Interview: Flying with DJ Yayo

Conducted September 2006
I wrote this after I found out my good friend Yayo was becoming an Air Marshall. Why is this a shocker? Well at the time, he was deathly afraid of flying, and was applying to a job that required constant air time. So read on..and enjoy.


Interview commence.
Raise your hand if you believe Yayo is leaving? Go ahead…raise them high…higher…cause right now…I got nothing.

Fuck it…raise your hand if you know who Yayo is…with the turnover of this team, I am not sure you guys even know who the real Yayo is…so in honor…and this truly is…I will lay it out for you.

“iz3y’s view of yayo!”

Who is Yayo you ask? Yayo is the entrepreneur without the cash or business plan. Yayo is the athlete without the athleticism. Yayo is the metrosexual without the sexual.
Does it surprise me that Yayo wants to be an Air Marshall when he hates to fly…HELL NO…that is Yayo. That is very essence of Yayo. When Steve “2Tights” Martinez says he wants to be an IRS agent and give up about 250K from his currently bloated salary, I say…that fucking guy is crazy. When Yayo says, “I want to be an Air Marshall…I mean they don’t always fly do they?” I say…YES…that is Yayo.
Pure and simple and to the point Yayo.

So a few questions I have for Yayo and I was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview.

On Fear of Flying
Me: “ You don’t like to fly…how will you cope?”
Yayo: “As long as I can drink, I will be. A OK!
ME: “you can’t drink on a flight when you are a Marshall”
Yayo: “oh right [he begins winking at me] I will be drinking Ginger Ale [the winking continues and I am getting uncomfortable]

On Softball
ME:”what about the team? How is that going to be leaving?”
Yayo: “Fuck the team. I have carried the team for so long that I have arthritis in my knees. Who do you think told Steve to wear the tightest pants he could find..ME! that’s who!
You think that was coffee I was drinking…nope..that was a steaming cup of WHOOP ASS I WAS DOWNING. I am tired of carrying you sad sacks of garbage. I want to do something easier like harass people for looking Middle Eastern.
Me: “But your numbers sucked and I regularly outplayed you!”
Yayo:”Please…you think it was easy making you assholes look good. IT wasn’t. I am the greatest of all TIME!!! BTw…remember 3rd base in the playoffs in spring…”
ME: “ Touche….Touche!”

On being a Bartender
ME: “What about your dream of making ‘cocktail’ a reality?”
Yayo: “it pains me…I had that goal…it was a dream, but who says I still won’t be slinging drinks in the air. You think they can handle the YAYO?
Me: “Stop trying to tear your shirt off. Remember you can’t drink in the air…”
Yayo: “Dude…you don’t know. I can do whatever I want…AIR MARSHALL, BITCH!!! As a matter of fact you are looking real suspicious right now…let me get my latex glove”
ME:”Seriously…put down the KY jelly, cause this ain’t happening. Are you gonna miss the late nights and starbucks at 3pm?
Yayo: “No I figure the miscellaneous stewardess ass I will be staring at and hitting in the bathrooms will make up for it!”
Me: “That’s your plan?”
Yayo: “OH YEAH!!!!...I am a FUCKING AIR MARSHALL!”

On leaving Chicago
ME: “What about leaving Chicago, the windy City?”
Yayo: “I will fly over and shed a tear on my way to Idaho or whatever. But I have already made arrangements for my Hairdresser to move to DC with me so no big deal. Nothing else here really matters.”
ME:”What about your condos? Family? The White Sox?
Yayo: “Condos…let them bitches burn for all I care. As for my family…hey they have my number. I know where they live. The White Sox are a whole different matter. That hurts. I signed up for MLB live and hope to follow them on my computer while I fly.
ME: “But you can’t use a computer while you fly”
Yayo: [stunned and in disbelief..anger approaching a boiling poing] “I AM A FUCKING…
ME:” AIR MARSHALL…yeah I got it!

On life
Me: “So what is your philosophy on life…on this whole thing we call LIFE!”
Yayo: “Fuck it…Carpe Diem bitches. You have to live your life to the fullest, one cup of coffee at a time. Yeah you could wait for life to knock on your door and give you a giant cardboard check, but not me.
I go to life’s house pick her up and take her like an Asian Whore working the USO circuit. That is the way I live…so I may be afraid to fly, but I ain’t afraid of staring at some stewardess ass all DAY! Coach …er….Air Marshall out…BITCHES!!!!


And that wraps up our exclusive interview with Yayo…more to come at his going away hangover!!!