RANTS Vol VI

I. So why is weed not legal? Oh because it is addictive and a gateway drug. Yet, just a week ago i almost ran over a guy in my 'Environmentally GREEN' little Toyota Prius as he stepped out in front of my car to pick up a Cigarette Butt from the street. Two weeks before that, i watched a similar incident occur in DownTown only a Yellow Tax Cab was involved. You know what, though...you're right Weed is bad. It is the killer of kids. It is the root of all evil and should be condemned to hell. Someone pass me a 'Virgina death stick'...i need to calm my nerves.

II. If no Chicago Baseball team makes the playoffs, yet no one cares...did it really happen? UR DAMN RIGHT IT DID! Please, can we just act like a major league city and get our shit together. I want to do this mostly to shut people from the EAST COAST (NY, BOS) up. I want to stop hearing about their teams. I want to watch my team's highlight package without having to endure 20 clips of NY/BOS teams before, after and during. For the Love of God, I would love it if Sporting Networks would just show me something that doesnt have NY/BOS in it for at least 10 min. Clearly though, we have some work to do to help facilitate this change.


III. Whilst reading the 'DEVIL IN THE WHITE CITY' and doing the briefest of Google searches, I learned that Chicago periodically gets really fed up with all the blubbering of New York, and throws a world class party to remind muthafuckas of what's what! Oh, guess what...the OLYMPIC bid is coming up. I expect nothing short of the most baller spectacle the World has ever seen. I am talking about the biggest grandest party ever. I am talking about labor strife, congestion, and stupid ass protests. I also expect innovation, and breath taking architecture. Are you aware that when we put our mind to it, we give u PBR, CrackerJacks, L trains, stunning architecture? We invent 'skyscrapers' and do it all because we are the blue collar people who want to show the world we are second to no one. So, watch out...if we get the Olympics...they better prep the flag for another RED star, because we are going to go off!


IV. In the grand scheme of things life is short, so why worry? Oh because bills are long! Creditors have longer memories. Jail really drags on when ur ass is a fair game! Enjoy the shit out of life, just dont forget not everyone is on ur timetable. Your rantings about 'having to get the most of out and not being a slave to the confines of society' really dont work with everyone. I am not saying you shouldn't thoroughly enjoy life. YOU SHOULD. EMBRACE THAT BITCH. Go upgrade ur ticket to FIRST CLASS on a whim and enjoy a vacation from your COACH life. Splurge on an expensive dinner that costs way too much yet brings ur mouth to orgasm. Just dont break out this marketing campaign of "life's too short", whenever u make a really bad decision, u know u shouldnt have/are making. It is not a coverall or band aid for ur fuck ups. It should be a motivator to experience new things, not destroy ur old life.


V. What's up with the dirty south music? I was listening to this recently and have only a few questions i need answered.
1: WHAT THE FUCK? How do you keep your daughter's off the pole after they hear that? It is some of the grimiest, dirtiest, more graphic shit ever. Great expense and detail is put into describing what i would watch in the lastest release from VIVID Video (that's porn people).

2: Just read 1 again, and imagine a woman rapping the lyrics (TRINA). It takes getting used to.

I was listening to Mos Def, and i really felt this man was spouting Shakespeare in comparison. Jay-Z sounds like a College Professor compared to the South. I have to say, though...the beats are tight. If you ask my nephew, he tell u, it psyches him up for football. Ask my FL crew, and they tell you, they can hear nothing else...but still. Listening to that is like eating Southern food full of lard and sticks of butter...on second thought...nothing wrong with that.


VI. Is it funny that if in downtown I will walk for miles around the city and not give it a second thought. Yet, if i have to go 2 blocks from my to the the grocery store, i procrastinate until i get my car? Serious! I have driven to the park a block from house...or my parents house. Yet, for lunch i will walk close to a mile to get gumbo, CARNE ASADA, or a spicy chicken sandwich. If i leave the city, i have no issues walking. Honestly, i ever get a SEGWAY, i would weigh 300lbs


VII. Chuck Norris Vs the Most Interesting Man in the World? EASILY, the Dos Equis spokesperson wins. Did anyone ever watch Return of the Dragon. Bruce Lee whooped his monkey ass. Bruce LEE vs tMIMitW that is a good matchup, i give to Bruce. Trust me! The man wore skin tight yellow jump suits, was banging a white chick, who may or may not have poisoned him, during a time when that was a real no no. To top it off, he has a family curse that finally got him. Oh...and he made it real baller to weigh 110lbs!


VIII. At a BBQ...bring a bottle of something or food or some kind of refreshment. Please, this is imperative and in this day and age we can longer let this tragedy continue, where mugs show up with nothing, and walk out with plates of food. We cant...it is utter bullshit!

IX. Jamiroquai and Deee-Lite should have a kid. That kid would produce the sickest music ever, and be the smoothest dancer. The child would also me underappreciated and be relagated to cult status in Britain. Every once in a while he flash brightly in the US, when we got sick of listening to Auto-Tune pieces of shit. I can only dream of the day that we give up this need to sound like a Speak n' Spell and get back to dropping block rocking beats...and Jam-DEEE will lead us there!

X. The death of the FratHouse? According to my sources, the FratHouse went the way of the Bunny Ranch Orlando. Time and maturity laid to waste two sites of collegial gluttony. The Frat House elevated Beer Pong and Rock Band to new found heights as they became staples of entertainment bringing together an ecclectic group of humans. The FratHouse also gave us stair slalom and a female rugby player laying my brother out despite being 1/3 his size. Still, time will smile kindly on these institutions as they fade into memory and become mythical legends to be told to a younger generation of revelers. FratHouse will join other important pantheons that gave way to the hour glass. R.I.P. FratHouse...you will be missed!

keep it classy chicago,
-iz3y!


Yaz - Don't GO