Will.I.Am

Onlookers throughout the English-speaking world remained enthralled this week by the majesty and pomp of the upcoming nuptials of England's Prince William, a man who wouldn't in a million years be caught dead associating with any of them, sources reported. "What a beautiful dress and that cake!" said Arizona housewife Jeanette Tyler, 47, a woman Prince William has been raised since birth to believe he is genetically superior to in all respects. "It's like a fairy tale." The wedding of Price William, whose full title is His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, will be broadcast to six continents of the eager hoi polloi, none of whom he would ever even stand within 50 feet of unless they were part of a carefully orchestrated photo opportunity.