condolences/propositions.

Baby, I want you to understand that the Chooch Punisher was exceptionally distressed to hear about the death of your friend from the very serious disease known as breast Cancer. Your friend was a good woman. She will be missed.  She was smoking hot, and the thought of those sumptuous breasts losing a fight to breast Cancer drives me wild with anger


I know how close you and your friend were. You told me many wonderful stories about your friend and you going to the beach, the park and to the zoo and shared showers and such. I remember looking into your vibrant, chocolate eyes and noticing how they lit up when you talked about her. On those nights, when we grooved nasty all night long, we were closer than ever. I have a special place in my heart for your big-breasted friend.  This must be really hard for you.  I especialy liked it when she watched, topless. 

If there is anything that I can do to make this transition easier for you, please ask. I would travel to the farthest reaches of China, to find a silken cloth soft enough to wipe the tears from your beautiful cheeks. If, because of your grief, you are unable to make food or order some for yourself, I would take it upon myself to bring you food or at least order it for you, provided you gave me a credit card number because i am maxed out and eagerly awaiting an income tax refund check to make a long overdue payment.  The food will comfort you in your time of mourning. Whether they are fried, baked, or twice-baked, potatoes will be offered as a side to the food I bring. This I know for certain. If you need to be held, I will hold you.  There will also be ass-tapping.  Let me tap that ass in her memory.

I know how hard it is for you right now. The Chooch Punisher lost his Aunt Eulatheria about a year ago, from Lupus. It was a painful time. So, I know girl. I know.
the pain that lives in your heart, and the burning desire that lives between your legs.  Even though, before your friends' death, we used to get buck nasty at every available opportunity, in your current emotional state, you may not want me to hit it doggy style all night, even though I am willing and able to hit it doggy style all night. That is, if that is what you need. If you need the Chooch Punisher to be here for you, the Chooch Punisher is here. You can call me at two o' clock in the morning, even if I have to get up early the next day, and you only want to tell me you are frightened, you've had a bad dream. But keep in mind, I am willing to make slow, comforting love to you till the break of dawn, if that is what you need. Just give me a sign. Even the slightest sign will be considered a green light to tap that ass, so be careful.  I mean, I will tap that ass savagely even if there is no sign, just a long silence.  I will take your silence as a confirmation of ass-tapping desire.  I will.  I am good at reading people. 

If you need to be alone, I will respect that. The Chooch Punisher understands your pain. No other man in the world could know what you are going through. Even though it hurts like a million bolts of lightning simultaneously striking the tip of my penis to be away from you, I will keep my distance, so you can get your head together, if this is what you want. When you are ready, call me. I'll be by the phone, waiting, doing stretching exercises, and waiting.  Remember the time we all wen tto the beach nad had a bbq?  We got all over tans, swam, ate, then had a vicious three-way right there on the beach, and your friend got sand in her chooch?  I do too.  I am still waiting.