Okay..I admit it. I'm hatin!

One of my favorite movies of all time is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. For those not familiar...first, shame on you. Secondly, for this blog all you need to know Ferris is the Johnner Londono of the 80's.

But, before I get to that, a lil about myself. I'm well schooled in the game. I'm a gentleman's hustla. Conversations are always private and discrete unless specifically told to reveal them. I establish clear lines of respect and vary only in specific circumstances. I'm loyal to a fault and I NEVER..EVER hate. Its a waste of time and effort. Haters never win in the end and it is a rule of mine that I am unwilling to compromise. Sadly, my rule has been temporarily suspended.

Although there are many, many more, I will give you 5 very valid reasons why I wake up in the morning with my first thought being, "How can I hate on John London today?" Feel free to add to the list as I am surely not alone.

1. The Clown Shot

If you've ever played ball with London, you know what I mean. If you haven't, allow me to paint a picture for you. Johnny is in the worst shape of any of the people we play with. He tires easily, has NO muscle mass to speak of, and won't run for shit. Oh, and I think he sweats ranch dressing. But some way...some how, without even looking at the fucking rim, he hits all net from half court regularly. He talks shit, tells you that he's gonna throw up some bullshit, shoots it, and breaks your heart with a splash of the net.

2. Women

Most men are fuck ups. Its in our DNA. As ma man Iz said once, we are only separated from our hairy cousins by opposable thumbs and oakleys. However, those of us that have game can pull just about any chick we want. Johnny? He doesn't just pull the finest chick in the club. NOOOO. He goes and pulls the coldest chick from ANOTHER FUCKIN COUNTRY. That being said, London doesn't just stop at screwin that up. Oh no. He goes all right brain creative on that ass to come up with new and more spectacular ways to fuck up a relationship. So, most of us would either be in the doghouse or have to deal with some long emotional ordeal. Not this cat. He goes and gets an EVEN COLDER chick while the last chick still wants to get back. I'm gettin salty just writin about this bullshit.

3. Work

I hear today that this dude just got promoted. I was like "WHAAAAT?" Since I've known him, I've not seen him do a lick...not an iota of work. His old boss once told me that Johnner does two things at his desk...apply lotion so his skin stays soft and eat. I once saw him do a real life Jedi Mind trick on this same boss. Johnner walks up and says "You know I'm off the rest of the week, right?" The boss says "Did you submit that in writing?" Johnner replies "No, I told you already. We talked about this. I'm just reminding you right now." Do you know that goofy dude walked away like "Okay..no problem." WTF? Seriously?

4. That Bullshit Accent

To me...its broken English and he needs a remedial English course. To every other stupid American who hangs on his nutsack, he's the dude from the Dos Equis commercial. "Stay Thirsty my friends." Now that I think about it...he talks shit like that dude too. Anyway, its like Ricardo Montalban from Fantasy Island. You never really wondered or cared why he was hangin around with a midget on a tropical island cuz he was so fuckin smooth. My point is, he uses that raggedy accent to get over on unsuspecting Americans to feed them a line of bullshit. And it works. I don't know how much more I can write about this....

5. Managing Expectations

This is phrase coined by John London himself though I refuse to give him credit for anything. There's a cat we work with who I'm not sure is a member of the blog, but his name is Jason aka J. J be fallin asleep at meetings, rocks an earring and a mohawk, and keeps a messy desk. Now mind you, I'm not shittin on J cuz I would do the same thing if I had the balls to do it. I'm just settin up the story. Johnny routinely points these things out. Okay, I will give him credit for that cuz its pretty dam funny when he puts J on blast. But I digress. London contrasts this with his own appearance. This cat will roll into work in a 3-piece suit, fresh from head to toe, for no reason at all. He keeps his desk all spic and span and is clean shaven for the most part. Johnner also likes to note this for the higher-ups. It hit me today...I think that shit works! I think he fooled all of the people all of the damned time. I can't stand his ass.

I'm OUT!