"Professional Cock-block wanted to block all kinds of possible sexual or inappropriate action that may or may not end up on the internet and cost me tons of money!"
I am entirely sure that listings like this are going up all over the place by well to-do men and woman across this country. If you don't think LeBron has a posting, well then you're not paying attention to recent events. I won't delve into Tiger's life, but I will say, him, and to a large degree, ELIN, are regretting they didnt think about this position in their organization earlier.
Let me explain, a Professional Cock-block would perform the services of actively deterring any possible attempt to get u in a compromising situation by a slut, hooker, porn star, recently singled wanna be party hostess with a tight ass. They would be the ones to judge such fun games like "hey, T*GER. Can you judge to see which one of us sux the best cock?" They would also intercept any thongs, bras, pictures, or even the overly horny fan that would wonder by ur table locked and loaded for a little private booth gymnastics. Yes, the Professional cock-block would leap into action, bend that bitch over and offer up his mercenary cock for any shenanigans. This would leave u free to continue partying and of course avoid any calls from TMZ asking why u sent 200 texts to a porn star in vegas thanking her for "connecting" with you (aka anal).
I know what you're saying...what fun is that? Well how much fun is it when you see ur face in public, and ur wife is at home swinging golf clubs at ur ass? Better yet, what fun is there when your a normal dude and ur wife, or husband, (yes ladies i didnt forget that you too love to get ur fair share random ass) decides it is fun to burn all ur clothes, smash up your shit, and fuck all ur friends? Oh now you're getting it...good.
For my people who clearly want to play the field, you can upgrade to the Professional Cock Block plus. See, the person can also block unwanted or potentially embarrassing questions, inquiries, and probes. Need to contact someone, merely have the PCB as the go between and they will take the heat. They answer all the questions from spouses, take the heat for keeping you out late, and yes, send the random piece of ass home so you dont have to get ur hands dirty. Asian Porn...PCB. Making sure the 22 year old coed knows what room you're staying at..PCB! Organizing the gang bang you have always wanted with two guys more than willing to oblige...PCB. These are all services or options that a PCB can offer that will keep you living like theCAPTAIN.
Now, please only trust a professional with this duty. Don't be like LeBron and believe a friend can do this for you. Ask Michael Vick how well that worked out when his DIE HARD/RIDE OR DIE homeys were placed in charge of vital secrets. No no no...you need someone with EX CIA credentials or mentality who is still good looking enough to be believed when they are taking the blame for any activities you may lose your money over. Rest assured that PCBs are of the highest caliber and trustworthy people. If they say you were with them reading the bible and making a handmade gift for your spouse...guess what? People believe them! (ps. they will indeed make the gift handmade!)
Hey, i understand if you want to still go at it free form and take your chances. Shit, why not. I mean i am not here to judge, i am merely suggesting an alternative to losing all your shit and ruining your impeccable reputation your HONOR.
-iz3y!
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