Sex with PRINCE

So I got a conference in Minnesota in a few weeks.  I called my colleague out there, and we started to chit-chat.  We got to talking and one thing led to another and she started talking about how she was hoping Prince would come back in town.  Prince apparently had moved from Minnesota.  Also, apparently, he had taken her virginity.  She then told me about a column she had written about the experience.  Here now, Is that column featuring the top 40 reasons Prince is awesome. 



1. Eskimos have 75 words for snow but they only have one word for orgasm: Prince.

2. When a young girl listens to an entire Prince album, she's not a virgin anymore.
3. Women must undergo a rigorous stretching regimen before even attempting sex with Prince.
4. Prince is often seen riding a motorcycle. This is because his balls don't fit inside a regular car.
5. Listening to any Prince album backwards will result in Priapism.
6. Prince can tie a cherry stem in a knot. With his dick.
7. Thunderstorms are caused when Prince makes a woman cum.
8. All of the hair on Prince's body is pubes. Lustrous, silken pubes.
9. Food tastes better after you blow Prince.
10. Doctors prescribe Prince's 1999 album as a cure for feminine dryness.
11. www.Prince.com is the world's most successful adult website for women.

12. Officially, condoms are made in the following sizes; regular, magnum, actual hefty bags and Prince size.
13. If you haven't had sex with Prince yet, don't worry. it will happen.
14. Women can't write emails to Prince unless they have a waterproof keyboard.
15. Its not gay when Prince has sex with a man because he's just showing him the right way to do it.
16. When Prince's cum dries, diamonds are formed.
17. Clubs and restaurants across Minnesota have installed ramps to accommodate the wheelbarrow boy who carries Prince's testicles for him.
18. Don't be upset if your girlfriend has sex with Prince. She had no choice.
19. When Prince walks into an office building janitors have to put down wet floor signs around the women.
20. In some cultures women are considered virgins until they have sex with Prince.
21. Prince's penis has its own penis. And its bigger than yours.

22. Prince once tried changing his name to that symbol so that your mother couldn't find him in the phone book.
23. Cut him open and you will find that Prince's blood is Godiva Chocolate Liquor.
24. There are always more fish in the sea. But good luck finding a hot girl he hasn't fucked.
25. Prince sometimes has sex with pregnant women to loosen them up before labor.
26. If you are bitten by Prince, you will live forever and your penis will increase in diameter.
27. What's that behind you??? Shhhhhh, it's prince.
28. Purple Rain is the opposite of birth control.
29. Prince doesn't eat. He gets all of his energy from the sun's rays via photosynthesis. And also from pussy.
30. Prince is neither black nor white. We are all just shades of Prince.
31. Champagne tastes just like Prince's sperm. Because it is.

32. If you listen closely you'll realize every Prince song references sex with your mother.

33. If you get lost in the wilderness, you can use one of Prince's condoms for a tent.
34. If you pick up the phone and say "Prince" the pentagon will dispatch a helicopter full of sexy black women to your location.
35. Garlic and crosses have no effect on Prince. But a full bush will ward him off.
36. If you look closely at the veins on Prince's penis, you will see a line drawing of the Mona Lisa.
37. Prince is the same height and weight as Bruce Lee, not counting Prince's 22lb genitals.
38. Japanese scientists designed a special corset for women to wear during sex with Prince... so they don't blow up.
39. Prince's sympathy fucks are still 10 times hotter than anyone you will ever even be in a room with.
40. Prince once tried to go a day without cumming. That day was 9-11.