$$$$ indoor tent $$$$

so my son has a new huge indoor tent. I mean this thing fits 6 kids, or me and him real comfortable and stands 5' tall. We popped it up in the house and now it is my new resting place for the night. The lilMAN doesnt even entertain sleeping on the bed, and since he is who he is, i now have to sleep on the floor with him...er..in the tent.

This got me thinking...what happenend to pillow forts? You know..grabbing the couch cushions and some covers and creating what you imagined to be as intricate and sturdy as the fucking Death Star. Serious..who didnt hide in these pillow forts and think they were in some Bond Villain lair? I used to have walkie talkies in there for communication to the outside world. I thought i was in the equivalent of NORAD with all my technology. Sure my parents would rip off the covers when it was dinner, or my brother would invariably knock it down because he wanted to get it in, but regardless it was AWESOME! Now? 30 bucks buys you a pop up tent (means ur dumb ass doesnt have to do any work to set it up) and BOOM..the Taj Mahal of pillow forts flies open in front of you
.
Why didnt i come up with this idea when i was playing with cardboard boxes, and covers hanging off of my mom's couch? Damn it! What other million dollar ideas have i let slip through my fingers?

-iz3y!

Funny thing about being me...

You know how you go through your whole life defining yourself? Well, I was recently thinking about this as I was getting asked simple, logical, and insulting questions during a pre-trial.
"Is it ok if you see your son every other Thursday?"
FUCK YOU MUTHAFUCKA! That is my son, and no it is not fucking ok despite what the fuck she is saying. That came out: 'No, you're taking my days away, and this not ok'.

It hit me after a few more gems like this that some people are just a piece of shit and dont do anything with their lives. They would rather blame you and me, and society for their ills, instead of work or better themselves so that they can support themselves. They would rather see you devastated and miserable instead of doing the right thing.

See, growing up i modeled myself after my dad and mom, taking from them, learning from them, studying them. I knew there were certain things i couldnt get away with and being a shiftless deadbeat with zero morals wasnt going to fly. Along the way, my Uncle and Aunt taught me even more. Taught me to be happy, and that it was ok to dream bigger. It was ok to have some fun and reinforced what it was like to be happy with one another. My friends...well those sons of bitches made sure my head didnt get to big. Christ, i think sometimes they reveled in it too much, but they were also there when i needed them. This is how i and my siblings were raised, and for this, People HATED on us all the time because of it. HATED that our parents protected us so much. HATED on us because they were 'obnoxious' about how well we did or behaved like that is a sin. HATED that they pushed us to do well and were always so involved. HATED that our friends were family, and acted like it.

Why do I bring this up? Because I am awesome! This occurred to me when a lawyer walked up to my dad, and shook his hand, and told him, "Your son is an honorable man." This occurred to me when my uncle and aunt put their arm around my shoulders and told me Monday, it is going to be ok. This occurred to me when my friend and co-worker took time to be with me and offered to buy my a beer despite having the world on his shoulders. This occurred to me when the woman was more nervous that i was because i was going into war. This occurred to me when my new female bff supportd me and was ready to erupt in a courtroom because i was getting screwed. This occurred to me when my best friend, her husband, slapped my back as hard as he could and said..."you're free man...enjoy it. it's over."

A funny thing about me is that i am awesome, because no one i know would let me be otherwise. No serious, they almost enjoy it too much when i fuck up so that they can beat me up. Still, that is why i am awesome...oh and one more thing...I ROLL DEEP!...I roll real fucking deep, and WE are down for whatever!


-iz3y!
Rage Against the Machine - testify

I am pretty sure I am hungry

Taken from www.jokeyjokemaker316.blogspot.com

Baby, I am hungry.  When I say I am hungry, I mean to say that I am hungry for you.  Its funny though, because my hunger for you is like regular hunger.  I mean a hunger one would have when no food has entered their stomach for some time.  Regardless, I hunger.   Sweet thing, since you've been gone, The Punisher just hasn't been the same. I am not ashamed to admit to you, I miss your loving. Since you left, I have been unable to drive the memories of you from my mind. Day and night, I dream of you. I dream of all the wonderful moments we shared together. I dream that one day, I will enjoy the privilege and pleasure of rat tat tatting that fat ass once again. There will be tenderness also. 

Sexy lady, I want to invite you back to my place and create a special night for you. I want you to lay back on my couch made of the finest Corintian leatherand  make everything all right again. I want to make you a gourmet meal and serve it to you on only the finest china, or Chinet, which is stiff cardboard.  We will enjoy wine and candlelight, and I will make roast duck or pheasant, or a meal of equal or greater fineness. Only the finest meal is to be presented before my baby. There will be gravy and pickled jalapeno peppers also.

I will hand-spoon the meal into your sweet mouth. Every bite. And I won't rush you. I will not present you with another bite until after you are completely done with the one you are on at that time. I would never rush you baby.  I would also take bites of the meal, because the naked pleasure on your face as you enjoy the meal would increase my own hunger.  Hunger for you, hunger for us, and hunger because I have not eaten in a while.  We would both eat. 

I believe that after I prepare this superb meal for you, you would want to make me your dessert.  You would forgive me for all the wrong I've done you. I know deep down you will. You will because I am truly sorry for all those things I did to you. And I am deeply sorry for all the things I said to you. You know I didn't mean any of it. The Chooch Punisher punishes many chooches with his cock, but he loves only you with all of his heart and for all of eternity.  Them ladies were just whores for all he cares.  Beautiful, big-breasted , fat-assed whores. 

The only time the Chooch Punisher is ever happy is when he is eating a meduim rare porterhouse or wagyu steak, or thinking of you. Don't you see, baby? I can't live without you or eating.

When I am thinking about you, I am thinking about sprinkling the floor of your home with rose petals. Then I want to put on your favorite Jodeci tape on the single small stereo that plays tapes,  and dance with you real slow. Then I want to slowly pull your clothes off your smooth, sexy body and move you onto the floor. Then, I want to get on top of you and not stop untill the cops have to taser me to get me off your delicious whipped cream and anjou pear covered body. I like pears.

And you know, girl, when the Chooch Punisher says he will love you all night long, he means all night long. There might be a few breaks for eating, or for stretching out cramped hamstring muscles that have become twisted and painful from prolonged rythmic chooch punishing.  From the early evening of night to the break of dawn. I will not sleep until you are satisfied. I will attend to your every desire.  I will massage you with edible oils, tantilize your perfect nipples with strawberries, watermelons, or pineapples, and procede to kiss away any remaining chocolate sauce from your body.  I will not be concerned that we have fucked up my satin sheets.  I will not be concerned with my own happiness whatsoever. Only your happiness, and my hunger will be thought of.  After I have eaten a burrito or whatever and have finished jamming my cock in your mouth, I will rub scented jasmine lotion all over your naked body. I will wrap you in the fucked up satin sheets and hold you. I will slap your ass tenderly, Partly because you ruined my sheets, and partly because you ate the last slice of pizza. 

Baby, I just want to be your love chef. I will make it my sole mission in life to be your servant. And I will not stop pleasing you until the day I die. I will also force you to submit to dress up sessions and role-playing that you are a waitress and I am a mean hungry customer.  I will say things like "Get me my steak Bitch!" in a loving and playful way.  Man, I would love a torta sandwhich from atotonilco's right about now.   

The Chooch Punisher
love chef

I gotta talk real fast...

Wanted to say, i heart my son, my family, and my friends for being the best. If you out there are not feeling the love, please put down what you're doing and go talk to someone, and make a bond. At the end of the day, when everyone is trying to bring you down, you def need someone to drink with, talk to, or to tell you unconditionally that they love you!

Plan B is to fly all over the place and try to get 10 million air miles!

-iz3y!

ps...yes i did watch UP IN THE AIR!

Black Sunday, Track 1, repeat as needed...

Whether you are a square or not. Listen up!

Two articles this past week have shone the way of the walk. Unfortunately stoned was not the way of that walk.

One was an article in the NY Times i think (was high as a kite while i was reading it), declaring that the war on drugs was failing. Pictured was a huge pile of Marijuana on a scale. As of two minutes ago the second article was in the Sun-Times about an accident involving two high school students.

You think the war on drugs in this country revolves around weed? No wonder we are wasting billions of dollars and are losing the war on drugs. I've done a handful of drugs. Marijuana is the least worrisome of anything out there. It is no gateway drug. If so, my ass would not be typing away on a 27" iMac in my own house looking at the pile of diamonds i use to look at my reflection while i curl my long ass eyelashes. If that sweet sticky icky was a gateway drug i'd have sold my organs for crack about 10 years ago.

Crystal Meth, Crack, Cocaine, Speed, Heroine, Ecstasy, Acid; these are way more worrisome than a plant.

Officials like to swing their nuts/tits in our faces if they score a hug pot bust and drug lords are laughing at them. While they were working on that case some chump was driving by with a trunk full of coke in a rental car from Avis.

If you have smoked you know i am right. If you haven't smoked listen to your friends who have. Enraged are people who are against healthcare reform, the wars we are involved in, or even the bailouts. But no one is enraged that our country spends billions on eradicating a plant from the streets. A plant!

You can't have anything more natural than a plant. Like our food weed is fine until you start fucking with chemicals and adding shit to things that do not belong. Anything beyond weed is pure chemicals, sans 'shrooms. So jump up on that soap box! Weed is bad!

But while you are focused on that, little Johnny and Janey are driving down to that one side of town and scoring some rocks or blow. One snort or hit away from blowing their college fund, wedding fund, or your home equity line of credit. All because instead of looking at the big picture your ignorant ass was focused on what type of canvas the picture was painted on.

Yours Truly,

Woody Harrelson.

This is my plea to you...

Dear ignorant people,

Hi, I am writing this blog for you. I was wondering if you had time from your wayward preaching and hypocrisy to read this simple little blog. I understand your very busy passing judgments and and chucking boulders in glass houses. Seriously, I grasp how much better you are than me despite offering not even a semblance of value to this planet, but no worries, I will keep it brief.

Open your fucking eyes! Take a look around you because I don't think you realize how fucking retarded you are. You are not better than anyone else because you dress like a reject from the REAL HOUSEWIVES, or because you might be on the next season of it. You can keep grasping on to your half truths and one sided details in hopes that maybe you will be right and that your flimsy world wont collapse in itself under the weight of your delusions. Wake the hell up and realize, that in the real world accountability stretches further than words used to describe Wall Street and corrupt CEOs. Just because they are garbage and you know people who are garbage, doesnt give you a pass to be a piece of shit.

Wake up! Open your eyes or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Accept responsibility for yourself and a sense of shame will wash over you. Don't worry, it will quickly be replaced by the sudden urge to change, which will lead to a warm sensation of acceptance. Don't be afraid to embrace your fuck ups, just quit apologizing for them then turning around do it again. I implore you because if I can help one or two of you, you can help others. I am aware this will lead to the end of the Jersey Shore and Flavor of Love, but this is something I am willing to accept.

-iz3y!

Snow Patol - Open your Eyes

Who wants to have fun?

Are you just saying that?  Or do you REALLY WANT TO HAVE FUN?

http://www.jokeyjokemaker316.blogspot.com/

This has gone a little too far

Ok so you have no expectation of privacy at work. Your job can monitor your Internet use, what you send via email and who you send it too. (You also don't have any "constitutional rights" at work but that's another blog.) We may not like it but we tolerate it. But you should be able to do whatever you want, whoever you want and however you want to OUTSIDE of work. You should be able to protest corporate greed with your twitter feed, join anti-whatever groups on Facebook and show pictures of yourself making out with all kinds of co-workers on Myspace. Yet people are being fired daily for things done on social networking sites that may reflect negatively on an employer or are simply undesirable. This needs to be fixed.

The law says you have a "duty of loyalty" to your employer--which includes representing yourself at all times as a representative of the organization. But this amounts to legalized slavery. Sure you get paid (some of us better than others) but if your social life is now dictated by professional rules, you lack freedom. Add to it that your employer (unless it's the government) can violate your constitutional rights all day (except to discriminate against you on the basis of sex, race, gender, religion, etc) and you pretty much are a slave.

The constitution guarantees us certain rights that the government can't deny us. You have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your home and in your body; you can exercise free speech and assemble with other like minded individuals in a peaceful manner; you can even own a gun (whether you can carry it is another matter). Your employer on the other hand doesn't have to adhere to these rules. You can be fired for drug use or abuse and may even be subjected to intrusive drug tests to obtain evidence against you. Grouping into cliques can be frowned upon depending on the make of up that clique (it's "too" something). Sure businesses have legitimate reasons for being able to write certain rules (there's some serious liability depending on your job for showing up to work drunk or high) but at some point it goes too far.

What one does on their own time and using their own resources should be their business. The government respects it--there are Supreme Court cases that actually decide if laws against anal sex while performed at home are constitutional--so why can't your employer? So long as one doesn't cross the line of defamation, one should be able to say whatever they want about their employer. Changing your status to "my benefits suck" should be okay so long as it's true. Tweeting that a co-worker is gross because they don't wash their hands should be fair game. Generally anything you do on your own time using your own resources so long as it doesn't defame your employer should be cool. But it's not.

There's a general idea out there that employers are afraid to fire you because they don't want to be sued. While that may be true, proving a case against an employer for wrongful termination or termination based on discrimination is very difficult, especially since the fired individual has to PROVE they were fired for X. In other words, they have to know or find out they were fired BECAUSE they were pregnant, or Jewish or Asian--or because they had a big box of porn in their house. Until this is rectified--watch what you say online folks.

Kiss my Converse!

Sho-Nuff

Mosely Vs. Mayweather Sucked the Royal Ass

My friends,

The Handsome Righthander, Sports Expert, is here. This past weekend, the overhyped,underwhelming fight came and went.  It was quite dull.  I found more interesting things said by the company I had on Saturday night before the fight.  Jokey Jokemaker, Mij Mils, Fatty J, and pimpalicous saw the fight at Fricks house.  T-bone was there, but he had to leave to handle some business.  Anyhoo, here is a breakdown of the people and the things they said.

MM:  Hey joke, you doing anything tomorrow?  I need a workout partner.  I am racking 6 plates and then some on the chest alone dude, I can also run a mile in 6 minutes.  

JJ:  nah, you are weak as shit

FJ:  i gotta take this call.  (Picks up phone, mumbles some shit, hangs up) 

JJ: Who was that?

FJ:  I railed some porker last night, It was not my finest hour, but as they say "Any port in a storm  right?"  That broad had a rancid body, but a decent mug.  She could be cute if she lost a hundo.  I filled her up twice, took a nap on her bed, and then gave her the early a.m pickle tickle.

JJ: you are a scummy dude man

P:  I just got a strippers digits fellas, whatsay we get them over here for a little pre-fight activity?  Her name is oscar Award winning actress and horseface look-alike Julia Roberts.  I call her this because she is a whore who thinks she is Cinderella.  I just need to get with her before you guys run a train on her, is that cool?

FJ: She big? if she is big, I will bang her, then steal money from her purse.

JJ: you scumfuck

P:  I have taken her out before, I racked her, chilli-dogged her, and took pics of her body as she slept off the roofie.

MM:  you got those pics on you?

P:  yesir, on my laptop

FJ:  I only get with big girls, because i like to degrade their gargoyle asses before i have sex with them.  I single-handedly push back womens lib progress with every woman I rack.

MM, you got those pics then or what.  You need to use my laptop?  You got your laptop on you?

FJ:  Yeah, once I slayed this blob and took her V-flag.  I wore the bloody shirt the next day

JJ: what the fuck?

FJ:  another time, i took these fat three girls out, and went to town on them, but i spent 200 bucks at IHOP the next day.  Seriously dude, it was like 800 lbs of flesh and ass.

MM: you got pics of that?  because fucking pimpalicous does not seem to have any pics!

P: (Gets a text)  FUCK, that stripper is at my condo, she has a friend who is OD'ing on black tar heroin.  FUCK.  Buy the time, I get there, we will need to dispose of the body!  I will fuck the shit out of Fat Cinderella, and then dump the friend in the lake.

JJ:  fuck my life

FJ:  Forget that man, last week i make this straight up hippo beg for it.  She slobbed on my knob like corn on the cob.  No joke, this girl had ass, tit, and calf implants.  She was still pushing five spins on the scale! I made her call her dad's voicemail and beg for my cock in her mouth.  She ain't daddy's little girl anymore!  Hey PIMP, where is that pizza?

JJ: Calf implants?

MM:  Quiet, the fight is about to start!  This should be the best fight of the year!

JJ Calf implants?



*comments are generalized, except for gross-ass FJ

Click a link and go to heaven early!

My boy omar is raising money for special needs kids so that they can get some food. You can donate here!


Need more reason? Well he has offered to eviscerate lilNICK, aka Sho-Nuff, Aka pimpalicious and Johnner Londono through word and song on this blog and other sites, and to get more personal with every cent he raises. U give a dollar...he tells them to fuck off. You donate 5, he talks about their shortcomings in bed and mentally. You give 10...well he will make people cry and you tube it. PEOPLE...DONATE HERE!!!


U still need more reasons? How about the fact that you're helping kids with special needs. That means not only they need help, they need EXTRA HELP and they are hungry. You drop an average of $20 a happy hour, but a child with needs gets ur Facebook status space and a smile. That kid needs cereal! That child would appreiciate a fruit cup! Think about it...it sux having to peel off a $20 bill and give into a black hole called charity. It sux more being hungry because you cant afford food in the richest country in the world. It sux knowing people in Haiti can raise millions, yet children here are hoping to raise 1500. Love Haiti...sucked what happened there, and I am happy aid was given, but let's not stop and let's not lose sight that we need to take care our OWN children. So click here: DONATE TO HELP OUR CHILDREN

Fine...you will go to heaven earlier if u donate $5 or more! CLICK HERE TO DONATE...

on behalf of izcorp! and its subsidiary lilC inc, we will be donating and helping the cause at the walkathon. If you want to help...u know where to click.

So thank you for your support...ur time...and Omar...ur free to put them on blast!


-iz3y!

Johnner and Nick are FUCKED

What the FUCK? 
If you think that the broke-ass Dr Suess poem sucks ass, DONATE to my walkathon.  The more donations I get, the more I will blaze on Nick and Johnner, the more Johnner and Nick give me, the less I will blaze on them.  For more info on how to help feed special needs children, click on my link here.  Every little bit counts.  The more money I get, the worse nick and johnner feel. 

God Bless

http://www.chicagosfoodbank.org/site/TR?team_id=2332&fr_id=1110&pg=team

Fake Tits

That Bitch!

That Bitch!

I do not like that Bitch!

Do you like fake tits?

I do not like them Bitch.

I do not like fake ass tits.

would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.

I would not like them anywhere.

I do not like fake tits

I do not like them you stank ass Bitch

Would you like them in your house?

Would you like them in your mouth?

I do not want them in my house

Though I would not mind them in my mouth

I do not like them here or there

I do not like them anywhere

I do not like fake ass tits

I do not like them you stank ass Bitch

Would you like them on a box?

Would you like them if they were on Megan Fox?

Not on any box

Not on any Fox

Not in my house

But perhaps in my mouth

I would not like them here or there

I would not like them anywhere

I do not like fake ass tits

I do not like them you stank ASS BITCH!

Would you, could you in a car?

Suck em! Suck em! Here they are!

I could not, would not in a car

You may like them you will see

You may like them in a tight ass tee!

I would not, could not in a tight ass tee

The fuck out my face with this bullshit B!

I do not like them on a box

I do not like them on a Fox

I do not want them in my house

Perhaps I'd like them in my mouth

I do not like them here or there

I do not like them anywhere

I do not like fake ass tits

I do not like them you fake ass trick.

A train! A train!

A train! A train!

Could you, would you run a train?

Hmmm perhaps I'd be down with a train

But I'd also be down for some brain

Just as long as it's not with some fake tits

Just as long it's not with a stank ass bitch.

I do not like them on a box

I do not like them on a Fox

I might like them in my mouth

But I don't want them in my house

I do not like them here or there

I do not like them anywhere

I do not like fake ass tits

I do not like them you fake ass bitch

Say! In the dark?

Here in the dark!

Could you, would you in the dark?

I could not, would not in the dark.

Would you, could you in the rain?

I would and could make it rain

But not on a fake titty bitch like I was T-Pain

Not in the dark, but maybe while running a train

Never in a car, never in a tree

I don't like them Bitch can't you see?

Not in my house, not on a box

Perhaps in my mouth but not on a Fox

I do not like them here, I do not like them there

I do not like them anywhere!

I do not like fake tits!

I do not like them BITCH!

Not in MY MOTHERFUCKING AMERICA!

Friends, I am angry.

     Usually this blog is full of political bullshit, or shit copied from the internet or wanna be tyler maxx garbage.  I want to harness the power of this thing to get a message out.  KIDS are STARVING in ILLINOIS.  My wife works as a school nurse at Esperanza School.  It is a small school on the northside, that serves to educate and care for children with learning disabilities.  If any school in the Chicagoland area does not have the facilities to care for these kids, the school will send these kids to Esperanza.  Most of the children have Autism.  The school cares for these kids until the age of 21, and prepares them with life skills and education. 

     To say that this school is overused and underfunded is a joke.  This school actually relies heavily on food donated by the Greater Chicago Food Depository to feed the kids on a daily basis.  ON A DAILY BASIS!  Some townships are crying because they are losing lacrosse teams or rugby teams due to underfunding.  What will become of Esperanza school that in GOOD TIMES relied on the Food Depository for help?    The school needs the Food Depository and the Depository needs help.  I have found a way we can help.

     I know that there are still some good people out there in the world.  I know that there are world-changers that have been beaten down by political bueracracy and red tape.  I now that there are people who still want to make a difference and have no way of doing it.  I have found the way.  Now, I consider this a bony finger poking me right in my chest, challenging me to do something about it.  You, dear reader, can take this any way you want.  I do however, want you to do something not easily done.  I want you to feel.  I want you to feel what it is like to be hungry.  Put off your lunch today for 15 minutes.  Put it off for 20 minutes.  I want you to imagine that you live in the greatest country in the world, and you are hungry.  Hungry for attention, education ,or just basic food.  I want you to imagine that you are a child at this school and sometimes do not have BASIC needs met. Who can you turn to for help?

     Esperanza school will be having a walk-a-thon June 26th around Soldier Field  in an effort to raise the paltry sum of 1500 dollars that they can donate to the Greater Chicago Food Depository.  They are looking for 35 walkers to walk and call attention to this very worthy cause.  I know, I KNOW that we as a community can do better than this.  Change is here.  It all starts with a small event, a small effort like this.  It starts with one school, then one neighborhood.  One helping hand, one donation or morning in June.  One time in your life that you can solidly point to and loudly proclaim "This day, THIS DAY I DID SOMETHING TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE."     There is a saying that goes "Pick battles small enough to win, but big enough to matter."  This battle matters.  This battle can be won.  I refuse to believe that in MY UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, kids go hungry that do not have to. 

     You watch the news today, and its all about healthcare, and school cuts, and CTA layoffs.  Little things like starving school kids fall by the wayside.  It is up to us to take these causes up, dust them off, and make them matter again.  It will be a beautiful day, there will me give-aways, and the cause should be enough of a reason for you to attend.  For others it will be an opportunity to show why America is still great, because a group of people can still get to gether and rally around a cause to make a difference.  You do not have to feel as strongly about this as I do, but I challenge you to feel something.  See you at the finish line.

Jokey Jokemaker316
Walker