Things I think I think Vol 6

Hello Evildoers,

     It is I, Jokey Jokemaker, back with a fresh list of thoughts recently thought of in a state of prolonged thoughtfulness.  Here they are in no particular order.

1)  I am saddened once again by movies that are coming out.  I am most saddened by movies that took once-treasured childhood memories, and trashed the crap out of them.  Transformers, G.I Joe, even the freakin SMURFS have all been made into movie franchises in the last few years.  Yeah they made money, but they sucked.  in the long run, making money will always take a back seat to being good.  You look at movies out today, Twilight, jack and jill, and a host of other crappy movies, and I could live forever without wanting to see a single one.  If I had to rely on movie reviews, the movie with the most buzz, Melancholia, has made 1.8M dollars so far.  That was, I believe the amount of money the SMURFS used to animate Papa Smurf for 3 seconds.   You can never depend on Hollywood for anything new or amazing. The one time they do accidentally make something good,  they bury the formula.  Does anyone remember how many awards "The Shawshank Redemption won?

2)  Steve Jobs is still dead.  How ironic, that even though he was super rich and powerful, he died a stubborn fool.

3)  Amy Winehouse is still dead.  she was a drug-addled alcoholic that ws surrounded by leeches and yes-men when all she really needed was someone to tell her "No."

4)  I was out at a bar the other day, and I told a funny joke.  I instantly became the front runner for the GOP Presidency race. 

5)   I friend i have recently mentioned a desire to go to a Morrissey concert.  I laughed, as I thought him dead.  It turns out, it was just his creative drive and musical ability that died, way back on 1997's CD "Maladjusted."

6)  NBA Basketball will return to tv on December 25th.  I could care less, and as thousands of kids open their gifts that morning 2 things come to mind.  First, the number of children who will not have gifts that day, or even a warm place to stay.  Second will be Latrell Spreewell's inability to feed his children.

7)  Reality tv is spiralling out of control.   I hear that there is talk of some new show about mailmen to the rich and famous.  This comes on the heels of some really garbage shows.  Shows about women or men who sleep with NBA players, baseball players,  B-list actors, C-list Actors, Ashton Kutcher, any Kardashian, any housewife, any video vixen, flavor flav,  or having 8 children with a weird looking Filipino dude rule the airwaves.  I have three development deals in the works, so maybe I am not the best judge.  but tv really sucks right now. 

8)  Regular TV sucks too.  the only shows that are watchable, have either gone off the rails.  i tried watching American Horror Story , but the whole "Is he  ghost or isn't he?," bored the shit out of me.  The Walking Dead is off the air until February, and FX has not aired anything of substance since The SHIELD or LOUIE.   Thank goodness for netflix and obscure foreign movies.

9)  How bad is the state of music when you say to yourself, "That sounds like garbage, I would rather make my own."  I look forward to the day when music gets back to being good enough to have on in the background while you vacuum or mow the lawn.

10)  Things I am down on this week:  The BEARS, Herman Cain, Republicans, the   CUBS, Obama, The San Diego Chargers, Kenny Williams, Chris Paul, David Stern,
Eskimos, coldplay, and Russia.

11)  Things I am up on this week:  Tim Tebow, Cuna Lounge, bashing Morrissey, making my own mix of fresh beats and crunchy tracks, Ndeomakon Suh spiralling out of control, a more balanced union, a flat tax, the Patriots taking it easy on the colts, our troops at home and overseas, kim kardashiass fighting to stay relevant, Kim not looking like KHLOE, and giving to the the salvation army. 

See you next week.  For now, I remain, Jokey Jokemaker

The Jimmy Carter of my sister's generation...

1. President Obama is a one term-er. There are several reasons why, but one reason recently became a revelation to me--the Black "elite" are abandoning him. Yes the same Negros that felt President Obama wasn't "black" enough when he was a candidate, flipped the script just enough to get him elected, and now feel slighted, disrespected and cheated from the lack of "lookin out" Obama has done for Black people. Gays got DADT repealed. Latinos got a supreme court justice. Black folks got...Eric Holder?

Specifically, the educated, money makin Negros feel like Obama should have stacked the courts with Black judges, there should be more Black U.S. Attorneys, the inspector general and the head of the CDC should be Black, etc. etc. Here is where I need to part with the thinking of my more militant peoples--this line of thinking is just ignorant.

Firstly, just because our President is Black, doesn't mean he can (or should) "black out" the government. Secondly, what's to guarantee that once placed in key positions, these Black folks would actually prove to be a benefit to the Black community? Clarence Thomas is widely considered to be one of the more detrimental forces to Black civil rights since he's been on the bench. Last I checked he's got more melanin in his skin than my entire maternal blood line. Lastly, even if recommended, these folks would need to get approved by Congress--the President can't even get a resolution to change the kind of toilet paper used in the white house passed these days, so what makes anyone think a slew of Negros would get affirmed as cabinet/judicial appointments?

Clearly as the first black president, Obama was put in a lose-lose situation. He either couldn't do enough or would do too much when it came to Black people. It seems that some people don't understand that as President, the man is responsible for ALL AMERICANS. Because you know, he can't win re-election with just 12% of the population of the country voting for him.

With the way politics work in this city, I wouldn't be surprised if Obama doesn't carry certain wards in 2012. Just know if that's the case, it will be because the "Black elite" bailed on his ass.

2. Newt Gingrich is pulling out George Bush tricks, a.k.a. scare tactics. Gingrich is painting President Obama as an "activist", someone who wants to "shake things up" so much that it will ruin the lives of his biggest demographic--old, crusty white folks. Should this idea take root, this would be yet another reason Obama gets only one term. Droves of people (mainly under the age of 40) got out to vote in 2008 to put Obama in office. Should HALF those people stay home in 2012, baby-boomers will carry more power, and Obama will be done. He's already polling like Carter, he might as well just change his name now.


3. Finally, on non-political note, I propose we end every blog entry for the remainder of 2011 with a picture of Kim's ass. Because we can never get enough of Kim's ass around here...

From the Land of "NOSHITREALLY?"

“Kim Kardashian was stunned by the amount of bad press and the public relations nightmare she has endured since deciding to file for divorce, so she will be the focus of her tv shows to rehab her image.  The upcoming season will feature Kim Kardashian as the “victim” and Kris Humphries as the “lazy and insensitive” villain.  

Kim Kardashian has been raked over the coals in the court of public opinion ever since she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries. But we're supposed to believe that the real villain in the 72-day marriage, pals tell the tabloids, was out-of-work NBA star Karl  Humphries?   The articles say that he was mean and that he could be downright cruel to Kardashian.

“He belittled her in front of people,” one insider tells Us. “He’d call her stupid. It was truly sickening.  He tried to control Kim by bringing her down…He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn’t last.  He even took exception to her world-famous fat ass, by calling her fat-ass,   the source says.  And when Kardashian (who rarely drinks and tends to go to bed early) asked her man to skip the nights out in favor of quality time, “He would tell her she was acting like too much of a wife and ‘get over it.”

     Holy Fucking shit!  Really?  Really?  The article adds that Humphries resented his wife’s fame and fortune. The same fortune she got by fucking Ray-J, and negotiating a settlement and piece of every porno tape sold.  The same fortune that parlayed the family from a bunch of nobodies to a family of no talent schmucks and Bruce Jenner.  The same fortune that was built on a foundation of being a party girl, and charging for making appeareances at nightclubs and bars.   Lets make no mistake here, no one thinks she is famous for her cd's, workout videos, or clothing lines.  All of that fame. money, fake wedding publicity is a direct result of letting Ray-J stick his cock in her face.    The only difference between Kim and Monica Lewinsky, is that Kim KNOWS she is a fucking sham.  Monica recently turned 50, and was complaining about why no one takes her seriously, but thats a whole other blog. 

     To summarize,  Kim put on an elaborate sham with a man she dated for a few months, made 17M in endorsements, and divorced in 72 days, and I am supposed to feel bad for her?  She got it twisted thinking that Kevin Humphries married her for love.  He knew the game, he knew that is he marries her, he gets some sex, and a whole lot of money on the back end.  In this case, on the FAT end.    Kim kardashian will try to position herself as the new Jennifer Anniston, Sandra Bullock, or any other woman who has had a man treat them bad.  But that would be doing a disservice to Tina Turner, and all the women who have overcome real problems to overcome.  I could care less about whether or not Kim makes it thorugh these tough times, she will always have porn to fall back on.  In fact, I'm counting on it.

Stop it Barry!

Why President Obama failed on the economy

When President Obama was elected, he thought he'd be able to apply Eisenhower-esque solutions to our countries economic problems. Except for he missed something pretty important--Eisenhower was able to do what he did because the country (dare I say the globe) was in an economic depression. In 2008 we weren't yet in a depression, we were only headed there but still in a recession. In order for President to "save" our country he should have allowed the economy to collapse into a depression.

By now you've already assumed "this guy isn't the brightest crayon in the box." When it comes to economics you'd be right. But there are some basic economic principals at play here that the President and his advisers sort of ignored. Like the value of the U.S. dollar goes down when more people have dollars. This is called "inflation." The solution isn't to give people more money--the solution is to take money out of circulation. Prices will then go down because hell, fewer people have money to spend. It's not like throwing money at the problem has forced companies to hire people, so the layoffs that would ensue from price correction are something that happened anyway (perhaps not at the same level they would had we not bailed out everyone and their mother but still). Bringing the 1920s back would have allowed Obama to strong arm republicans into growing government to keep the safety net in tact; instead the safety net is fraying as the government tries to cut spending. New enterprises would grow out of necessity as people would turn to hustling. The 20s had bootlegging; the 80s had crack--who knows what would have arisen in the 2000s?

Granted, going from a capitalist country to a socialist one isn't necessarily the answer either. But this quasi-sociocapitalism isn't working. True capitalism would have allowed AIG and the auto industry to fail. But true capitalism recognizes additional enterprises would have sprang up to replace those institutions, perhaps doing what they did smarter and more efficiently.

Making matters worse is that our governments are now nickel and dime-ing the citizenry (and to some extent their own employees) in order to make up for keeping the safety net in tact as the economy tries to stay afloat or "bounce back." Only problem is the economy can only bounce back after it has a chance to hit the floor. By not letting the ball drop all the way, President Obama failed us.

The NBA, too big to succeed?

Hello,

     It is I, The handsome Righthander, here to tell you that nothing of consequence has happend in sports lately.  "Wrong!" you say?  well to hell with you.  If you are one of the few people who is ignorant  and just a foolish fool in general, this blog is not for you.  In fact, by blog's end, you may not like me very much.  Don't worry, I will still continue to live my life without your support.  I will find a way to go on.  I will go on, much like the way the world has moved on without the NBA.  Just take a look at the picture above.  REALISTICALLY, how many players can you name? I got up to six.  I mean really, if you cannot even get your stars to come out and support the cause that puts food on your fucking table, how bad is your situation, and why should the average fan care?  Where is LeBron, Kobe, and all the torchbearers that will usher the NBA into new levels of prosparity?   I would even settle for Amare Stoudamire and his dumbass glasses.   After months of knowing that the league was going to take a hardline stance, you threaten to decertify and sue the league?  Why now, why not 8 months ago?  You face a situation where you have no leverage, no fans, and no supporters.  Plans of Players to start their own league have fizzled, plans to play in Europe have fizzled, and worse, the fanbase support has fizzled.  No one wants to see Carmelo Anthony the accountant, or Kevin Garnett the lawyer.  I also understand that No one pays to see Jerry Riensdorf hoop either.  Basketball is the single thing that made these people interesting, and they are no longer doing it.  "But Dewayne Wade is a clothing designer now,"  you say?  "Who gives a shit"  I say. 

 Your constituency is losing money every day, and has no financial backers to help defer costs.  NBA Player rep President Derek Fisher  and Union rep Billy Hunter have allowed egos to get in the way of making the best deal possible for the players.    People will find out soon enough just how replaceable the NBA is when they realize that Soccer is being marketed more aggressively to local bar owners. 

Who knows, maybe its just me, maybe I am too cynical.  Maybe only I think that players like Rashard Lewis making 18M per year, and are the 3rd option on their team are crazy.  I remember when Micheal Jordan made 6M, Toni Kukoc made 4M, and Pippen made 1.8M.  market value would have paid Jordan about 100M a year for all he brought to the league at that time.  He freakin SAVED the nba, and EVEN HE could not break 10 mil until his last 2 contracts at 33 and 36 M per year.  You mean to tell me Rashard Lewis deserves to make more last year than Pippen did in 11?   Owners have a right to demand concessions, owners have a right to pay what they want to pay, high or low.  Players have a right to either pay for that money, or go back to law school.  Players make too much, owners pay too much, and the league had owners losing money last year.  The whole model is out of whack and needs to be re-assessed.

     If you own a team, you should meet certain standards.  You should expect to be able to spend  a certain amount of money, and you should expect to make a certain amount of money.  You should not be a Donald Sterling and be thrifty to earn your money, nor should you pull a Jerry Colangelo, and blow your wad and decimate your team for years to come.  If you are a player, you should be aware that your ability to hoop is a gift, and your responsibility to manage as best possible.  Ask Antione Walker (bankrupt), Scottie Pippen (Bankrupt), and Craig Hodges (took a college coaching job and after 2 years had a 8-51 record, I mean this MF'er wone CHAMPIONSHIPS, and could not coach kids?), what they would do if they got a second chance.

   Last but not least, be a team.  Players who are tweeting about not trusting Fisher and Hunter, or each other, are being devisive.  They make the players look like a bunch of Occupy Portland weirdos.  What they need to do is all wear ties, all get educated, and sit down with owners to come to a conclusion on this matter.  Above all. NBA players should be aware that if the league boycotts the year, the owners can write it off on their Billionaire tax returns.  When you read players like Delonte West, who applied to work at Home Depot despite a million dollar contract, I laugh.  I am sure owners read that too.

Around My World of Sports...

MLB

Joey Cora followed Ozzie Guillen to Florida this past week. Not because he loves baseball or wants to manage one day but because his cock is so far up Ozzie's ass that he has to follow him wherever he goes.

NBA

Some former players have called Michael Jordan a sellout for his stance during the lockout. These are the same guys who don't understand that without #23 the NBA would have found it's demise in the mid 80's once Larry Legend and Earvin "damn he's still alive?" Johnson retired. He's an OWNER! Which side did you think he'd take?!?!


Formula 1

The Iceman might come back to F1 next season. And good for him. Out with Rubens and Schumi and bring in some young talent. He's already won a driver's title and would be welcomed back to the paddock with open arms. Let's just hope he hires a charm coach. Damn Finns have about as much personality as the deuce i just dropped.

NFL

Michael Vick is the most overrated QB since Ryan Leaf. I'm wrong? How many Super Bowl rings has he won? How many Super Bowls has he led his team to? He has a better chance of the dog whisperer giving him some tips if a gang of pit bulls have him cornered in an alley then ever winning an NFL championship.

NCAA Football

Joe Paterno will pass away this Saturday when a Nebraska Cornhusker will be running down the sideline and "accidentally" give him a forearm to the face followed by a beatdwon that would make the po-po who beat down Rodney King blush. He will then decapitate him and show his head to the ESPN camera and yell out "dun nuh nuh, dun nuh nuh!" hoping to make the #1 highlight on ESPN College Gameday.


Random thought of the week...

This Chaz Bono thing. I mean really nothing against transgender people but why the fuck was Chaz on DWTS? "Stars" is the tagline right? What has he done other than be born to some hippie? Not only Chaz but the Kardashian clan and whoever the hell was on that Hills show. Let's see some stars people. The mom from Family Ties, the two annoying guys from Laverne & Shirley, Potsie from Happy Days, let's see some talent!!!


Preview of next week...


Tony LaRussa will receive a DUI on his way to watch some new 3D porno in downtown Tokyo. Clay Matthews will be found positive for taking HGH which will not only prove he was involved with Brian Cushing in his own drug scandal but also that he's not really a man but instead Tina Yothers from the feel good family show Family Ties. Sandusky will run to Rome be indoctrinated and then be moved to a small church in rural Montana where the aforementioned Nebraska Cornhusker will be scouting some land for a real estate deal and will attempt to be the first non football highlight on College Gameday by performing his second live decapitation.

Around the World of Sports...

Given the lameness of recent posts and my absence of bullshit from the 3 people's lives that read this blog I will take you on a journey around my world of sports once a week to bring something new and dynamic to the world. Mostly this is just something to do to kill time so I don't go fuckin crazy.


MLB

Boy what a game 6 of the World Series last night! Too bad no one was watching. Given that while it was on the following was on as well: a brand new episode of The Office, Project Runway finale and some show on MTV about some teenager in Arkansas who got pregnant just to get back at her brother for cheating on her. I'd have to say what a hell of a product you've got there Mr. Selig.

NCAA Football

I rarely watch college ball but i caught the Wisconsin-Michigan State game last Saturday night. Hail Mary aside, way to show you aren't Heisman material Russell Wilson. Game would't have been that close had you not missed several wide open receivers. Would have blown the game wide open. Big Ten ain't big time. Takes a corrupt coach willing to give his players free tattoos of Roy Orbison on their asses for title dreams to come through in the Big Ten.


NBA

Nothing But Assholes.

Formula 1

During practice runs today several dogs made their way onto the circuit leading drivers to wonder about the safeness of the inaugural Grand Prix this weekend in India. Safeness?!? Who cares. Run into the dog and you can probably feed a family of 10 for a few weeks outside of whoever lives in New Delhi.

NFL

Boy, That B.J. Novak can really throw the ball, huh? Not only a decent comedic actor but on pace to pass the Holy Trinity of single season passing records by a QB. Well done Ryan the Intern. You've come a long way since your Dundy for hottest person in the office.


Random thought of the week...

Watched the documentary Catching Hell a few weeks back. Boy Cubs fans...have some class. I mean it's been 103 years but still. If you are gonna be proud of the fact that you are fans of losers at least try to be civil towards your own. I'd hate to see what would have happened had that been a 9 year old kid.


Preview of next week...

Lovie Smith gets his groove back. Pujols overdoses on HGH and hits a home run with his penis while taking his morning piss. Tyler Clutts changes his name to Tyler Graceful and runs for over 300 yards versus the Eagles showing Matt Forte who really deserves to get paid.

Eat it Terrel Owens

Love or despise him, no one can deny Terrell Owens was one of the best.  Sure he was a big fat whiny bitch, who was tolerated long enough to make a team with shitty wide recievers into a team with less shitty wide recievers.  Sure he became a media whore, and sure, once teams realized that he had bad hands and dropped several towuchdowns a year, everyone realized that the sooner he got the hell out of the league, the better off it would be.  But no one can deny the simple fact that Terrell Owens was in the top 1000 Wide recievers to ever play in the NFL.

Ever.

I mean, I would be hard pressed to find 999 names better that Terrell Owens.  Jerry Rice?  Hell yeah Jerry Rice was better than T.O.  Chris Carter, most definitely.  Devin Hester?  No way.  Owens cemented himself as a great. His 156 touchdowns are good for fourth ever, according to gofuckyourselfterrell.com. His 1078 catches are sixth best all-time. Owens amassed 15,934 total yards in his career, second only to Jerry Rice’s 22,895.


For all the ridiculous touchdown celebrations, for all the sit ups in his drive way, for every episode of his horrid reality TV show, For every jackass attempt to cry over quarterback criticism, for every half-assed attempted to mug for the camera by eating popcorn, shaking pom poms, or standing on the Dallas star, Owens was still a hell of a player.

Owens’ greatness, though, came in an era of uncanny success for NFL players. Six of the top ten all-time receptions leaders played the majority of their careers in the first decade of the 21st century (Tony Gonzalez, Marvin Harrison, Isaac Bruce, Hines Ward and Randy Moss accompany T.O). Four of the top-10 receiving yards leaders and five of the top-10 touchdowns leaders all-time were of the T.O. era.  Almost all of these receivers will go in before Terrel Owens.  In fact , one can almost picture the fucking dog and pony show that will accompany the T.O Hall of Fame Ceremony.  I picture marching bands, Midgets, and cirque du Soliel. 

And then there are their quarterbacks. Peyton Manning will go down as one of the greatest NFL arms of all time. Manning ranks third all-time in passing touchdowns, completions and yards and fourth in attempts. Brett Favre owns nearly every passing record (the good ones and the bad ones). Despite never finding a real home, journeyman Kerry Collins comes in 10th all-time among passing yards leaders, with Tom Brady and Donovan McNabb not far behind. Brady’s three Super Bowl wins in four appearances guarantee him a spot in Canton.

LaDainian Tomlinson is second all-time in rushing scores, fifth in rushing attempts and sixth in rushing yards.  Jason Taylor, Michael Strahan and Simeon Rice rank in the top-15 for sacks all time.  Ray Lewis is headed towards the all-time tackles record, while Brian Urlacher looks to join the Raven in Canton.

Yes, it’s been quite an era.

Unfortunately, Owens’ unattended workout Tuesday may signal the end of his career.
He did not get a sniff from anyone.  He at least got a 400/week offer from the arena league.  As long as he does not pull a Latrell Spreewell, he should be fine.  You know who was better than T.O, WAY BETTER?  MARVIN HARRISON, and if that motherfucker could not get a job, what makes T.O think he can get a job coming off of knee surgery.  Its not the Knees T.O, people are leery of your bitch ass behavior.  You can rehab knee, but not a whiny attitude.  And for those of you who say "Look at Micheal Vick,  he did it,"  I say "Micheal Vick could fall out of a boat and miss water." 
Like Owens, the futures of most of the greats from his era face uncertainty as to whether their careers will continue. Manning hopes to find a miracle cure for his faulty neck, Tomlinson has been relegated to a spell-back role. Taylor’s impact has been greatly limited. McNabb may have lost his final starting job. Favre looks to finally be gone for good.

Sure, it’s exciting to see the young stars take over leading roles – Aaron Rodgers took over for Favre, Arian Foster, Darren McFadden and Adrian Peterson replaced Tomlinson as the league’s premiere backs. Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald look poised to follow in the footsteps of those receivers of the T.O. era.
Still, the last 10 years was an unprecedented era of greatness, and one can’t help but to feel a little nostalgic as these player’s times wear down and our opportunity to watch them preform ends.

Yes, that even applies to T.O.
so here, is my last Fuck You to you.

"Here's to you knowing that out of sight equals out of mind, FUCK YOU T.O!  HAPPY RETIREMENT!"

what it is..what it was...what it will be....

man it has been too damn long since i have wasted your time with this blog.  Call it being happy, or busy, or whatever other lame excuse people give when they stop doing shit, but it is what it is.

So what has been going on since i last blogged it out....

- My sister is about to have a kid.  Yep, a child.  A baby...a human being currently growing in her belly and ready to come out and start bossing people around.  So, you know that is some news...please take ur time to let it sink in.   done?...no....well i have to move on.  So do i start jockeying for position to get him named after me or not (oops...see what i did there...)

- I have stumbled across what has to be the most disturbed TV show i have ever seen.  AMERICAN HORROR STORY on FX on Wednesdays.  WOW.  The guy who did 'NIP/TUCK' apparently was not done tapping into his fucked up side.  AHS is outstanding in the way it leaves u uncomfortable, edgy, and wondering what is going on.  This is not the 'LOST' formula of what is going on.  This is the lights out in the basement and u hear shit version of what's going on.  Check it out if you like that horror drama stuff.

- Speaking of TV, Sons of anarchy is still outstanding.  Just watch it already.  No need to deny the show just because u dont recognize the channel (FX) or the actors.  It is just a well written show with enough twists and turns and Outlawing to keep it believable and re-watchable.

- My Sox sucked, the CUBS were worse, the Bears are schizos, the HAWKS are just starting, and the BULLS are...well who knows.  Chicago sports...pretty shaky.  Suddenly, Wisconsin and Detroit are getting hot.  You know who suffers for all of this...NEW YORK.  Yep, they pay TONS of money for this type of hype and at this point ESPN is running out of ways to justify talking about NY.  With all due respect fuck NY.

- Starting this week, I will be blogging about how i pick my teams for the confidence pool i stupidly joined.  See, i dont watch that much football that i would know who to pick.  I like to play football.  I like to watch the Bears, but i dont sit around hours on end everyday pouring over guides and reports on teams.  It is nuts how people can pick games and be so accurate with it.  So, what do you when you suck at something big time?  Slink away and hope no one notices?  HELL NO...you blog about it.  You take the readers inside ur ignorant mind and let them see your mistakes first hand.  What i am going to do is fill out my picks, and write why i picked them.  Gems i am sure to include are the my son picking them based on his skill and my girlfriend picking them based on who the hell knows why.  (ps...she may have a better handle on the teams than me).

So you know...keep an eye out for that.  Should be hilarious as i pick the 15% of the games right!


-iz3y

Prostitution should be legal

For centuries the prospect of selling ones ass has been taboo. I say this is absolute nonsense for one reason and one reason only: sex is never free.

Sure there are all sorts of political and moral arguments on both sides of this debate. Getting into those would make this blog entry way too long--and I've already written a long blog this year (on a topic that actually mattered). No need to waste words here.

Whether it be time or money, you will always pay for sex. Even if it's not the point, it's purely what happens. That long term relationship you just entered/left? That "relationship" is what you exchanged for sex--if you had any. That child support/alimony? Those drinks/dinner you bought? That "work outside of work" you put it? All exchanged for the opportunity to get some.

I know what the ladies are saying. "I'd like to know a guy likes/respects me first for more than just my body." Meanwhile you're also evaluating whether or not he can provide--provide safety (is he a bitch?) or security (can he pay?). I say cut the games. You know he likes you; you can tell from the bulge pointing at you just below the waist. And the cash money being offered up front--that's proof that he's not a bitch and is giving you all the financial security you need: independence.

So as the wise Riley Freeman once said "why can't I just give HER the money and that ho can go grocery shoppin'?" It's a fair question. Instead of wasting each other's time with conversation and alcohol/lubrication, our laws and societal mores should let us just cut to the chase: How much to get in them drawls?


Your highness in waiting
Sho-Nuff

If only the 99%ers were educated as to their constitutional rights

This past weekend, over 100 people were arrested for unlawfully occupying Grant Park after it closed. This week, many (including the alderman of the ward) are a little befuddled as to whether or not their arrest was lawful. Well lucky for them, Sho-Nuff is here to set them straight.

It is definitely true that the 1st amendment of the U.S. Constitution forbids the government (both federal and state) from passing laws that deny people within its jurisdiction (not just citizens) the ability to speak freely and/or assemble. However, the government CAN restrict where and when this takes place, particularly when it involves GOVERNMENT PROPERTY. This is no different than if one wanted to stage a protest on my front lawn--I can let them or not, and if I let them I can determine when and for how long they are allowed to stay, and I can use...ahem..."self-help" to remove them from my property.

The arrests did not violate any rights of the citizens. Indeed the police warned occupants that they needed to leave the park within 30 minutes of its closing--setting park hours is the government regulating "when" those under its jurisdiction can peacefully assemble. While we all pay taxes thus making it "our" park and "public property" as the protesters shouted, the government can determine when we're allowed to use it, how we use it, and particularly which sections we're allowed to use, all while not impeding our right to free speech or lawful, peaceful assembly.

So there you have it. Feel free to protest all you want--just do it when the park is open.

Things I Think I think Vol 5

1)  NFL Analyst and former shitty quarterback Trent Dilfer is a fucking asshole

2)  If the wall street rioters really want to draw attention to their cause, someone needs to get murdered.  Untill then, they are all just a bunch of pussies.  I mean, the do not even yell loud enough for anyone to hear.  I picket sign?  Are you fucking kidding me?  If I m on the 99th floor, i would not even be able to see a freakin BUS, much less a picket sign.  I would laugh evily, stoke my pointed beard, and contemplate whizzing out my window on the protesters, if the cops had not made them move 6 blocks away to protest.  Now, a CEO gets torn to pieces in broad daylight, you got my damn attention

3)  Matt Forte needs, NEEDS to get paid.  Pay him in cash, trident layers gum,whatever the hell he wants.  Just don't let him leave! 

4)  The Apple Iphone 4S is decent.  People still go apeshit for it though, cause it comes in white, or has voice activated whatever thingamabobs.  I can;t wait to be in a crowded area and have some hipster yell out "Iphone, Where are the single, vegan, democrat bitches at?"
5)  There is not a single person in the world, other than Lance Briggs' Lamborghini mechanic who thinks Briggs deserves a contract increase

6)  Props to the skydiving couple who decided to jump naked and screw in the air.  Props to the guy who filmed it.  Props to new and exciting ways to join the mile high club.  Up next, the skydive "I don't know babe, this kind of thing never happens to me."

7)  Props to all the NBA players who had law degrees, MBA degrees, and successfull business ventures to fall back on during the NBA lockout. I fully expect to pay 20 bucks someday, to go down to the local park, to watch a bunch of Giants whup up on some whack ass schoolyard hoopers.  I will watch and scream and jump around when anything remotely athletic is done.  I will also be the first to leave when the NBA'ers starts asking for 25 bucks, instead of 20. 


8)  I am giving up on:  The Eagles, Kevin Kolb, The Giants,  Eli Manning, Peyton Manning,ricky manning, Danny Manning, Dannielle Manning,  Channing Tatum (Just cause his name SOUNDS like manning), Michael Vick, Texas Gov Rick Perry, The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Democrats, Dominoes Pizza, The Obama Jobs Bill, and the new season of Boardwalk Empire. 

9)  Rihanna was smoking hot on the X-Factor.  All it did was renew my anger at Chris Brown.  How could you hit someone so beautiful?  Chris Brown, was recently denied entrance into whatever country the Michael Jackson Tribute concert was held in.  They already do not let him into England because he is a felon.  Poor Chris Brown.  I do not know who attended, where it was, or if it was televised or broadcast on the internet.  I think it was more famous for who did  NOT show up, like any big-name stars. Chris brown somehow managed to fuck EVEN THAT up.  I guess whenever I want to see Chris Brown, I wil tune into the 17th season of celebrity rehab.  My guess is it will feature Brown, Whitney Cummings, some random NBA baby mama, the gay nerdy guy from the big bang theory, Kendra Wilkinson, Heidi Montag, and Chris Tucker.  First episode title:  "Where the fuck did my money go?"

10) I believe that Beyonce hired a surrogate to deliver a baby.  I also believe that she wears a fake stomach pillow, so that a month after the baby is born, she can wiggle her fat ass out there and have idiots say "Look how fast she bounced back into shape."  If I were Jay-Z, I would have pushed to naturally impregnate Rihanna, and buy the baby off of her.  Of course I run the risk if Chris Brown punching my child, unless I move Rihanna to England.  FUCK YOU CHRIS BROWN.