Happy Post-Valentine's Day! I hope the release of your sexual fluids was worth the $400 price tag; and 364 days of emasculating compromise, suppressed rage and passive-aggressive mumbling. I'm sure it was. Just remember to celebrate the one-month after Valentine's holiday: Valenbortion Day.
Well, the bad news for Toyota just won't stop. First, brake problems caused huge recalls. And this Sunday their 2010 Corollas starting raping babies. Toyota's CEO, Akio Toyoda, immediately began damage control. "Me so solly," said Toyoda. "Cahl no more lape baby." Then he climbed a tree and said "Oh sexy girlfriend!" The line between satire and racism is so... who gives a shit.
Author/political equivalent of Jersey Shore, Sarah Palin, was recently criticized for writing notes on her hand before a speech to tea party activists. In Palin's defense, she's a stupid bitch and anyone stupid enough to think she contains an ounce of merit will be impressed by her ability to read. Not a very complimentary defense, but it's the only one America needs.
Google has launched Google Buzz to take on Facebook and Twitter. What does "Buzz" offer that those sites don't? A fresh opportunity for you to repackage your meaningless opinions, tastes and personal data into something you think will make you seem unique and interesting. "You like that show with low ratings and you're an agnostic? Wow, there won't ever be another you."
Leno's prime-time show ended last week. "That's so disappointing," says this sentence. And no one else. No one else...
But never fear. He'll be returning to the Tonight Show right after the Olympics wrap up, so he can once again be that thing your grandpa falls asleep to. "He's almost as funny as that Amos Andy from the old talkie-box." "That's good, grandpa. Take your pill. Mmm, applesauce is yummy."
The Saints won the Super Bowl. After all New Orleans has suffered they needed this. "Why would a devastated city need an NFL championship?" you ask. Well... uhh... Why do you goddamn cynics always question things! All I know is a guy with a ball crossed a line and now everyone in New Orleans has a house and food. So put a sock in it and let us live the lie, Karen Killjoy!
-RoboJesus
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
let it out, robojesus, let it out. any comments on yet another school shooting (the professor in alabama this time) or western union confiscating 56 million dollars from immigrant wires to mexico in case they were using it for bad things...?
Post a Comment