hello :) im new to this website and like to use smileys even though im not happy :) NOT miserable either- just very blah BLAH BLAH BLAH- can I get a witness? who the hell is here- or has felt like this at one point? give me some insight PUH leeeeeze!
so basically i think if i find this "niche" this so called "calling" in life i might feel better- i was talking to a friend over a hotdog at wrigley today and she agreed that this "caling" stuff is not true and if i focus on it ill be miserble LOL well i think it is true and I will focus on it and be miserable bc misery loves company i chose to blog with my insomnia...
so what freaking time is it? i think its 3ish or 3:30AM and i will finish this blog by 4pm then sleep- maybe power walk if its 5am when im done- theres always one freaking health nut up that early- ill feel good if they think im one of them :) lol shyea right :)
i wrote LOL and didnt laugh- i always do that :) LOL just means a smile to me really ....so where was I?...ahh yes MENTAL CROSSROADS....
i just remembered i might attend a prayer service 2maro- MAYBE ATTENDING but probably yes - i just hope they dont try to convert me bc it's one of those new Christian life seedy looking places- doesnt even look anything like a house of worship rather some company where they manufacture some dud product...ANYWHO TANGENT! Story of my life :)
where was I? aww yes mental crossroads - the term was introduced to me like 3 weeks ago when i told my "friend" i was blah- he stated that id hit a mental crossroads- i said "whats that?" and he described it as a semi-life crisis lol "sounds about right" i responded
here's some background...im an athiest.... i chose one word yet i know that explains ALOT
no one can convince me that there is a God, not my parents, not your comments, NO ONE - i think God is created for the weak that can't handle that this is it "do something with your life bc this is the only one you have" kinda thing - trust me i really DO hope there is a God and maybe there is but until i have an epiphany or have some divine intervention ...como que no me convence
ok tangent mental crossroads- why do i mention this? i dunno maybe bc im crazy and i talk too much....im best off pulling a Kramer and becoming non verbal ....
ANYWHO i mention bc that explains who i am in a way ...i am Bodhisattva- sanskrit for "the one who seeks enlightenment" and i know i DO NOT stand alone and represent many- just most dont say it
the literal translation to this word means an "awakening being" but in practice a Bodhisattva aspires to be a spriritual altruist, an activist,and even a service-oriented leader as well as a seeker of wisdom,truth,unconditional love,deathless peace,and ultimate enlightenment....
sound too ideal? ...perhaps ...maybe that's why im at a mental crossroads bc i seek something that cant be...okaaaay getting to deep - i think it can be BUT anywho back to my Bodisatvaness :)
i think we are all THAT seeking enlightenment and those that have given up their search are whinos or bums- i refuse to become either - lol even though im semi- whino bc i drink wine and then complain "wah wah- i hate my life" lol get it whino- drink wine and whine :) ok lame joke but that's what i do best lame jokes :) mostly puns...that's why i havent gotten anywhere- punny will take you nowhere - only funny will....
ok back to Bodhisattva soooo ive aways been a seeker and a thinker as long as i can remember but for sure my thirst for truth has increased after Eric's death...
who is Eric you ask? lol ok maybe you dont but ill tell you anyway bc i love that guy and i want all to know he existed- Eric was the "love of my life" - i suppose you can say- he was my absolute bestfriend and i guess my boyfriend for 6yrs...i kinda dont think i was the only girlfriend though...but era la catedral- y las otra capillas if you know what i mean- YES i was in one of those - sad thing was i was aware of it and would probably continue if he was alive ....Rihanna isnt the only idiot :/
so yea my boyfriend the person that mattered the most to me in my little world that taught me so much he's the one that created my Bodisattva search - i guess after he died i deeply wondered "what is the purpose of life"....
i mean he led his so well went to school had his goals and completed them....fyi theres a tiny red bug on my computer screen but ill ignore it- why did he die? they say we all have a purpose...but then what was his? he was only 26 yrs old....im sorry but i see no reason there (to his death that is) ....
the weird thing is when he died i was one of the few that didnt cry- his family labeled me "the Rock" bc i was so strong- i suppose i can call them "family" but really his only family was his mom - the true Rock- it was just him his mom and thats it really- after his dad died it was just them 2 and now the rock- the true rock bc i look at his mom and am just in awe of her strength - i look at my own mom and am in awe of HER strength... i wanna be my mom she is sooo strong! but thats a whole other story and TMI- if this is TMI that is much more TMI maybe one day in another blog....maybe...
ahh yes but where was i? my quest for truth has much increased after him...will i find it? i dunno...i kinda think i should stop looking but kinda cant...anywho im old and cant remember what the point of this blog was ...
whats the point of anything really? and with that blog i introduce to you your new blogger on this site....BODHISATTVA (how many different ways did i spell that :).....watch out fourwinds your blog has a new friend...goodnight :)
- bodhisattva
P.s
i hear 3am is the devil's hour...they said that in "Emily Rose" and many other places and i always awaken with deep thoughts and sometimes even a pressure on my chest in a dream....why "hello devil" :) lol JK just wanted to freak you guys out- im an atheist, remember ;)
BUENAS NOCHES ;)
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3 comments:
There is no doubt that you are a interesting person. I will state, for the record, that I will try to convince you there is a higher power out there. Call It GOD, Manna, Zeus, Ra, whatever. There is a higher power. When I pray, i can feel it in my body. I can see it in the flowers, hear it in the breeze, and hear it in nature.
I do not expect others to feel it like I do, nor do I expect people to just "Get it" like I do. This is my personal preference. I will however use the famous Phillosophers answer to the existence of God. If there is a God, it behooves you to act well. It will get you in to Heaven. If there is no God, then all you have wasted, is some kind words, a helping hand, and polite actions. When you read it like that, how can you not at least try to act well? This is known in vegas as a value bet. A lot to win, for a small price to pay.
Until Next time,
I remain
THE
Jokey Jokemaker, Esquire
Bodhi: Why did Eric die? No one will ever really know but like the ripples on a pond from the splash of a rock, they go out and out and out. His death changed your life. How many other lives did his death change? No one will ever know just like we no one will ever know how the ripples from that little rock will change the pond.
Famous poeple are hardly signififcant in our lives and significant people in our lives are rarely famous.
Why do people die? To make life more important to all of us. To remind us that our hearts will only beat a finite number of beats. That is it. No more, no less. And none of us know the number.
We need to live our lives as if the number of beats ends tomorrow cause it might.
Take a moment and let your mind roll with the amount of people that Eric's life has touched. Then honor his memory and his life by allowing his death to make life more important to you.
oh WOW!! THANKS!! =) i haven't checked my email in fo eva!
thank you thank you! for all the kind words! you both made me smile and made some really good points :)
thanks!! i dunno what touched me more ...that my blog was read or your kind words! thank you!! :)
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