez

18. Scwheez wants tips on throwing these affairs

19. Johnner the "French Tickler" will also be there

20. They will get into a drinking contest, winner gets to hold the video camera.

Survivor of the Jokey Affair

-Rescue Ranger iz3y!

10 things more believable than....

A-Fraud's story:

1. Cedric Ceballos' blindfold was completely opaque
2. Baseball has a worse steroid/testing problem than the NFL
3. The Cubs have a chance at a World Series
4. Boston's bitch that the Yankees are the evil empire
5. ESPN does not favor the east coast
6. ESPN reports the news and doesnt create the news
7. Soccer doesn't work here because we like real sports, and not because we can't control the rights
8. Beckham would play 100% for the Galaxy next year
9. Kobe and Shaq get along
10. Joe Torre isn't bitter with the Yankees

Rod Blagojevich's claims:

1. That Sargeants in the Chicago Police Department always check their officers b4 they go out to work...just not that one day the 14 year old was there
2. It matters what the rest of this state thinks, and not just Chicago
3. Every other state doesn't have this level of corruption
4. Roland Burris has no inconsistencies and nothing to hide
5. Jesse Jackson Jr. was working with the FBI
6. Santa Claus is real, and not a creepy old guy that Schweez transforms into so kids will sit on his lap
7. Paris Hilton isn't a retarded whore looking for attention.
8. Jokey doesn't fantasize about Schweez.
9. Israel and Hammas will sit down for some brats and pork chops, and Jesse Jackson will broker the deal
10. Women are not into the physical as much as men

EXTRA CREDIT:
Who can spin the A-FRAUD/Blagojevich lies better? Send in your lies and see who does the best job. You never know, it could become a calling.

staring into ur soul,
-iz3y!

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears!!!

Sorry to steal your lead in Peter but i had to do it.  Anyways, piece of shit athletes, that's what really grinds my gears.  A-rod can contest this Schweezy fellow for giving Omar the best blow job for all i care.

He's sorry!  My cousin told me about it!  I was scared!  Pussy!

You knew what you were doing.  You were what?  23-24 years old?  If you had no clue what you were doing, you are certainly dumber than you look!  Mysteriously your home runs go up by 20 in one year.  HMMMM!?!??  Between 1997-1998 you increased your home run output by 19. 19! From then on it was swoll city. 

I do not blame him for using the Juice, but i blame him for not being honest.  Bud Selig is a joke!  Between the juicing of the balls, the all star game deciding home field advantage and the steroid problem how is he still in charge?  I do admit, however, that the Wild Card race is amazing and keeps us on our toes until the last day or beyond.  See White Sox '08.  

This was a huge problem and supposedly is under control now.  But the example this sets on kids is ridiculous.  You did roids, who cares?  It was not illegal then so it does not matter.  Ozzie is right.  The current penalty is not strict enough.  Suspensions is not enough.  I want your salary, endorsements and awards stripped.  All of it.  

Don't get me wrong, if it was not illegal then and there was no penalty to enforce then it is the MLB's fault and our fault for believing in the athletes.  They should not be penalized if they were caught before penalties were set.  Morally, however, is where they were wrong.

If you were really sorry then give back your 2003 MVP Award and award it to Carlos Delgado, who came in second.  Teams should have clauses in place that if you falsely perform and get caught doing it than we want our cash back.  Either that or it should go to some charity and you do not see a penny of it.  Also, a year!  That is what 1st time suspensions should be.  

Instead of playing you will give 162 speeches at 162 different schools speaking about the side effects of steroids.  You will explain how Lyle Alzado and other athletes died from the side effects.  You will explain how one side effect will make you think skeletal like female Kennedys are attractive in order to progress your political career.

Endorsement money will be gone.  Phelps loses Kellogs for taking a hit from the bong.  This guy won 8 gold medals.  Let the man chill for a minute.  I know, I know.  Marijuana is a drug.  But see Robin Williams' stand up bit and in no way is Marijuana a PED.  A-Rod should lose it all because he is a phony.  

Last but not least you should lose your stats.  All of your personal stats should be wiped clean.  This way glory hounds like Bonds, Big Mac and Clemens will not be looked at as heroes.  

Lance Armstrong almost died, DIED!  He came back and won the Tour de France 7 times.  Amazing!  He was tested every day.  After every stage.  Whenever the French felt like it they would randomly test him.  Fuck you if you say cycling is not a sport.  Let me see your punk ass ride up those mountains without dying of cardiac arrest.  Some heavy ass, grease sucking large man on "Sports Reporters"  or whatever the name of that show is on piece of shit ESPN had the nerve to say it wasn't a sport.  Here is a man who can't take a breath without losing his breath and he had the nerve!

Why did we never test the baseball players this way?  If you listen to the Score at all, Stoney admits that this has been a problem since the '70's.  The 70's!!!  And Selig and others have not done anything until a few years ago.  They care more about home runs and bringing fans in which is the American way, greed.  

A shame, because while these rich ass swoll assholes give these fake ass news conferences, little kids are wanting to be like them.  I hate that this is a fact but it is.  Ass fucks like Sir Charles can say they do not want to be role models but that is what is thrown upon them as soon as they step into the limelight.

I'm sorry!  Yes you  are!  You truly are!  Be sorry for the example you set for little kids.  Not because you were caught.  Sorry doesn't begin to describe how sorry your punk ass is.  Ozzie has always been right about you.  

Are you sorry as you count your millions?  Fuck you!  You dingleberry, give up every penny you have made sine 97 and then i will believe your ass.  Punk ass bitch ass pussy ass!

How I know Jokey has to come out: MELTED CHEESE

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Tech News

My Great Mind

After 32 years on this blessed earth I have come to this realization...

I have contacted all the worlds religious leaders and they've assured me this revelation stands among the greatest ever to come from a human mind...

It hit me in the middle of my slumber, the truth was so powerful I had to wake to post it and share this epiphany with you good people...

The following statement is not meant for the weak-minded and will surely shake your whole existence...

Please prepare yourself and and remember you have me to thank for giving this to you..


The first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all but to protect little cheese ‘gems’ from burglars.


Pass this wisdom on to the world,

-RoboJesus

Helpful Tip

Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.

-Your Friend,
RoboJesus

Just call him Schweezy!

So this white Puerto Rican bastard just started rolling with the crew out of nowhere. Getting photoshopped in pix and what not and it dawned on me...."What does the Schweez bring to table and who gave him a fucking chair?" J. Schweezy's affect on the group can be summarized in 13 lines!

1. we now use his hair gel to wax our cars to protect against dirt, water, and meteors
2. Jokey has gotten way more gay. His unrequited love is boiling over. Read MELTED CHEESE for proof of this.
3. We play bags often just so he can be good at something when he is with us.
4. We no longer have Intellectual discussions or spelling Bees because he went to St.Rita and is essentially a vegetable
5. We listen to DJ DO-DAT cds religiously so he can try to convince us he is the voice who says "you're now in the mix with DJ DO-Dat"
6. We all now laugh after anything is said...hahahahha...LMAO.
7. We have someone to blame when we fuck up because no one really knows him and quite honestly, he prolly was the reason anyway.
8. Jimmy has a place to crash, Omar has someone to fantasize about, Roly has someone to pummel, and I have someone who is smaller than me. According to Omar..sick fucking bastard!
9. WE keep coming up with nicknames to cover the fact that he has the worst last name in the history of Puerto Rican last names: Schwertfeger. I am sure Lady Schweez is hoping he takes her name.
10. We no longer think Puerto Ricans are worthless...just shy, white guys, with incredibly stiff hair.
11. We entertain ourselves with Schweez's late night Karaoke sessions consisting of a Corono Bottle for a mic, and the saddest freestyle jams we can dig up.
12. We now have more knowledge about cartoons from 1960-1990 than any group of people on the face of the earth. Ask him to spell cat and all u will get is PING-PING-PIINNGGGGG!
13. We have someone we can throw at hungry fat chicks we are trying to run from since they love them their lil White Boys...Johnner kept falling in love.

warming up the paddle
-iz3y!

Smile..your earned it... Part VIII

As promised, the lopezKIDZ entertainment group has another hit video to make u smile. U might be thinking that breakin is dead, but oh no...it is alive and well. I just want to thank theORIGINAL for making this party.
Remember to raise a glass to yourselves, your good people, and you deserve it.

popping and locking
-iz3y!