Things that make me say "Eh"

I read a thread in a message board I read occasionally. It angers me to no end. The last several months I’ve been preparing for the moment to unleash a venemous tirade. I write a biting response and click ‘post’. Everything slows down when the site demands my login name and password. I don’t have one. I start to make one and suddenly wonder if I’m proud enough of my beliefs and my current fire to use my real name or anything identifying as my handle. I decide “Koala_Bears_Lover324” will work for now.


I start a screenplay about a drug derived from a bacterium (like Botox; which is botulism). This bacterium is developed by a company similar to Con-Agra, to make cows and chickens really hungry. So they grow real big. Well-meaning scientists begin giving it to cancer patients and other people who don’t feel hungry anymore. The bacteria spreads to the general public and people get so hungry they begin eating anything and everything. The buffets are packed. On page 36 a guy upset over the food shortage eats a fat woman’s hand because it was holding a stick of chewing gum. She freaks out like “gimme my fucking wedding ring back”. I told someone whom I don’t like that much about it, and they weren’t impressed. Sort of like the 80’s movie The Stuff, I explained. They hadn’t seen it and I sensed they believed I made up that movie to justify the shitty movie I just told them I made up. So i spend the next half hour trying to impress someone i dislike and then fucking bail on the whole project.


I look through my CDs and remove a few because they are indicative of a time or phase that has come and gone, and are now embarrassing. I wonder if anyone else does this, and decide that “no, nobody else does that” and am ashamed at my vanity and slash and burn music tastes. Some are indefensible, but others like Duran Duran-Medazzaland is understandable. Isn’t it?


After saying hello to a neighbor, I’m obligated to always say hello. As time goes on I become stressed thinking of new ways to say ‘hello’: to not look idiotic and programmed to only say “hey what’s up?” or “how’s it going?”. I notice “good morning” sounds sincere and quaint..even old timey. “Good afternoon” sounds dour. This last time, I clenched up and stared at my cell phone pretending to punch in numbers.